Why do I always have that constant fear of being judged by the way I look or act or even speak?

22 Answers
Last Updated: 12/24/2018 at 11:54pm
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Cassandra Whitfield, LCSW

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I work to help people reconnect with their inner strength and sense of hope by providing practical tools and support in a nonjudgmental and integrative approach.

Top Rated Answers
barryganz1999
March 23rd, 2015 1:15pm
Because you are giving away your power to others and looking for self esteem from an external locus of evaluation. Work on self love and self respect and things will improve
mellowforsure
June 18th, 2015 2:08am
Being Less Judgemental Frees You From Being Judged Every time you judge someone else you perpetuate the cycle of judgement. Consider the example above. If you judge someone’s clothing, you’re going to expect others to be judging your clothing as well. The best way to show how true this is, is for me to ask you if you commonly judge the state of someone’s metatarsal flexibility in their foot. I’m going to assume that you don’t. Now ask yourself if you’ve ever been afraid of the state of your metatarsal flexibility being judged. No? If we went and asked a ballerina if they commonly judge metatarsal flexibility in their peers, they’d probably say yes. Having a flexible foot is part of having good feet for ballet. It’s something they judge on their peers and, in turn, will fear judgement on. You’re only afraid of being judged on the things you find yourself judging others on. The less you judge others, the less you’ll expect to be judged by others and the freer you’ll feel. The Difference Between Moral Judgement and Character Judgement The principles above apply to all kinds of judgement. They apply to judging someone’s cultural beliefs and ‘norms’ as well as judging someone’s morality and ethical behavior. While abstaining judging someone’s personal character can lead you peace, abstaining from making judgements on morals is irresponsible and cowardly. You are no such coward. You allow people the freedom to be individuals, but you don’t allow people the freedom to do what they want regardless of the consequences to other’s. It’s within your right (and obligation), to judge stealing as wrong. If you wanted to feel better about stealing yourself, you could refrain from judging, but that doesn’t make your actions any less wrong as well. Replace Judgement With Curiosity So if you’re going to stop judging people, what are you going to do when you see something out of the ordinary? Do you block the thought? Hit yourself in the face so you can’t think about it? Walk away calmly but quickly? The best way to eliminate a habit is to replace the bad habit with a better habit. I suggest replacing judgement with curiosity. The moment I started doing this, the moment I started choosing acceptance over rejection, is the moment I began to feel like I was free to be me. If you think about it, what’s normal to you is really just what’s commonplace. It’s what’s expected, predictable, boring. When you see something ‘abnormal’ or uncommon, you judge because it doesn’t fit into your view of the world. The best way to stop judging is to make it less ‘foreign’ so it can fit into your world view. The only way to do that is to learn about it, and the only way to learn is to be curious. So next time you see someone sporting a live chicken on their head for a hat, don’t stop your thought process at ‘that’s weird.’ Continue on and marvel at how strange and new that is to you. Think about how interesting the reason behind the chicken hat must be, and vow to find out what kind of cultural norm this is. Learn about it, be curious, carve a space out in your world for this new information. Give space to other’s to be who they are, and you will receive ample space in return.
MellyLa
November 3rd, 2015 8:37am
Sometimes the judging comes from nobody else but yourself! We tend to be overly harsh with ourselves in certain situations, or on certain details, and we feel like everyone else around us is completely focused on that and can't see past it.
Adsul
May 13th, 2015 12:42am
The need to be accepted is a natural human instinct. Such need can cause anxiety, fear, pressure, and even depression in any individual. So, the fear of being judged by the way one looks, acts, or speaks is a normal one. However, with time one learns to see the meaning behind such need and the significance of wanting to be accepted. Truth is, with the passing of the years, one grows to appreciate quality over quantity. In doing so, we progressively learn to appreciate those few individuals that add more value to their lives rather than just take up space and time. Friendships become more selective and the group of people we care about grows smaller the older we get. We may have many acquaintances, people we know, and people we come into contact on a daily basis, but the people who really matter to us usually become a selected few. When such thing happens, you realize that you do not need to impress anyone and that those who you have accepted in your life as priority already love you for who you naturally are. As a result, you become more comfortable in your own skin and you eventually learn to love and accept yourself just as much those selected few in your life. In addition, with such core of support, you become more accepting of letting people who take up space and time in your life, go. You learn to develop self-value in realizing that you deserve to be surrounded by quality and by people who will accept you by the way you naturally look, act, or speak. In conclusion, it is normal to feel fear towards rejection as well as judgment.... The good news? It most likely will pass. However, if with time you realize that such fear does not dissipate, try to analyze the root of your fear towards rejection. To some, such analysis may require the help of a trusted individual or the help of a qualified professional. Regardless of who you approach, I encourage you to always pursue your happiness and mental stability. After all, you have the same right to be happy as those who you fear may judge you for the way you look, act, or speak. Just know that regardless of your situation, you can always find people who can listen to you and will not judge you here at 7 Cups of Tea. We are here for you and we embrace your uniquely natural internal and external beauty!
paintedRain624
October 24th, 2016 7:22pm
I think it's because you have anxiety about people looking down on you for the way you are. This isn't irrational, lots of people have this fear. It's important to know that many of your peers have the same problems and fears.
WhenYouSmile
May 15th, 2015 12:57am
It's natural to feel a little self conscious sometimes.. But what you need to realise is your biggest critic is yourself! Nobody judges you as harshly as you do.
Anonymous
October 10th, 2016 11:20am
A wise person once told me that you are your own worst critic. No one is ever going to judge you as much as you will yourself.
organticUnicorn80
April 2nd, 2015 6:18pm
I have the same feeling. Everyone dresses the same, acts the same, and talks the same. I don't like it and everyone get's "mad" at me. I have learned that who cares if it matches. Yolo (You only live once.)
miraculousPiano89
May 20th, 2015 2:17am
Fear is a natural part of the human condition. None of us ever want to experience fear or have it be a part of our lives. However, when it happens, we have to be ready to face fear head on. Although, we can't control what others think of us, we can certainly control how we feel about ourselves. Self-love and confidence is key. We can't have one without the other; once we learn how to have a healthy balance between the two, what others say or think about us becomes irrelevant to who we are and our journey towards personal growth.
Anonymous
November 5th, 2015 11:37pm
Maybe you've had it happen before? Maybe you're just afraid you're not good enough? But you're good enough, and being confident will help the fear go down a lot.
adoredHug70
September 18th, 2017 12:27pm
Insecurities. It's all because of insecurities and the lack of self-esteem. You have to build up some confidence and acceptance about how you are born and care less about the people who judge you because not all people are nice, some are just superficial and judgemental.
svxo23
November 20th, 2017 7:46am
Because you may not like the commotion around you, perhaps you should help yourself build a little more confidence, afterall you're a wonderful human being.
blazingwolf
November 8th, 2015 1:05am
I personnaly think its a mechanism of not knowing the intentions of others, in fear they could harm you psychologically. So we are shy and we behave in a restraint manner
Greatlistener87
November 16th, 2015 6:28am
Now a days in media and life people always judges and makes you feel that you are not good enough. They do this for their own benefits whether it is to sell their products or to just feel better about themselves. So always remember that you are the key to your own self confidence and happiness.
happyPond89
February 15th, 2016 4:13am
there will always be skinnier and prettier. but you should care more about how your personality shows.
ListeningOak
July 19th, 2016 6:57pm
I think everyone has a fear of being judged by their appearance or the way they act or speak, I think the problem is that because we all have that fear we all find ourselves constantly thinking about what the OTHER person thinks about US. What we don't realize is that they're spending all that time wondering what you are thinking of them. If you find yourself worried, take a deep breath and talk as though you aren't considering what they are thinking.
Belbelbel
April 11th, 2015 4:57pm
All humans seem to always be very aware of what others think. It's not something we do for attention, but because we feel the need to fit in, or we're afraid to disappoint others. Maybe it wouldn't be like this, if we talked about it, but I think many people are ashamed of fearing and talking about their fears.
ughhitshaley
January 19th, 2016 8:58pm
When you have that fear it is called anxiety and i causes you to over think things such as they way you look or speak or act but you have that feeling because you are always thinking about that.
Scarlettxox
December 24th, 2018 11:54pm
From my experiences, and everyone is different, this feeling stems a lot from what we are led to believe about ourselves. I know I was always comparing myself to "that girl" in my mind she was always everything I wasn't. Self esteem can be tricky, but over time I learned to love myself and I know anyone can learn in time. I still have bad days, but that's ok!! It's ok to not be ok. I know in my life, I never had anyone to tell me that and it was a blessing when I finally learned it for myself.
KintsugiLady
July 14th, 2015 11:43am
It is a normal part of being human: as social beings, we depend on and thrive with the opinions of others, because they can make or break our belonging to the group. That said, though, we tend to give too much power to those opinions: in a society with groups as big as ours there are very few people that will really make a difference in how and if we are accepted. We are not living in very small communities where one individual's rejection may cause our expulsion, most of the time it is way more irrelevant than we believe. Thus, be yourself, trust your ideas and preferences, and grow as a unique person with unique ways of living, thinking, dressing...
Anonymous
January 25th, 2016 6:35am
You want to be accepted. Sadly people sometimes do judge but your just very aware but sometimes its not anything. Just be care free life all works out in the end.
EllaLoves
February 8th, 2016 4:07am
It is common to fear what others think about you but it is not something that defines you, you need to feel good about yourself and try to build your self esteem.