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Why do I feel like there's a need to please so many people?

25 Answers
Last Updated: 06/01/2020 at 1:27am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Lisa Meighan, MSc Psychology


Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.

Top Rated Answers
August 28th, 2017 2:57am
Because it's an inherent part of human nature to seek acceptance and validation - when we don't get that, it chips away at our self-esteem and leads to self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness. It's not healthy to feel this kind of pressure, because it masks what lies within - our true character, raw and untethered - the version of ourselves we should always present to the world, but instead keep hidden for the fear of rejection.
March 9th, 2015 9:58pm
Some people feel like they've got please everyone and it's hard to deal with sometimes. I can't say for sure why you feel the need to please so many people, but I can say you're not alone in feeling this way and there are ways to get past this feeling.
May 6th, 2015 2:23am
You sound like you have a caring heart! It's nice to want to please people-- it even feels good to know that we made someone else happy. However, this can sometimes get out of balance; we need to weigh our own happiness by that of others. It's okay to want to help people, as long as you don't forget about yourself.
August 18th, 2015 7:51am
i feel the more people i please the better of a person i am. Its almost like i need it to feel good about myself
December 4th, 2017 3:16pm
That's a good question. I may not have the best answer per say but I can tell you why I think I have to please so many people. I feel the need and some others feel the need to please so many people because they want to feel loved and cared about. They want to feel like they are doing something right, they want to feel proud even though trying to please people doesn't always make them feel proud. I feel like no matter who you are or who you're trying to be, its not the most effective decision to try to change who you are to please others. If you are happy with yourself, great! If you aren't happy with yourself, make some changes to help you be happy with yourself. You don't have to change who you are to please others.
March 7th, 2015 4:30pm
Because society tells people that they have to be perfect and that they need to have everything be good in their lives. And that's stupid
April 3rd, 2017 9:33pm
Sometimes, we get the need to please many people around us because of the lack of love, care, and attention that we need.
March 27th, 2015 1:01am
We feel that if we please people, we feel secure. If we please people, then we believe that they must love us for it and we as humans strive for love.
May 22nd, 2015 2:39am
You seem like a person who has a good heart and good hearted people tend to want to take care of everyone else and sometimes you need to relax and take a moment to please yourself..
March 7th, 2016 6:03am
Societal conditioning + other's people's expectations of you. Just focus on pleasing yourself and you'll be much happier.
June 4th, 2015 4:35pm
It may be because you feel you want more attention. It could also be because you want more friends in life.
June 23rd, 2015 12:35pm
There's nothing wrong with that, it only shows that you're a kind hearted person, unless it starts to interfere with your personal pleasure then you need to slow down and think about yourself for a bit.
July 7th, 2015 12:53am
Humans are naturally social beings, it's easy to be caught up in what others think of us since our behavior and who we are is molded by the social interactions we face daily.
August 4th, 2015 5:18pm
I guess that it is Because I've always been afraid of disappointing others and I've always been afraid of people abandoning me.
November 2nd, 2015 4:49pm
I feel there is a need to please so many people because I feel that if they are not pleased with things I do I can not be pleased.
December 28th, 2015 5:53pm
You don't have to make them happy, be yourself, you can't please them because the only person you can please is you so never try to please anyone
January 12th, 2016 5:18pm
I know what you mean. I'm the same way, and if I have to blame it on something I say instinct. The more time spend the harder it is to satisfied people. But the more I experience life, the more I feel stupid trying to fit in their mould when I could just easily create my own. So I give up trying to please others. Now I'm working hard for myself and my happiness.
January 26th, 2016 9:28pm
This seems to be really bothering you. You may be a really nice person or you might need people's praise. Why don't you talk to your doctor about it?
March 22nd, 2016 4:34pm
Because you don't want to let them down, you want to make them feel proud of you but what really matters is your happiness
May 31st, 2016 8:18pm
Because you like to please people, and don't want to dissapoint anyone for it. It's more about being a people pleasure.
November 8th, 2016 7:02am
It is a constant fear of insecurity about ourselves. We live to please people around us whom we care. We want their attention and do everything in that par to be with them. But heedless to say, being someone whom you are not just for the sake of getting attention or too please people, will only break your heart in the end out of countless expectations.
April 30th, 2018 11:46pm
It's drummed into us from a very early age to be accepted but one thing I have always lived by is you might be the ripest, juicest, most beautiful peach in the bowl but there will always be that one person who doesn't like peaches and that's down to them not you!
September 11th, 2018 1:16am
The desire to try to make everyone happy just runs deep. Sadly so deep that one may forget to put their own happiness first. You just have to keep in mind that there is no way to please every single person in every single situation - someone will always end up unhappy no matter how hard you try. Just try not to let that someone always be you since your own happiness is the most important thing in your own life. If you are unhappy, you do not stand a chance at helping or making others happy in your life.
November 20th, 2018 2:01pm
Feeling like a people pleaser is completely normal. Plenty of people feel like they need to be their best in front of people they know or don't know. This is completely fine and there's nothing wrong with trying to impress or please people. However this can become a problem when it becomes more severe to the point where you are altering your personality and who you are as a person in order to please or make other people proud of you. This can also become extremely overwhelming when you start to change for every person you meet and can start to feel like you need to change all the time or you feel like you're having an identity crisis.
June 1st, 2020 1:27am
It is good to want to help others out, but you need to make sure that you are caring for yourself first before trying to help others. You need to understand that your value doesn’t come from how others see you, but you value is determined only by yourself. If you are trying to please others because you want to help them that’s perfectly fine. But if you are only pleasing others so that they will like you, remember that you are important and you have value and do not need to please others to be valued or respected.