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How can I stop thinking about him/her? Why my heart hurts so much?

263 Answers
Last Updated: 11/18/2021 at 9:44pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Theresa Gulliver, Registered Clinical Counsellor


Problems cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created them. We must try something different. Gently, we turn your challenges into opportunities for healing.

Top Rated Answers
June 24th, 2016 5:12am
The best way to stop thinking about someone you love is to distract yourself. Don't give your mind time to think about them. Watch movies, draw, do whatever keeps you busy!
June 30th, 2016 1:02am
Your heart may hurt for not being able to be with this person. Time does heal but we have no control over time. It is healthy to sometimes think of our losses but unhealthy to have that person be the forefront of every thought we have every day. If this is the case, try to use distractions such as hobbies or volunteer work that makes you feel good!
June 30th, 2016 2:55pm
Distracting yourself can be really hard and sometimes just doesn't even work. I suggest writing a long list of things you didn't like about them and sending it to someone willing to listen. Maybe you just need to talk about it more. Do not isolate yourself if you can help it.
July 2nd, 2016 6:29pm
It's normal to feel this way and it will feel like this for a while. Just try to be with people who love you.
July 3rd, 2016 10:45am
Move on my dear. No one will be with you forever and if they left your life so early they don't deserve to be in your beautiful life
July 6th, 2016 6:17am
When people break up, they can go either way: being super depressed and just don't want to get out of bed or they can completely fine. The thing to do is get busy! Take up a hobby, join a club, or go to the gym. Watch tv show, read manga or webtoon, go on a hike, take up photography or painting. Learn a new language, go to parties, go camping or to the beach. The possibilities are endless. Just know it's not the end of the world.
July 7th, 2016 2:36am
The single most common stressor that I see on this site is about relationship issues. When a relationship starts to become conflicted, it can feel like everything is spiraling out of control. It feels like your world is falling apart sometimes. That being said, it's really tough not to think about someone who's had such a huge impact on your life. One of the most important things is to have a good support system, someone or a group of people who are there to help distract you until the wounds begin to heal. It can be a long process but distraction skills have been proven effective after breakups.
July 13th, 2016 8:44pm
Try and focus your mind on other things! What is your favorite movie, show, or book? Maybe you should give it a read!
July 14th, 2016 3:48pm
The best way to stop thinking about someone or over analyzing situations is to get surrounded by a good group of friends that have always been there for you and supported you. You should get out the house, go on adventures, go see a movie, or even to the park because I know you can move on and have a life without them. Most people feel like they can't but just know that you did it before you got together and you can do it again by being strong.
July 14th, 2016 11:10pm
One way to stop thinking about him/her is to make strides in focusing on yourself. Doing things you like to do, things that make you happy, spending time with friends, etc. Engage in activities that can get your mind off of him/her while you work on yourself and make yourself better after the end of the relationship.
July 16th, 2016 4:08am
Distract yourself. Put your phone away, go on a road trip and think about creating a better you. Put yourself first. Do things you enjoy. Try to ignore the thoughts about him/her and focus on you. Your heart hurts because you miss the person, so try to distract yourself from them.
July 22nd, 2016 2:51am
You will never be able to completely forget them but you can lessen what they mean to you through time. In the meantime, do what you've got to do to release all your emotions, cry it all out, sing all the sad love songs or even run around the block 5 times if that's your thing. Release yourself, then focus on yourself and what you enjoy doing. Make yourself happy!
July 22nd, 2016 5:38am
You have to think about them as a part of your past. The past. History. You can't move on unless you can learn to let go. A heart is something very precious and valuable in life. Sometimes it feels like it can break into a thousand pieces. Other times, it feels like it could flutter right out of your chest because you're filled with joy and excitement. It takes time to heal a heart. The healing process starts with letting go and moving on...
July 22nd, 2016 12:42pm
it hurts maybe because you are still hoping that everything will be the same again. you can do different stuff to enjoy, anything that can make you feel busy and tired. you may think of him/her again after that, but if you continue it, you'll find yourself no longer into him/her :) learn to love and appreciate yourself, everything will be quite easier.
July 28th, 2016 2:37am
Ending a relationship is always hard for both parts, even if the couple agrees to break up. It is perfectly normal to feel sad or nostalgic about the time you shared. Don't worry, it is okay to grief over a relationship you don't have anymore, but there'll come a day when, hopefully you'll be able to look back at all your memories with this person and smile. But for now, you can focus on other aspects of your life that make you happy. Spending some time with friends or family, listening to some music, reading a book outside while listening to the sounds of nature... Enjoying the little things in life is the best you can do right now! If you really can't stop thinking about that person, writing down your feelings or good things you shared and want to remember can be a great way of taking the weight out of your shoulders. Above all you need to keep in mind that you are the most important person for you, and that if you weren't ment for each other it only means you'll soon find the right person for you. Cheer up, you can do this!
August 3rd, 2016 1:32am
Your mind is focused on what it thinks it wants, and not wants good for it. When you develop feelings for someone deeply, they don't go away easily.
August 5th, 2016 3:54am
Maybe you should try to think of other things. Think about people who love you, like your family and friends.
August 5th, 2016 9:49am
Breakups are hard, but the most important thing to remember from my own personal experience is that it only gets better in time. Taking the time to learn to love yourself and enjoy your own company is so important and beneficial to your overall well-being. Once you learn to look out for yourself first, you will notice everything starting to fall into place.
August 7th, 2016 4:40am
First and foremost, I just want to give you a virtual hug *hugs*. I know that it can be hard getting over your significant other and it hurts like hell. Why? Because you loved that person a lot and it's hard getting separated from things/people you love. It's just the way our bodies are made. As for how you can stop thinking about them, there are plenty of ways. You can start by getting rid of EVERYTHING that reminds you of them. If you don't want to discard the items, you can simply place them somewhere you won't get access to easily. After that, you want to surround yourself with family and friends. Also, going out helps. By sitting around, you're going to keep thinking about him, so you want to keep your mind busy. Finally, you should know that it won't take a day for you to get over your significant other. It will take lots and I mean lots of time. As they say, time is our best healer. All the luck to you and I hope that you feel better soon! :)
August 7th, 2016 7:57am
Because your loved that person and they hurt you that's a sight u really loved them and it hurts I know.
August 11th, 2016 12:33am
7 Cups of Tea offers many resources to cope with life situations, have you looked for help to develop strategies on your question? We all go through different experiences in life, but you are taking steps to move forward with your life in a positive way and that is wonderful. Please feel free to share anything you need, I am here to listen.
August 11th, 2016 4:25am
You need to take up new hobbies or go do something that you like to do. For me hanging out with my friends really helped me take my mind off of things and him. You heart really hurts because you've probably invested so much time and energy in this person and chances are they are mostly who you talk to and who you see so when something bad happens, it's hard to adapt to this sudden change. I like to believe that things happen for a reason. When my ex and I ended things, I actually cried for an entire week. But after thinking about it, I realized that this was for the better because obviously there was a reason why we broke up. My ex sort of turned into my best friend so when we ended things, I felt so lonely and I just felt so lost and so many things that I had come to know would just stop there... so that's why my heart hurt. I don't know about you but after a little while, things will get a lot better. Be sure to have a support group or a few friends or family around because support is something you're going to need! Talking to them might also help you open up your thoughts and help you think things through too. Good luck :)
August 12th, 2016 9:57pm
I think it is important to acknowledge that you still care about that person, that you still have special feelings for him/her despite the relationship having been ended (the reasons for the end of the relationship may vary and may be multiple like miscommunication, cheating, "irreconcilable" differences, etc). You have to acknowledge that and I think it will be best if you acknowledge that no matter how much you try to erase him/her from your past or your life, he/she still has a special place in your life and perhaps, that will never change. But this doesn't mean that this person still has "THAT" special place in your life. You have to remind yourself that he/she is special to you but in a different way. The things that used to be there are not there anymore. When this person pops in your mind, take a deep breath and tell yourself "yes, i care for him/her but the two of you are not just for each other. You will just hurt yourself more and feel stuck if you continue thinking about this person". For the 2nd question, your heart hurts because you loved and sincerely believed in the two of you together but the reality is otherwise.
August 17th, 2016 12:23am
It hurts a lot because you had so many memories with them and it just all seems to go. Your heart hurts now I know but I hope you know it gets better. It feels like the end of the world right now, but it slowly gets better. Don't be too hard on yourself about it, it's only normal to think about them. After all, they were a big part of some of your life. If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me.
August 17th, 2016 4:58pm
first and foremost you should unwind or stop thinking about him/her make yourself busy like hang out with your friends or do the things you want to do.
August 21st, 2016 2:27pm
Think about all the good times you've had without him/her. If you cannot think of any then it's time to get out and make some memories
August 28th, 2016 2:12am
Take everything that reminds you of them and either delete it or throw it out. It may be hard but it helps. Talking to them would also make it harder to cutting contact is a good idea. Your heart hurts because you probably really loved that person and being without them is hard at the moment.
September 3rd, 2016 6:17am
We can stop thinking about him/her by keeping ourselves busy in activities or sports that we like or have interests in or even go outings or hikes
September 7th, 2016 3:20am
Keep yourself distracted, maybe go out with friends, watch your favourite movie or tv show maybe play a video game? But the best thing is to deal with what you are feeling so it doesn't reoccur!
September 9th, 2016 4:39pm
Getting over a heart break is not easy and really hard to let go especially when you have been in a relationship for a long time.