He cheated on his girlfriend with me. Why is he ignoring me?
Last Updated: 12/12/2021 at 12:04pm
Penny Dahlen, Ed.D., LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I am committed to helping you find your passion, heal old wounds, and flow smoother in all aspects of your life path! I use a compassionate listening approach.
Top Rated Answers
Because he is a cheater. Well, the problem with a boy who cheats his girlfriend with you it's that he isn't accountable and so he will disappear or ignore you. You are not the problem, he is the problem. You deserve a man who will love you in an exclusive and special way, you don't deserve a man like this because if he doesn't see the importance of being honest with his girlfriend, he won't see the importance of having a long and beautiful relationship with a girl. I don't know exactly why he is ignoring you, but I know that a man like this is not the man for you.
He has not been fair to either you or his girlfriend. It is easy to question and blame ourselves and wonder if it is something about us that is causing another person to act this way. The truth is that a person who follows this kind of pattern of behaviour will do this to everyone they encounter. It is not as though one miraculous person can fulfill their voids to make them happy. He will do this repeatedly to others over and over again in a vicious cycle. This person is an energy vampire and has nothing to do with anything about you. You are not the one at fault here.
It could be multiple reasons. He could potentially be in denial about what happened, he could be feeling guilty and avoiding you lets him pretend it didn't happen, he could be assessing what he wants to happen, or he could genuinely be unable to speak with you. What lead up to this situation? Who initiated the affair? Why? What is it that you hope will happen? Is that the best course of action for you? For him? What would you consider the best outcome for this situation? Do you have any underlying apprehensions about what happened (other than him ignoring you now)?
Self love is essential. People cheat on their partner for many many reasons, some of them could be that they fall out of love, others might be that they were just bored. Being cheated on is one of the most painful experiences for some people, if this person did not care about this girlfriend, he, most likely won't care about you or anyone else either. His girlfriend deserved respect, and you do as well. But respect also starts with ourselves. If we do not care of ourselves first, we do not love ourselves or do not respect ourselves, no one will either. If he cheated on his girlfriend with you, and now he is ignoring you, he is probably not worth your time.
Cheating on someone does not take a toll only on the cheated, but on the cheater as well, just in a different fashion. Processing his gesture, going through the stage of regret, maybe coming to terms with the fact that he made a mistake - these may all be things he is struggling with right now, and he needs to be alone. Maybe he lost his girlfriend because of this and he wants to mourn, so to speak. Maybe he regrets what he has done and does not want to see you at that moment, because seeing you would only trigger him and make him break down.
Regret is usually the correct answer. People make mistakes and regret them later. Cheating is always a very guilty act. If you participate in someone cheating on their significant other, you may want to take some time to consider your self worth. You deserve so much better than someone who is willing to cheat on their partner for you because what makes you think they won't do the same to you? You need to know your value and respect yourself enough to go for someone who will treat you with that same respect. Don't pursue someone who wants to keep you as a sidechick.
If you knew he was with another woman, what made you go out with him? Do you think that just because he cheated on her with you, that you are someone special to him? Perhaps he is in love with his girlfriend and realizes he made a mistake when he went out with you. Perhaps you were just a fling. How does that make you feel? Do you think things would be better if he paid attention to you while still going out with someone else? And, if he did dump the other woman for you, what makes you think he would be faithful to you?
Maybe he come to his sense, and rethinking about his relationship with her girlfriend and how much it means to him. You need to have honest talk with him, so you both can know the reality and move on. Do you really see yourself having a future with him, you need to think about that and consider all possible future factors , is it a healthy relationship or not?! Every think will be only known for sure , when you both have a honest talk about it. I understand how you feel, but you need to be emotionally strong in situations like this.
Cheating can bring up a lot of feelings, what may feel like no big deal to one person is a big deal to another. There may be many reason for his silence, he may still love his girlfriend and he has a lot of confusing emotions such as guilt but still love. My recommendation is to give him time, let him know that you are here if he wants to talk. But depending on the relationship you want from him, either a boyfriend or a friend, he may just never get back to you. But you are worth more than a man who would cheat on his girlfriend.
Hi! After reading through this, I can only imagine the emotions you are going through. However, from personal experience, it is potential that he is ignoring you to make it right with his previous partner. Simply put, he could be trying to convince his girlfriend that you are not a threat to the relationship. This is very likely not because of something you did. It is very likely the man you slept with is very confused about what he wants, or more specifically, who he wants. Im sorry, I know situations like this can be extremely hurtful; I hope you find this to be helpful!
Firstly, you must feel confused and saddened by your circumstances. I’m sorry to hear it. You can’t ever know with certainty without that person telling you themselves. It is possible this person decided to be honest with his girlfriend and try to work it out. This is why getting involved with people who are already in relationships can be very emotionally turbulent. Truly, if you knew the answer, would that make you feel any better? Do you really want to be with someone who cheats? If someone cheats on one partner, there is no guarantee that they would not do it to someone else. Hope you can gain some clarity soon. Best wishes.
Sometimes they just need some time to think. Think about breaking it off with his girlfriend, or telling you that you need to stop (you meaning you AND him). You shouldn't have let him cheat on her in the first place with you. I know that it would've been hard, but guys will be guys and be their perverted selves. They can't do anything about it, but society will tell you that you had to do something about it, and not the guy. The guy can do whatever the heck that he wants to do. If he is ignoring you than drop his sorry butt because he isn't worth it. No guy is ever worth it.
He may be trying to stop cheating on his girlfriend. His solution is to stop all communication that has with you in order to patch things up with her. He may be trying to rekindle his relationship with his girlfriend and end the side relationship he has with you. Maybe another reason is that he is trying not to get caught so he stopped messaging you and that is the reason why he is ignoring you so she wont see any of his texts. Best thing you can do right now is to stop messaging him and to move on.
If he cheated on her with you, but is still with her, then it's likely that his interest in you was only to cheat with you. In my experience, young men can become very misguided with how they view relationships and only maintain a semblance of commitment -- I say this because I was that way at one time and a lot of guys I knew were, too. If he was willing to cheat on his girlfriend with you, it may be worth considering whether his attention is worth anything, because even if he leaves her with you he's just as likely to cheat on you as well. Commitment is hard, but it is worth it in the long run, and you owe it to yourself to find someone who isn't cheating with you to find love with.
Most who cheat on their partners might feel guilty talking to the person they're cheating with. A girlfriend is a bestfriend, a lover, someone they trust and respect, and perhaps when they realize that they're going to hurt their girlfriend or have already hurt their girlfriend, they cut off ties to try to make things right again. If he cheated and is now ignoring, then it probably means he was simply looking for a bit of an escape, thought that he would be happy with his choice, but then learned the hard way that what he thought would have made him happy didn't do that at all in fact, quite the opposite.
There are many reasons he might be ignoring you, but it's best not to make any assumptions without talking to him - you never know he's really feeling. He might be going through a lot or have a lot to sort out considering the situation, but oftentimes they might just need time! He could be feeling anxious about his relationship, he may be regretting his actions if he feels he has hurt his girlfriend etc, or he might just need some space right now. If you've reached out, all you can do is wait and hope that he is alright.
It's hard to say why he's ignoring you without having spoken to him directly so I won't speculate as to why that might be. Whatever his reasons, though, if he won't talk to you it may be best to let that situation go. That's easier said than done, so in the meantime, think about if you want to keep associating with someone who is willing to cheat on his girlfriend? Are you willing to deal with someone who may not communicate well (or at all-assuming he decides to reach back out to you)? Are you willing to stay in the situation if he decides he doesn't want to leave his girlfriend?
He may be feeling guilty, or unsure of his decision to cheat. This is not a reflection of yourself. This is a reflection he is making of himself. It is likely not a personal front to you. Give him time to reflect and find his own answer to the dilemma he has created. Do not take it personally. He has made a big decision and will need to address this before he can make his next move. Take this time to think on your part of the issue. Address how you feel about the situation. Do you feel any specific emotions about it? Why?
If he is cheating on his girlfriend with you, then he may be going through inner turmoil. Cheating on someone often eludes to issues within the relationship, as well as possibly internal conflict (of the person who is cheating on the other). If he is ignoring you, he may be going through an internal struggle and wondering if what he did (cheating) was morally correct and how he feels about it. It is highly possible that he feels remorse, and thus cut off ties with you due to the guilt and regret. If he is ignoring everyone, including you, he may be facing a personal issue in his life. It all depends on who he is as a person, the context, and his moral compass.
There are many reasons someone might start ignoring a person after cheating on their partner with that person. Unfortunately, it is difficult to discern the exact reason they aren't responding without them telling you, but some reasons might be that they've become unavailable, they don't know how to communicate or don't want to communicate, or their circumstances might necessitate a break of communication. For instance, they might need to stop communicating if they have feelings or regrets and want to sort through their emotional states on their own. Also, if they've decided to go back to their partner, their partner may have asked them to stop communicating with the person or people they have cheated with, because cheating involves deception between partners, and moving on after cheating requires partners to rebuild trust. Whatever the reason, now might be a good time to stop focusing on this person, and give yourself love and self-care. This way, if you are hurt or upset from being ignored, you can start your journey toward healing.
It seems that you are mainly frustrated due to him ignoring you or maybe curious to see if he may also be hiding something from you as he did with her. Do you think that it could be something to do with any possible insecurities in the relationship? And are you still comfortable to be in a relationship with someone that you know now is unfaithful. As far as him ignoring you goes, it could possibly be that he is overwhelmed with the anger and frustration coming from his girlfriend so he is choosing to cut out more people from his life right now. Could you tell me what may be the current emotions you are going through?
I think when this happens there can be a lot of factors. He may have got caught and there is shame of him seeing your face, or of the girlfriend or wife leaving if he continues the behavior. Also, he may not have felt that what he had with you was serious enough to warrant further connection, or to permit you closure. The answer here can be tricky because of the very nature of the relationship. A man or woman that would triangulate intimate relationship is creating an element of safety for themselves in case on or the other relationships does not work out. This can compromise either partner and the perpetrator. No one wins in this situation.
I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling ignored, sometimes situations like this can lead to confusing on both sides. Maybe he’s worried about his current girlfriend finding out or he may not want to lead you on and cause further complications for yourself or him. I can imagine this may cause a range of feelings or emotions and even questions from yourself, it’s important to remember that it’s okay to feel this way, you’re aware of the situation and what’s happening. What do you feel would be a good next step progressing forward? Or maybe what would help you feel better?
The reason he is ignoring you, is because he is regretting the decision he made by cheating. He realizes that he made a bad choice and is trying to forget that it ever happened. He isn't ignoring you because you did something, he is ignoring you because he did something. Another reason why he would be ignoring you is to separate himself from the situation he has caused and trying to do what is right in his eyes. I'm sure as time goes on and feelings change he will come around again but not in the same manner.
Often times, the individual who cheats on their partner is not sound in character. Breaking an active commitment is a red flag, and should not be ignored. If they are still together, his girlfriend may have asked him to cut contact with you in order to rebuild their relationship. If they separated, he may be attempting to regain her love, or simply realized that he needs to work on himself. It is also important to ask yourself if this is a person you truly want to be in contact with you. If he has a history of breaking commitments, it is not reasonable to expect that he would maintain a commitment to consistent communication with you.
The first reason is because he is regretting his decision to cheat over his girlfriend with you. Once you find out that he is regretting his action of cheating over his girlfriend with you, it is better for you to leave him. When you do something bad and you know that it is actually bad there will be an internal conflict in your conscience. He is having the same conflict and still trying to figure out which decision is the right decision for him. Having you as another girl aside from his girlfriend shows that his emotion is not stable and he does not know what decision he should take
It could possibly be guilt - I mean, if you were in his shoes I'm sure you'd feel indifferent. Sometimes people attempt to avoid the issues affecting them, however it isn't fair for him to completely ignore you and disregard your emotions in this situation. Furthermore, this boy you are talking to honestly doesn't seem like a good person. If he cheated on his partner for you, what exactly are his morals? What's stopping him from doing the exact same thing to you? I say he is untrustworthy and doesn't deserve your time. However, if you really do believe in him and your relationship; ask for clarity on the situation. If he's not willing to talk, then he is not willing to be with you.
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