How can I move on from a breakup if I was certain he was the one?

29 Answers
Last Updated: 12/16/2019 at 3:10pm
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Top Rated Answers
KaytheBirdd
November 30th, 2014 11:19pm
Sometimes it can be hard to accept a new reality, when we'd become so comfortable in a previous one. A roadblock may form: "He was the one". That thought becomes the primary. It makes the future a muddle, and the present something you have to struggle to get on with. That's no way to live. There are a lot of good ways to get over a break up, that don't include surrounding yourself with a pain you don't deserve. Understand that there are near 7 billion people in the world. This must sound cliche, and perhaps a bit insensitive; but there /are/ other fish in the sea. Not only that, but there are jellyfish and starfish, sharks and dolphins - all types of aquatic life. Meaning you don't have to accept this break up as the end of your love life. Just try to visualize yourself romantically happy again. Even if you don't believe it yet, slowly, it'll help you broaden your horizon. Second, try to give yourself a break. It helps not to be surrounded by triggers that get you feeling negatively nostalgic, since hurtful memories are the last thing you need to be able to move on again. Don't go ripping through your photos and trashing old memoirs yet, but instead, surround yourself with symbols of a fresh start. That can mean doing something as simple as going shopping, starting some new innovative project, joining some new fandom or club, even discovering a new part of town during a slow-paced car ride. This can help you start that new chapter in your life feeling fresh. It's okay to be upset, and to struggle to move on. That feeling of sorrow gloominess is an essential part of moving on, as long as you don't let it take you over. A good way to make sure you're kept safe, is to surround yourself with loved ones; friends, family, pets even? Remind yourself that you're not alone in this. Motivation is a big push forward. Sometimes relating with people who've been in your shoes, or have been in your shoes, helps you envision a successful moving-on. That's what makes this website - and the entire internet really - so great. Don't hesitate to check out forums like the one we have here on 7 cups, and browse the internet for stories like yours. Your experiences with this relationship will make you stronger, and will help your love life in the future prosper. I wish you the best of luck.
SashaSue
December 27th, 2014 7:29pm
Break ups are really just the worst. They're hard to cope no matter how they happen. When you really thought you were building a future with someone, you're having to let go of both the person you love, and the future you'd been picturing for the two of you. And that's just hard, and painful, and scary, there's no getting around it. But there are things you can do to make it a little easier. When my 7 year relationship ended, the first think I had to do was really believe it would get better, that I wouldn't feel that horrible forever. And eventually it did. Part of it is just waiting the pain out. While you're doing that, it's important not to isolate yourself. Come here to talk, talk to friends or family members, whoever helps you to feel safe and supported. For me, it also helps a lot to stay busy, because I can really just fall into a deep dark hole of heartbreak if I let myself. Even if you don't want to, making plans with friends, going for walks, spending time with family, really focussing on school or work. Whatever helps to remind you there's a lot more to you and your life than this relationship and its ending. Every situation is different, but often it's a good idea not to talk to the guy, at least for a while. Some distance is really important for healing. And fwiw, I really don't believe there's any such thing as, "the one." I think there are a lot of people who could wind up being your one though. Don't try to rush right into a new relationship though, rebounds rarely work out, and ultimately leave you with two break ups to process in the end. Most importantly, be kind to yourself. And know there are people who love you now, and more who will in the future.
LoverOfHappiness
February 8th, 2016 6:56am
If you are certain that he was the one, do you. Work on yourself. Find out who you are do things for you again. And you never know you may rediscover that he actually wasn't the one.
PerfectlyImperfect11
May 9th, 2015 9:40am
For me, I've experience this with my first love. How did I move on? I think somehow you can never truly move on to someone especially when you have given them something that is not disposable -your heart. They will always have a place in your heart no matter what. But after a break up, you will feellike the lowest creature in the world and thats okay. Give it sometime. Cry, shout, burn things, and cry some more. Just let it all out but never ever tell yourself that its your fault. He lost you not the other way around. So after this phase, eat, groom yourself, but new things, make yourself look pretty, stand up- head and heart strong and be ready to face the world on your own honey. I know, I've been through this. It's unbearably painful but its not impossible to achieve. At the end, you will be stronger and you will be tougher and when the next opportunity of a guy comes a long. You will know if he's worthy of YOU or not.
Anonymous
December 1st, 2014 3:15pm
Find someone who will love you for you. If you thought he was the one, then that means you are desperate for love. I know that sounds harsh but it is the truth.
Anonymous
December 8th, 2014 12:01pm
When a person says that someone is the one for them, i believe they have reached such a point of loving that person that all they'd actually want is their happiness and all they would want is for that person to have a smile on their face. If breaking up with you would make them happy or if that is what would make the most sense to them then know that letting go of them is the biggest, bravest and the most selfless act of love you could ever do. Taking that into consideration you can tell yourself that 'alright, i know he/she is the one, but if parting ways with me makes him/her happy, then i would respect that and let go because all i want is for him/her to be happy'. There is a saying, 'If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.' So if the one you love truly loves you back then he/she is bound to realise this and come back to you and if they don't then know that it is for the best and that even though it hurts like hell right now things WILL get better. Time truly does heal, let time do it's work.
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2015 9:07am
If he was the one you would still be with him sweetheart! Everything happens for a reason. I'm not saying the love wasn't real, I am just saying maybe it wasn't what is best for you. Think positively! Everything will be okay.
smileforawhile
November 30th, 2014 11:43pm
"If it's meant to be it will be" Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel. Maybe you just need a break. But at the end of the day, what happened, happened. If you can't change the situation, then I guess you have to accept and move forward. Just because you're not together at the moment doesn't mean you will never end up together.
Anonymous
November 16th, 2015 6:10am
If he was meant to be, he'd be in your life. It's hard moving on from relationships, and it feels like a part of you is missing. And that's okay, that's normal. A part of you is missing, the part that now belongs to him. But- you also learned new things in that relationship. You learned how to love, and how to be loved. And that is now yours.
FruityHero84
November 14th, 2017 8:14pm
You must consider that life isn't always straight forward, and that if he is truly the one then he will find his way back to you.
librabrandi89
May 8th, 2015 4:32am
He could still be the one.....just later on in life when your souls are ready for eachother. Do what you feel is right....follow your instincts....and ask yourself "why is he the one?"
dogswinenetflix
April 4th, 2016 5:46pm
Allow yourself time to be sad, and you don't have to move on right away. Give yourself space and distance from him/the relationship and look back on the relationship with a more objective point of view. Maybe things were not as you thought they were. Maybe things seemed better because you wanted them to be better. Even if you made a mistake, you are still worth loving and you are still important to people. If he couldn't see that, then it's his loss
gentleflower
May 7th, 2015 11:58pm
Try to meet someone new. Give someone else the opportunity to sweep you off of their feet and show you that there are more fish out there in the world. You are a beautiful, everyone should get to have someone else sweep them off of their feet at least once.
amiableAmy
June 5th, 2015 5:05pm
You're going to need to reframe your way of thinking, which will be very difficult but it's do-able. There are over 7 billion people in the world, that's 7,000,000,000. The idea that there is only 1 person on the entire planet who you can have a successful relationship with is illogical. Further, the probability that you already met that person and things didn't work out seems almost impossible. You will meet so many more people in your lifetime, some of them will be better suited to a relationship with you than others, but eventually you'll find someone who is right for you to be with. & then it is important that you don't get complacent - thinking that he is "the one" can give you an excuse to not work as hard at a relationship because if he truly is "the one" then things will always work themselves out, & that is how relationships with potential fail.
Anonymous
November 17th, 2015 1:13pm
I think if you break up, it tells more about the reationship... I guess it can even mean he is not the one, so we better accept it and move on...
LondonEars5
July 17th, 2018 4:24pm
If he was the one he would be with you. I would advise a goddess year of self discovery to get to know who you are appreciate your worth. Concentrate on a new job, Tavel, image change, do a course in learning a new skill. If he really is the on you will win him back by not being needy but more than surviving. Maybe he just needs to miss you for long enough to realise.
Priscilaxx
December 30th, 2014 9:52pm
Focus on the positive sides of life. Just imagine how great the future will be when you do meet someone else.
Anonymous
May 16th, 2015 1:10am
The important thing to remember is that a breakup happens for a reason. You may have felt like he was the one, but there are some relationships where that feeling will surface at some point or another. Don't worry. You'll find the one!
KathyTheHealer
May 16th, 2015 2:34am
Well, "the one" has to be defined with 2 peopl. If you think that person is "the one", and that person also think you as his/her "the one" . Then you two are really "true love" for each other. If only you think that, but the other person doesnt think so ( proof that person leave you already) , then you two actually are not "the one" for each other. It's all misunderstanding in your head. It's not reality.
Compassioness89
December 1st, 2015 2:30pm
That is a tough one. Breakups are difficult and messy and make us feel like we will never find love again and that no one will ever be able to live up to the person we once loved so deeply. But that feeling is temporary. You will be crushed now, but eventually, you will see that your emotions attached to that person will change over time and create more space for someone new. Chin up!
Bulelo
January 5th, 2016 1:13pm
You both need to be the one for each other; he was the one to you but you weren't the one for him so I'm certain that he actually wasn't the one, you probably thought he was. All you can do is make peace with that and give yourself time to get over him; write a journal of your feelings or write poetry or talk to someone to help you vent.
Anonymous
April 19th, 2016 5:31pm
Just remember that you are such an amazing person and if he cant see that, then he doesn't deserve you. You deserve to shine, dont let somebody take that away from you.
Anonymous
December 16th, 2019 3:10pm
If it led to a breakup, it simply means that he wasn't the one. However, most importantly is becoming THE RIGHT ONE, not finding the right one. Moving on is never easy and it takes a lot of hardships, but nothing is permanent. Meaning, sadness, depression, heart break etc won't last forever because everything shall pass. We are our own master. If you decide and always focused on the sad part, then you will be sad, but if you tell yourself that you will be happy, you'll be able to move on. It takes time and integrity. why hold on to something that's not right for you?
Anonymous
December 9th, 2014 6:30pm
You need to understand that nobody is the "one". If it has ended, you better let go off it. Cause if you don't, you are the one who'll suffer. Moving on is hard, but once you try not to forget things so hard, it becomes easier. Focus on goood things aroung you :)
Anonymous
December 23rd, 2014 12:54am
Just because he made you happy doesn't mean someone else couldn't make you happier. If he doesn't want to be with you then you need to make yourself to move on. I recommend having activities that you always do in and out of relationship that you only do with friends. so that you still have things to do that you can always enjoy with or without him.
catsandchocolate
October 22nd, 2015 7:16am
I find it hard believe that there is a "one" for us. Maybe he was the one for the time you were together but not any more. Try not to focus on the thought that you have lost the one or you will struggle to move on. It painful and takes time but you will get over it, learn to be happy without him and eventually meet someone else who will be just as important to you. (Although focus on being happy on your own first and don't place importance on meeting someone else) Keep busy. Accept any invites that come your way. Talk to your friends and family about how your feeling, let yourself have a good cry every now and again. (I got dumped after being with someone happily for 7 years so I know what you're going through and it's horrible but it does get better... Promise!)
Bblovetj
March 7th, 2016 5:36am
Often times we realize that he/she isn't the one and that is when you're supposed to move on except that is the hardest part! Let me tell you... it does get better I promise and one day you will find someone that is just perfect for you.
LittleLemon96
May 16th, 2016 10:04am
Having this feeling is normal because you still want him some way, you can never really know that he is the one, if it was so you wouldn't have broke up..
Loveyourself2444
May 16th, 2017 5:27am
There are things in life that happen and that they hurt us alot things we question or always ask why? But everything happens for a reason and I know that it hurts but is time to let him go is time to keep on walking I know is hard and that is seems as you can't but u can do it is time to move on with life time to stop hurting yourself time to find happiness somewhere else