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After an unhealthy relationship ends, how do you remember what healthy ones are meant to even be like?

16 Answers
Last Updated: 09/15/2020 at 4:55am
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Johanna Liasides, MSc


I work with youth and young adults to help them improve depressive symptoms and self-esteem as well as effectively address family, relationship and peer conflicts.

Top Rated Answers
June 29th, 2015 7:17pm
being comfortable with each other and not being insecure.
November 9th, 2015 1:39am
Healthy ones who never physically and mentally drain you. Though you may have disagreements it should never take away from your self esteem. It should be a mutual and supportive growth between both individuals.
January 23rd, 2015 7:35pm
Identify the characteristics you did not appreciate in the unhealthy relationship. What are some of the things you didn't appreciate. For example) disrespect, impoliteness, malicious behavior, aggression. It is also important for me to acknowledge when it is actually okay to able okay to trust and confide with another person although it isn't always easy to distinguish.
January 23rd, 2015 10:06pm
It takes time and finding the right person, but eventually you will remember. I was emotionally destroyed by a couple of different guys, by getting cheated on, lied to, etc. I never thought I could ever have a healthy, stable relationship. After a few years of waiting and recovering from my past relationships (not completely, but enough), I fell in love with my best friend. I've been with him for the past 8 months, best friends for over 5 years. These past 8 months has been a constant learning process as we build our relationship stronger and stronger. It's hard, especially to get used to someone who does love you for you, but you will remember what a healthy relationship is like. It's all about love, trust, and support.
May 4th, 2015 5:50am
Think about what you didn't have in the other relationship and what you wanted from it. If you were left wanting respect, be sure you get it in your next relationship. If you didn't have enough time to yourself, try asking your next partner to give you space sometimes.
May 21st, 2015 7:16pm
Once you go through a relationship that really challenges you and makes you feel a lot of pain, you begin to reflect upon what kind of relationship would make a healthy relationship. Then you could look for those features and characteristics in the future in a relationship
June 22nd, 2015 6:48am
You do the exact opposite of what you had already went threw. You could go speak to someone, or ask someone for help.
August 11th, 2015 12:41am
I wouldn't recommend jumping into a relationship right away. Often, people (including me) feel that romantic relationships are somehow inherently better or more nurturing than other relationships, which is just not true. Spend some time with friends; observe how much effort they put in versus how much effort you put in. If you have friends in relationships, ask them about their opinion of what a healthy relationship is! Most importantly, know that romantic relationships are not the most important thing in your life. Good luck!
December 21st, 2015 8:39am
Take a moment to just take a few deep breaths, now list everything you wish in an ideal partner, and imagine a relationship that you would truly be happy with, one that allows you to grow and express who you are. That's how it should be, and don't settle for anything less
September 5th, 2016 5:08am
Think about the things that made your relationship unhealthy and about the things that you think that are needed to have an healthy one
September 19th, 2016 3:52am
Learn from the mistakes that was made in the previous relationship and look for a relationship that does not have all those things that was done in the previous ones thats a start. If you are happy in the relationship that you are having and you are moving forward thats a really good relationship,
January 29th, 2018 10:27pm
I think a healthy relationship is the one where you feel comfortable, understood, loved, and respected
January 29th, 2018 11:48pm
If you can tell something was unhealthy, you surely have a sense of what healthy looks like. To clear your mind a little bit, you can make a list of the unhealthy factors and all the other things that were bothering you in the relationship, like for example: partner was overcontrolling - and write the opposite of it: I need a partner who will support my individuality and trust me, the list goes on...
August 6th, 2018 12:51pm
By learning how to trust yourself. Without this very basic but essential quality, we rob ourselves of the joys that life has to offer.
January 28th, 2020 4:19am
From what I've experienced in my past relationships, I didn't have very many healthy relationships with my partners. It was hard to begin new relationships because I was expecting the worst or was never exposed to a "healthy" relationship. However, parts of each relationship had their healthy moments and I was drawn to finding those small parts in a new relationship. A lot of what I can tell you is that it feels "right" when you are in a healthy relationship, that you feel as if your needs are being met and you have the ability to speak your mind if they are not. It should feel easy, without friction. When healthy parts of a relationship show themselves to you, you will know that they are healthy because they feel comforting and caring. If there is constant friction, it may not be a place you want to stay in.
September 15th, 2020 4:55am
An unhealthy relationship leaves you with hard, messy questions to deal with in the aftermath. "Did I deserve to be treated that way? Is it my fault they cheated? Did I deserve those insults? Am I even capable of being a part of a healthy relationship?" It can quickly become a slippery slope to self-blame, low self-esteem, and maybe even losing hope that you can bear to have another relationship again. Is it possible to resolve what you've just endured without becoming permanently bitter and broken? I can only offer what I learned while navigating these crossroads. 1 - Taking responsibility for the part you played in the negative dynamic can be empowering. Knowing how you could have reacted more effectively is knowledge that can guide you to safer havens in the future. 2 - Taking responsibility for your parts also means refusing to take responsibility for parts that were not your fault. Mistreating another person was their personal choice. 3 - Seek opportunities to heal. Healing can come in many forms, as quiet as dedicating one's self to solitude and meditation and as wild as having crazy nights out letting loose with friends. Dare yourself to do anything you need to do to get the healing you need. Sometimes, there was never an example of a healthy relationship in our past to look back to. But there are an abundance of way of learning (or relearning) what a future healthy relationship can look like to explore.