How can I stop letting that person or the memory of that person dictate the quality of my life?
Last Updated: 05/18/2020 at 12:47am
Graham Barrone, Adip ICHP, MCBT
If you've found that your quality of life has reduced because of anxiety, fear or some kind of mental hurdle that you just can't get over then lets chat.
Top Rated Answers
Start thinking about yourself and what you want in life and let this person motivate you to prove them wrong
that person whatever he did to you is a now just a memory and nothing more than a memory. But him, me or nobody can hit you so hard that you can not get up. Real strength is the ability to get up after any blow.
You have to learn to accept that you cannot change the past and that a new chapter in your life has started. It is often very hard to just forget and go on. It is normal to often look back and cling to memories. We shouldn't be hard on ourselves because we are affected by our memories of something that is gone. However, we also have to see that we have a life independent from that one person, that we should always be good to ourselves, and that only if we let go of the past something new and better can become a part of our lives. Cherish the memories and accept that things are over. Look forward to the many new experiences you will still make in the course of your life. One day you will be able to forget and go on. Sometimes it needs a little time
Concentrate on yourself transform you into best version of you. Go to classes, activities previously not tried, join groups, clubs, volunteer. Begin by looking within, learn to like/love self. Once achieved can start to love others.
You have to get closure on the situation, so you'll be able to move on from it. If you don't have closure, it'll only deepen.
I don't know if time does heal wounds. But it gets easier to deal with each passing day. Some people or events can trigger unwanted emotions but all I do is just focus at that emotion till its gone even if its a temporary fix.
To do this I need to re-direct my life. I can start doing things differently in my life. I can pursue new hobbies. Meet new people. Create new experiences. Allow myself to renew myself.
Try to write about it even when you want to forget it. Start off by writing about them a lot in one week then each week allow yourself to slowly move away from that
look in the mirror , you're absolutely wonderful and beautiful , the quality of your life is up to you
When ever you feel that memory is governing you write or draw it out let out the anger the built up frustration that the memory cause
From my experience, letting go is a hard step. What really helped me was listing ways in which I were better off without them and that they had left my life for a good reason. Every closed door open a big and brighter one. In case of bad experience, think about how they helped you grow or what you've learned from it. Some of my worst experiences I would never take back because it has made me a more open and understanding person.
You can try seeing every thought as a cloud, as cliche as it is, watch it exist, know its there and just let it be. Don't dwell on it and they'll just pass by in time.
It's worth remembering that the people around us usually don't force us to do things; when a thought or memory is dictating the quality of your life, it usually means you are choosing actions that surrender the quality of your life. Taking responsibility can feel hard, but it leads to a lot of freedom. When the thought or memory of that person comes up, you can note or label it "thinking," or "feeling." Then let the thought go and return to the breath. It's a practice that takes repetition to become solidified, but eventually, you realize that they're just thoughts - they can't harm you or make you do anything. You still get to choose based on what your preferences are and what outcomes you'd like; not based on jarring or painful thoughts that can come and go.
Reflecting upon those memories and moments with that person and understanding how he or she changed your life is part of the healing process, and it feels like that person is controlling you, and influencing you to be someone you don't want to be, but really, it's your mind thinking about those times and coping, and sometimes the thoughts that come into your mind are the doubts, the pressures, but they are there to help you find your path again. It takes the dark times to be able to find one of the brightest lights, and eventually, the memory will open a new door in your life waiting to be filled with happy memories, and that person will no longer affect you anymore. It's the process of being broken, healing, and starting fresh.
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