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How can I stop thinking about him/her? Why my heart hurts so much?

269 Answers
Last Updated: 05/12/2022 at 2:46pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD

Psychologist

I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
March 23rd, 2019 11:03am
That's up to you. Only you know what's best for you. Find your own personal way to to be at ease. There are many options in finding help and support; such as talking it out. When you can go over something in your mind out loud it allows the brain to see it in a new perspective. Seeing key points allows you to really define the root of the problem. Only then will you know what's best for you. Each individual is in fact individual, but finding someone who can listen and understand may help to fully develope the emotions you feel. Once we have a better grasp on what's causing this feeling, then you can build a personal growth path to help you feel whole again. Remember that nothing is permanent and everything in your life can be how you desire.
Brahmaputra
April 26th, 2019 2:01pm
Start thinking about the the things which you love to do, like writing poems/stories, painting, social work, learning music etc.., Make your mind so strong that you should never go back searching for what went wrong between you and her/him. Dedicate all your time and energy in learning new things. Travel around the world, which will make your mind feel happy and relaxed, make you forget all the wrong things that happened in your life. In case if you still struggle to forget her/him, burn all the items that you shared with each other. Motivate yourself to go out of that stupid situation and achieve something in life.. good luck
Anonymous
June 21st, 2019 7:58am
Take a break and focus on yourself. Find something that you enjoy. The happier you are, taking time for yourself then the easier it'll be to stop thinking about the person. Your feelings of hurt are a normal reaction to a major life event - reflect on it and use it as something to grow in order to gain more healthy future relationships. It takes time to heal therefore just be patient and do not rush into things. Hobbies and interests can be a great way of also meeting new people and not falling into a spiral of sadness.
Anonymous
July 12th, 2019 7:13pm
It sounds like your feeling a lot of grief due to someone in your life. Only you know why you are feeling pain, but often times when we are in these positions we tend to blame ourselves. I too have experienced loss of a loved one and I know that it takes a lot of strength to reach out in times of need. The fact that you are here demonstrates courage. Could you tell me more about what is going on with the person you can’t stop thinking about? It could help to tell me how you feel about this person.
Kyralane
December 14th, 2019 11:24am
Try and focus on things you enjoy doing and keep busy, what do you like to do? What is your routine that you have on a daily and weekly basis? Make a plan for your week and weekends and stick to it. That will keep you busy and less time to worry and you will feel like you are achieving something which in term will make you feel in control of your life. Look at what hobbies you have, make time to see your friends and family or those that are important to you. Learn a new skill and time will then pass more quickly.
Tavar
February 2nd, 2020 12:39pm
You can't forget it of course.but I think you can choose to not care anymore what do you think? It's ok to not being ok sometimes.......,............. And you know this is really important thing so let's change our role for a minute if someone else said that to you what would you answer to her
CaringListenerx
February 22nd, 2020 3:37pm
It is normal to feel like this, don’t feel like you are alone a break up is a big thing to go though and is difficult for everyone but you will get there we are here to listen if you need to talk. maybe doing things that will keep your mind occupied may help. Thinking about them to much will distract you from finding yourself and a true soulmate, finding the person that truly makes you happy, so just go with the flow and let life do its work you will be happy again keep telling yourself that to get you though this!
cuddlyStar314
March 7th, 2020 4:06pm
Heartbreak is an experience sadly every teenager has to experience, and in that moment it may feel as if our world is falling apart. But you need to know that you were your own person before, you were one. it may take time to feel like yourself again but self-love is the way to go. physical pain also occurs with heartbreak at times. pushing through it with the support of your friends and self-acceptance might open up a new door.
Anonymous
April 2nd, 2020 2:07pm
It is not easy to stop thinking about someone who you have cared for and shared most of your time with. It will be difficult and it will take time. But you can start by removing everything that will remind you of him/her. Cry if you need to because it helps to let everything out. Talk to someone you trust so that you can vent about your feelings, it helps to talk instead of holding everything inside. Try doing new activities to keep your mind busy. Do something that you always wanted to do, and most of all take time to heal.
Anonymous
April 18th, 2020 7:55am
When a person forgets his own value he or she starts finding greatness in another. Being in love is simply a great feeling, but when two people decide to separate they need to focus in their life more. Thinking about someone when everything ends that make no sense. You already met several good people, but as you still think about your ex that ruin your chance of meeting a new extraordinary person. Everyone is extraordinary, but you can be with one at a time, so stop wasting time on thinking past and explore a new person & maybe you finally reached the correct station this time.
Anonymous
May 31st, 2020 8:01pm
The reason why you can't stop thinking of him/her is because you're so used to havinv them around and the fact that they're presence is no longer there affects you. It's hard for our brains to let go off something that we're used to so it keeps going back to old situations. The reason why it hurts so much is because you put so much time and efforts in another person. You invested in them whether it be emotionally, phsyically or financially and now you've lost all of it. It hurts you because you loved something so dearly with all your heart and now it's gone forever!
Anonymous
June 5th, 2020 9:21am
An excess of emotions about your ex will weigh you down as you travel down the path of seeking a new partner. It is tough work and you must persevere. You can do it! Some constructive, positive ways to release these emotions include getting some exercise, spending time with friends and family, volunteering (an excellent way to take you out of your own head), or being creative and expressing yourself through art, writing, or music. Feeling really pissed? Write down your feelings in a letter “addressed” to your ex. Don’t send it though! Instead, read it to a therapist, burn it, or throw it away.
Anonymous
June 24th, 2020 6:19am
You can take your mind off of him/her by working on yourself. Maybe take up a new hobby or start a new workout routine. Sooner or later, you will find your mind and heart are at ease. Maybe ask yourself why this situation is causing you so much heartache. Having faith that your heart will no longer ache in time helps a great deal in situations like these. Distraction may play a huge part in getting over a significant other. Work on yourself, be around family and friends, treat yourself to a nice dinner. The quote "time heals all wounds" rings true.
Gl3nn
June 26th, 2020 7:03pm
Try focusing on the things in your everyday life that are more essential to the life you try to lead, whether that is a job, school, family or friends. Although it sounds selfish it is never wrong to focus on your own well-being before focusing on others, and it is important to focus on yourself if you're stuck in a situation where you are spending more energy on another person than that person derserves. Especially if the feelings of that person are not returned. If you focus your mind on things unrelated to that person and you do it consistently, suddenly one day you will realize that that person fills less and less of your thoughts, and it will hurt you much less.
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2020 11:40pm
It is okay to be in such a situation. Speaking to a listener or penning down your thoughts about the person you continuously are thinking about should help you sort out your feelings. You can then accordingly move forward in a positive way to heal from such a situation. An example of moving forward would be attaining some form of closure. Although, if the person refuses to provide you with closure, be kind and mature and avoid bad mouthing or doing/saying things in the heat of the moment. This hurt is a result of caring a lot about a person and being let down in some way but this can surely be fixed. The outcome doesn’t always have to be negative. A positive outcome would be having a mature, platonic relationship or a new found friendship with this person or could be moving on completely for your own good. Please take care and speak to a listener about this.
Anonymous
July 4th, 2020 4:49am
Sometimes, you have to stop to think: do you miss the person, or do you miss the thrills, excitement etc. when you were with said person? I used to date someone when I was young. It was my first relationship, and I honestly thought it could be it. After we broke up, I was so hung up on it I was not able to move on for 7 years. Teenage years were harsh, man. But anyways, during those years of being stuck in unrequited love, I noticed that it was not him I missed. I missed the feeling of someone making my heart flutter, I missed the feeling of someone making me laugh. Our heart is really stupid. It does not know what it really yearns for. So, ask yourself what is it about that person that you miss? Or do you just miss the feeling you would get when you are with them? If it is them that you miss, make it known to them. Even if you are not able to rekindle romantic love, maybe you could at least start again from being friends. Who knows what it will lead to? Also, it is normal for your heart to hurt but I would suggest that you try not to think of them as often. Do other things to take your mind off him/her.
Waterfall26
July 12th, 2020 7:24pm
Sometimes it's hard to stop thinking about someone when you still hold back ceratin memories or objects. It is very hard to forget, especially when that person meant a lot to you. I have personally been through something similar where all I did was think about that certain individual and I was hurting a lot. However, now I'm stronger, yet it is not to say I don't think about the individual. I do, but I'm not hurting. It all about time and patience, and on whether you really do want to forget this person. If you do, you will just keep your head up.
Anonymous
July 17th, 2020 12:28pm
give yourself time to stop thinking of them. not having them hurts but eventually you learn to no hurt any more. getting to that point takes time and patience for yourself. Dont forget, its okay to not let go of somethings. If you have things that you've grown attached to not because of them but because of comfort, you don't need to deattach from those because in the long run that's harder on you. And most of all, through out the process of letting go, don't allow anyone to tell you its not okay to no the okay. Your'e allowed to have hard days.
Anonymous
July 19th, 2020 6:06pm
The best thing to do in this case is to keep yourself busy, find hobbies and interests that you enjoy and stay motivated and on track with your life. This will help ease your mind on to something else that put your energy on and you can focus on. At the beginning it will feel impossible and your heart will feel like it has been torn a million times and your emotions will be through the roof but trust me with time things will get much easier and you will find a way to get through this-looking at the silver lining!
mac815165
July 22nd, 2020 8:25pm
To stop thinking we need to stop trying not to think. When you consciously try not to think, reverse psychology operates and you end up having them all over your mind. Hurt is something that comes as a package deal when we risk feeling for someone. But honestly, it ALWAYS gets better, time heals. Practice self-love, do what makes you happy. You will see how it slowly gets easier. When you prioritize yourself you take away the power from others to make you feel hurt when you love yourself, you become in charge of your emotions. Self-love and care, me-time simple things like those make a huge difference.
Anonymous
July 23rd, 2020 5:21am
In order for you to stop thinking abut your significant other (SO), you need to engage in distractions that enjoy doing. Try practicing your hobbies. Try something new for a change. Surround yourself with a trusted circle of family and friends. And I cannot stress on how exercising really cleanses the heart, be it at home, gym or outdoors. The wounds take time to heal, but they’ll heal as time passes by. Therefore, the more you engage your time with doing things you enjoy or experiencing new things, the more you are on your way for recovery and off for a good start back in life.
Anonymous
August 13th, 2020 12:33am
This can be an extremely difficult fight; we often suffer loss after a breakup, and grieve as though someone close to us has passed. Sometimes it feels like it will never subside, and that your life will never rebound with them out of the picture. So they're gone, and now you're left feeling completely out of place. Your entire routine is different now, and that ache of yearning and hurt won't leave your head. What now?.......Time. Patience. Self-love. The three essential ingredients to moving on. You need to give yourself time to figure out this new life, while also realizing when to pick yourself up. It's important to allow time for crying, talking with your bestfriend for hours, eating ice cream straight out of the carton (or all 3 at once), or however grieving looks for you. But you can't stay in that place forever. Delete the pictures; Give back the personal items they gave you; Go find new hobbies/restaurants/activities that you enjoy that you don't associate with them. Slowly but surely, you'll realize that there was a time in your life that you existed without them, and that you can do it again. You can learn to love yourself without needing someone's help to do it. Be kind to yourself; there is no schedule for healing, and sometimes you fall apart after putting it together. It's frustrating, but it's okay. Loving yourself can manifest in many different ways; it can be buying yourself a coffee, exercising more, taking time to do something you like such as watching a show, etc. Doing what makes you happy as an individual is a must. Surround yourself with people and resources who care about you and who you can trust. Getting through anything alone is near impossible. You've got this, and we are here for you!
talkswithariba
August 22nd, 2020 1:02am
It's difficult to get over someone, specially when you've been so close to them. It feels like a part of you has been separated. I understand and I can relate as I've been through this. Heartbreak is very hurting, and can consume you in thoughts. It becomes difficult to think about other things. But it gets better overtime. As time passes, and your priorities change, you being to think about other things. Expressing gratitude and gratefulness can be really helpful to get over someone. Surrounding yourself with people you love, who care about you and can lift your mood can be helpful as well. Other than that, finding goals and pursuing them is a great way to change your thoughts. When you have goals, you have a purpose and you do whatever you can to achieve that. This helps you focus on your goals, which in turn can help you move on!
Danniethegirl
August 23rd, 2020 5:39am
Engage in activities that draw your attention and focus. Mental preoccupation can help to offset feelings of sadness or depression while maintaining healthy living habits. Don't bounce into a rebound relationship as this may cause more hard to your emotional health that good. The more you focus on a hobby or new task that interests you, the less you will think of them. Remember that they are not a part of your life for a reason, and you are strong enough to go on without them, regardless of the context of the loss. You will make it through and be stronger for having had the experience.
Heftyarjun
September 5th, 2020 5:26pm
Many People are not aware about simple things regarding relationships. The moment when we love a person especially the girl and boy relationship. By default , by DNA we develop some huge feelings on other person subconsciously. People always underestimate the feelings on other person but it happens very strongly in our inner selves. So within months time our brain gets into strong bond and when the separation happens , it hurts us the most because love is the top among all emotions when it comes to intensities and impacts. If you get good you feel heaven and if you get bad outcomes you feel hell. So it is always advised to carefully select a person before entering into relationship. Don't treat relationships as some time pass thing or just for entertainment. Because it has severe potentiality to turn lives upside down when something goes wrong. Your subconscious memories won't allow you to forget him/her. It's all that either you need to struggle to deal with them or you need to take any external help to manage those thoughts. Like you can involve your thoughts in constructive sources like yoga , mediation and reading books like autobiography of yogi, which can immensely impact you so that you will be deviated.
LoveMatters07
September 9th, 2020 10:51pm
There isn't an easy answer. The best way to make progress towards thinking about him less is to acknowledge your feelings, accept them, lean on supports, and engage in interests/hobbies (alone and/or with others). I think this site is one tool that you can use if you need to lean on others for support during a difficult time. These are just general ideas. What helped for me was definitely spending time with others, hanging out, and attempting to fill my time with interests and work. Of course, these things alone are not an instant cure, as time heals all.
berdikarihati01
October 8th, 2020 2:57am
yo can stop thinking about him/her if you replace them from your mind, replace them with yourself. think about you happines, your dream your compassion and anything about how you can grow as a person. this is not individualist when you looking for your happines. you can, maybe it takes time, but everything need process. and every person have their own process. someone's process will fast but any others maybe take a long time to letting go. you will pass this hard time, i'm sure you can. someone told me that when we start forget about them whom hurting us, our heart will recovery, try to help another it will be great for your healing process. you strong and i believe you will be stronger after this.
Anonymous
October 9th, 2020 9:36pm
Healing is a process. It won’t happen overnight. It will take time to stop thinking about him/her. It’s important to keep yourself busy doing things you love to do but also allow yourself to not be okay at times. Surround yourself with positive people who won’t remind you of the pain you’re going through. Take time to enjoy the little things like a sunrise or sunset. Take on new hobbies or do something that you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t had the chance to do it. It’s important to remember you are healing and to give yourself some space. Self care in a time of healing is also important. Make sure you are making time for you whether is be a day/night out with friends or family.
Anonymous
October 24th, 2020 1:39pm
it hurts when you can not let go of the feeling that makes you feel that you are not alone. Ending relation can have psychological as well as physical effect which can not be understand by others unless they are going through that stage. Am never really the best advisor when it comes to breakup and relation stress. Though according to study making new friends and going out might be the good idea rather then being locked in the room crying in isolation. Love is hard to come by in this life but do not forget we have one life and we should learn to be happy and fall in love with someone once again. Breakup is like the death you will be reborn as new better person.
CaringSource
October 31st, 2020 7:04am
There are many great ways to stop thinking about your past relationship. In my case, I would look into meditating. You'll be able to control your thoughts which will allow you stop thinking about them as much. This is important because you become at peace with things that you're going through. Which brings me to my next step. Next, I would work on self care. You have to remind yourself that you're loving and caring; practically fall in love with yourself and find or be reminded of your worth. These two ways will help you after a breakup: Meditation and Self care.