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Do I miss the person, or the relationship?

200 Answers
Last Updated: 12/03/2020 at 7:25pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Christina Hussami, MSW, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Strengths-based, solution-focused therapist focusing on helping clients find life balance and navigating down their own path leading towards overall well-being.

Top Rated Answers
May 10th, 2016 3:14am
Most of the time people assume its the person, but personally i think its the relationship. If that person was not a good person to you then you might miss the idea of the relationship that u had and not the person.
July 21st, 2016 10:19am
Most of the times when we broke up with a person we feel like we are missing something or someone but in reality what we are missing is the relationship when it was all good along with the person who he/she was when we were happy in the relationship.
September 15th, 2016 7:59pm
Both. Sometimes you miss the person. Sometimes you miss the feeling of loving someone and getting loved back.
September 17th, 2016 7:32am
Without knowing the situation, who knows? You just might miss both. It's a struggle to know the difference,
September 17th, 2016 10:47pm
I met up with my ex boyfriend last night, and it was like talking to a stranger. It made me realize that I miss the relationship, and not him.
September 23rd, 2016 12:29am
The relationship. Often people miss what they had with a certain person because they felt happiness or a sense of feeling complete. You'll find that again.
September 23rd, 2016 8:20pm
Person.. because people are replaceable. You can have another relationship but not the same person. It's the person who makes a relationship special. You can have the same relationship with another person but it's not necessary that it should make you feel the same way the first person did.
September 28th, 2016 12:20am
You can miss both! The person may mean a lot to you and you miss them, but you most likely also miss the intimacy of the relationship itself.
October 15th, 2016 11:52am
Depends on how the relationship was. I think a lot of times it's the relationship. Its a change in lifestyle and is disruptive.
November 11th, 2016 4:42am
That depends on the situation. Sometimes it's both, sometimes it's one or the other. Some people feel the need to be in a relationship without ever actually truly being involved with their boyfriend or girlfriend. In my most recent relationship, I missed the person who was valuable to me, I would've been fine with staying friends. Anyways, it might be either one.
November 11th, 2016 6:56am
It depends from situation to situation, but typically after a break up, you miss the act of being in a relationship, rather than the person you were in a relationship with. Usually in a break up, there is a valid reason for the break up to have occurred, thus you usually know there was a mistake made by one or the other person, implying that you miss the act of being in a relationship rather than the person you were in a relationship with instead.
November 11th, 2016 9:07am
Each case to its own, sometimes its the person and sometimes its the idea of love or relationship it really depends
December 22nd, 2016 9:19am
I think we miss the feeling we had when we were with that person..the way that person made us feel. The way we were so open and free with them, the way they made us smile and supported us during our low days, the way they made this world a better place, or should I say more bearable just by being there by our side. So i guess we miss the the person we were around them. But then, this is just according to me...I might be wrong too.
February 11th, 2017 10:33am
Sometimes it can be a mix of both. We miss the person, but at times, it can feel like we simply miss the memories we had created with that person. It's a complex situation in terms of emotive attachment to a certain point in life. But I'm sure we all miss the person we once saw a future with, regardless of time; circumstance, or years passed. The thought of ''what if it worked?'' will always linger in our semi-conscious thought process.
March 9th, 2017 1:03am
I missed both. My ex was a wonderful person who was practically my best friend and the relationship thrived with numerous phone calls, inside jokes, and always being there for one another. I no longer talk to him and I miss the special relationship I had with that special person.
April 22nd, 2017 8:10am
I think you miss the idea of being with a person. I think you miss companionship. We all feel like being with a person, being loved and nurtured by the person. In the course of time, you tend to miss both.
May 3rd, 2017 11:45am
We tend to miss the "memories" of whatever made us most happy. Sometimes its the idea of a relationship that's more appealing and missed rather than the person we were with. At the end of the day, we are all humans and crave companionship
May 7th, 2017 3:44am
I miss the person. My best friend is gone. The one I think about and what to talk to when I see something funny, sad, interesting is gone. The feeling in my stomach when I remember we aren't talking anymore is cringy. Yes, I miss the person.
June 4th, 2017 7:59pm
You can miss both. Sorting out your feelings about that can help you move forward, as you try to identify if you're looking for a person with a certain set of traits, or a relationship that has some of the same boundaries, habits, and communication styles. It can be important to realize that finding a person with similar traits won't necessarily bring the same kind of relationship, and starting a new relationship with the same kind of boundaries won't necessarily mean the other person is similar to your ex.
June 10th, 2017 8:49am
It is very conman in situations like yours that you miss both, and these can get mixed you can end up missing both, I bet you miss both the relationship and the person.
June 25th, 2017 7:00am
In my case, a bit of both but mostly the relationship. I miss the companionship and the reliability, which are essentially because of the person. So it's kind of interdependent I guess.
June 25th, 2017 5:12pm
I've personally asked myself that exact question more than once, and my conclusion is that you need to stay away from that person for some time (even when it's difficult, I know). I didn't want to do it but my ex had to go on a trip, and then I discovered that I didn't actually desperately miss him, it was just the same as if a friend had gone to another country for some days. Distance is key. If you still want to be with that person after at least three weeks, then it's the person the one you are missing. If you just wanted to have a relationship, you will discover during that time that you are ok without anyone.
July 13th, 2017 11:07am
Sometimes we remember the way people affected us and not the people themselves. We miss the way we felt and the people we became when we were with them.
July 13th, 2017 11:55am
It's possible to miss both. Often we miss what we had, back when things were good and we were happy. Remember why it didn't work, and remind yourself that you're better off.
July 14th, 2017 5:37pm
Honestly, probably a bit of both. But think of the stuff you've went through and if you think its something you can fix, you can give it a try. But be very brutally honest with yourself, You don't want to hurt yourself. Look at the relationship like a puzzle, and every time you go on a break, the person hurts you, etc., you loose a piece of the puzzle. Eventually you've lost so many pieces and you've tried so hard to still find the finished image but its already to broken to fix. The finished picture will never be the same, no matter how hard you try, ya know?
July 23rd, 2017 1:13pm
This is something you really need to reflect on and figure out for yourself, but often times it is the relationship we miss more than the actual person. Think about what you miss exactly: is it things like their smile, the way they were to you, etc., or going on dates, kissing, and other relationship type things.
July 26th, 2017 6:54pm
I miss the relationship. I know he is not what he used to be and yet, I am very dependant on our relationship. I expected him to be more commited with the relationship but he has given up on the relationship and yet I am still haunted by the memory. So I think it is the relationship when we were still happy that I miss the most.
August 10th, 2017 2:47am
I can't speak for you and how you're feeling, but it's very possible that you're just missing the feeling of being with someone, instead of the person themselves.
September 21st, 2017 12:25pm
Being attached to someone can cause you to see cloudy. Most of the times people miss the relationship or the idea of being in one, being with someone. It is up to you to open your eyes and look at it from a distance. That way, you will see the clearer picture.
November 8th, 2017 3:10am
Some people miss the feeling of being a team with someone in a relationship, but that does not mean they miss the person. Then sometimes people miss someone they were in a relationship but did not like being in a relationship.