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Why do I always fail even when I try my hardest?

243 Answers
Last Updated: 05/27/2022 at 2:42pm
Why do I always fail even when I try my hardest?
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United States
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Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
February 3rd, 2017 4:23pm
Sometimes one fails, it happens, it's usual. Sometimes, no matter how much you try, you fail. And that's okay, some things are just not meant to be but they happen for a reason. What you can take from this is how much effort you put in it and be proud of it, no matter the results, you have to proud because you did what you could. And also, if something doesn't go how you want it, maybe it wasn't for you but it means there's something else! You could go and look for it instead of standing by and not doing anything about it. :)
generousOcean83
October 25th, 2016 3:16pm
Because everyone has to fail a few times to make it anywhere in life, when you fall you ALWAYS get back up.
Anonymous
September 27th, 2019 3:54am
The song goes, “When you try your best, but you can’t succeed, try try again.” This sounds cheeky, but as the saying goes, the person who never fails learns nothing, the person who fails a thousand times has found a thousand ways that is the wrong way. This is learning infinitely more than the person who never fails. To fail you have to have tried. The fact that you tried gives you a strength of character to rival any mythological hero. The child who doesn’t stand up after falling never learns to walk. You are strong, and will reign supreme in the end because as I said, you have found so many ways that don’t work.
Anonymous
June 12th, 2020 6:16pm
Honestly, I have no idea I swear since I could remember I would work my butt of in class but when it came to exams and assignments it didn't reflect my hard work in the classroom. I was one of those people who did the prep and always knew the answer but my grades don't reflect that and it hurts. I wish i knew why this was always the case. It hurts and make me feel like I'm not smart enough and compares to people i know it make me feel stupid. I'm actually nervous to apply for a post grad because it doesn't look like I worked hard because of my grades even though I did work hard... probably not hard enough. I wish I knew why.
Anonymous
May 24th, 2020 8:52pm
I hate to sound like a self-help guru. But there is no failure unless you stop trying. Every failure will provide you a chance to improve and learn. A lot of time it is your mindset that pushes you to the cul-de-sac. Whenever you think you have hit a wall, pause. Don't guilt yourself and stay in the negative headspace. There has to be something you can salvage from the mess of your "failure". Things are not good or bad. It is your own opinion makes you feel that way. Analysize and try again. One day when you look back, you may think I am glad that I didn't succeed at the first try. Or I would have achieved as much as now. Rinse and repeat till you get there.
Anonymous
May 14th, 2020 11:34pm
Even though we put all of our efforts into one thing, the outcome can be the opposite of what we expect. When we fail, it does not define who we are, but is a reason. No matter how hard we try, we will encounter failure, and its not about how many times we fall, but how we get back up and persevere. It's a test to see if we give up or if we continue to fight. Even if the path ahead seems impossible, no matter how many obstacles we encounter, we will reach our destination with time and experience.
Anonymous
January 22nd, 2022 9:56pm
Our brains tend to focus on our failures. I was in a class once that talked about how our brains are programmed to remember embarrassing moments much longer than we remember good memories in which we felt good about ourselves. The same thing can be said with failure. We remember all of the things that we have done wrong way longer than the things we accomplish. There are so many more amazing accomplishments that we succeed at everyday that you may not even recognize. Did you wake up today? You didn't fail at that. Did you get out of bed today? You didn't fail at that. Did you try your hardest to be the best version of yourself? You didn't fail at that. Allow yourself to celebrate the little victories and you might find that you don't always fail at the level that you think you do.
HayleyIsNice
March 9th, 2022 8:31am
I understand it must be hard for you to keep trying when you're constantly failing, but you're failing actually means you're trying and learning. If you never had failed that would mean you never tried. Maybe each time analyse and try doing something different. This way you will also know what things are working and what are not working for you. And it's better to get 1% better each time you fail than never trying and never failing. You can also talk to someone who has more experience in same field, or look up to them. Life is about learning.
BA02
April 23rd, 2020 6:01pm
Many people feel like they try really hard all the time and they can never get things right. A lot of times this happens to people in school or at work. Trying to succeed can be a hard thing for anyone. A lot of times people try to impress their parents or loved ones and it never works out for them. Many people experience failure and disappointment but it is important how they react to that. Sometimes it is tricky to see the best way we can succeed but failing comes with a lot of lessons that you can use to succeed as along as you keep on Trying like you do now.
victoryhavealittlefaith5555
April 18th, 2020 1:01am
Do we fail always? Can someone fail always? In a day we have so many little things, or little more greater things to accomplish and all these little and big events are part of our life. To use the word "always" seems to me already so definite. "Always" defines something that is not rooted in real life, but rather in perception and interpretation. We can pose huge tasks in front of us and feel that we are failing if we do not do everything that we imagined to do. We can keep being not happy with little things that we accomplish. We can keep refusing the fact that the life is about small moments and that attitude about those small moments can make us or break us. We all can and should fail sometimes and that is ok. Do we fail ALWAYS? If we make a big research and interview all people in the whole wide world my hypothesis is that we can not find that person. Try your hardest to live your dreams, but try not to be unhappy when you do not accomplish all your dreams. Dreams should be bigger than our life. Let us grade ourselves based on the many things that we do and accomplish throughout our lives, and do not suffer because we did not accomplish something. Live in the moment, move, breath, greet, acknowledge, share, love, run, cook, hug, talk, write, read, do, be...Among thousands things that you do you can not be the one that fails always. Nobody can.
HappyHealthySane
April 17th, 2020 3:57am
Though you may fail at what you were trying to achieve, each and every failure has a lesson to teach and is therefore never a true failure. Whatever is meant for you will be and what ever is not meant for you will teach you. The most important part of the lesson may be to see if you have the determination to get back up after falling down and to try your hardest again. Life is not about the destination, it is about the journey. Be mindful and know that the best is yet to come. And it will come with time and patience.
Sofia2323
May 6th, 2022 7:13pm
Failing does not have to be a negative thing. I feel that many people find it hard to find the understanding of failing and succeeding. Trying your hardest and not giving up on things is what truly matters. Sometimes, things can take several tries and a lot of effort. You should be very proud for going after things that take several attempts or a lot of work, because it takes real drive and determination to do so. Just keep pushing hard and don't be afraid to try new methods and continue being flexible and optimistic during this process. I hope you get to your end goal!
Anonymous
May 6th, 2022 8:36pm
Failing isn't a bad thing, and it may be that you learn from mistakes. Trying hard is good - you should keep at it. Maybe it will just take a little more time to get really good at what you want to do. Always remember you are special and a great person - and everyone is different. Someone else might be amazing at the thing you are trying to do, yet not so great at something you find easy. It depends on the person. Failing is an important step of learning and growth; you will be good at what you're trying to do, someday.
Anonymous
March 15th, 2020 10:07am
From my perspective, failure is a matter of point of view. Trying your hardest is already a huge success as most people never go this far. Failure is a success in itself as you learn, experience after experience, what works and what does not. Most people never learn how good success feels because they have not failed enough. Failing builds strong mental values, leading to more intense and rewarding successes than if you had not failed. Failure is a mentor. You can decide to deny its lessons or you can take them, accept them, and adapt. You will then discover your previous hardest was just a tiny sample of your full potential.
WanderingSparrow
March 7th, 2020 4:02am
We don't fail always when we try our hardest. It is when we feel failure because everything didnt go as we planned...like, you may have thought of a project that you could hardly get done. But when you could really get it done perfectly after trying your hardest you might have thought of some praises from people which you didn't get...so you starts thinking "It was not a success enough i must have been a failure always." Another thing I can say from my experience, most of the time we lose our energy thinking about trying or working hard on something before actually getting it done. So it may feel like we were trying our hardest but actually it was only the "hardest" made by our thoughts...not the "best"!
wildghostmemories
March 1st, 2020 1:42am
I can't imagine how difficult it would feel to feel like you always fail even when you try. I want to commend you for trying over and over again - that is really admirable that you are willing to keep going. Trying when stuff gets hard shows what a strong person you are and I really respect that. I would like to know more about what you feel like is "failing" do you think you could tell me more about that? Feel free to reach out and message me or another listener here on 7cups for support if you want to talk more.
BabyyTyy10
February 22nd, 2020 9:07am
Sometimes the only way we learn is by failing. You know how children when they begin to walk fall. They try their best but end up falling, there parents even try to knock them down at some points because they'll be chaotic when they're up. But during that time they will fall by themselves but they pick themselves up right? well that's how they learn. We're the same, you know when you fall over, do you just stay on the floor? no, you pick yourself up and keep walking. I know you're probably like, it's easy for her to say, but I mean it, once we pick ourselves up once, it'll become easy and like a habit. The world will test you brutally and push you down, but you shouldn't surrender and try harder, but don't forget yourself, whilst you do because that will affect you worse than all.
VanessaCheetoh
February 19th, 2020 7:16am
Failure is just another word for a lesson. When you fail it is just a bump in the road and you have to get out of the car and fix the car and start driving again. Failure is a wonderful way to wipe the slate clean and build again and you are building with now knowing what you know. Failure is apart of life and it should be embraced. Think of failure as a challenge for you to get up and dust yourself off and try again because the only way that you truly fail is you give up.
friendlyRainbows89
February 14th, 2020 3:39pm
Sometimes , life can be difficult . Turn your failures into opportunities to try something else . Keep trying after failure . The main thing , don’t give up . Some of the most famous people failed . They kept trying and trying and trying. Write out how failure makes you feel and how to get over it . What has it taught you specifically ? If you were talking to a friend about failure , is this how you speak to yourself ? Don’t give up hope . Again, never giving up is the most important thing . Always see failure as a opportunity.
Angell
January 30th, 2020 3:52pm
Failing even after giving it your best time and again shows that maybe there could be some issues with the method with which you apply your hardworking. So it could be due to the fact that your energy and efforts are enough but your the technique may not suit you and give you results. Therefore to improve the result you should focus on the process, if you believe you can work hard towards something change the way you work towards it from now and and try something that suit your needs and helps you to pass. hope this helps
DragonView2
January 17th, 2020 3:16pm
If your definition of "succeeding" were "Daring to try", and "success" were every moment that you haven't failed yet because of your hard work, you could see yourself as a highly successful person with some major setbacks on the way. Sometimes we fail because our best is not enough for our current definition of success - yet. Sometimes goals take more time, effort and resources than what we expected and we take on things trying our best before we are ready. Sometimes we overestimate our capacity, underestimate the challenge, or simply need to try more times (sometimes because of inexperience or unexpected inconveniences). You are not defeated until you declare yourself defeated. Sometimes things are worth giving up on. But so long are you are still willing to try, you aren't defeated or failed yet, you just had a setback.
Anonymous
January 16th, 2019 4:59am
Often times it’s not a matter of how hard one tries but how they try. If your walking in the wrong direction your never going to get any closer to the destination. I think it’s important to step back and evaluate what steps your taking and if they are actually taking you in the direction you want to go; if they are not then it’s time to try something new instead of continuing to struggle the same way. It’s also important to make small achievable goals. Breaking things down into smaller components and celebrating minor achievements is important to keep up motivation. Make a “to do list” and check off each step so you can see the progress your making.
beautifulsoul247
May 18th, 2019 4:50pm
I have lived for a mere quarter of a century. I have fallen so many times. It hurts each time. Frequently, when I reflect on my life, that's all I see. Surely, there must be times when I succeeded but I just can't see. And I know I'm supposed to get up, dust myself off and keep going but I don't feel like it. People might offer a helping hand to lift me up, which I shrug off oftentimes. Sometimes, I just want to be left alone. Sometimes, deep down, I wish someone would insist on staying. At some point, when I'm ready I do get up. I figure I've got three-quarters of a century to get something right.
Anonymous
May 8th, 2019 7:48am
maybe it's because you expect failure, trying multiple times only to fail can have that effect, and what we expect to happen does come true most times. why don't you train yourself to expect success, tell yourself you're going to make it this time and believe it. After all by telling yourself you're going to succeed this time around you unconsciously start working toward that. Or if you feel like you can't do it and try anymore, try taking a break and do something for yourself that relaxes you, and you'll find yourself refreshed and ready to tackle whatever challenges that come your way. best of luck.
Joye74
March 20th, 2019 9:44pm
There are too many factors which are unkown to me: expectations, competition, timing, team, just someone/reviewer had a bad day. It is difficult to find out. However, consider taking feedback from trusted people if possible who knows most your situation. I also feel the same way. But, during a hypnosis session my counselor said that my achievement is certainly not 100% of my hard work, however, I do have 75% success rate unlike many who don't. That was an eye opener. You may want re asses, the level of success and your expectations. Sometimes, we quickly expect a lot.
Anonymous
February 8th, 2019 9:21am
If you have tried your hardest then you have not failed! Throughout school and college I tried my hardest and sometimes I still 'failed', but the point is if you are giving it everything you have whether you pass or fail should be besides the point. There is little point making yourself ill because you can't do something the way you want. As a perfectionist and someone who feels they get things wrong more times than they get something right I can tell you it's not the grade that tells whether you passed of failed. It's about whether you understood where mistakes were made. For example if you sat a practice maths paper and got an answer wrong, you wouldn't beat yourself up about the fact you didn't get it right, you'd ask why it was wrong and try to understand how that question needs to be answered so you are less likely to make the same mistake the next time. Life is about learning from mistakes so we don't make them again
somethingjust
February 6th, 2019 1:02pm
Have you ever heard the sentence "It is not about how hard you get hit, it is about how hard you can get hit", and life is like that. We get punched, we stand up and move forward. Of course it is not always easy but it is worth it because there are also so many beautiful moments in life that let those moments where we get beaten to the ground seem like small unimportant things. If we wouldn't have any hardships we also wouldn't appreciate the beautiful moments. And of course the more you try the more you notice the moments where you fall but at the same time you can also experience even better moments afterwards.
Poisoniveysexi
December 22nd, 2018 8:42pm
Universally, what we send out into the universe, is what comes back. If we allow negative thoughts and doubt to enter our minds, the universe translates it as such and our chances of success become minute. If we apply ourselves and realize our victory, we have a greater chance to succeed. We all fail as a part of our life lessons, but it's when we are hard on ourselves after that affects us. We tend to dwell on the things we can't do instead of praising ourselves for the things we accomplish, no matter how small or insignificant. Everyone matters and everything we do makes a difference not only in our life but the lives of others.
considerateOrange2567
July 24th, 2021 5:05am
It depends on what you mean by failing. I think that if you try your best effort on something, even if you don't meet your expectations in terms of results, you will still learn what what you accomplished. For example, if you enter into a competition but you didn't win an award, you still accomplished and learned a lot in the process of competing! In my opinion, if you learned something in the process and put in your best effort, that should always be counted as a success, not a failure.
someonlikeeveryoneelse
November 1st, 2018 4:29pm
Two weeks ago it was my first time on the pottery wheel at my ceramics class. For the first day, I couldn’t get the clay centered while someone had already saved a pot. The next day a few more classmates could save their pieces. I couldn’t even center the clay let alone save a piece. It was failure over failure. It was my 13th ball of clay when I saved my first piece. I was on the edge of crying every time I messed up with a ball of clay, but I always talk to myself that I was strong, I filled my mind with positive thoughts and guess what? A few days ago I just made a perfect piece and I was thrilled. So the answer to the question: we fail even when we try our hardest because we deserve a moment once in a lifetime when we finally achive something that we had always failed. It’s bitter sweet and that’s the moment we have been saving our tears for. I mean the happy tears.