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Do I miss the person, or the relationship?

231 Answers
Last Updated: 06/15/2022 at 2:22am
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
August 21st, 2020 8:00am
After a breakup, this can be a common feeling. There are many factors that could affect how each person feels individually. For example, how the relationship was, how both parties were in the relationship, how it ended, the relationship between the two after it ended, etc. In my own personal experience it was both. The person who I had a relationship with helped my life in more ways than they could've imagined and had good personality qualities and morals. For that I miss the person. But I also miss the attraction, the feeling of having someone. I think for many when a relationship ends they lose more than their significant other, but also a close friend. For that I miss the relationship. It honestly depends on each personal experience, but it is okay to miss both and is perfectly natural.
shiningSound31
August 27th, 2020 1:32pm
I think people generally miss the relationship they have with a person. A person's traits change over time. It is said that change is the only constant. So, a person may be a good person at a point of time and maybe a bad person who made bad decisions at another point in time. This applies to both the person in a relationship. But if the relationship between the two-person remain genial, friendly and positive over a course of time, when their personality would have been subjected to changes, then the two-person would miss each other in their absence. So, I think it is the relationship that bonds two people and its the relationship that is being missed.
Anonymous
August 29th, 2020 10:04pm
Relationships we make are about the person we have in it. A relation is special because of that person. We can replace a relationship but not a person. Every person is unique and we can't connect in same way with different people. When we break up with some one, we not only miss that relationship. We miss every connections made with that person that finally walked us in to a relationship. It's all about that person whom we are vibing with. So when a relationship is broken we miss the more that person than the relationship. The person matters more than the relationship.
Anonymous
September 9th, 2020 6:46pm
What happened exactly which makes you feel so if there are small conflicts it can be solved bo need to worry and losing hope sometimes our trust and support to our relationship can solve many problems it may take time but you see where there is will there is a way and thing do take time sometime you see time is a big healer and true relations can get conflicting but not separation if you find good you can talk directly what is happening to your partner may be he would have not noticed your uneasiness things will sort out little
Anonymous
September 18th, 2020 9:34pm
You might miss the relationship because yes it was with that person but the person could be no good for you. For example i still text me ex and he has a gf now i blocked him on snapchat and his number because that's better for me. The person is actually very toxic in my life and not good for me. I just missed what we had because we used to have a good connection. However, we're not meant for each other. We used to have something good but now we don't talk. Sometiemes i think thats for the best.
happyapple30
September 23rd, 2020 6:12am
rephrase the question and think do you miss the person or the memories the fact of having someone to cuddle you or talk to you and help you in tough times. sometimes you may miss a person or maybe you are missing the feeling of having someone. try writing down things that you think was good about him and then note down things you think about the relationship overall and what else do you want from a relationship. then see the difference in between these two. also it's okay to miss a person sometime but you need to remember you deserve better.
Anonymous
September 27th, 2020 10:05pm
If you miss the person then you have a desire for the person. But if you miss the relationship then you are most likely looking back on the things you enjoyed in the relationship and not the person. If you miss the person then thinking about them causes pain or sadness. If you miss the relationship then once again you don't look back at the person you look back on the relationship. Did the person or the relationship make you happier? That's a question to ask yourself. I hope this helped. You have a blessed day or night.
Anonymous
October 2nd, 2020 7:46pm
Sometimes it might be feeling that you've lost a strong connection,rather than a person. For example, if you become comfortable with someone, you will definitely miss the feeling of being safe, being cared for and reveiving attention from orhers. However, it might not be the person themselves that you miss the most. That's a bit confusing, but the reality is that it has happened to me to have regrets over the feelings I had, not over the person I met. :)) So yeah, you might have regrets after ending a relationship, but you'll figure it out if you really miss the person or the relationship itself. That's just my opinion, based on previous experience. :)
RainbowRosie
October 3rd, 2020 3:58pm
This is a good question. We tend to look through rose tinted glasses when we think of them and remember the good parts of the relationship as opposed to the bad. Also if we thought ‘they were the one’ we think of ‘what could have been’ instead of seeing the problems in the relationship. Also having someone around to suddenly having no-one can feel incredibly lonely. This can take a period of re-settling for us to get used to. Being in our own can be a difficult thing but it’s sure better than being stuck with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.
Anonymous
October 10th, 2020 12:20am
It's possible you could be missing both, when people are out of our lives it can make a huge impact on daily routine and our thought process. Without their input, it can be different to make decisions and you may find yourself more lonely or having more free time than usual. And having different types of relationships is very important too, if you're missing out on a certain kind of relationship it can make you feel like something is missing. Or you'll feel lonely and trapped. In my personal experience when I stop talking to someone I end up missing both the person and the relationship.
MaxT777
October 14th, 2020 3:46am
Relationships can be an interesting case because so much of it, in my experience, is about the feeling of belonging and the feeling that someone wants you. With that, inevitably, you come to like the person and that's natural. But I believe a large part of that, in itself, is the emotional connection which you built with the person to enable you to experiencing those emotions. But still, it is inevitable that the person will also be missed. For example, if someone is particularly loyal and loving to you then they have helped you build in my eyes the emotions which you miss in the relationship- so there, you do miss them too.
Anonymous
October 28th, 2020 5:44pm
When a person and a relationship is no longer a part of our lives, it is easy to be confused about whether we miss the person in our life in any capacity or specifically miss the type of relationship we had with them. Reflection is key to understanding your feelings on the matter. To better understand exactly what you feel you are missing, it helps to ask yourself a few questions: 1) Would these feelings be alleviated if this person were back in your life, but not in the type of relationship with you that you two previously shared? 2) Would these feelings not be there if there were someone else in that same type of relationship with you instead? 3) What specific qualities do you miss? If, for instance, it was a romantic relationship and you miss having someone to come home to at the end of the work day, maybe it has less to do with that person in particular and has more to do with wanting company and companionship. If, conversely, you miss the person's mannerisms, or the way they spoke to you, or your unique way of relating to each other, it may be that you miss this person in particular.
pancakepandas
November 5th, 2020 10:31pm
When I went through a breakup, I ended up thinking really hard about what I missed the most. Did I miss him, or did I miss being in that relationship, and having *someone* to do x, y, and z with? Over time, as the pain of being away from him separated, I realized that it was the relationship that I missed, not him directly. I was able to find other people to do x, y, and z, with, and it felt like a much safer environment to me. I know that I miss the person instead of the relationship because I'll constantly be thinking about them when doing everyday things. If I miss the relationship, I end up yearning for the feelings that they made me feel.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2020 10:50am
You basically miss the comfort you get with the person through the relationship.. Because you don't miss the relationship with a person who abused you or violated you. You miss the one which rose your happiness at some point or the other. You took two doses or some medicine, then you started taking three for a considerable period of time. Then, after that period two doses won't suffice you. Similarly a person comes and arises your level of joy, that would similarly haunt you for a specific time but can be normalized.
Tatzilla
November 20th, 2020 5:22pm
You either miss their personality, their company, their laughter etc., or you miss how they made you feel about yourself and the circumstances around you. If it's the latter, it's likely that you miss the relationship more the person. There is no hard and fast rule to these kinds of things, and it is entirely possible to miss the person and the relationship simultaneously. You have to know yourself well enough to understand which part of the relationship served you and which part didn't. It can be hard to tell the difference without proper distance, self reflection and evaluation.
specialMelody96
November 20th, 2020 9:32pm
I think a really easy way to work this out is: when you focus on a memory that makes you miss your relationship - it could be a great date you had, a night together, etc - if you replace your partner with another person, does that memory make you feel the same? If the answer is yes, it may be that you are just missing the intimacy that comes with a relationship, rather than missing the actual person. Potentially focus on cultivating your relationships with the people around you to help distract from these feelings - call your mum, plan a girls night, get back in touch with an old friend. Remember that romantic relationships are not the only way to get intimacy and validation and warmth.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2020 9:52pm
You are the expert on you. You are the only person who knows the answer to this question, but it can help to know that sometimes we miss what we wanted the relationship to be instead of what it was. Sometimes things have to end to make room for better things. There might be someone out there who will be more suited to you, want the same things and possibly treat you better than the person you were last in a relationship with did. It's not easy but take this time as a time of healing and personal growth.
radiantPresence0
November 27th, 2020 1:20am
Often times, we only remember the happy times when looking back. When we think back, we might think about how lovely someone was, or how great they made you feel, without remembering the not so great times and the not so great emotions you felt during those lows in the relationship. So with that in mind, when you start to miss someone or your relationship, remember there were negatives too, and that person is no longer in your life for a reason. It's of course easier said than done, but when you keep this in mind, looking back you might just see a more holistic view of the past relationship.
10311996
December 3rd, 2020 7:25pm
There are different emotions associated with getting over a relationship versus getting over a person. “Getting over a relationship means getting out of a routine, from someone to talk to, to someone else in your presence, to the social status of being in a relationship," Klapow says. He adds that you may experience feelings of anxiety, angst, uncertainty, and insecurity while getting over a relationship. When you’re trying to forget a specific ex, however, feelings of loss, grief, remorse, guilt, love and longing will take over. If you believe you're missing your ex, there are a few steps you can take to begin the healing process. Leckie notes that it's pretty common to view your ex through rose-colored glasses, as if they're "perfect" or on a pedestal. But that can make moving on pretty tough.
kindEyes1424
January 7th, 2021 2:47pm
It can be really difficult to reflect back from a non-biased perspective to understand if you truly miss the person that you were with or if you just miss being in a relationship. I know after my last breakup, it was very difficult for me for the longest time to really understand this. I thought I missed the person and would constantly think about them and how they made me feel and how they treated me. After a while, I started to realized that the things that I missed about them; having someone to talk to, having someone around to make me feel loved and special, having someone to care for me, weren't qualities of the person, but rather things that I wanted out of a relationship. After I realized this, I was able to come to terms with the fact that we were no longer together. I'm not saying I was able to get over the breakup right away, but once I realized that I just missed having someone to be there for me all the time, it was easier to try and move on and look to other people in my life (like family and friends) to fill that role.
Anonymous
January 10th, 2021 6:57pm
I know this feeling. And let's think. Did you love this person? Did they make you happy? Did you have good times? And think how you split up as well. Now if you answered yes to any of these, think if it was because that person made it a yes, or it was a yes because of how you felt around them? Think about past relationships. How did you feel after those? For example, I moved not to long ago. And I could not figure out if I missed the house and place I was out, or just how much better it was. I figured it out by asking myself how I felt when I was there. I figured out, I didn't really like the house I was in and I just missed the people and feeling. Hope I helped 🙂
Anonymous
January 16th, 2021 11:04am
In my personal case, there has been numerous times when we miss the person, more than the relationship. This feeling of being loved by someone and feeling safe around them. If things have ended, always think whether maybe it was for the better and you can now start fresh with someone more beneficial to you. Of course even though we may realise that it is not the person we miss, ending the relationship still hurts and that can only be healed through time. Do always look back and wonder what did this person bring to the relationship and was he/ her as loving to me as I was to them.
Anonymous
March 17th, 2021 8:49pm
I would like to share my thoughts on this question~ I think if you miss the person, it doesn't matter if the relationship between you guys are the same, you would just want to be able to reach that person. If you miss the relationship, then you would most likely want everything back like before.
Anonymous
March 18th, 2021 1:41am
It can be a mixture of both. A relationship can offer a feeling of security, and you can miss the person based on pleasant memories shared together. However, based on past experiences, there is a reason as to why the relationship with the person ended. It is important to keep these reasons in mind. Facing forward into the future is the path to healing in this situation. Losing someone and leaving a relationship is difficult. It can leave you with conflicting feelings, as well. It is important to remember that you always have a support system you can go to if you need one.
Mimiverse
March 18th, 2021 4:57pm
I think people equally misses the relationship and the person because relationships can't exist without people. Sometimes we look at moments that we spend with someone and it makes us happy, sad, nostalgic, ect. There may be times that someone seems different or it appears that they have changed. On another hand, relationships are also that way as people mature and grow. It's okay to say you miss them both because somewhere along the line the two choices do meet. You miss the person that you had that relationship with. You miss the special moments that came. It's hard to say if it's ever one or the other more, but both couldn't exist without either one.
softestsheep
March 31st, 2021 4:02pm
Think about how that particular person made you feel. Did you find yourself mostly happy around them? Or did you find that they were always belittling you, isolating you, or making you feel anxious and scared? A healthy relationship with a healthy partner means equality, communication, and trust, and if you didn't have those while with that person, then you could be missing the idea of being in a relationship more than the person themselves. I understand that it can be incredibly lonely without being in a relationship being "loved", but it's important to think about whether or not that person really made you feel safe and comfortable rather than insecure and uneasy.
bouncyWatermelon6770
April 8th, 2021 4:49pm
That's not a simple question to answer. The truth is it could be both or either. It really depends on the nature of the relationship and the grounds underwitch it came to an end. However speaking more in terms of generalities, as human beings we all crave and need interactivity to ensure our happiness. So the loss of a constant and stable interpersonal connection can be very hard to deal with, in this way it is less a matter of missing the individual than it is a matter of missing the interaction and all of the gratification that came with it.
thereness
April 17th, 2021 6:10am
It can be either both or likely. Missing the relationship could be like you standing on a platform, watching a train pass by. You've known the train, you've been in it, you've both lived and loved the journey and now, it is no longer a train you can catch, it is fading away, and you have to let go. But you have to also remember that there is the person, standing on the other side of that platform, you see them, they're watching it pass by too, and soon, they, too, will be able to move on. Perhaps you miss them both, you miss being seen like that, or you miss the safety, the comfort and this feeling that means the opposite of loneliness. Your person might have held your hand and steered you towards safety when you were lost. And, now it is time, to breathe and wave to the train, let it go. Know that it will no longer heal you, it will only hurt- not just you, but also the person on the other side. So, breathe, take a step back and look at the sky.
Anonymous
April 25th, 2021 7:21am
You miss the experience - How that person and the relationship made you feel. You miss the feeling of being loved and cherished and being that special someone for somebody. How their smile, the little gestures, and being with them in that moment made you feel on Cloud 9. Seek similar experiences and know that you deserve the best. Love yourself and show compassion to others and it will come back to you. The world is vast and full of opportunities. The past is in the past and there is so much to look forward to. Life can be full of miracles, so let go of the old and seek only one thing - Not a particular person or a relationship, but Happiness.
Dannie22
May 16th, 2021 11:14pm
You miss both depending on the person or how the relationship went. If you’ve had a great relationship prior to breaking up then the memories you made with that person will be mainly what you think about. But also after breaking up you may feel “alone” so that could also mean you miss the person :) it all depends on what the relationship was like. I don’t think you can classify missing someone after every break up the same way as I don’t think you can say you miss the relationship I feel that most people miss feeling loved and feeling like they mean something to someone .. I know that’s how I’ve felt before