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Can or should I ask my significant other to stop talking and to not associate with his ex? If so, how?

204 Answers
Last Updated: 12/08/2021 at 5:33pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
December 3rd, 2020 8:14pm
Look you should confront to them and ask them to be honest with you . Maybe your insecurities are making you feel not worthy and that's why you are scared your partner will leave . Remember they were your partner's past you are their present . So do confront them about your feelings but you can't force people to act like you want so be confident in yourself . Never forget you are important and loved ❤️. Don't hide or bottle up your emotions from people cuz they will make you feel bad and try to work on your relationship and if you feel you are the only one putting efforts then they are not worth it for you . In conclusion I will say that do confront them and believe in yourself ✨❤️
September 7th, 2016 7:07pm
You should just be open and honest. If something makes you uncomfortable you should be able to say that.
September 21st, 2016 3:00am
If your significant other's relationship with his or her ex truly bothers you, or hinders your relationship, you should definitely talk to them about it. Communication and honesty are key to any relationship.
October 18th, 2016 8:42am
Tell them it makes you uncomfortable, and if they don't stop then they obviously don't treasure you.
August 21st, 2017 10:51am
It depends. If you're just jealous of his ex, then you should probably understand that your current SO might be offended if you ask him to stop talking to his ex. HIs ex and him are probably just good friends. However if you feel genuinely threatened by his ex, you can sit your boyfriend down and tell him how insecure you feel around his ex. The course of action should be decided by him after that. If he really cares about you, he'd understand your feelings.
December 6th, 2017 2:58pm
Try asking him nicely to stop talking to her/him. If that doesnt work, i say let him do his own thing. You can't stop someone from talking to someone they wanna talk to.
February 8th, 2018 2:15am
In my personal experience, I’ve found that sitting down with your significant other and explaining to them why you wish they would stop talking to their ex is very helpful. Depending upon your reason, maybe it makes you uncomfortable because they used to be so close? Determining the root of your unease will make it easier to explain to your partner and help you make a better case.
April 3rd, 2018 7:59pm
Let your significant other know how you feel about it. Don't demand anything, just say "hey this makes me feel uncomfortable", nobody likes feeling compared. Your significant other should understand.
April 6th, 2018 7:09pm
That's understandable if that's something you'd want, considering your s.o once loved this person and obviously still has a connection if they're talking to their ex. I believe just bringing it up bluntly and telling them how you feel about them talking to their ex, and how it affects/hurts you is the best way to go about it.
April 27th, 2018 12:57am
If you are worried that your significant other has feelings for his ex or will develop them, you should talk about this with them. I would explain how you feel and see how they feel about it, too.
June 13th, 2018 3:40pm
If you don’t trust your partner talking to his ex then speak up about it. You have every right to ask him or discuss it with him. Approach it by telling him how it makes you feel. Be honest and if he really does care about your feelings then he will do whatever to make you happy. Talking about it with him will give you peace of mind and reassurance.
July 12th, 2018 12:37pm
If contact with their Ex has an impact on your feelings, it's important to express that to your significant other. Be respectful in your approach. Once you have been understood, you will know based on their actions what you truly mean to them. Exes are exes for a reason.
July 25th, 2018 12:04pm
Relationships with ex-girlfriends and boyfriends can be polarizing issues in relationships; however, many exes have shared a long history with their partners and do indeed develop a friendship after a break-up. Like any issue in a relationship, the partners need to talk honestly about this, and examine whether an ongoing relationship with an ex is appropriate and/or healthy. If it is, there's no reason for concern. If there are residual feelings or longings, then it would likely not be conducive to a good relationship. Honest communication and trust is key.
July 14th, 2016 2:38pm
Just explain that it makes you feel uncomfortable and it upsets you if they truly love you they will understand
July 15th, 2016 10:13am
I think you should let him know how you're feeling, but at the same time you need to trust him, trust that shes his ex for a reason, hes with you now
August 12th, 2016 5:42am
Just tell them that it makes you uncomfortable for them to be talking to their ex and that you don't want them to do it.
August 12th, 2016 11:35pm
I think it highly depends on their relationship. I am still friends with some of my exes and would let that stop. If you feel like there is more than friendship happening, you should bring it up and talk about what is happening and why it makes you feel uncomfortable. Just prohibiting something does not make the problem go away
August 18th, 2016 5:13pm
If this bothers you or make you feel bad you should just be honest with your significant other. Of course its not like you can forbid them to interact or talk about their ex but you can ask for it and make clear how this feels for you.
August 21st, 2016 2:05pm
If it makes you uncomfortable he's still talking to her, talk to him about it without telling him to terminate it, leave it up to him or else he'd get defensive.
August 31st, 2016 2:01pm
In my experience, that's something that will happen naturally with time. It's super hard to be patient and wait, but for me, that was what ultimately worked. How long to wait before saying something? I honestly thing that depends on how long they were together. The longer they were, the longer it might take for them to get that distance. If they have children together, they will always talk, and that's just something you will have to get used to. Good luck! Stay strong.
August 31st, 2016 3:17pm
Well you should tell him that he has to left that in the past, maybe he has not got over it yet and needs help
August 31st, 2016 6:16pm
If the situation makes you uncomfortable, yes you should speak up and let your significant other know how you feel about it.
September 1st, 2016 1:22pm
I think it is important to explore how talking to ex effects you and why that may maybe. After exploring that, you may start with a conversation with your partner about him talking to his ex effects you and the relationship and see where that conversation goes.
September 15th, 2016 9:33am
Yes. If it is something that's bothering you, than I would bring it up. Just tell him that it makes you upset and uncomfortable that he's still speaking to his ex. That they're ex's for a reason. How I see it is, you can't be just friends with someone you once loved. Best of luck sweetie!
September 23rd, 2016 8:13pm
Yes, if it makes you uncomfortable. Explain to him/her that though you trust them it still makes you uncomfortable and insecure. Tell them why it makes you uncomfortable . Do it calmly, without getting angry and emotional or accusing them of anything . Explain to them that your insecurity is stronger since they are in touch with their ex
October 2nd, 2016 1:50pm
That depends on how her/his relationship with their ex is. Talk to you bf/gf about how it makes you feel that they are still talking to their ex, and ask if you have any reason to be worried. Make sure you don't accuse them of anything, be understanding, and have faith in them and your relationship. There is a reason they broke up with their ex and are now with you, right?
October 13th, 2016 2:11am
It depends. Is your partner close with this person? If so then No. But you should sit down and talk to him or her about this
October 16th, 2016 2:29am
They have no reason to be speaking with anyone in their past relationships. Tell them how it is making you feel (about them associating w their ex) . Ask them to explain why they are still talking to their ex anyway?
October 22nd, 2016 1:49am
Yes, politely ask your significant other and discuss with them how it makes you feel. If they don't listen to you, they aren't worth your time.
October 28th, 2016 12:19pm
This is a very tough topic but a valid question. If there is trust in the relationship then it shouldn't matter who anyone talks to because there will be no fear of infidelity or loss of connection through another. I have had trouble with this myself. My girlfriend and her ex have kids and they have to see each other everyday and at first this realm bothered me. I realized my worries were based in fear and as our relationship grew so did my understanding of the situation. I trust my girlfriend today so who ever she talks to has no bearing on my well being.