Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How can I be friends with my ex?

41 Answers
Last Updated: 12/08/2020 at 6:53pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jennifer Geib, LCSWR

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

1:1 chats (up to 5 days/week). - My therapy is non-judgmental and focuses on emotions and motivation to accomplish your goals or overcome your struggles.

Top Rated Answers
September 29th, 2014 7:17pm
I know it's hard to maintain a friendship with someone that probably hurt you or that you probably hurt. But we have to keep in mind that a relationship is sucessful when we can bring happiness into another person's life, and vice-versa. If we don't feel happy with someone, why should we be contempt with that? If someone is not happy with us, why shouldn't we allow that person to be happy? We have to think "If he/she doesn't want to be with me, then I deserve better, I deserve someone that wants to spend time with me." Remember, we can't have a rainbow without a little rain, and we have to believe that the future holds better days. Stay strong!
November 8th, 2014 3:18am
Try talking to them again, maybe text them first? Ask them how they've been, what they've been up. Just small things like that can help, but this also depends on how your relationship was before. Talk to them the way you would talk to a stranger.
May 15th, 2015 6:22pm
Let go of all the bitterness and hold on to the good memories. Let yourself move on.Treasure the freindship.
November 13th, 2014 3:51am
I've always experience that you cannot be friends with your ex. There is a huge difference between being friendLY and friends, and the latter is a BAD IDEA. There are always lingering feelings, at least on one side, and it gets too confusing and hurtful.
November 13th, 2014 12:34pm
Well you can be, only if none of you have past the feeling of love. Otherwise with one person still in love with the other, it could take light-years to get over and staying friends isn't best of options.
July 27th, 2015 1:19pm
Truthfully, I don't think this is ever a good idea. Unless you date someone and realize you are better off as just friends, that's a different situation. If you truly loved your ex and want to stay friends, the feelings will come back. And it makes it very difficult for any future relationships.
September 28th, 2014 12:55pm
It's hard in the beginning, but I think space at first, then slowly reconnecting as friends is the best way to go about it, as it's not easy to make the transition from lovers to friends.
October 22nd, 2014 9:58pm
Being friends with an ex can be one of the hardest things to do. Some people say it is possible, and some say it is not. Ultimately, it depends on how closely you two were, the type of relationship you experienced, and the feelings you currently have for each other. The decision of remaining friends should be discussed with each other and both of you should agree on the type of relationship you will have from now on. Maybe setting some ground rules can help you maintain a normal friendship. As long as no one is being hurt and both people are on the same page, being friends with an ex is possible.
October 23rd, 2014 6:41am
After a decent grieving time and once you feel you can handle him/ her being with someone else and feel quite good about it, it's possible. But you have to establish healthy boundaries.
October 23rd, 2014 8:57pm
It depends on if you guys still have feelings for each other, that might make things difficult. But if you guys really want to be friends it's going to take time!
October 26th, 2014 10:42pm
Having a good friendship with you ex after a break up is what most of us would like. It doesn't always end up that way though. I recommend asking your ex if they would like to be friends or not.
November 2nd, 2014 6:16am
It depends how you broke up. If it was saddening or even depressing then it may be hard to befriend him/her.
November 2nd, 2014 9:32pm
Maintaining friendship after breakup is very difficult on both parties, even if you're both interested in such an arrangement. The best thing is a clean break, as long as you're trying to move forward, being around each other will only bring pain. Once you've both moved on, reconnect and see if you're compatible as friends.
November 4th, 2014 8:50am
Not everyone can, it depends on the situation. If you'd like to give it a go, sit down with them and vocalize that goal. See what they have to say about it. It takes 2 to tango, and if your ex is on board, there's no reason not to try! But if he/she isn't, be prepared to move on. You don't want to try to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you.
November 4th, 2014 3:29pm
The best way is to talk to them as a person and hopefully share in your common interests. You don't want to dwell on the past, just make sure they are doing well. I've been friends with my almost all of the ex's I've had.
November 4th, 2014 5:43pm
You can be friends if you want to. But it is my opinion, that your friendship won't last any longer. And if it did then it would be because either you two are still in love or you two have never loved each other ever!
- Expert in Breakups
November 4th, 2014 6:22pm
Depending on how the break up went, this can be challenging. A good way to start is to see how comfortable they are talking to you casually, it can be very awkward at first, and you both need to be willing to make it work as friends in order for it to happen. If you plan to meet up, try in a group first to avoid any unwanted awkward situations. I would recommend some time given after a breakup, otherwise it can feel a bit like salt on fresh wounds.
November 8th, 2014 12:54am
You give yourself time to get over the break up and then you hang out with them casually. You can be great friends because of the past romantic relationship but you can just be casual friends.
November 8th, 2014 4:19am
Of course. I know a lot who are friends with their ex because this just show a great relationship between you two and that you have already moved on or you still want to be together. But yeah, being friends with your ex is perfectly normal
November 8th, 2014 9:27pm
You can be friends with your ex when you only think about them the way you think about anyone else, as often as you'd think of anyone else.
November 10th, 2014 4:08am
Treat him like any one of your other friends. In a way treat him like a boyfriend or girlfriend just without the benefits.
November 10th, 2014 10:05pm
The first step in forming a good relationship with your ex is to make sure you know precisely what the boundaries are. Secondly, your ex also needs to know what boundaries you have set and expect. Lastly, your ex should do the same with and for you.
November 12th, 2014 6:42pm
You can be friends with your ex. But only when you and him/her had moved on to another relationship. And your partners no about your past relationship you both had between yourselves.
November 14th, 2014 1:17am
Ask him/her to talk in private and tell him how you feel. Maybe they're feeling the same way with you :)
November 19th, 2014 1:28am
You can try to start talking to them more often and not mention the past. Have a good outlook on it.
November 20th, 2014 8:16am
Just be formal and Nice dont talk about past rather focus on being civilized.....................................................................................................
November 20th, 2014 6:23pm
You can't be friends with your ex especially when you two just broke up.....IT WILL TAKE TIME DON'T RUSH THINGS ALLOW YOURSELF TO MOVE ON FIRST
March 9th, 2015 10:57pm
In order to have a healthy friendship with an ex, make sure clear boundaries have been communicated, and both are on the same page and adhere. Keep the friendship honest, talking about shared interest and the things that made you friends during your relationship.
May 14th, 2015 8:45pm
the same way you can be friends with anyone else! Communicate, hangout, include them in things! Try to stay away from topics about relationships in the begining thou.
July 6th, 2015 4:21am
You should talk to them and just explain that u don't want to date and why then try to talk nicely .