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Why do I always think my girlfriend is cheating?

282 Answers
Last Updated: 11/03/2021 at 1:01am
Why do I always think my girlfriend is cheating?
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United States
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Stacy Overton, PhD.


I am an enthusiastic life-long learner and also a professor of counseling. I have a passion for peoples stories and helping to guide and empower the human spirit.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous - Expert in Anxiety
June 12th, 2016 11:33pm
I constantly thought my boyfriend was cheating because I was so scared if I didn't have my guard up and he DID in fact cheat, I'd be a fool. I had given him my whole heart, and was too insecure to picture him actually loving me- for who I am, with all my flaws. My insecurities really took a toll on our relationship, and I found that me thinking he was cheating was a lot less about him and a lot more about me.
- Expert in Anxiety
June 5th, 2016 6:20pm
Sometimes we think our significant other (so) is cheating because we don't feel secure in the relationship. If there's something missing--communication, intimacy, trust, connection, common interests--in can cause us to assume that our partner will try to find these things elsewhere. Talking to our partner and strengthening the parts that need it can really help with those feelings of uncertainty. Sometimes, though, we think our partner is cheating because they are cheating. It's important to be honest with ourselves and not hide from the truth, whatever it might be.
March 31st, 2016 9:58pm
It might be worth analysing what it is that makes you feel that way, and if you've confronted her about it, what it is that makes you believe she would be lying to you. Relationships are built on trust, and if she says she isn't cheating, you kind of have to take her word for it. If that level of trust just doesn't exist in the relationship, then maybe it's not meant to be, tough as that might be to admit. If you let your worry lie and end up at the point where you are analysing her every move and trying to catch her cheating, you won't enjoy the relationship anymore, and it'll definitely cease to be a healthy relationship if you don't trust her at all, and she feels like you're trying to catch her out.
September 12th, 2016 1:40pm
It's not an uncommon thing but this can be toxic to a relationship. When you really love someone there is an underlying fear of losing them and one of the worse types of losing them, is losing them to someone else. First ask yourself why you feel this way? Often it is fear driving it with no proof beyond imaged proof. Avoid the trap of imagining hypothetical scenarios based on non-existent proof and trying talking to your partner. Explain to them that you realise these feelings are based only on emotional fears and you are not accusing them of anything. Talking and finding ways to move past this together can make your relationship stronger. My own partner took this approach with me and we walked about every little thing that triggered these thoughts. This allowed me to look at the situation from her perspective and I could see that sometimes my behaviour would indeed be worrying to her and I was able to correct myself. This greatly strengthened our relationship. Again, it is important to ensure them that you are not accusing them though, as this can lead to defensive behaviour which is not a good situation for a discussion and to work through things.
March 26th, 2016 1:03am
Underlying trust issues, paranoia due to it happening to you once or if she has previously cheated, you may be always on the lookout for if she is doing again.
May 15th, 2016 10:54am
Because you feel afraid that she has no reason to stay with you and she can easily find someone else better.
April 29th, 2016 4:14pm
It depends. If she has cheated on you before then this would make anyone a little more cautious. Also, if you have been cheated on before, have had friends who've been cheated on, or even parents who divorced or cheated can all make you much more suspicious. A lot of the times jealousy and a lack of trust has nothing to do with the other person, but yourself. You may be feeling insecure, and that's okay. We all feel insecure sometimes, including myself. But it's important that instead of accusing her of cheating that you explain to her that you are just feeling worried, and that you're not sure why. You may just have trust issues and hopefully she will try to help you through them and understand. Make sure you don't start off saying "I think you're cheating on me. I don't trust you." Or things like that. It will only lead to her going into defense mode and chances are it will start a fight, only making you even more paranoid. Tell her "I don't really know, but I always feel worried that you might cheat on me, or are. It's nothing you did, and I honestly don't know why I'm feeling so paranoid. I know you wouldn't, but I still feel worried. Can we please talk about this?" Hopefully she will try to understand. Everyone gets jealous or suspicious time and again. It's perfectly normal. It just depends on what you do with it. DO NOT invade her privacy or try to "investigate" or "Ask around" You need to TALK to her. If she tells you that you have nothing to worry about and she gives you no reason not to believe her then you need to try to trust her. Even if you still worry from time to time, it will absolutely tare the relationship apart if you start sneaking around and don't trust her. She'll grow farther and farther away if she thinks you don't believe her, and it will simply result in her not wanting to share with you in general, and maybe she will become suspisious that you are keeping something from her and are feeling guilty. Just talk to her, calmly, don't accuse her. Let her know that youre asking her because you want to hear the truth from her and not someone else. Just say. "I don't really think you do, but if you are keeping something from me just please talk to me about it."
April 2nd, 2016 6:09pm
It could be possible that you have low self esteem. knowing your self worth will help you feel good about yourself and know that you have value
April 27th, 2016 10:53pm
Being in a relationship can be difficult. Constant anxiety made me think - is he loyal to me? How do I know he's not seeing someone else? When you care about or love someone, you get jealous and start thinking about the worst possible outcomes. That's completely normal! There is usually no need to worry at all, but if you feel that your girlfriend has been showing clear signs of cheating, such as being very secretive or avoiding you try to calmly talk to her about it. I wish you all the best :))
April 13th, 2016 12:15pm
Personally, I think it's because you don't trust her enough. This could be because you've been hurt before or because she gives you reason to think she's cheating.
March 30th, 2016 3:51pm
You're either afraid to lose her or she genuinely is. Maybe she's been distant recently? If she always had many guy-friends, that does not mean she's cheating.
March 25th, 2016 11:44am
You may think that because of past experiences with other girlfriends that you had dated in the past.
April 16th, 2016 6:46am
There can be several reasons for that: First it might be if you have some level of anxiety and that causes you to think, of course, that something is going to happen in the future, and maybe your mind goes that maybe, just maybe your girlfriend is cheating. Second, it might be if something that happened before, between you two that makes you think and feel this way about this. However, I'd like to mention that, we all know our partners the best. We know how they would act in certain situations and we shouldn't let the dark side of our brain do the work. So when you feel in such situation to think that your girlfriend is cheating on you, do some roleplaying and get on her place, with the way you think she thinks (or the way you think she thinks) and you will see if there are any possible chances for that. Best of luck !
November 9th, 2018 6:15pm
I believe that the reason, some partners think their significant others are cheating, is because they do not trust them. Many people would agree that a relationship without trust, is like a basketball game without a basketball. It is an empty gesture. The Ultimate Truth about partners, who falsely accuse their significant others with adultery or who keep on doubting the sincerity of their significant others, is that they can talk for days without ever being 'heard'. Put yourself in your girlfriend's shoes: No matter what she says, no matter how trustworthy she is, you simply will not fully trust her, you don't 'hear' her. You could consider psychotherapy to work on your lack of trust in her (and probably your lack of trust in women in general) or it is time to split up because perhaps you are not ready for real intimacy. Maybe you have had negative experiences with women, or with your mother. You may have been given the runaround in a previous relationship. I really sympathize with you. If you are hurt, or cheated on, or abused, I deeply care for your suffering. But your suffering is no reason to keep on doubting her and to hurt her, by questioning her intentions at every opportunity. Now, Please join me in a thought experiment. Maybe this idea will resonate with you: I want you to believe, that you have no self-confidence at all. You do not like yourself. You do not respect yourself. You do not like the way you look. You are a shy guy, and you try to avoid attention and intimacy. You simply can not, and will not believe, that a woman will ever be stupid enough to love you, to wanna be with you. One day, a woman falls in love with you. She takes the initiative. She asks you out on a date. After a while, she is very serious! She loves you, and she wants to start a relationship with you! What will you think? How will you feel? How will you react? You do not love, value, like yourself! This woman must surely be fooling around with you! She simply can not be sincere! How can you trust her? Maybe she wants your money! Maybe she is manipulating you! Maybe she wants her ex back, so she uses you to make him jealous! Whatever her reasons, you will never really, and deeply believe, that she loves you! Because you yourself do not think, you are worthy of love! Is this something you MAY BE EXPERIENCING? Maybe? If so, I hope, you will understand that, and seek professional help, to explore the background, the reason for your distrust. I wish both of you to have a trusting relationship! Greetings, Jezabel
April 6th, 2016 9:16pm
Maybe you do not trust yourself enough and project it on her? Maybe she gives you certain vibes that she is not faithful. She looks at other guys, is not trusting either. There could be many reasons.
July 9th, 2016 12:21am
If you always feel she is cheating on you then you may not trust her, or you may be a very jealous kind of person. That isn't bad but if you are very jealous than you may feel for whatever reason she is cheating on you with someone else. If you don't trust her, try and figure out why that is and discuss it with her.
May 27th, 2016 5:25pm
You may have some trust issues. Do not ask her if she is cheating constantly because that will most likely cause her to lash out.
July 2nd, 2017 2:12am
I had that feeling too and it was because I had just gotten out of a terrible relationship two years prior I wasn't completely healed from that either although I thought i was, i had moved on from the person but the pain was going to take some process. I was afraid that they'd gotten a glimpse of the real me and didn't like what they see, which is what we all do we all self-doubt it is a part of being human, if she hasn't given you any reason as to why you should feel this way then I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, the worst thing we can do is be in a relationship where there is miscommunication and lack of trust. If you need to know then you should probably flat out ask her if she's cheating (not recommended) but to avoid confrontation as i mentioned I'd recommend against it, In order to fully give ourselves to someone we have to accept all our flaws not just the ones we love but the ones we find to be insignificant as well because the smallest things matter the most, have a chat with your girlfriend let her know how you are feeling but don't come right out and say it. The trust, love,and respect in the relationship will grow more if you are honest with her trust me i know it is hard but you have to do this for the both of you but mostly for yourself in order to move past this part of your life and your relationship.
May 26th, 2016 9:41am
You're too insecure. You have to have confidence in yourself and always look on the bright side! Talk to your girlfriend about it for sure!!
April 11th, 2016 3:37pm
It's either because you love her so much and you don't want to lose her or she is actually cheating on you, Be watchful if this is your gut feeling though, Your gut feeling is almost always right, So if you truly believe this is true of what you are saying then I would just be watchful, and catch the warning signs in case she is.
April 9th, 2016 3:57pm
Jealousy can be a complicated thing. It's important to know whether it's arising from your own insecurities or from your girlfriend's behavior. Above all, healthy expression of your concerns is a much better avenue to take than accusations and hostility.
October 23rd, 2016 11:25pm
You might always think your girlfriend is cheating if she is in fact cheating. In that case, I would suggest enlisting a friend to help you investigate. You might also think she is cheating if you have been hurt in the past and do not trust her to not cheat. In that case, I would suggest working on trusting her more.
December 3rd, 2019 2:33pm
Maybe the reason you feel your girlfriend is cheating is because of some insecurities you have, known or unknown. These insecurities could stem from past experiences or from some type of fear of unfaithfulness of someone you know or were close to. It is said that when we assume someone is doing something wrong, that maybe it is because we are guilty of that our selves. So if we could change the negative focus to a positive one and just believe the best, we will calm those voices that taunt us. If you really care about your girlfriend and you feel that she is someone you can love, then trust her to be loyal to you. Don't add unnecessary stress to the relationship. Laying your heart out there can be scary because it makes us vulnerable. We do not like that feeling because it makes us uneasy, uncertain, and can be very stressful and uncomfortable. Our body is like a blueprint it remembers past episodes real and unreal it does not know the difference. So dealing with our insecurities will change our thoughts.
May 8th, 2016 5:54pm
It just means you are not confident in yourself :( When you are confident that your girlfriend is attracted to you, you wouldn't think like that.
April 9th, 2016 9:40am
It's because you do not trust her or yourself or your relationship with her. Love, honesty and trust always go together to make a successful relationship.
March 27th, 2016 12:24am
You probably have trust issues. Been through a lot in the past. Maybe you feel guilty.. Maybe she is. You never know. But just because someone hurt you before doesn't mean that they are going to turn out to be that same person.
May 25th, 2016 8:06am
Sometimes in our life we have a bad experience and we can not let it go. We are not interntionally doing that but our mind unintentionally tries to save us from the pain and hurt we have gone through. SO instinctively you are on lookout for red flags and danger signs anything which smells of dishonesty. Especially after our bad experience the factors that we realized we were too "in love" to notice these factors are the ones which we will be extra cautious of. SO you may think that and you will for sometime but you need to investigate before you blame. Its okay to be cautious but in order to preserve yourself you can not harm some one else :) Remember that Good Luck! It will be fine give yourself time. Talk to some one who can help if you can not overcome these issues. Its nothing to be shy of!
June 16th, 2016 1:15pm
I always think my girlfriend is cheating on me because, she never lets me go threw her messages, and she always tells me that she'll message me soon, she's always so blunt, and one time I caught her speaking to other boys, I ended up getting her password but then she changed it as soon as she knew I had her password, and she also has an excuse for everything and when she's in the wrong she try's and turns the tables and put me in the wrong.
March 8th, 2018 1:40pm
There are multiple ways that could cause you to think that a girlfriend is cheating, but the best option in this situation would be to talk to the girlfriend and address the topic in a kind manner. If you're afraid of there being another person in the relationship, the best thing to do would be to go to the root.
April 7th, 2016 3:04pm
Seems to me that there are definitely some insecurities that you are dealing with. Now this might not be your fault, but it could be due to past experience with other relationships, or just lack of trust in general. Think: Did she do anything to make you lose your trust? Nevertheless, I think a conversation is definitely something you have with her to communicate your worries and why you have them, and talk things out and get on the same page with her. A relationship requires two people, so don't keep this worry to yourself.