Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Why do we feel the fear of rejection?

30 Answers
Last Updated: 06/01/2021 at 12:31pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
February 18th, 2015 11:33pm
Because it hurts or embarrasses us to feel like people or society doesn't accept us. Which makes us feel like an outsider and different from everyone else and it's human nature to want to feel apart of a group and fit in with society. But sometimes we have to put ourselves out there and take chances, rejection is apart of life and everyone goes through it.
April 25th, 2015 10:40pm
because we as humans feel the need the urge to belong, to fit within' a group. and the thought of being rejected, equals not belonging to any of these groups. and we sometimes concentrate so much on wanting to be accepted, and would do anything, that we sometimes lose the real us, who we are, and what and where we truly want to be. forgetting the most important thing. that out there, there is a place to everyone of us. without us trying hard, just by being true to ourselves. Rejection is not real. rejection is just a fear. and fears can be controlled, and if determined, one can over come them .
May 22nd, 2015 11:29am
People fear rejection, its immensely common, heck, I fear it constantly. Maybe its mainly because of this feeling inside us that pushes us to be accepted by those around us, to fit in and not feel isolated. We mainly seek reassurance to be honest, and that too, from other people. We want to be sure that the people we sorround ourselves with actually want for us to be there. But do we need reassurance from other people? I like to think that maybe we might just need to find reassurance within ourelves.
June 3rd, 2015 6:10pm
Inclusion and acceptance are natural needs for feeling loved. Rejection makes us feel unloved and ashamed.
March 13th, 2015 8:35pm
Because if you really care about someone or something, you don't want to loose it, and you fear from loosing it
June 3rd, 2015 6:10am
We are socail beings. We seek and need social approval. And when we don't have that, it creats anxiety. About the fear of rejection....this happens with everyone. There are a certain group of people with whom you identify and wish to seek their approval. But what we should do is to love and accept ourselves no matter what.
June 17th, 2015 3:45am
We feel the fear of rejection because we all want to feel like we are wanted, and when we are rejected, we feel unwanted. This is untrue, however, because everyone matters and there will come a time when we won't fear it anymore
July 28th, 2015 4:34am
i think we fear rejection because we fear that it'll confirm the theory we all have inside us , that there is something wrong with us . its a perfectly natural feeling to want to avoid , since it can feel all too personal , when in reality rejection usually isn't that personal to began with , we just dont realize we choose to take it that way .
December 22nd, 2015 10:11pm
We feel this fear because we had bad past experience which leads to decreased self-esteem. Overcoming this will lead to removing fear of rejection
June 22nd, 2015 4:55pm
nobody likes to feel rejected- it makes us build up a wall of perfection, it makes people feel as if we cant be who we truly are, and i think this is why we fear it so much- rejection is based on whether someone likes you as a human being, and being rejected feels as if they are saying they dont like who you truly are, which can cause lumps and lumps of self hate sitting there on our shoulders dragging us down- the reason we fear rejection is because we fear sadness, and as we are being rejected for who we truly are- rejection will often lead to it.
September 14th, 2015 1:58pm
Because we don't want our mental plans to be destructed, every rejection to us is unplanned because we won't know what to do, so we tend to reject the idea of.. rejection, and this makes the fear grow more and more.
September 26th, 2015 11:40am
The reason we fear rejection has to do with our brain. Rejection was a big deal for your Hunter-Gatherer ancestors, because expulsion from a group meant they had to wander alone, which certainly leads to death. So, our brains have evolved to look at rejection as a dangerous situation, and we will do anything to stay within a group, even though our stakes are clearly not as high.
September 30th, 2015 8:54pm
I think it's mostly the humiliation; we've put so much on monogamist relationships and relationships in general that it has become ingrained in to culture and status, being turned down is almost like being told you aren't worthy but in all honesty no one really cares.
November 3rd, 2015 2:26am
We fear rejection mostly because we want to belong to something. It gives us control. A lot of this fear can be removed by something that is constant- a faith in God. Examine what you've learned in school- find the truth and hold to it.
December 28th, 2015 2:50am
Fear of rejection is something shared by all of us. We feel the fear of rejection because it paralyzes progress in our lives. We have learned that when an idea of ours is accepted, we are congratulated, admired, and praised. When we succeed at something, we are congratulated, admired, and praised. But when when an idea of ours is rejected, we take it more personally. We think people are rejecting us as individuals. Likewise, when we fail at a goal, we take it out on ourselves and think we failed as individuals. The truth is that rejection is a necessary part of life. We constantly reject ideas, challenges, and situations in order to live a healthy life. A lot of times when we feel rejected, it may not be us as people being rejected. It may be one particular idea, or approach, or a situation.
February 23rd, 2016 11:16pm
It is natural to wish to be a part of something. Human-kind as a species is naturally inclined to work together to survive, the feeling of rejection connects to a deep seeded fear of being alone or unprotected.
April 11th, 2016 9:03pm
I think your feeling of being rejected might mean that you're afraid of not being good enough or maybe afraid of ending up alone.
October 25th, 2016 4:33pm
Rejection is basically what it states: A 'reject'. We feel this fear because we have a strong feeling that we would be pushed back/away from and it would scar us for life. In this case, we need to learn to accept that fear. If we don't accept it, life would be hard the further we dig into it. Hope this helps!!
September 19th, 2017 5:48pm
We all have a desire in us to be accepted. Face it, to us, we're a phenomenal person. We fear that others may not see us how we see us. It can cause us to believe that maybe we think too highly of ourselves.
March 5th, 2018 9:49am
We all fear rejection because we are scared that we set ourselves up to get hurt in the end by our actions or words
March 27th, 2018 2:04pm
Acceptance of our fellows can be an important topic. Feeling like we are not received or understood can be a harsh ego blow.
April 24th, 2018 10:42pm
Rejection is something that is built into humans. When we get rejected, it is superficially said as "We should stay friends." But what is really going on is that we are afraid of an insult that gets us on an extremely fundamental level. It means that you are worried that they are not interested in you as a suitable partner, and wish to wait for another partner. It also means they are not interested in procreation, and there is probably some factor(Desirable Behavior or Genes) And this really hurts us. The need to Procreate is something that all humans need on a biological level. It may sound harsh, but that is what is happening to us in a neurophysiological level.
April 22nd, 2019 2:21am
I do not know this for a fact, but I think that we might feel the fear of rejection because by being rejected, we are basically being told that we are not good enough or that we are not what someone or something wants or is looking for. It can be hard for us to accept this, especially if we really wanted the person or thing that turned us down. It is kind of like losing your chances with someone or somthing, or at least for the time being. So, that's just my opinion, which is that we just don't want to face being told that we aren't good enough for someone or something.
September 17th, 2019 10:01am
If a person is a cup of water. And when that cup is filled with water, we feel complete. We know who we are. We belong somewhere with some people. We understand our hopes and dreams. We feel comforted and able to manipulate our future or our experience. If you are "rejected" and some water is taken out, its not a huge deal, because you still have a lot of water left. And if you know where to get "filled" again, Its only a moment until you are. But lets imagine a person whose glass is less than half full. They aren't sure who they are, they have little belonging in the world, maybe they feel rejected by themselves as well. So then rejection on that would destroy the glass even. Or empty it. So we fear it because we don't want even less of the stuff we have little of. Like spiders. I grew up in a country that is know for its terrifying spiders. I have only been bitten by one, but the narrative in that place is that spiders will hurt and kill. So I fear putting my hands in places I am not 100 percent sure are spider free. So if we are full of water, and wearing "spider' gloves, OR change the narrative of spiders. We fear rejection because it both does hurt in reality, and also hurts because it highlights how much we may already be rejected.
April 28th, 2020 4:26am
For a lot of us, rejection is a loaded term. It can mean abandonment and loneliness, or something wrong with ourselves. I believe that we as humans don’t necessarily fear rejection so strongly, but the reasons for it, specifically things that might be wrong with us. In reality, there isn’t anything wrong with us. But rejection can lead to or amplify that sense of loneliness or low self esteem, and I think that is something that we all fear. A rejection can also just be a let down, a disappointment; and that is something that a lot of people are afraid of as well. A fear of rejection is very common and very normal, but it usually comes from a place of low self worth or fear of loneliness.
September 28th, 2020 5:16am
Fear of rejected is same as fear of failure. We never know until we try. Moreover, there are multiple factors on everything. Expressing your love for someone ? Afraid that the person will reject, and maybe slap as well. Applying for a job where many people applied ? Afraid that there are people better than you. Well, all these things keeps passing through our minds. But hey, you never know until you try. Whats the worst thing thats gonna happen ? Think about the worst and dont expect anything. Fear of is just in our mind, just like all other illusions.
November 3rd, 2020 10:23am
Fear of rejection is deeply rooted inside our brain from ancient times. It awakens a feeling of displacement inside of us and reminds ourselves of the time when survival depended on our ability to fit into a group, into a tribe, into a society. Physical rejection also reminds our brain of the impossibility to guarantee a continuation to the species. Now you can think of those patterns and feel some relief: your life , biologically speaking, doesn't depend on these factors anymore: your dating pool has widened up, your chances of finding or creating your own tribe has increased.
November 30th, 2020 5:29pm
From an evolutionary standpoint, humans being the social creatures that they are, it was important (sometimes crucial!) for individuals to form strong bonds with one another as this helped in their survival. In particular, being in a group allowed people to gather food more efficiently and learn from each other, helping increase one's chances of survival. Therefore, it is only natural for this propensity for relationships to be passed down along generations to continue making us the social beings we are today. Nowadays, though we are typically less concerned about imminent life-threatening dangers, this instinct nevertheless serves as a sort of social compass, telling us whether our actions are helping us form bonds or not. Indeed, building solid relationships, whether it be at work, at school, or any other place you might interact with people, requires specific (and often implicit) conditions to fulfill. Therefore, at the prospect of being rejected, part of this instinct kicks in to give us the feeling that there is something wrong: if others are not accepting me right now, there must be a problem with me or I must not be doing something right. Of course, this train of thought is purely instinctual, and may not necessarily be accurate. In addition, the uncertainty of how other people will react can accentuate the fear, as rejection can sometimes imply a strong negative reaction from others that end up making us feel guilty and unwanted. Perhaps you have experienced rejection in the past as well, which has since then instilled a fear of repeating a similar experience due to all the unpleasant feelings associated with it. All in all, fear of rejection is a perfectly normal thing to feel and a lot of it can be traced back to instincts. The important thing is to not let this prevent you from forming what can potentially be one-of-a-kind relationships with others.
February 1st, 2021 11:55pm
The fear of rejection can be caused in so many ways. Often, it's instilled in us as children- either by our peers when we are young or by our parents (intentionally or unintentionally). Therefore, it could be a problem of confidence rather than rejection. Perhaps having a look at the emotions behind rejection could help you figure out why you have the fear. Like, when a situation comes up where there's the possibility of some kind of rejection, take a minute to question the thoughts in your head. Actively try and understand what's going through your mind at that time. Understanding our fears means questioning them- trying to see what is real and what has been created in our minds, but feels real.
June 1st, 2021 12:31pm
The fear of getting detached from your loved ones makes us to behave and act differently and sometimes makes us to hide our inner feelings. We feel the fear of rejection because we don't want to lose someone close to our heart. Sometimes we don't confess what we feel inside because we don't want to face shame and disagreement from others. Sometimes confessing leads to break life long bonds in seconds leaving a everlasting grief and pain with us. Hence sometimes we don't do things according to our own will just to avoid rejection or more like running away from it.