Do I miss the person, or the relationship?

156 Answers
Last Updated: 05/18/2019 at 7:26am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Christina Hussami, MSW, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Strengths-based, solution-focused therapist focusing on helping clients find life balance and navigating down their own path leading towards overall well-being.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
June 7th, 2018 8:28pm
It depends, but most likely the relationship. It's called the comfort zone for a reason. We don't like being out of it, and the relationship was your way of life, in a way, for a while. It's hard to shake yourself out of that, but you will go back to being the way you were before, maybe even better.
FakzWift
June 7th, 2018 9:35pm
I would say that you miss both. There would be no relationship without the person. And the person is the most important part of your relationship. However, you can miss one or the other, or both.
PrettySoul2
June 14th, 2018 6:26pm
Sometimes you miss the person more than the relationship. You can always move on but you can't forget the times you shared with someone.
Anonymous
June 27th, 2018 11:37pm
It could be both, but it could also just be the relationship. You might be missing having someone love you and send you goodnight texts and stuff.
Anonymous
June 30th, 2018 11:11pm
It depends. How long were you in the relationship for. If you were in that relationship for while you could miss the person as you will have grown an emotional band with them. It can sometimes be hard to move on.
Moonartisan
July 5th, 2018 5:02am
This is something to truly consider, you'd have to break it down. If the person was toxic there would be little reason to miss them, but generally having someone there and then they aren't you are going to miss them. With a relationship there are several things to miss you'd miss the companionship, intimacy, and responsibility.
Anonymous
July 13th, 2018 6:27pm
If you can't stop thinking of how amazing the person was and how kind and loving they were and you think of being around the person then it is probably the person. But if you miss the relationship often times you're more so thinking about how cute it was to be with someone and how you miss having someone to rely on etc.
Anonymous
July 14th, 2018 4:04am
At start you miss the person and with time you start missing the relationship . the times you had with the person bit in the end there is always a way out
Anonymous
July 14th, 2018 7:32am
That's something only you know , and something you need to slowly work through and find closure to, but only you have the power and mind to do that. Find whats holding you back.
StWilson
July 14th, 2018 10:38am
You miss the moments you had, We are made of memories and cherish the good memories and walk away from bad memories.
AndrewTheSoldier
July 15th, 2018 1:10pm
it must the closeness and intimacy to another person but i am just stating my view on it but i hope you find that intimacy again
Anonymous
July 18th, 2018 6:10am
Personally I truely miss the person 🤔😢 however sometimes you have to listen to the facts of if it is working on all levels. Personally I had to finish with the person I loved for thier well being as it was making me into an emotional wreck. In any relationship you both need to be on the same page and if you say you are going to do sometime then trust is built by being your word. A healthy relationship is easy not forced. Relationships need to have transparacy and mutual respect. To love someone so much and let them go was the hardest thing I ever did. You cannot force someone to love you.
Zaya900
July 28th, 2018 1:36am
Consider why you broke up. Was it a spur of the moment fight, or a long-term decay. If it the later, you miss the relationship. Also, consider you might be looking at it through rose-colored glasses. By that i mean that it's really easy to only remember the good, to make it seem better than it was. Are your feelings based on that, or reality?
Nichole121002
August 4th, 2018 5:27pm
That's something you have to figure out on your own....often times we don't miss the person, but the feeling we had when we were with them. We fear that we will never find something that amounts to it....but trust me, everything happens for a reason and if things are meant to be, they will fall in to place exactly how they should.❤
generousRabbit93
August 8th, 2018 5:30am
you miss the relationship, the attention and all that love you got but the relationship ended for some reason and thats what you have to remember
joe1kell
August 10th, 2018 4:57pm
One thing I always ask myself when at a crossroads in a relationship is, "Joel, do you love the person she is now or are you in love with the idea of who you see that she can become?" So often we allow our "emotions" to consume so much of our relationships that it often pushes out the ability to rationalize reality!
goldenApple91
August 15th, 2018 3:29am
I miss both the person and the relationship; the good times, the company and companionship. I suppose someone else could fill the void but it wouldn’t be that person. It does depend on how much you fight and are frustrated with someone. With enough of the bad times all you miss all you miss are those.
LovelyNebula
August 15th, 2018 4:44am
Ask yourself that question and look at both sides. What do you miss about the person, and what do you miss about the relationship. Which one weighs out the other? It is okay if you miss both however, even if one weighs out the other.
lovernotaloser
September 13th, 2018 12:42am
I literally ask myself this at least three times a week when I think about a past relationship thats more or less a really incredible friendship now. Sometimes I allow myself to admit that I miss the relationship aspect more, but deep down I know I just miss the attention that I was being given from the person. I think depending on how and why your relationship ended can ultimately effect on with you miss. Wether it be a friendship, a partnership or a intimate relationship, we will always have a piece of us that miss the whole aspect of it. Deep down I know, personally, I miss the way me and that person fit. No matter what ended; a friendship, relationship etc....., i always miss how important that person made me feel. Some days I miss having that relationship to call my own, and most days I just miss saying and calling that person MINE. I still talk to my ex, pretty frequently, we are very close, but I do miss the time when I didn't have to cry a little bit over the fact that he thinks another girl is prettier than me or he's taking more to another person.
JoyHappyNess
September 23rd, 2018 9:09pm
When a relationship is over, I always tend to miss the relationship more than the person. I always miss the moments we shared more than the person we shared that moment with. Sometimes I may dislike my exes, but I could never forget the wonderful relationship that we had. Most of the times, I find myself fantasizing on the things we did, the topics we talked about, the places we visited and the wonderful ways that I was treated. As a matter of fact, the best relationship that I ever had, was with the person that I rarely ever talk to nowadays. I miss that relationship, I really do. But I dont miss that person.
admirableHeart39
September 29th, 2018 6:02am
You miss the person. Relationships is just a term its the person who gives it a meaning. The person becomes you habbit, a constant. You miss the person. Its warmth, the beautiful moments spent together, the nights, the talks, its smell and everything in it. People when they leave they leave behind a lasting impression that is difficult to overcome and that can not be made up by others. Relationship often happen but there are only some people, who when are they are not there make their most importance and we look back and cherish the moments spent with it together.
Anonymous
October 11th, 2018 8:07pm
You can miss both at the same time. The person you miss fulfilled elements of the relationship that you have ideally wish to have. And the intimacy of the relationship is imagined with that person you shared the connection with. Since you’re asking, it sounds like you miss both. But you also know there are others out there that you could love and provide you with the support and comfort that you want. It’s nice that you’re questioning it; being aware and able to separate the dependence naturally developed and the objectivity of knowing you can let others in. .
Anonymous
October 14th, 2018 5:45am
It all depends. Do you miss the feeling of being held? Or the feeling of being held by that one person. From personal experience, it is hard to tell which one is which, but not impossible. If you are still not sure I would ask yourself this question: When you lay awake at night, do you think abt someone being beside you? or do you think of the feeling. Relationships are all based around emotion. If you’re friends with someone but still miss them then it was the relationship. Do you feel sad when thinking about them? that is another question that might provoke your answer.
MarissaMc
November 11th, 2018 1:20pm
As a general rule, when a relationship ends it’s because one side or the other has lost that romantic feeling. It’s natural, and no one is to blame, but we still feel that emotional turmoil for a while. When that emotional war has quieted down a little, sometimes we’re left with a sense of loss, almost like losing a loved one, and it’s because we’ve become spoiled to having a person who we’re comfortable with and who knows us. When they’re gone and that relationship is over, we sometimes miss the person like if they had been a friend before anything else and you just want your friend back, but we sometimes miss the feeling of being loved.
tranquilUnicorns33
December 3rd, 2018 3:43pm
If you find yourself living in the past moments with that person then it is most likely you miss the feeling that you had when you were with them. If you are often thinking about the person only, and not about the times you had with them then you are missing the person. Missing the person often comes with wishing that they were with you. However if you are missing the relationship you will find yourself wishing to go back in time and relive those moments. It is important to realize that if you are only missing the relationship, you can experience the same feeling with the right person for you.
KleoManiac
December 23rd, 2018 9:31am
I’d personally say both when I went through a break up with the ‘love of my life’ I was talking to best friend telling her I still loved him and that I don’t think I can get over him it took me some time to realize I didn’t miss him but the person he made me. Before I was with him I never went out and just stayed in basking in my loneliness but he made me go out and make new friends so when it was over I bought I missed him but I actually missed the atmosphere that he provided me and the new experiences so I guess I’m some aspects I missed him but I really missed who he made me
Tanushree11
January 23rd, 2019 4:43pm
Maybe it's just the feeling the person gave you when you were in relationship with them. Post-relationship you still know that the person once was able to give you that feeling, so you see them in that same light.. and seeing them, you feel the same thing over again even if they no longer behave like it. You may say you miss the relationship, because of what that person made you feel, and missing the person is figuratively saying you miss how they were. So I guess that is something which is in coexistence most of the times.
Rebeccatraineecounsellor
February 8th, 2019 10:54pm
It depends on where you are at in relation to the loss - how recent it is. At first we tend to miss the person. It is also likely we remember the really good times and tend to forget the bad or see them in an altered way that make them not seem as bad. After some time it can seem like maybe you miss someone but perhaps not the person you were with although you may still long for them at times. I'm this place I have found what you're missing is a relationship and being close with someone. You likely feel lonely. Although you might miss the person it's probably not them you are missing but what you had and that you've lost that for yourself. A part of yourself you'll only see when in a relationship. When you are ready to move on or try dating you'll probably find that's when you realise you haven't missed the person for a while, it was the closeness and the good feeling you had. Good luck!
Kaynicskin
February 15th, 2019 2:31am
Well that’s a very good question, do you see a future with them? Do you want to wake up next to them in bed everyday? Do you want to start a family with them? Or do you miss the feeling he brought when he was around? Once you answer those questions you will have a round about answer. But before you try and pursue them again make sure you know cause you don’t want to start a relationship just to end it and leave them alone and heartbroken. If you want further assistance feel free to private message me cause my messages is always open!
DoctorRowan
March 1st, 2019 7:29pm
Perhaps both - and that's more than okay. Breakups are difficult. That person was a big part of your life, and so letting them go can be very difficult. Time heals all though. Eventually, you'll come to realise that sometimes, we lose touch with people for a reason, and for the better too. The most important relationship you will ever have - as you may have heard - is the relationship that you have with yourself, and it should be nurtured daily through self love and care. In the end, you'll find that the breakups and other hardships that we experience, although they hurt terribly, actually shape us and make us better, more resilient, understanding people.