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Did I do something wrong for us to break up?

23 Answers
Last Updated: 09/07/2020 at 1:45am
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

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Top Rated Answers
November 25th, 2014 9:31am
Maybe yes, maybe no. But it doesn't really matter. If your other half loves you so much, s/he could've done something to keep your relationship working. And also you, you could've done something other than blaming each other.
November 29th, 2014 5:38am
A lot of people blame themselves for breakups, thinking that it's their fault or it's something they did. However, usually it just means that something wasn't working out. Little things you do don't cause a person to break up with you, that's just a minor detail. Breakups happen for a multitude of reasons, usually stemming from something deeper, doesn't necessarily have to be personal either. Sometimes people feel like they have stepped into a relationship too soon and aren't ready yet.
November 25th, 2014 2:02pm
Well? The best way to find out is to talk to the person openly. However.. A break up does not always mean you or the other did something wrong, it could simply mean that you two might not have compatible personalities.
November 26th, 2014 7:33am
Keep in mind people have their own opinions on life. You may not have made him or her happy on some things but they were with you at one point? They love things about you. Don't think about who did what this does not help anything.
February 13th, 2018 6:02pm
Sometimes in a relationship you're not always the problem it's the other person and sometime that person needs space or alone time to figure things out.
November 27th, 2014 6:57pm
No. Relationships require two people at all times. No person is singularly responsible for anything regarding the relationship. If you both wanted to work at it and be together, you would be together. But if you aren't both a team and wanting actively to be together, that's when you break up. You both have to want to be in it and you both have to feel fulfilled (or benefit) from the relationship to stay together.
April 10th, 2015 9:28am
No. Sometimes people just drift away or have miscommunication. The best thing to do is sit down and talk. If that's not possible just know you are worth love and are beauty and move on.
December 3rd, 2014 1:59pm
It is normally both parties who act wrongly causing a relationship to break up so don't feel guilty about it as it may have been both of you. Relationships can also just drift apart being no-ones fault at all, people's lives are very different and your life may not have interacted well with your partner's. Maybe you wanted different things, maybe it just became a habit rather than a want and a need for the relationship. Whatever it was, please don't blame yourself and know that you can be without your partner. You know yourself best and you know you can be without your partner. Stay strong.
December 8th, 2014 8:04am
Don't just blame yourself. Everything is two sided. Everybody makes mistakes but that doesn't mean it was only your fault.
December 23rd, 2014 1:07pm
It depends on the scenario. If for example you cheated on him then yes, you did do something wrong. If for example you two just mutually broke up then no, it just wasn't meant to be.
December 31st, 2014 1:04am
You may have, but you shouldn't beat yourself over it. People make mistakes and no one is perfect. If you and the other person work resolve the conflict, they should be able to forgive and forget. After you apologize and they refuse to understand, it wasn't meant to be.
April 22nd, 2015 4:44pm
This is the most asked question in break ups. 9 out of 10 times the answer is a big fat NO!!! You didnt do anything wrong. Stop telling yourself that, it will only make you feel worse. Trust me. It helps when you see yourself as the good person in the relationship rather than the bad one
June 23rd, 2015 3:39pm
It does not mean you have done something for both of you to break up, it just simply means that another person is already got bored. I did not mean to say that you are boring..maybe it is their nature to easily get bored of something/someone. All in all, it is not your fault. Maybe you guys are just not meant to be or he/she is not the one for you. Do not blame yourself for everything that has happened.
July 6th, 2015 10:31pm
Compatibility will not be the same with every person, it is never your fault, neither is it your significant other's fault. No one can control their feelings and their ability to control certain situations. Certain quirks may be too much for one person to handle, but someone else may be looking for that quality.
July 28th, 2015 5:47am
I cannot say "yes" nor "no" because I don't understand the circumstances, behind the break-up. However I can say that everyone goes through break-ups at least 5 times in their lives at minimum. (Sometimes less). Remember that disagreeing is how we learn to find people who we can better associate with. While it may seem you're to blame, remember it's part of life.
December 22nd, 2015 10:26pm
Sometimes we hurt people and don't realise, communication is important as it allows for you and the person you're with to openly talk about the problems you guys are having. Good communication means to actively listen, even when you don't agree, and try to understand where they are coming from. The common mistake people make when being told about their wrongdoings (whether you knew or not) is to jump into defence mode. A relationship is not a war zone where someone has to win, where one attacks and the other is always defensive. Patience and willingness to understand goes a long way, a simple "i am sorry, i didn't realise you felt like this" goes a long way. Listen to understand, not to reply. Lots of love x
January 4th, 2016 1:47pm
You should ask , but maybe you didnt it was just him/her .He/She didnt see a future for your relationship, so they just gave up , don't "beat"yourself up for it, they lost you.
June 7th, 2016 10:15pm
Probably not. Sometimes it just isn't meant to be and you have to learn to accept that. Somebody will come and you won't even remember your ex, you'll be so happy
June 5th, 2018 1:55am
No, as long as you were a great mate, that's all that counts. At least you tried, it was them not you!
July 17th, 2018 5:55pm
Not necessarily, for the break up there are a million of reasons. And for sure it is not only one person mistake
March 11th, 2019 7:18am
To understand this better, let us first know what is a breakup? A breakup is the discontinuity of a relationship but doesn't guarantee if the related connection is broken or not. Labelled connections between the two souls is termed as a relation. For a connection to breakup, there could be various reasons like: 1. Different priorities for the individuals. 2. Incorrect timing between the two. 3. Trying to improve other, while all are unique, different and perfect in their own ways. 4. Non-acceptance of the other person the way they are. And countless more.... But what form the principle is the two souls are sometimes incompatible for each other, whether in terms of priorities, timing, ideas, nature, strengths, etc. Breakup is just, two souls not fitting in each others space, and that is completely okay. Taking up the guilt or self blame, is not a healthy choice, its just sometimes the things don't workout, the way we wish too. But one should always be optimistic and know, whatever happens, happens for the best.
March 19th, 2019 2:50am
It takes two to have relationship and the break up. If there is a break up there are two reasons: one of the two or both of them can be responsible. It isn't worth taking the full responsibility. It is cart which runs on two wheels. One wheel cannot drag the cart long. It is worth reviewing the past but for future relationship to fix some habit related annoyance to the partner. However, one cannot predict what what other partner would care or not care. It is worth try to find the reason from other partner but romantic relation when it ends, expecting an honest feedback isn't possible.
September 7th, 2020 1:45am
Have you asked about the break-up? As in talking about what happened? This can be a challenging time and it's understandable that you can be feeling stressed, sad, sometimes depressed if your relationship was serious and lasted for a long time. Did your relationship have any red flags or warnings that impacted how you acted around/to one another? Are you okay? Can you tell me how you are feeling and if you are able to talk to your Ex about what happened and ho you are feeling? This can always help if both are willing to listen and communicate.