Why do I always have to have perfection. Why I am I afraid of what everyone thinks about me
Last Updated: 12/10/2018 at 5:34pm
Rory Boutilier, Registered Professional Counsellor
I use a client-centered approach to help you reach your goals. You are the expert on you! Particular areas: depression, anxiety, decision-making, change, self-injury.
Top Rated Answers
Because you are normal, this is why you care. At some point you will grow tired and angry of it and hit the ""I feel no pain anymore"" button, or simply get used to it.
Essentially, we need others to validate our existence. We are social beings. We all want to be loved, but some of us take this idea to the extreme and feel that it is necessary to be absolutely perfect in order to get that love. Usually, from my experiences with perfectionists, including myself, this behavior stems from how we were raised. Maybe there were people in our childhood who we could not get enough attention from so we compensated by trying extra hard to be what we perceived they would like in order to get their love - being perfect, we thought, would get their love... of course there are a multitude of reasons, this is just one possibility. This problem can be overcome. In my opinion, it takes looking back at that history, understanding why you might be overcompensating using perfectionism and then changing the behaviors.
It's sometimes our strive and ambition that makes us dream of 'being perfect.' Everyone wants to make it on the top, stand on the Hall of Fame, make it big you know. Be better than yourself. However, in my opinion, I don't know what perfection means. I just think it's good to stay true to myself. Have a good day! Affable
It's a common thing for everyone to worry about being perfect, but we all have to have the epiphany of seeing that everyone is "imperfect" compared to our perfect standards, so in actuality, we are all perfect in our own perfect ways.
Because that's human nature! We worry about what others think because having friends and a love life is seen as being socially successful and what everyone should strive for, and like many, we're afraid of failure. We're afraid that we'll end up not being accepted, or we're worried about being shunned or alone because we don't live up to the "standards" set by society. In sort, we worry because we are human!
It could be that you were put down a lot and stripped of value by others at an earlier age, thus leaving you with a need to constantly proove yourself as worthy, as you to yourself do not hold much value, because of the lack of self.
Because you're insecure, visit a phsyco, it will help! Find the love you have for yourself, believe in yourself
We as humans have a natural tendency to care more what other people think of us that what we even think of ourselves. More so, America, not to sure what country you are from, as I am from America, I notice we as a country are especially crucial on perfection, especially of looks.
You sound like you have pretty high standards for yourself. Maybe you think that others have those for you, too, and that they'll reject you if you don't meet them. Everyone, like you, has things they're good at naturally, and others they work harder on. Doesn't mean they're not "perfect enough" or judging you. We're all built imperfectly and that can allow us to be open-minded towards each other.
I'm a perfectionist too. I think we place ourselves at such a high standard because we are all too aware of what happens when people (or we ourselves) fail. We tend to be people pleasers. Think about this- why do you work so hard? For yourself? Your family? Remember that these choices are yours and other peoples' opinions come second.
You are afraid of what everyone thinks of you because you don't have a good level of self confidence.
Today's society teaches us that we have to meet certain standards. We have to be a certain weight, wear certain clothes, have perfect hair, and so on and so forth. But that is not true. No one is perfect. Not me, not you, not Queen Elizabeth, nobody. Don't worry about people's opinions about you, because at the end of your life, would you rather have memories of years of love and laughter, or of regret?
Nooooo, nobody is perfect, you were not born to be what they want you to be, life is too short to keep thinking about what people think about you. You are just afraid of people judging you but you don't have to be afraid, just learn to accept yourself for who you are and remember that no one is perfect
There's no such thing as perfection. Try to get over the thought of perfection and try to live with what you have and make the best out of it!
Being afraid of other people's judgements is a natural part of human nature. You do not need to be perfection. Society will tell you you have to be perfect, but you don't. It is okay to sometimes let people down. It is okay to not be perfect.
Sometimes, when we don't feel secure enough for ourselves, we often look outwardly for validation from others. The reason for your wanting perfection could stem from you not feeling like you will be good enough to receive this validation from others, so you work hard on it. The first thing to recognize is that you don't feel secure enough for yourself. You don't feel good enough for yourself. The first step to feeling more secure about yourself is to ask yourself what it is that YOU like. What do you think is pretty? What do you think sounds nice? What are some characteristics you like about yourself? How does this make you feel as an individual and ONLY you. After you answer these questions, Asking yourself these questions help you to realize what you like, which is the most important person to receive validation from. As the saying goes, 'We are our own worst critics.' Once you forget out what you like, stand firm on that and you will soon see that your seeking validation outside of yourself and caring about what others think about you, will soon fade away.
You are scared because you feel like they define you. And, they define you because you have not defined yourself. (Figure out who you are, and then, you know, and "they cannot tell you.")
You must know that you are your own worst critic. Each individual is dealing with their own worries and they are more focused on their own selves rather than you. Besides, not one person in the entire world is perfect. Even someone you may idolize has made mistakes before. It is not normal to have zero flaws.
We naturally want to perform. We want to be socially accepted and loved by others. Being part of a social group is kind of part of being human, and I think everyone is afraid of being alone. Sometimes we strive for perfection because we're afraid of failing, because we have always done well in the past and we're not sure what failure looks like. But people and life are really more forgiving than we tend to think. You have room to mess up and make mistakes sometimes. That's just part of life, and the more mistakes you make, the more you realize that it's okay.
In short, social media. Every time you go online you are inundated with perfection. The youtube who made a gourmet meal with no spills, no mistakes. The friend who has the perfect relationship and plasters it all over her Facebook. When I began blogging I learned a secret that we all KNOW we just don't see. No one publishes the blooper reels. When people are down or making mistakes you wont see many posts about it. Often times posts that relay negative feelings are scrolled past, ignored, or mocked. Dear reader your best is ENOUGH! Showing up and being the best you is beyond perfect. Be human, be messy, and live authentically!
It is human nature to care about what other people think of you. However, you should realise that the people that should matter to you will never judge you.
Sometimes I think that we feel the need to have perfection because we are comparing ourselves to others. If we stop doing that and start looking at what we are good at, what we have achieved in our lives, what we have learnt and how far we have come, we can begin to realise that we are good enough and we can give up the idea of perfection and trying to attain it as we are doing well. Nothing is really perfect and it is ok not to be perfect, we do our best and that is always good enough.
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