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How can I stop thinking about him/her? Why my heart hurts so much?

269 Answers
Last Updated: 05/12/2022 at 2:46pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD

Psychologist

I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
May 23rd, 2018 8:07am
it is perfectly normal to feel like this. i myself are going through a similar situation. i find surrounding myself with friends and family. there is no length of time in which things like this can go away. take things at your own pace, make sure you talk to people, an just remeber there is someone out there for you.
MeganP
June 2nd, 2018 11:38pm
Focus on yourself. Have you ever wanted to try a new hobby or just something new in general? I've found by getting yourself into something new helps your mind stop from being stuck on that one person. Now I'm not saying it's a magic cure but it certainly helps.
Anonymous
June 6th, 2018 2:12am
Heartbreak is one of the hardest things you can go through. Missing someone is very natural, especially if it is someone close who we were intimate with, and stopping those thoughts completely may not be possible. Practising self-compassion can help to ease some of the heartache. Or finding other loved ones to spend time with. Don’t forget to continue taking care of yourself by eating well, exercising and sleeping at regular times. You might not feel like doing these things, but do try. It will help you feel better.
sav2262
June 14th, 2018 12:08am
First, realize that it is over. Whether it be a breakup or a lost loved one, realize that they are no longer with you. Only then can you even begin to move on. Your heart aches because you love someone and you just lost them. Say your boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you. It's going to hurt, a lot. But you got to realize you had something great and now you don't. Understand that it is over and move on. Take small steps and eventually, with time, it wont hurt so much. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger they say. It may feel like it's killing you, but it's only making you stronger. With each of life disappointments comes a new lesson and more strength the next time it happens.
Anonymous
June 14th, 2018 2:24am
That is a very hard question. I suggest you do things you love, getting your mind off of them. I draw, write, talk to my friends and family, and go outside to get my mind off of my old partners. I know it's hard to distract yourself, but you will get over them eventually.
FriendlyClaire
June 22nd, 2018 4:41pm
Try to find new hobbies that you will enjoy and take your mind off him/her. Spend more time with the people around you. Travel more.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2018 10:55am
Moving on is hard. Forgetting someone you loved is even harder. I understand the pain. But no point dwelling in it. Life's worth living and finding new ways to enjoy it. Think of it as a chapter which ended. You're free to open up a new one.
Anonymous
July 8th, 2018 11:44pm
Stop thinking about him by diverting your attention into other activities that you like,, set some purpose to achieve and forgive him not because he deserves it but because this will help you to move on. Remember whatever happens always happens for the best and it means he wasn't worth you, you didn't deserve a person who leaves you in the Midway but someone who will support you despite knowing all your flaws,, change always takes time but trust me it will be beautiful in the end :')
yourinstances
July 11th, 2018 2:02pm
start loving youself in the best possible way you could 1 this is the best way to get over heart breaks
LimitlessSDCA
July 18th, 2018 4:03am
It's super natural that you feel hurt, try doing things to keep your mind occupied. Hobbies, friends, new challenges. Anything to keep you busy and learn some cool new things to learn that you can carry on, be awesome and maintain happiness!
Anonymous
July 18th, 2018 9:51pm
Although society tells us otherwise, we cannot control our thoughts, much less how we feel. It is human nature to feel pain. One option is to create a safe space where you can nurture your grief and understand and process the emotions around your pain. When we are able to identify and release those emotions, then we can truly heal and move forward.
hnthalia
July 25th, 2018 12:34am
I had just gotten out of a toxic relationship so I'm familiar with this feeling. It's okay. Things eventually get better. People move on and so will you. Sometimes we don't even miss the real person, it's the memories and the expectations of how the future might be. I usually try to distract myself in this situation. Find something that you love and passionate about. Read a book, take photos, hang out with friends, anything. Most importantly, take care of yourself.
sereneStella98
August 3rd, 2018 12:18pm
Go out and do the things you love. Spend time with your family and friends or if you want to be alone and meditate then go for it. Try not to spend too much time on your phone and avoid stalking him/her. You will feel like your heart hurts because the pain is new and fresh. Your brain must adapt to the situation and will take time. So be patient and most importantly love yourself.
Anonymous
August 8th, 2018 3:47pm
It's not easy and it's not that difficult either. But try to control your own mind, tell your mind that you don't know him and start your day by saying I'm so happy today. The moment you say such things you create a positive environment, even if you ain't happy but still after you say that you are happy continuously your mind will definitely except and then you will actually start and your heart won't hurt you😊
SaraE
August 29th, 2018 4:06am
It is so painful when a breakup happens or a crush gets away. It can feel like a physical pain. It is so difficult to stop thinking about him/her when that's where your mind wants to go. Find a new interest and fill your days and your mind with it, whether it is a hobby, a skill or simply meeting new people. As time goes on, you will begin to heal. When you start to get that crushing feeling again, redirect your thoughts to developing your new interest. All the time and brainpower you could have spent on mourning your breakup, you will spend on developing yourself instead. Best of luck!
Tina167
September 7th, 2018 3:05pm
I have been in the sitiation and funny part is it was me who decided to end the relationship because it wasn't serving me positivly infact causing a lot of anxiety and loss of mental peace.Now most of the times we miss our exes because we had some good memories togather,always remember that you only miss those memories and the person her/she was during that good moment it doesn't mean that you want them back in your life.Talking about how hurt you feel after the breakup completly depends on what kind of relationship were you in if it was heathy/unheathy.The best thing you can do is to be very honest with yourself and think rationally because emotions will keep on changing.Work towards healing yourself and believe you deserve someone much more better...focuse on SELF LOVE
sweetWriting46
September 20th, 2018 12:27pm
I should try to divert the mind from the thoughts that disturb the mind. Try to make busy. If the thoughts come to mind let the thoughts come and go and try not focus on it. It is common that one get hurts if he keep on thinking about it. One has to remind that thinking about past does not lead to anywhere but getting hurt badly. Do think that things has happened as it might not have been in one's control.
gentleSun78
September 30th, 2018 8:49am
Try to distract yourself with hobbies or tasks where you won't be triggered to think about him/her again (for example, not watching pictures of him or her, but you can for example go to walk somewhere you weren't together with him or her and enjoy nature there. Hide from your eyesight everything what reminds on your ex (pictures, gifts, memories, letters, phone number, facebook profile). They should be hidden for at least 12 months, but if you get triggered by them after 12 months, prolong this time to further 12 months or dispose them permanently (sell, burn, recycle them).
ChrisAm
November 7th, 2018 3:03am
u cant stop thinking. so dont punish yourself by trying . instead bend your thoughts into another direction, what u can be thankful for. when u want to be with someone, u cant force them, or change them. what u can change is yourself. how u wanna feel and do everything thats needed to feel so. selfpitty did not helped anyone ever. and no one want to stay around someone who fill so. first look that u can live happy with yourself, than others want to stay with you automatically. an old joke say for a man: if u ran behind a women, she may just call police, if u park ur car visible and put your purse on the top, she will come herself. and for a women the same, maybe you just stay there and enjoy yourself in all the beauty and love you are
RichieTozierr
November 8th, 2018 6:07pm
Surround yourself with other things and people who make you happy. Read, paint, sing, Ect. Always put yourself before anyone else because you are the most important thing. Think about joining some kind of club to help you get your mind off of things. One of the best things you can do is reassure yourself that it was not your fault and it never will be. If you reassure yourself then you will feel better about your self esteem along with your personality. I think you are great and will do amazing things in your life time. I wish you all the best.
Anonymous
November 30th, 2018 10:06pm
You heart hurts because you care, but you need to direct that care to yourself now! Start thinking, and taking care of you the way you would want to take care of them. I am sorry your heart is hurting, but with time...it'll be okay. Moving on from anything, rather it be love or friendship is a difficult task, but I believe you are strong and I also believe things happen for a reason. Maybe you needed to go through this to learn more about yourself. To fall in love with yourself, and to continue growing. Don't put so much effort into think of someone who didn't deserve your sparkle, love.
cuddlyLion98
December 5th, 2018 9:26pm
The best way to stop thinking of someone else is to focus on yourself. Take yourself in a date or find a hobby. Take this transition period to learn something new about yourself. Getting over a breakup is hard because we get so used to having that person in our lives and we now have to adjust to being without them, it can be challenging but it is possible. One thing you shouldn’t do is jump into a relationship with someone else, that’s not healthy and you won’t get over the person you’re missing any faster. Stay single til you’re ready to move on.
Anonymous
December 6th, 2018 6:23pm
I'm going to use "him". Anyway, if you loved him and you two aren't together anymore it will hurt. And your heart will hurt. It's all about time. Time heals everything. It depends on how much you liked or loved him or spent time with him. If you want to stop thinking about him. You should do something you didn't do with him ever. Delete his pictures and everything related to him. Whenever you think of him Engage yourself with something else. Listen to pop music. Listen to some songs that does not remind you of him. Spend time with friends and family.
ComfortablyNumb7676
January 12th, 2019 9:47am
You have to occupy your mind, I've been there and it's really hard to make yourself stop thinking about someone. Try to be in a happy setting, spend time with friends. Or work on a hobby, even if it's something like coloring, when your mind is working at something else, it eases the pain for a while. When I went through a bad breakup a couple of years ago I spent 3 days alone laying in bed. That was NOT the way to heal. I started going to the gym and meeting friends for dinner or drinks, even spending time with my mom. After a while I realized that I shouldn't be suffering because he was the one who lost, I still have good memories of him but I don't miss him anymore. Usually a break up happens because it wasn't meant to be, someone better will come along and love you unconditionally.
HelenMelon
January 12th, 2019 4:11pm
Breakups can be tough to deal with. Having the person you shared everything with ripped away so easily hurts. There is no right way to just stop, to get them out of your head. They will be there for a while. However, continuing on a path such as this one, or even just talking to people who are here to listen is a huge step. Relationships take time to forge, and they take time to heal. It's like fixing a hole. You can't just throw some dirt over it, you have to slowly fill it up till there is no more space left.
Narativi
January 19th, 2019 9:43pm
Cause he hit the basin. He knew where he wanted to take me. Manipulator. I wanted to be manipulated. Just for that look in his eyes. The look of gratitude, appreciation, love, care and adoring. But he has that click in his head. When I am not perfect, better should not at all. Maybe better to say, when he is not perfect? But nothing ever will be and if he is not able to deal with that, he would't be able to handle other life issues. He is not worthy. It will hurt for a while, I know that. But I am worthy, though I doubt that, easily, I am. He is not, cause he doesn't believe that. My part now is to accept that and remember! Not to get to a manipulated position again. Because it is not me there. I am the one elsewhere. He doesn't want me there, but he is the one who puts me there. And I allow it. I CAN'T allow it anymore. I am worthy.
indigoblue84
January 20th, 2019 12:54pm
When you love someone, you make a connection with your heart... literally, above in the chest. When that person disappears from your life, your heart hurts because you experience the loss of there heart to heart connection. Because it hurts so much, we have the tendency to go to our mind-space to find solutions, reasons, we dwell in memories. These kind of thoughts trigger again the feelings of loss in our heart-space. So a loop is formed. We can break this loop to stay in our heart space. Breath slow and deep breaths and feel the air in the heart and keep focusing on the pain. Don't go in the mind but stay focused on the pressure in your chest and heal it with your breath, attention and self love.
Anonymous
February 8th, 2019 5:12am
Block them. Start focusing on yourself. The world doesn’t revolve around them. I know it seems hard now but your gonna get through it. I promise. Start going out for walks, a jog, anything to get your mind off of him/her. They moved on, so can you. You are strong and you can be independent. You came out of your mother by yourself and you are going to leave this world by YOURSELF. Reevaluate your life and open up your eyes to see what you’ve been missing because you’ve been blinded by love that life has been passing you by.
itshaley
February 17th, 2019 11:00am
Hey, I’m just saying the truth; it’s hard but not impossible! I did that by spending time with my friends. Whenever he/she sent me a text, a snap or posted something, I didn’t reply, snap back or like the post within the first 5 seconds. Also, if he/she goes to your school but not in the same class, try to avoid the classroom and the people in it as much as you can. If he/she is in your class, sit as far away from them as possible. Don’t look at them to check if they look at you. If he/she talks to you, try to not freak out. Talk normally, pretend he/she is your best friend. And I know this step sounds ridiculous, but it helped me when I had a crush on a boy; pretend he’s your brother/she’s your sister.
Allieson
March 8th, 2019 11:59pm
To stop thinking about someone so much you have to focus on yourself. The only way you can do this is to find mindful activities to do and to do things that you truly enjoy. Start focusing on who you used to be and not the person that you became when you were with that person. We are all one whole person without someone and we are also a whole person with someone and both people are different people. You want to get back to being the person you were before the relationship and ReDiscover at heart who that person was.