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How can I stop thinking about him/her? Why my heart hurts so much?

263 Answers
Last Updated: 11/18/2021 at 9:44pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Theresa Gulliver, Registered Clinical Counsellor


Problems cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created them. We must try something different. Gently, we turn your challenges into opportunities for healing.

Top Rated Answers
November 20th, 2020 10:17pm
The best advise was given to me for this exact situation. Heartbreak is hard to overcome, but every time you feel yourself thinking about them - go do something else! Go on a walk, a run, read a book, workout, cook, hang out with someone. The less effort you give the pain, the more likely it is for it to disappear. It may take a week, a month or even a year, but in the end, this person does not define who you are. You are an amazing person that deserves the best and only you can find your way through the heartache in the end.
November 25th, 2020 9:37pm
When someone's been on your mind for so long, you may start to envision all kinds of scenarios that make you like the idea of them even more (I've been there so many times...). Its painful to have to cut them out of your life, especially if they meant a lot to you. Realizing that you have to/want to stop thinking about them in the first place is a great first step. You are self-aware and can now work towards getting over them. The next thing that may help is cutting them out of your life or cutting out things that may remind you of them (like pictures, following them on social media, t-shirts...). Its always difficult at first, but its getting past the first few steps that things start to become easier.
December 9th, 2020 5:57pm
Try to distract yourself by indulging in activities you like with your friends. If being alone is what you like, do that. Try out something new, keep your mind engaged somewhere else because when you sit idle you overthink and the memories of the person keeps coming back and you will start feeling anxious and low. Go to new places and meet new people. Create a good environment around you to facilitate your growth, with people who you like to be around. Develop strength and improve your skills at managing emotions because you may feel very vulnerable right now.
December 31st, 2020 4:25am
You need to focus on anything that doesn’t bring back memories of what causing you pain try to pick a up a new hobbie excercise always helps it boosts your self confidence lowers areas takes your mind off of things naturally do other activities as well try new experiences that you have never done before this will take time but with the right positive reinforcement constantly it will slowly fade away I’ve been here before any type of healing takes time if done right it won’t be over night but you be back in good shape emotional wise recovering
January 23rd, 2021 11:30pm
There are a few things that can be done. First, it really helps to avoid situations that remind you of them. Don't listen to songs or movies that remind you of them. Try to minimize your texts or calls with them. Distance yourself. If you continue doing things that remind you of them, it would make the hurt worse. It keeps you in a never-ending loop of hurt. Then, spend time with your friends and family. Being socially active online or in person will provide you with love and support. This way, you will not crave the attention of the person you can't stop thinking about. Lastly, keep working on yourself. At the end of the day, redirecting the energy that you devote to thinking about that person to yourself will allow you to come to terms with the situation. It will allow you to slowly resolve the hurt and make peace internally.
February 21st, 2021 12:08am
When we find ourselves fixated on a person, we need to wonder if it is healthy and the reason as to why we are doing it, is it a love interest? A best friend you wanna go do everything with? Heartaches suck, but sometimes we need to go find healthy distractions. Maybe calling or texting with a close friend for advice relating to the issue should be considered. I myself have crushed on a person and found myself fixated on them for a while, but eventually we can push past it and move onto something new, and or if it's appropriate maybe approach the person in a safe manner and take the dive to see what they think.
February 25th, 2021 7:23am
I can be difficult to deal with thoughts and emotions when we lose someone we once loved. The heart can be broken, but it continues to beat. Suppressing your thoughts and emotions actually has an opposite effect because you concentrate on the very thought you wish to go away. It's like trying to put 1000 spiders into a draw and expecting them to stay there. Take out a pen and paper and purge out your thought and feelings. Write down every emotion until you have exhausted every thought and feeling. Now fold the paper into the shape of a paper airplane and send it away from you; flying in the air until it hits the ground and simply walk away. Next, think about a good time you had in your life before him/her. Stay focused on the positive moment of just being happy with who you are. Continue to do this exercise once a day until the thoughts on paper subside and the paper airplane no longer has to fly away.
March 11th, 2021 4:04am
Though you might not be able to stop thinking about them right now, or immediately, I know that over time this won't seem so bad. Don't give yourself a rough time by trying not to do something, that is natural like thinking about them. Rather than avoiding all thoughts about them, you could try thinking about things differently. Remind yourself, that this may be hard but you are strong. Regardless of the conflict I have with someone, what makes me feel better is to send them best wishes and let them go from my life. This allows me to lovingly let go as a way of working on the attachment.
March 11th, 2021 4:14pm
I understand that it could be hard at first. But slowly with time you will be alright. Try to find things which makes you happier. Things which you have better focus on. for an example you could try developing your skills like painting, singing etc. Also you can go on a journey/hike to feel free from the ongoing situation. And especially connecting with nature will ease your mind. Try travelling solo if you love exploring new places. that will make you feel free spirited and would improve your self love. And might give you new and cool ideas about how to focus on things which makes you happy. I am sure you will discover new sides of your life by being free spirited that way. If you are not in to nature or travelling, watching movies or tv series which make you laugh would help. eating chocolate, especially the dark ones also help to ease the pain in your heart. I am sure you will be able to move on with your life and feel at ease. Be POSITIVE!
March 14th, 2021 3:39pm
I know what that feels like. It's literally heart-wrenching. You start getting all profound and finally realize that, wow, this is what all the depressed poets were talking about. The first thing to do is ACCEPT. Accept that you're not over them. It's okay to still have lingering feelings for someone after a relationship is over. It's nothing to be embarrassed by. We're human beings, and human beings feel deeply. The second step would be to START somewhere. Start trying to get over them. Distract yourself. Watch a good film, or a sitcom (sitcoms are great for distracting yourself from your broken heart lol). read, write, paint, sketch, go for a walk, try a new recipe, redecorate your room, hit up an old friend - just anything to get your mind off them. Bottom line is, be kind to yourself. Give yourself time, accept that getting over a relationship is a long process. But that's okay. That's the beauty of being a human. We feel so deeply. Almost every great artist persona was plagued by a broken heart lol. Go watch the moon or something, lament about your broken heart. Exploit your hurt, and use it to motivate yourself. alright, i'm aware i'm starting to sound psychotic now so i'll go! but the rest of what i said comes from the bottom of my heart! hope you get over them soon
March 19th, 2021 7:44am
Sometimes it takes a while to be able to get over or even stop loving or thinking about some person. It all depends on the person but some start focusing on themselves more, some find a person to help them get over the other with. Some people start to Exercise to get their mind off of someone they love. Some find a new hobby maybe like crocheting or journaling. You’re heart might hurt so much because you really loved that person and weren’t ready to let them go yet. It can be very hard and hurt so much more than we imagined. Also sometimes letting go is better than holding onto them still.
March 31st, 2021 1:25am
Your heart can hurt so much because you do not accept what just happened with the relationship between you two. You still are processing the fact that you guys are not together. You have to find something that interests you to get busy and occupy your mind in order to decrease the moments that you spend thinking about him/her.
April 7th, 2021 6:03am
In my experience, focusing on hobbies that are of interest to me have allowed a distraction long enough to help relieve overwhelming thoughts of a past relationship or friendship. I would also surround myself with as much friends and family as possible whom are close to me, to ease my mind and allow it to focus on other things. We hurt because we invest ourselves emotionally and mentally into another person that we cared for, but we must understand an essential element of life is time; time heals pain. When we allow time to take its course, one hour, day, week, month, or year can change so much.
April 8th, 2021 9:56pm
Your heart may hurt when you have just left someone or recently started liking someone. I am not clearly sure about how you can actually forget someone you like or dated in the past but I was always told that speaking out helped a lot of people instead of bottling up your emotions and living with that pain forever. Even if thy deny liking or liked you some of your stress may be released for telling them the truth but just because you feel that you like someone out of your league it doesn't always mean they dislike you back, infact they may want to be your friend and you may just not know thy do because they could also feel you dislike or don't want to be around them all causing them a bit of stress which can soon leave them at thinking you hate them and not the other way around.
April 21st, 2021 3:27am
Start journaling. Pour out your emotions about him/her on paper. It will make you feel better after. There are things that are hard to say to your friends. Therefore, journaling helps to get those emotions out when you feel like you don't have a place to come to for comfort. Your heart hurts because you are going through a grieving process. Allowing yourself to feel all the hurt is healthy for you. Suppressing feelings only get worst from time to time. Practice self-love. When you think about that person. Try to do something that would makes yourself feel happy.
April 21st, 2021 4:44am
ive been there before. its completely okay to let out how you feel, you can always vent about it to someone. if you have noone, have a diary about it. what i did before when i had the same situation is, i had a new interest. by having a new interest, i got myself too distracted to it and not think about them much. i get myself motivated to not think about them. everytime they cross my mind, i try to ignore it and distract myself. im not sure why your heart hurts so much from it, maybe looking at them hurts you. well for me, it hurts me that i cant help them well, but now its okay since it was a year ago. im sure everything will be okay sooner or later. i hope everything goes well for you!
May 2nd, 2021 2:46pm
Try distracting yourself, take up a hobby, talk to your friends and family. Meditate. Your will hurt for a while. Give it some time. Take each day as it comes. Wake up every morning saying “ I love myself and I will come out stronger and happier” stay focused on yourself, and believe that you deserve nothing but the best in life. Be it from your spouse or friends or family. Shift focus to work for a while and try doing things that make you happy, like taking a trip with your besties or even alone. Time heals.
May 16th, 2021 6:56pm
Thinking or caring about someone is a burden, but it is not insurmountable. As the old saying goes, “‘tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”. Your heart hurts because it has been used. You are living life, and loving life, and if that means that sometimes you get hurt, then surely its worth it? I am sorry that you can’t stop think about them. I am. I am assuming that you guys broke up or are in some other way separated from each other. And I am sorry for that. But you should try (even though it is hard) to think about the good things, and not the end.
May 23rd, 2021 6:33pm
It is just normal to think about them, when you have been spending so much time together and sharing a lot, we get attached, there might be so many reason to feel in pain, try to focus on the good things that this relationship brought to you, make a list about the reasons to why the separation take place to begin with, if it wasn’t healthy for you, try to focus on healing your self , do activities that will help you keep you mind busy and makes you feel good, have your family and friends around specially those who actually care and support you, in the process of healing you’ll get to love your self again, gain your self confidence back, and get the balance you need.
May 25th, 2021 2:11pm
You cannot at the beginning. You need to help yourself. Watch videos that will help you understand where you went wrong any kind, philosophical, psychological, how to move on. Whatever works for you to accept the fact that you want to move on because that is what is best for you overlooking the pain. Once you take the conscious decision that you want to move forward, set goals for you. Like take up any activity you have been stalling and complete it. Tell yourself, no I will not think about him whenever you find your wandering. Learn a new skill. Do anything and everything you wanted to do for sometime but didn't. Its the best time to complete incomplete tasks. Its not a linear process. You have to remind yourself every day, that you have already taken the decision.
June 6th, 2021 11:47pm
Let your heart first accept the situation, then only day by day it will become lighter on your heart and you will get better day by day. You will find yourself feeling better and being happier again. The heart only hurts when you hold on too tight or if you try and let go of something you not ready to accept or ready to let go and that can cause you to hurt a lot. So crying it out , speaking more about it to professionals or a close friend or family allows you to be more open to understanding and accepting the situation and also making it better for you to set your heart free from the hurt and open to new happiness.
August 8th, 2021 3:27pm
I have learned that sometimes it is easier to keep busy until you are ready to face that hurt. Work on yourself, distract yourself, just do whatever you can to keep your mind off of it. Then when you are ready to face that hurt you can think of all of the ways that the situation is really good for you. I know how hard that is, but if you focus on the good in the situation, you will slowly come to terms with what is happening and you will be better able to move on. Also remember to be patient with yourself and accepting of your feelings.
November 18th, 2021 9:44pm
i feel you, like really feel you in this one and i know exactly how it hurts. i was the same with my ex and i mean like a wound it can be re-opened and when he use to pull other girls it use to be like throwing salt in it. time only heals you,like nature does to a wound, time is our nature and thats all you need. you need to cry it out and you need time to realise that he's gone. its going to be hard and its never going to be any easier when you see him with someone else or not with you because he isn’t with you. but knowing you aren’t alone helps! many people go through this and all my advice is, the only way you’ll ever go on is to carry on. you need to act like you don’t care, you need nights out with your friends, you need space at times to be left alone, you need to have a good laugh and do everything you use to do with him, by yourself so then you get to it being just you. its not horrible but once you accept he's out of the picture and carry on like he's out of the picture you’ll soon forget everything. every now and then i always think back like “what if?” but then i think why do i hurt myself when he's out there not giving a care in the world. why would i torture myself for someone who couldn’t think twice about me? why would i let him stop me from being myself? its wrong and you aren’t alone! i hope this really helps! :) Smile and the world smiles with you!