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How can I stop thinking about him/her? Why my heart hurts so much?

264 Answers
Last Updated: 12/19/2021 at 2:53pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Theresa Gulliver, Registered Clinical Counsellor


Problems cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created them. We must try something different. Gently, we turn your challenges into opportunities for healing.

Top Rated Answers
July 3rd, 2020 9:02pm
This means you could be infatuated or in love, or maybe you are talking about a friend or family member who you care about very much. Sometimes we get attached to people who end up leaving our lives at some point or another. This is natural, and we all go through it at some point in time whether it’s a break up, falling out, or passing of a loved one. Each person who comes into our lives brings us something new and different and changes us in some way or another. Allow yourself to feel sadness, grief, or anger, whatever it is you are feeling.
November 7th, 2020 6:52am
How can you stop thinking about him/her? One thing that helps me more often than not is distraction. Try to distract yourself from any thought, song, moment related to them. Make a list of as many lesuire activities as you can find- painting, reading, listening to music, drawing, baking, dancing, cooking etc. Anything you wanted to try but couldn't for some reason, perhaps a new dish? A new novel? A new musical piece? Divide them according to the days and try each on of them. Try to distract your mind with other activities, walks, perhaps wandering some unusual or uniquely fascinating place? But, I would suggest, never bottle your feelings up. Try to talk about it in as many details as you can with someone. If not someone, try to maintain a journal or talk to yourself. Ask questions like what do you actually feel? What led to the current situations? Where do you think things went wrong? Ask as many deep questions regarding it as you can. Try to let your feelings out: raw and hurtful. I would also suggest, never deny them. Rather acknowledge and accept them as you feel. It's okay to miss someone, it's okay to love someone. It's okay to feel for someone. Never be harsh on yourself for it. As for your question "Why my heart hurts so much?", I would answer it as- because you care about it; because you love them. How long will it hurt? As long as you care and love. How many times will the same thing hurt? Again, as long as you care and love. How deep will the wound be? As deep as your love was yesterday. The process of distracting yourself, not missing them won't be easy. In fact, it might be the most challenging thing you will ever have to go through. But, the end results will be phenomenal and worth it. Don't give up just before you succeed. You may remember them at some moment and it will hit you like someone kicked you in your guts, but, still go on. When those little moments or memories bug you, live them again and let them leave. When the feelings bug you? Feel them again and let them leave. Don't deny either, let them flow as freely as they want. That may hurt I agree, but keeping them rooted isn't the better choice. Good luck, hope you fall in love with the feeling of being alive again.
April 17th, 2015 5:29pm
you can stop thinking about them by focussing your toughts about other things, other people, as long as you are thinking about those people your hear will still hurt.
October 27th, 2015 2:30am
it because you still care about that person. to get over him/her the best thing is to get busy and do things that make you happy, go out with friends and be active, that's the best way to get things off your mind and move on. try and find some positive ways that make you feel better about yourself, get a hair cut, get some new clothes or even go out and do some physical activity also by doing that the person that you are thinking of will find your positive change very attractive.
- Expert in Breakups
March 16th, 2016 3:51pm
Distract yourself. Go do something to keep you busy like hanging out with your friends of doing chores. Whatever you want. Just distract yourself the best you can and then they will leave your mind
March 17th, 2016 11:07pm
Focus on other things that make you happy--your family, your friends, your hobbies and other activities. Working out helps, any sort of distraction. Soon enough, you'll find yourself never even thinking about him/her.
April 8th, 2016 5:38pm
Stop thinking about the memories you had with them. If they're not there with you right now, that means they're not the right person to be with you. Please consider doing another thing to keep your mind busy from them, and try to avoid things that can make you think of them.
April 8th, 2016 7:57pm
Allow yourself to be distracted. Heartbreak can take time to heal, so also give yourself some time. Your heart hurts because you loved that person and you're no longer "with" them, so I suppose a bit of your heart was with them and since they don't exactly return your feelings, it hurts you. Love is a mysterious thing. I hope things turn up for you.
May 1st, 2016 4:54pm
Heartbreak can be emotionally painful and most of the time it feels like you'll never get over them. Time is the best thing to fix a broken heart. In the mean time try distracting yourself with stuff that makes you happy. Reread your favourite book or have a movie marathon. Soon you will forget about them.
May 4th, 2016 9:43pm
Start putting yourself first! keep busy and positive, don't be around negative people, take each day as it comes, don't rush into anything
May 5th, 2016 2:39pm
You can't stop thinking about them because you saw that them are the happy thing which has done in your life and you won't stop thinking .. It's a normal thing .. You will forget by loving a new someone who changed your life to the best and you will forget by the time
May 11th, 2016 1:49am
Heart ache can last a long time, a really long time. Over time it will go away but all i can say is try move on to someone else if possible
May 18th, 2016 7:34pm
Take up new activity or hobby that would help you get out of this situation dont try to control your emotions let it go .get out with friends and family
May 22nd, 2016 8:29pm
first remove his/her number from your phone so that whenever you go through your contacts you don't remember him/her. second distract yourself in activities with your friends third try not to relate everything you do or everywhere you go to this specific person of course you are gonna get hurt because you lost someone you cared about. but you gotta see it in another perspective. see it as if you lost someone to win another person who will be better in every which way.....
May 22nd, 2016 8:56pm
Take little steps do something you enjoy speak to a friend or spend time with friends to take your mind of him or her
May 25th, 2016 3:08pm
Think about how your life was before him/her.It will take some time, but eventually it will stop hurting so bad.
June 1st, 2016 3:50am
You need to distract yourself, and the easiest way to do so is by thinking about yourself and what you want to do. It's normal for your heart to hurt when experiencing lost/unrequited love, and unfortunately the only thing that will help it heal is time.
June 3rd, 2016 3:04am
Your heart hurts because you are in a vulnerable state right now and you don't know what to do. What you should do is distract yourself with something you love to do or hangout with friends or family.
June 3rd, 2016 4:00pm
Your heart will hurt for a while unfortunately, only time heals. But you can make it easier by focusing on things you love like hobbies, friends, and family. Often distracting yourself is the best way to get through those times when the/she is always in your mind.
June 3rd, 2016 9:20pm
Breath in and breath out... now let go... Clear your head and eat something. keep your self proactive and let time tell...
June 5th, 2016 8:45pm
you need to keep your mind active on other activities. Its hard work and emotionally draining to keep focusing on a single person or object. Maybe try deep breathing or meditation exercises to help
June 8th, 2016 8:28pm
A person that you care about will occupy a significant part of your mental space. When they're not there anymore, the space in your mind is left vacant, which creates feelings of emptiness in place of the previous thoughts and memories.
June 9th, 2016 8:22pm
Honey time will heal everything. Do not be afraid of the stages you will pass until you are ok. Healing takes time and strenght. We all have been there :)
June 10th, 2016 2:10am
Been there before and it sucks. Always remember that she probably wasn't meant to be in your life. Take it as a learning experience for the future. Heartbreak is always normal for relationships. Like all wounds. They heal.
June 10th, 2016 10:34pm
Open up your heart. Indulge yourself in the things you love to do the most. Live for the people who love you and not for the ones who leave you lost because you live only once. :)
June 11th, 2016 3:28am
Because right now your letting emotions run through and that what happens after breakups. You have let your heart hurt in order to let it all go..
June 11th, 2016 5:09pm
You need to get your life together. Prioritise what matters and what doesn't. Your heart might be hurting because you are disappointed. But don't be stuck in the disappointment. You know better now. Give yourself a set period to mourn/cry/ release emotion. If you want to stop thinking about them you should think about yourself and not him/her.
June 12th, 2016 7:56am
The hurting of your heart is a chemical reaction triggered by grief. There is no sure shot way to stop thinking, speaking from my past, but your broken heart will heal at its own pace, and then you will eventually move on and stop thinking about him/her.
June 16th, 2016 7:10am
Divert Your Mind..Keep urself busy and indulged in things you love doing .. Join Some guitar, dance Or Music Classes..Spend time with Famile ..Go out For a Outing.. Why you want to suffer or hurt urself for his/her sins.. You have Got this life to learn ,to love, to explore, to be Happy..Make a Bucket List Things you wanna Do before you die..And just Start Doing All of them one by one..:) Keep smiling Always.. :)
June 16th, 2016 3:15pm
You stop thinking about him/her when you start moving on or start thinking about something more fun and different. The more you think of him/her, the more your heart hurts.