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How can I stop letting that person or the memory of that person dictate the quality of my life?

15 Answers
Last Updated: 07/06/2021 at 7:48am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Graham Barrone, ICHP, MCBT


If you've found that your quality of life has reduced because of anxiety, fear or some kind of mental hurdle that you just can't get over then lets chat.

Top Rated Answers
April 6th, 2015 8:15am
Start thinking about yourself and what you want in life and let this person motivate you to prove them wrong
April 12th, 2015 2:58pm
that person whatever he did to you is a now just a memory and nothing more than a memory. But him, me or nobody can hit you so hard that you can not get up. Real strength is the ability to get up after any blow.
April 17th, 2015 5:44pm
You have to learn to accept that you cannot change the past and that a new chapter in your life has started. It is often very hard to just forget and go on. It is normal to often look back and cling to memories. We shouldn't be hard on ourselves because we are affected by our memories of something that is gone. However, we also have to see that we have a life independent from that one person, that we should always be good to ourselves, and that only if we let go of the past something new and better can become a part of our lives. Cherish the memories and accept that things are over. Look forward to the many new experiences you will still make in the course of your life. One day you will be able to forget and go on. Sometimes it needs a little time
June 4th, 2015 7:33pm
Concentrate on yourself transform you into best version of you. Go to classes, activities previously not tried, join groups, clubs, volunteer. Begin by looking within, learn to like/love self. Once achieved can start to love others.
August 10th, 2015 7:06am
You have to get closure on the situation, so you'll be able to move on from it. If you don't have closure, it'll only deepen.
August 18th, 2015 7:16pm
I don't know if time does heal wounds. But it gets easier to deal with each passing day. Some people or events can trigger unwanted emotions but all I do is just focus at that emotion till its gone even if its a temporary fix.
September 29th, 2015 10:36am
To do this I need to re-direct my life. I can start doing things differently in my life. I can pursue new hobbies. Meet new people. Create new experiences. Allow myself to renew myself.
November 23rd, 2015 2:54am
Try to write about it even when you want to forget it. Start off by writing about them a lot in one week then each week allow yourself to slowly move away from that
December 28th, 2015 3:37am
look in the mirror , you're absolutely wonderful and beautiful , the quality of your life is up to you
June 7th, 2016 5:57pm
When ever you feel that memory is governing you write or draw it out let out the anger the built up frustration that the memory cause
July 12th, 2016 4:57am
From my experience, letting go is a hard step. What really helped me was listing ways in which I were better off without them and that they had left my life for a good reason. Every closed door open a big and brighter one. In case of bad experience, think about how they helped you grow or what you've learned from it. Some of my worst experiences I would never take back because it has made me a more open and understanding person.
October 11th, 2016 8:42pm
You can try seeing every thought as a cloud, as cliche as it is, watch it exist, know its there and just let it be. Don't dwell on it and they'll just pass by in time.
April 27th, 2020 11:27pm
It's worth remembering that the people around us usually don't force us to do things; when a thought or memory is dictating the quality of your life, it usually means you are choosing actions that surrender the quality of your life. Taking responsibility can feel hard, but it leads to a lot of freedom. When the thought or memory of that person comes up, you can note or label it "thinking," or "feeling." Then let the thought go and return to the breath. It's a practice that takes repetition to become solidified, but eventually, you realize that they're just thoughts - they can't harm you or make you do anything. You still get to choose based on what your preferences are and what outcomes you'd like; not based on jarring or painful thoughts that can come and go.
May 18th, 2020 12:47am
Reflecting upon those memories and moments with that person and understanding how he or she changed your life is part of the healing process, and it feels like that person is controlling you, and influencing you to be someone you don't want to be, but really, it's your mind thinking about those times and coping, and sometimes the thoughts that come into your mind are the doubts, the pressures, but they are there to help you find your path again. It takes the dark times to be able to find one of the brightest lights, and eventually, the memory will open a new door in your life waiting to be filled with happy memories, and that person will no longer affect you anymore. It's the process of being broken, healing, and starting fresh.
July 6th, 2021 7:48am
I suggest you embrace this lesson instead of fighting it. Embrace what you've learned, find the pattern: have you discovered how do you want to be loved? Have you learned the right way to feel nurtured? Have you given more than expected? Then you've got a treasure chest of emotions and assets that can be replicated. This doesn't mean you should erase this person or those memories, but you can try to turn them into your personal code. Take care of yourself and keep your eyes open to find someone at the right moment: you will know it when it comes along.