Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How can I stop myself from checking up on my ex?

24 Answers
Last Updated: 03/18/2021 at 3:46am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, PsyD, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
May 2nd, 2016 11:40am
As days pass by, you will learn to let go, it dose not mean you'll stop loving him, or miss him, when you let go you will be happy, cause you will have figured out that life dose not stop with him, you will realise that there are still many more possibilities you will learn to love in a new way, you would learn that love is not just memories, or times that you have spent, you will evantually realise that love is the beauty in everything, and you'll be happy, of the new prospectives and possibilities of life, meeting someone new, eating your favourite food, watching your favourite movie, you will be in love with happiness, and along the way, you will find that person, who will shear just happiness with you.
April 6th, 2015 11:38pm
Find a cuter guy that you can stalk instead. And we both know, that there is a cuter, sexier guy for you out there.
April 9th, 2015 2:45pm
Focus on other things in life (i.e., hobbies, families, friends), distract yourself with many activities. And when you are on the way to check up on him/her, BE STRONG! Tell yourself that you can resist the temptation of checking up on him/her. The first time will be hard, but after that first time, you'll be able to tell yourself "If i've done it in the past, I can do it again this time". And soon after, the temptation would gradually fade.
July 27th, 2015 7:00am
Every time you feel the urge to go check on your ex, force yourself to do something else like go on a walk or watch an episode of tv. (The first option is better because it's forcing you to get up and do something instead of being tempted.) Do something that makes you happy instead! :)
March 9th, 2015 4:33am
Occupying yourself with a new hobby may help. You can find some new artist to listen to or a new TV show or something that interests you.
April 12th, 2016 5:48am
Let your ex go. It easier said then done, but thats the only way you can stop checking up on him. Delete all ways/access that you have to be able to check up on your ex so that u will have no means to do so.
March 26th, 2018 1:04pm
hang out with your friends, spend time with your family. pamper yourself and give yourself some time to relax and be free. you'll love your life without him/her
March 3rd, 2015 5:20am
Blocking all communication such examples include facbook and make sure you delete all contact info but manily facebook !!
May 23rd, 2015 4:47pm
That depends on how connected you are to your ex and their family. Is your life better since the break up? Focus on that- do things that make you happy and that revolve around you and your needs.
May 28th, 2015 6:42pm
Delete their number from your mobile if it is not needed, delete them from your facebook/twitter/social media accounts that way you will be both less tempted and it will be more difficult.
August 17th, 2015 9:53pm
You still care about her. There is nothing wrong with checking up on her. Maybe you need to just let yourself be, not be too critical
August 24th, 2015 4:56pm
Try avoiding all social media with which you have "friend-ed" them. You do not have to delete or block them. Just simply un-follow them so you are not tempted.
September 1st, 2015 7:11am
Just try to accept that they were not right for you. The right person is out there for you. And try to realize that its okay to be alone, there is nothing wrong with being single.
September 1st, 2015 11:03pm
First thing to do is that you have identified that you do check up on them frequently. The next step is to try to replace the behaviors with more productive activities.
January 5th, 2016 1:58pm
Block them on all social media if it upsets you to see how they are doing. Store all pictures and memories in a special box so when you are older you can remember the good times but don't delete everything because you could regret losing those memories.
May 2nd, 2016 12:20pm
Block all avenues through which you find yourself checking up on your ex. It will be difficult but really worth it. Spend time doing other things, take up classes, go out and socialise. It is just a matter of time. You will soon realize you no longer want to look back.
June 13th, 2016 8:45pm
Try to fill your life with more positive people who care about you. Having great friends and family who support you is always key :)
November 27th, 2017 10:41am
Block him/her on facebook, delete his/her number and find ways to keep your mind busy for example listen to music or go on walks.
December 5th, 2017 11:43am
you need to try and find away to distract your self from checking up on your ex maybe talking to someone instead going to freind or family to stop u from checkng on you ex
January 8th, 2018 7:21pm
Try to get yourself busy with the activities you love and whenever you get any thoughts from you ex get yourself busy in that activity
April 23rd, 2019 9:04am
First, embrace the feeling that it is normal to feel like you need to check up on your ex. A considerate human being will want to do this, and let's not forget that romantic interests leave a mark on all our lives. Having said that, the key takeaway is that this person is still your "ex'. Now would be a good time to pause for a second. This person is an "ex" for a reason. You, and only YOU the power to make a choice -- do you want to keep looking back in life, or do you want to look ahead? Let's face the fact that it's going to be hard, heart-wrenching and plain difficult to stop checking up on an ex. But it is up to us to make a choice and stick to it.
October 22nd, 2019 8:15am
Sometimes the urge to check up feels as though it will relieves our anxiety about the uncertainties we are experiencing. Sometimes this will help for a very brief time, however, many people share with me that they feel some relief through engaging in 15?minutes of any other soothing activity. A walk, stretching, listening to comedy, singing along to a favorite song etc. getting past our it initial urges can feel overwhelming and for many practicing other ways to fill that space is very helpful. Perhaps understanding the underlying issue would be helpful. Can you think of a time when checking up reduced your stress? Can you think of a time when checking up increased your stress? What differences do you see between the two? How does this help you to understand what you are seeking when checking up? Are there alternatives that might meet this same need so soothing?
December 29th, 2020 12:37am
My experience with that issue was basically that I kept checking on them because a part of me had some kind of "unfinished business" with them. It was difficult for me to let them go, as long as I was still lacking answers to questions that were burnt into my mind. My friends kept telling me that "it's unhealthy to obsess over them like that". And it was, because I hurt myself in that process. All that checking up hurt my own feelings, because it reminded me of the break-up, of the good and the bad memories. So, how did I stop it for myself? I waited a tiny bit and once I felt like there was enough "grass" over the wounds, I had an honest conversation with them and asked all those questions I needed to. I learnt that some questions will stay unanswered forever, but that what happened, happened for a reason. That I realised I was hurting myself, and that I had to stop that in order to grow from that relationship. In the end, I taught myself to believe that when one relationship ends for good, it's only to make you a better person and partner and get you growth for your next adventure ahead! :-)
March 18th, 2021 3:46am
Do yourself a favor and take them off of social media. Delete their number and stop any forms of communication with them. Take the time that you would use to check up on them and spend it on yourself. Do some self care, go for a drive and hang out with your friends & family and do something that makes you feel good. You will be surprised at how much your own self love will help you overcome such a difficult time. Break ups are tough, especially if you still have love for the person. It's okay to be selfish and do something for you. Give your heart room to grow and find new things to love that benefit you 100%. I hope this helps! :)