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How can I stop thinking about my ex?

184 Answers
Last Updated: 04/02/2020 at 7:54pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Alison Humphreys, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

During the therapeutic process, individuals will learn to manage transitions, overcome obstacles and work towards their full potential .

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
May 6th, 2018 6:30am
Try to focus your attention on something that you like. As in you can engage in some activity which helps you forget problems.
lovelyPeace64
May 6th, 2018 5:45pm
To stop thinking about your ex, you need to start keeping yourself busy. It can be hanging out with friends, finding a new hobby, joining a gym or any class, a new tv series, etc. Because remember an empty mind is a devil's workshop. Focus more on yourself- your health, your goals. Do what makes you happy and content :)
galaxiesinside
May 6th, 2018 11:24pm
Before anything else, you have to allow yourself to grieve. Watching our relationships end will never be something we can just get over after ten minutes, and that's okay. Cry in your bed, cry in the shower, cry with your friends. Allow yourself to sit down on the couch and feel nothing but absolute sadness. Don't try to skip this stage; it's the first step towards getting over someone. After you're done mourning and crying and feeling sad, however, you have to take some more proactive steps. Throw away all that reminds you of your ex, return everything that belongs to them. Delete pictures, throw away the gifts (or if you're not ready just hide them somewhere you can't see), get rid of anything that even slightly reminds you of them. Unfollow them on social media, at least for now (out of sight, out of mind). After you do all of this, it's time to focus on yourself. Get a new haircut, clean your whole house, adopt a new habit, start exercising, buy some new clothes or sell/donate the ones you don't like. Hang out with your friends (I would not advise drinking or doing drugs just to try and forget someone), whether it's pizza night or going to a club or both. Just make sure you're having fun with people who care about you. It's all a matter of keeping yourself busy and doing things for yourself; that's what moving on with your life really means. Try that art class you always wanted to take, try a new workout routine, set new goals. If you try to forcefully not think about your ex, it will have the exact opposite effect. When they come to your mind, take a deep breath and just let that thought go; there's not a lot of things you can do. It's in the past. Focus all of your energy on your own stuff and after a while you'll realize that you hardly ever think of them anymore.
Skylarstorm
May 9th, 2018 5:52pm
Try doing things that you love and focusing on experiences and yourself. It's alright to think about your ex and the memories you share, but don't focus on just that. Focus on growing yourself. Find something that you love, either sports, books, friends, religion. What makes you happy is what is important.
Anonymous
May 13th, 2018 10:05am
Many ways, however, some people deal with things differently so we'll see. But...usually, do things that you enjoy and feel comfort in. Do things that are the complete opposite of what it was like in the relationship, do things that maybe your partner hated but you loved. Something along these lines
Anonymous
May 26th, 2018 12:59pm
Thoughts aren't something easily controlled, however that doesn't mean you don't get to choose how you see your experiences and memories with them. It's not necessarily bad to think about your ex, though those images can be sour at first, with time and compassion they can develop into something to reflect instead of dwell upon.
incredibleHeart75
May 30th, 2018 7:28pm
firstly, focus on the word 'ex' and understand that it means he/she is not in your life anymore and for you to be happy, concentrate on your present. i know it is hard but you have better things coming your way. try and avoid places and memories that trigger you to think about it.
robinwithouty
June 16th, 2018 5:48am
It is a cliche but finding yourself a hobby to distract you would help a lot It can be challenging at first however once you feel the relief of setting your mind free it’ll get easier and easier
miraculousSoul55
June 24th, 2018 3:51pm
care for yourself. Hobbies, eating healthy and getting enough sleep will make you feel much better.
hugzy72
June 28th, 2018 10:08pm
It really is just 'time', that old cliche. It takes time to get over someone, but you can certainly take steps towards this, by building up your life with more social activities, joining a group, finding things to focus on, learning to be happy with yourself and working on you. Take yourself out on a date, make sure you have good friendships around you and eventually over time things will heal. They are your ex for a reason.
Kaushtubh
July 1st, 2018 2:04am
Get a new one! Surely speaking , going any other thing to indulge yourself will not work , so instead go try out on a new girl/boy. This will keep you busy and you will find a beautiful/handsome reason to forget your ex
CaravanDreams
July 1st, 2018 6:00pm
You can't stop thinking about your ex at the first stage, your mind will play and replay the memories, at anytime of the day, or night, your mind will keep replaying that first time, that last time, and whats' in between. The best thing to do is be aware of it, to allow it to surface, then to release it with breath, with carrying on with your everyday activities, or trying as hard you can not to let it halt you. But, in case you need to slow down, do it. In case you need to cry, do it. Reach out to a friend, a family member, a listener right here, do it, you're not alone in this. Break-ups are hard experiences, and they always teach us about ourselves, what we are made of, how we love, what we love, and also about connecting to others, the boundaries, the trust, the intimacy. Try to observe, take notes, create something out of the misery of a break-up. You're going to be alright :)
Power14
July 11th, 2018 9:07pm
It's okay we all think about our exes at some point of life but thinking about them more can cause distress to ourselves. To avoid these negative thoughts we can fill some productive or better thoughts in our mind. We can replace past negative thoughts with better ones. We cannot stop our brain from thinking however we can replace thoughts. You can do that by many ways such as opting for a hobby, be with people whom you like. If you keep your brain busy in other things then it will not think about your past or your Ex. Hope it helps. Best of luck!
Anonymous
July 15th, 2018 11:08am
Speaking from personal experience. The best thing I found was to keep busy! Especially doing hobbies, seeing friends and family, and finding new things that you enjoy! The more time you spend doing other things, you’re not able to concentrate on an ex as you have less time to. Your mind will be occupied doing other things :).
athenacleere
July 21st, 2018 2:00am
Think about why you left your ex, if it’s a bad reason then try to realize that you left them for a reason and then it’s not good for you to be hung up on them.
glisteningLion63
July 21st, 2018 6:01am
The best way is by hanging out with your friends meeting new people just doing new things and experience life with your ex
RumpleSteeleSkin
July 21st, 2018 9:39pm
Not thinking of your ex can be challenging. Maybe not "stopping" but just let those thoughts flow through. Don't judge them or push them aside. Over time those feelings/thoughts will lesson.
Anonymous
July 26th, 2018 11:16pm
Work on yourself. Love yourself and think more positively for the future better than the past . The future is holding so many amazing people and challenges for you . Do what you love and what gives you joy . Keep yourself busy .
Rozeedream
July 28th, 2018 8:36pm
By stop thinking:-D simple. Don't think too much and move on. Think this way if he can move in why can't you.
hopefulWillow86
July 28th, 2018 10:14pm
If you truly want to move on from your ex, it will take time and a bit of effort. Start by removing the things that remind you of them from your life. This can be anything from physical items to pictures on your phone or music playlists. If possible, it may also be helpful to unfollow them on social media. Start to fill your life with things outside of them (e.g. different people, new hobbies). The less you remind yourself of them the better. Ultimately, time will be your best ally. One day you will realize that you no longer think of them the way you used to. If you do, try to remember the positive and graciously accept it as part of your past.
poetrymyg
July 29th, 2018 9:25pm
Distracting yourself with things that make you happy, such as little things, can help you stop thinking about your ex. Be sure to surround yourself with positivity. Taking a relaxing bath, talking to your friends, going for a walk, reading a book, or playing music are some suggestions.
Anonymous
August 9th, 2018 10:04pm
Fixing on an ex might seem charming. It might even seem loyal. But if we see the picture a little closer, it means looking for love where it isn't. To get over someone, you first need to get over the idea that your ex was this perfect being. You should really get serious now. Take a notebook and with great details write down all the things you liked about her. There are other people with the same qualities. The liberation is not the moving on. But its that the same qualities we liked in our ex are present in other beings.
Tuscany
August 11th, 2018 3:45am
Consider distracting yourself with other things you enjoy such as watching movies, calling family or friends, reading a book, going for a walk/run, or learning a new skill.
Ruth250
August 15th, 2018 4:06pm
Get Busy, focus all your thoughts and energy on yourself. Find a new hobby or join a sports group to meet new friends. keep looking into the future and keep rewarding yourself on choices that are helping you move on.
Anonymous
August 23rd, 2018 4:01pm
Make yourself busy in the works you love to do like sing a song, paint something. If possible try to make some new hobbies which will make you happy and motivated. If possible go out spend your day with those people who love you like your family members and your friends. And at last the most important thing is to Believe in yourself believe that you deserve someone better someone who care for you, someone who understands you and supports you. The most important thing someone who Respect you, your thoughts and your individuality and doesn't try to change you. Someone who will love you the way you are
Anonymous
August 26th, 2018 10:26am
These seven simple, effective tips on how to stop thinking about your ex-husband or ex-boyfriend will help you overcome obsessive thoughts. Take heart, for you will move on with your life. You can stop ruminating about the past – and you can rebuild your life, renew your heart, and restore your joy! The most important thing to remember is that you’re caught in a destructive, habitual thought pattern. You aren’t trapped and helpless; you are simply in the grip of an obsessive way of thinking. Learning how to stop thinking about your ex simply requires you to break the habit. It takes energy and dedication at first, but you can stop the obsessive thoughts about the person you lost – you can let go of someone you love. Another important thing to remember when you’re learning how to stop obsessing is that you are not alone. Millions of people have broken their addictions to their ex-boyfriends or ex-husbands, and so can you.
empatheticmvw
September 21st, 2018 2:44am
You can stop thinking about your ex by not perpetuating situations that trigger thinking about him/her. For example, looking at old photos, going to places you used to attend together. If you are stuck in a mindset thinking about your ex, change the physical location you are in and do something different. Doing new activities that you didn't formerly do when you were with your ex builds new brain chemistry and you replace old experiences with new ones. Try new things. Create a behavior that you use every time you think of your ex that is new and unique to the new, single, you. Try humming, writing a haiku, going for a walk or any other form of behavior based self care that stimulates your mind, body, and heart.
Anonymous
September 30th, 2018 7:30am
The main thing that should be addressed first is, what kind of thoughts are you having about your ex? Positive good memories, or negative and bad ones? The most common reason people get back together, is because they seem to only think of the good times after a break up. They focus on how great that person is, instead of remembering all the bad and issues that were recently happening. One way to help the thought of that person lessen, is to realistically remember why it ended. Whether it was you or them, someone isn’t happy which means the other more than likely wouldn’t be either. Keeping busy is the second best way to distract the mind from thinking about an ex. Surrounding yourself with family and friends, doing the things you enjoy, exercising, and maybe even finding a new hobby.
JayJacket
October 4th, 2018 3:28am
In my personal experience, it helps to cry about it for the first day. Then do whatever makes you happy. Video games, hanging with friends, bowling, etc... Go out there you define yourself that ex wont make you a better person, cooler, popular, etc... What makes you is you nothing more nothing less. So if your ex can't see how amazing you are then they don't deserve you go find someone who will love you for you and won't care about your imperfections. You are amazing you can do anything if you put your mind to it you don't need your ex to be you. You are you. They will never define who you are.
glisteningKoala40
October 19th, 2018 1:15pm
I must admit I really had a rough time to getting over my ex too. First of all you need to Understand the reason why you two broke up. Try to analise your relationship. Why did things go that way? Was he/she the right one? Once you understand the reason and your mistakes,try to ask yourself why do you actually think that it is so difficult to get over them? Why do you still think about him/her? What do you miss? What did they offer you? Sometimes you just miss the idea of the person. Relationships are a part of our daily life and once we break up.. well we start feeling like something is missing. And that‘s alright. Take your time, it‘s okay to think about people who once were special to you and who you once loved. Allow this to yourself. Give yourself the time you need. BUT don‘t forget to concentrate on yourself too. Keep yourself busy with the things you love. It will get better, I promise :)