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Do I miss the person, or the relationship?

231 Answers
Last Updated: 06/15/2022 at 2:22am
1 Tip to Feel Better
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A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
meiixae
May 20th, 2018 12:32am
I guess it depends on how you feel. It could be that you still have lingering feelings. But, it could also be that you just need another relationship. Maybe try being with someone else and then you will find the answer.
2cupsofteaa
September 24th, 2016 4:08am
That's always a tricky question. What do you think? If you find another person to date as of right now, and you're just as happy, I would say that you miss the relationship. But if you think back of when you first met that person, and feel nostalgic, perhaps you do indeed miss that individual. All in all, missing a person and relationship can be very intertwined so it's hard to say. I'd say that you'll know with time.
Anonymous
April 24th, 2018 11:07am
It depends on the kind of relationship you had. Sometimes you may miss the kind of relationship you had, or the person while reprimanding the relationship.
WillowPillow68
February 12th, 2017 6:54am
It's always hard to tell what you miss when a relationship ends. It really comes down to the question of do you miss the person they are, or do you miss the things you did? Once you identify that, you can move forward from there :)
Tanakaido
July 17th, 2017 11:36am
I can't say this will apply to you, but for me the answer would be both. When I lost my best friend and girlfriend I was haunted by the loss every waking moment. I missed the person because I saw a future with her and believed that if she was in my life that future could be mine. I missed the relationship because without it I felt hollow, the magic of life was gone. They are two sides of the same coin.
Anaiviv01
July 12th, 2017 7:26am
In any stressful situation, it’s easy to get caught up in the emotion. Apply the Helicopter View mind perspective. We can zoom out our view and see the bigger picture. As the helicopter takes off, getting higher and higher, it sees a bigger and bigger picture, and is less involved with the detail at ground level. So as we pull back from an emotional situation, we can start to see things much more clearly and rationally.
PandaPots23
May 12th, 2017 6:06pm
It could be a little bit of both. But more often than not we tend to remember the fond things from past relationships when we miss them. We might have a tendency to omit some of the negatives, or the reason why the relationship didn't last. We miss what we once had, and that could be the relationship itself, or characteristics of the person that you liked to begin with.
Anonymous
August 13th, 2017 5:02pm
That all depends. Do you miss what they did, who they were, how they made you feel, or the little things about them? Missing the person is when you think about THEM as a person. Who they were, their habits, their smile, them. Missing the relationship would be more directed at your feelings that you miss. Do you miss how being together made you feel? Those kinds of feelings.
KleoManiac
December 23rd, 2018 9:31am
I’d personally say both when I went through a break up with the ‘love of my life’ I was talking to best friend telling her I still loved him and that I don’t think I can get over him it took me some time to realize I didn’t miss him but the person he made me. Before I was with him I never went out and just stayed in basking in my loneliness but he made me go out and make new friends so when it was over I bought I missed him but I actually missed the atmosphere that he provided me and the new experiences so I guess I’m some aspects I missed him but I really missed who he made me
JoyHappyNess
September 23rd, 2018 9:09pm
When a relationship is over, I always tend to miss the relationship more than the person. I always miss the moments we shared more than the person we shared that moment with. Sometimes I may dislike my exes, but I could never forget the wonderful relationship that we had. Most of the times, I find myself fantasizing on the things we did, the topics we talked about, the places we visited and the wonderful ways that I was treated. As a matter of fact, the best relationship that I ever had, was with the person that I rarely ever talk to nowadays. I miss that relationship, I really do. But I dont miss that person.
Moondust673
July 26th, 2018 8:12am
You cannot separate a person from the experiences you had with him/ her. It is understandable that you miss both.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2018 2:16pm
Both? Without that person, there's nothing to miss about in that relationship. Without that relationship, there's nothing about that person to begin with.
Anonymous
October 10th, 2019 11:18am
It usually depends upon the person How good they were Sometimes people change or say show their true side but the moment we spend with them is what makes us feel good Relationship doesn't matter maybe you can have the same relation with anyone but still you try to be happy not actually happy its because of the personality nature bonding and understanding and of course compatibility with the person You are actually missing that personality those days were awesome it was because of them You are not missing the particular relationship or maybe those days. But the person who made that relationship
Anonymous
June 27th, 2018 11:37pm
It could be both, but it could also just be the relationship. You might be missing having someone love you and send you goodnight texts and stuff.
SuperSandi
June 16th, 2018 7:56am
It depends if the relationship was a toxic one or not. I used to find myself thinking about my ex and how things would be if we got back together. I was able to separate him and my life with him, if that makes sense, and realized that I missed the relationship because I felt comfortable in it. But him as a person, he was toxic. But then again, you could very well miss the person if there was a point in time where you were good friends before the relationship.
warmGrace9480
December 27th, 2019 11:52pm
It depends a lot on the circumstances of the relationship. Therefore it can be one of those or even both. After all, we can miss how the person made us feel, act or just their personality and presence. But we may not feel that the relationship with this person was correct one. Or we can miss how a particular type of relationship felt, for example having someone to share thoughts, experiences and closeness or having stability but the person was not right or was even completely wrong. And sometimes it may happen that it is combination of two. It is good question to ask though after the ending of the relationship as it may help to solve the issues and eventually heal.
delightfulShiny35
May 13th, 2018 6:34pm
Person mind drives relationship. It is not independent attribute. Person and relationship work together. hence one will miss both.
Anonymous
May 13th, 2018 10:39am
This is a very common question and super important. It can be hard to distinguish the idea of something vs. the actual thing. Just think about how you felt when you broke up. Was it a disliking towards the person or was it that you just needed to get out of the relationship?
AlexJames25
March 29th, 2018 10:51pm
Always a really difficult question to answer. We often break up with our partner because we feel as though something is not working out and it is beyond repair. This naturally leaves a void; we forget how much time our partner can occupy. In my experience, it is more often that people miss the relationship more than the person. Filling up your time with things you care about is a great way to help with this!
Anonymous
September 23rd, 2020 3:42pm
Sunday morning breakfasts together, sending each other memes all day, "good night" texts... When a relationship ends, there's a lot to miss. But it's not always easy to tell whether you miss your ex or just miss your relationship. Understanding the answer is a crucial step in how you go about healing. “Initially after a breakup, it’s next to impossible to separate [missing the ex from missing the relationship], But with time — roughly three to eight weeks, Klapow estimates — you slowly begin to differentiate between the two feelings. Ask yourself: What specifically do you miss? Is it the person themselves or all the things you shared with them? Think about the images and memories you keep replaying in your head. Do you notice your partner’s scent among the mix? Maybe it's the cologne you smelled on every sweatshirt you stole from them. Or maybe you still hear the particular sound of their laughter that followed your jokes. If it’s things like their personality quirks or their extra long hugs — things that have to do with them and them alone — then it’s most likely that you're missing your ex specifically, not just the relationship.
EmRivale
December 22nd, 2017 1:04pm
Generally you miss the relationship - it's not the person you miss. It's the routine. Ask yourself, what are you missing? Are you missing the closeness, the company, or are you missing the dates and the things you did together?
Anonymous
December 14th, 2017 2:19pm
Maybe you just miss the companionship. The feeling of someone being there for you, someone to turn to. If it didn't work out then you have to think that there must have been a good reason behind it. So it can't be the relationship or the person you miss. You might just miss someone to talk to and be connected with.
Anonymous
November 5th, 2020 1:33pm
When me and my ex broke up, I was feeling very sad and alone which is weird since my ex used to hurt me.After a while when I started to forget about him I realized that I didn't need either, I realized that I was on a very toxic relationship that would end on something very bad if I didn't stop it sooner.As a survivor this is something I'm very proud of, to finally realize how toxic this relationship was and be able to overcome it.My ex on the other hand will never forget what a great girl he had and why did she lost her.If anyone is going through something like this do not be afraid to reach out, I will be more than happy to listen.
NotAGod
November 22nd, 2017 2:43am
You got into a relationship to be in a relationship or to be with the person? Ask yourself this first.
Anonymous
February 23rd, 2017 11:27pm
I honestly missed the relationship and not the person I thought he was different but I feel better now then when I was with him
tinybeebee
March 10th, 2017 2:38am
We are creatures of habit, so it is easy for us to confuse if we miss the person we were with or the feeling of being in a relationship. The best way I answered this question for myself was thinking about the things my partner and I did that was exclusive to us (our go-to date spots, memories unique to us) and tried to imagine doing it with someone else. If you can more or less picture doing the things you once loved with another person, perhaps you miss the idea of a relationship. You know you miss the person when you realize you are missing a part of yourself. But, the two are so closely twined together that it is hard to make the distinction.
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2016 5:49am
Probably the relationship if you guys did a lot of fun, cute things. If you think about them a lot or get sick to your stomach thinking of them loving another person then you might love the person however.
Anonymous
October 27th, 2016 6:59am
It depends on the type of relationship you had with the person. In some cases you could miss the feeling of loving and others the custom of being in the relationship is hard.
Anonymous
July 19th, 2016 4:18pm
It depends on the situation. If you find yourself missing things that are specific to the person (the way they laughed, their eyes, something that they did for you), chances are you miss the person. But if you miss having someone to talk to or the intimacy the relationship provided, then you probably miss the relationship.
picturesque03afterthought
December 22nd, 2016 9:19am
I think we miss the feeling we had when we were with that person..the way that person made us feel. The way we were so open and free with them, the way they made us smile and supported us during our low days, the way they made this world a better place, or should I say more bearable just by being there by our side. So i guess we miss the the person we were around them. But then, this is just according to me...I might be wrong too.