Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How can I stop thinking about my ex?

193 Answers
Last Updated: 06/13/2020 at 10:43pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Alison Humphreys, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

During the therapeutic process, individuals will learn to manage transitions, overcome obstacles and work towards their full potential .

Top Rated Answers
JayJacket
October 4th, 2018 3:28am
In my personal experience, it helps to cry about it for the first day. Then do whatever makes you happy. Video games, hanging with friends, bowling, etc... Go out there you define yourself that ex wont make you a better person, cooler, popular, etc... What makes you is you nothing more nothing less. So if your ex can't see how amazing you are then they don't deserve you go find someone who will love you for you and won't care about your imperfections. You are amazing you can do anything if you put your mind to it you don't need your ex to be you. You are you. They will never define who you are.
glisteningKoala40
October 19th, 2018 1:15pm
I must admit I really had a rough time to getting over my ex too. First of all you need to Understand the reason why you two broke up. Try to analise your relationship. Why did things go that way? Was he/she the right one? Once you understand the reason and your mistakes,try to ask yourself why do you actually think that it is so difficult to get over them? Why do you still think about him/her? What do you miss? What did they offer you? Sometimes you just miss the idea of the person. Relationships are a part of our daily life and once we break up.. well we start feeling like something is missing. And that‘s alright. Take your time, it‘s okay to think about people who once were special to you and who you once loved. Allow this to yourself. Give yourself the time you need. BUT don‘t forget to concentrate on yourself too. Keep yourself busy with the things you love. It will get better, I promise :)
Sydney1027
October 24th, 2018 8:50pm
Breakups are very very difficult. I’ve been through a few myself. The best way, I’ve learned myself, is to cut them out of your life. Whether you’re friends or not, if you cannot get over someone it is not healthy to continue talking to them and hurting yourself. Give yourself space and time to heal, try to engage in activities that distract you and spend time with the people who truly truly care. Just these small steps can help you move on. Another way is trying to find new love, or realising the was you’ve been wronged (if you have) by your ex.
antoto95
November 22nd, 2018 8:40am
Hey, I get that they can be hard to get over. Everyone's a little different, sure, but I can tell you what works for a lot of people (myself included!) Look on the dark side. Remember how much of a jerk they were, or at least, what made you split up. Think of their worst moments. Do this for a little while, and, I promise, in no time, you'll be forgetting about that person.
Comfort2018
December 6th, 2018 3:08am
Sometimes you can't, and my advice is to let the thoughts play out. Let yourself process and purge until you do not need the thoughts about your ex anymore. You might find yourself at first being incredibly sad or enraged and have thoughts of hurting yourself or your ex. It is important not to act on the thoughts, but let yourself have them so you can feel in your body what they do to you. When you have had enough of that feeling your mind and body will let you know. In time, and it might take a long time, your thoughts will change, your heart will mend, the days will get sunnier. And soon enough, you will not even think about your ex at all, and it will shock and surprise you!
Anonymous
January 19th, 2019 1:27pm
By implementing this thing. See, first of all, understand this fact this that you'll think about your ex. We think about lot different people all our day. We think about our roommate, mother, friends, that uber driver etc. We don't pay attention to it. But as soon as thought of ex comes up, we just lose our control. Why? Because we are giving this our attention. Why Deepak Kalal is so famous even having stuffs like that on internet? Because we give it our attention. This is how our mind works. Don't try stop thinking about it, try to not giving attention to it. Try to not prioritise it. It's not gonna lower over night. It'll take time. 2 months. 6 month. May be a year. But your consistency will show you the results. Some triggers can also happen. Like some song or like that. Just tell yourself it's ok to feel bad. It's ok to feel like cry. You were broken and so the pain exists. But it'll heal. It depends on how you'll cure your wound. Try to take a break from lovs songs. Try to keep away all the things which remind you of all that. And one day, that won't affect you anymore i promise. Just tell yourself its not gonna happen overnight. It'll take time. All the best!
Anonymous
January 20th, 2019 3:29am
A good way of doing this is investing time into a hobby. Sports, drawing, dancing, whatever you enjoy doing. Now that you aren’t in a relationship, you have much more time on your hands that could be used to do other things you enjoy. I would also suggest hanging out with friends. Friendships can help distract you from your ex until you’ve moved on from them. Block, unfollow, or soft block your ex from any social media so you can distance yourself from them. You may want to remain friends later, but now you need space to recover. You should avoid contact with your ex until you’ve moved on.
alexia88
January 23rd, 2019 11:14pm
Do things to distract yourself. For example, hang out with friends, go out and do something, have fun. basically anything that distracts you from thinking about your ex but before all that, its important to face your emotions. Facing your emotions will allow you to properly heal from the situation and move on from it. I can't stress enough how important it is to talk about how you feel and address your emotions for a proper recovery. Once you fully heal you will not need distractions to stop you from thinking about your ex. It takes time but it is very possible, just remember to focus on your goals because everyone deserves to prosper!
VioletaClaire
January 24th, 2019 2:40am
Acknowledging that you miss your ex will be a good start. Plan your day with activities that may not be something you used to do with your ex but things you always wanted to do. Make a list. Start with simple goals that are realistic and doable. Set the time and day you want to do it. I would normally plan a day or two in advance. That way, I am keen to do it. For example, if you plan to exercise, get your gears ready the night before. If there are setbacks, don't beat yourself up. It's ok. You can try again the next day. That will be a good start.
magicalEagle86
February 13th, 2019 11:58pm
This question involves two elements. One is the urge to go back which is the reason we keep thinking about them, and the other is regret that arises from negative experience which makes us want to escape the thoughts relating to them. Thinking of what you have experienced with your ex as a memory to cherish and a lesson to learn will contribute to your perspective of the issue. Your ex was also a normal human being, and there were down sides to the relationship which caused your paths to separate. After a breakup, we tend to focus on the good things we have lost, but couldn't that also be a way that leads to better things by leaving negative things behind? We all have a lot to see, and obviously there is not only one person that we will love. Cherishing the moments that happened and looking forward with the things you have learned from that experience is the best way you can benefit from the past and add meaning to the present.
Anonymous
March 29th, 2019 7:03pm
I understand break ups are difficult and you must be going through a lot of emotional turmoil right now. Breaking up is almost like going through the same steps of the loss of a loved one. You are going to process grief, anger, confusion, guilt, and acceptance. Right now it might be difficult to stop thinking about your ex because they were an integral part of your routine and now they are not. It will require a period of time of feeling uncomfortable while you adapt to them not being around always, but with time, know it will get easier. You can remember the good times and be grateful for having them and all the growth you experienced together, that is absolutely normal. Try to reflect on lessons learned and be honest when identifying why things did not work out. Being able to stop thinking about them will not happen instantly, but again, as time progresses, it will become less and also become more manageable to allow the thoughts to pass without the emotional pull. Try to maintain a routine, good nutrition and get enough rest. Find a wonderful playlist that makes you feel happy, that’s the important factor in music- listen to uplifting music to feel better.
Anonymous
April 4th, 2019 10:27am
Everyone is different. u might wanna have one night stand or maybe have a girls/boys night out. or just hang oyt with your friends. it wont happen in a minute but someday ur gonna wake up and realise that u dont think about that person everyday. Sometimes big change in ur life might be really helpful. new haircut, change ur style, move, have new friends, change ur routine. anytihing really. but if you just try to change it. that wont happen. since usually getting out of the bed and doing things and having fun is biggest part of getting someone out of ur mind.
ObservesHumanity
May 10th, 2019 12:04am
To stop thinking about your ex, I suggest reminding yourself everyday that your world does not revolve around him or her. If the both of you were meant to be, then the universe itself will find its way for the both of you. If not, then that’s okay :) As cliche as it sounds, everything in life happens for a reason. You never know that there is someone out there who the universe wants you to meet someday. You can also try surrounding yourself with a circle of good friends with positive vibes. This will help you distract yourself from thinking about him or her, until eventually you find yourself not thinking about your ex anymore.
Smallpip64
June 5th, 2019 3:46pm
You can’t just stop thinking about an ex, especially if they meant a significant amount to you. It won’t be like magic, you won’t be able to wake up one day and be okay, believe me if it were that easy everyone would be much happier. One day your going to get up and realize you don’t need them anymore, maybe at one time they helped you through a difficult time in your life but you’ve both grown now, and maybe you’ve helped each other grow as much as you can. You’ll wake up one day and be happy that they were in your life, you won’t regret it, they made you who you are today and that’s something you never could have done alone.
Anonymous
June 20th, 2019 6:45am
This is a good question that we ask our self a lot on points on life but u have to understand first that if u really wanna move on u must out go first before everything u must let this person go AMD understand that sometimes things aren't meant to be for both of y'all together I know it hurts I know u still care but sweetie it gets better trust me it does and now don't focus on finding someone focus on being u on getting yourself together on getting yourself some fresh air cut or on cleaning your room ect focus on u and when u do then your gonna realize that u don't need no one that's when your gonna stop thinking about your ex
Bluemoon2277
June 26th, 2019 12:08am
A great way to stop thinking about your ex is to distract yourself with things that make you happy. Try out new hobbies, join a group in school or out of school. Do things you did before your relationship that made you happy. Go to the beach and watch the sunset, do yoga, take on things that will relax you. Hang out with friends and family that make you happy and feel loved. If you start surrounding yourself with people who make you feel loved you’ll start to grow and realize you don’t need your ex to be happy or need them. You’ll realize you only need yourself.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2019 5:52am
A breakup can be a very painful thing to face in life. But the things are gone is gone. Firstly you should convince your mind and explain to that he or she is no more there and should be ready to get over this.always remind yourself that you deserve much much better. Remind youself that person is the one at lost but not you because , you lost someone who doesn't love you or Care for you and that's why left you but, that person lost someone who loved him or her truly and really cared and therefore he or she is the one at lost. get rid of each and everything that keeps you reminded of him or her and make yourself busy for sometime and if you get reminded of him at that time delay that feeling. don't hate him or her beacuse then you'll be reminded of them back again. Let things go. Be busy with your life.set goals and strive hard to achieve them. Treat yourself well (like go shopping buy things and even party with your friends). Tell your friends not to remind you of your past . And you'll get over things. Always be happy dear. Believe me "you deserve better ".
Enso
June 27th, 2019 9:50pm
Living in the past is like always looking in the rear view mirror. You never get to see the beauty of what is in front of you. Use your past relationship as a learning experience. It can teach you what you want and what you don’t want in your next one. Get back to knowing yourself and nurturing yourself. Get back to knowing who and what you are as an individual and continue to foster its growth. Take the time to begin focusing on yourself again. The ending of a relationship is a loss and it will require structure, routine, and processing that loss to heal.
Anonymous
July 28th, 2019 1:13pm
I always say this, the thing you resist, it persists. So, do not resist the thought of anything but think about it once and for all. Go to the roots of the thought, and explore all horizons. And then, you never need to "stop" thinking about anything, the thoughts will just go away. Given this, its also important to keep yourself busy. Empty mind is devil's playground, right? So, find something healthy to do, go for a walk, pursue a hobby, cook, game, spend some time with family, maybe work extra hours. Feed you brain some new thoughts. To dwell in past can be addictive, make an effort to refrain yourself from doing it.
breezydays222
August 28th, 2019 6:21am
Realise that as much as you are thinking about the good times, when it's all over, that person was not perfect- of course, nobody is perfect! There must have been times in the relationship where you might have thought "this person isn't right for me." Of course, you shouldn't ever completely discount the good times- the positive feelings you had with them, the great moments that you shared, all of the reasons you were with them, but realise too, that every relationship is a balance, and they are a real person who surely made mistakes. The more you see your ex as a flawed person, the less you will think back on them as a dream you can't get back.
uniqueAngel8317
October 26th, 2019 4:24pm
To be honest, it is hard to forget someone who was in your life that you shared emotions with, and have memories about. In the moments where you are thinking about your ex, dont run away from it. Sit down in a quiet space, allow those thoughts for a few minutes, focus on the good ones. Remember the reasons for your break up and take a mindful exercise after that. Be it some deep breathing, or what makes you feel calm. Then leave all those thoughts there. Get up and do something else. With time you will be able to control the thoughts and slowly you will find you are having less thoughts about your ex.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2019 12:45pm
1. Block them on whatever social media you have with them. 2. Stop communicating with them. 3. Think about all the reasons why you guys broke up and why you're better of without them. 4. If it was a bad breakup remember why it was bad and why you wanted them out of your life. 5. Stop going over your memories with them and talking to your friends about them- completely erase them from your life. 6. Move on- start spending more time with your friends or on your hobbies or interests. This helps you move on and forget about them.
Angela913
November 11th, 2019 9:05pm
it’s quite normal to be still thinking about them. Your brain might be telling you to text or call him/her because you miss them and the security of your relationship. Sometimes the pain of missing your ex might interfere with your life on many levels. *Perhaps you can’t concentrate at work? *Maybe it’s causing havoc with the relationships you have with your friends and family? *You might be trying to mask the hurt by drinking or getting into drugs? Experts agree that time will heal your pain but the longer you let it simmer the worse off you will be. Many people don’t realized how difficult breaking up is until it happens. There are all sorts of different routes to end a relationship. And yes, some people can breakup and remain good friends. Just understand that’s more like the exception to the rule and not the rule. Ask yourself if you are truly trying to forget about your ex? If you aren’t on board with this totally, well, it’s just not going to happen. Beware there are certain instances where you ex will creep back into your head and you need to be ready to accept, understand, and take action to move on.
CherryBlossom360
November 15th, 2019 4:13pm
First of all, you need to allow yourself some time to fully process the situation and what happened. This means that you need to allow your thoughts about him/her to flow through your mind---this is so that you can find closure, and move on with your life. Next, you need to eliminate him from your life in any way that you can (at least until you are sure that you are over him/her). This means that you need to delete his number, unfollow his Instagram & Facebook, and unadd him on snapchat. Doing these things will help you, but remember that in the long run' only time can heal.
Anonymous
November 29th, 2019 1:49am
Try focusing on something else in your life, your studies, career, family, friends, self care... Put all that energy you spend on your ex on something else. Find a new hobbies or start a new project, always keep your mind busy with something else. And don't punish yourself if you find yourself thinking about your ex, sometimes we do think about it and it's okay too, but when you do think about it, try to look at things with a critical point of view and understand what went wrong in your relationship and take that as a learning for future relations.
Listeningjaja
December 28th, 2019 12:14am
Slowly the thoughts you have about your ex will become less and less frequent. It’s hard to see now but soon you will be going about your day and you will notice you have not thought about them all day, or even for a few days. It takes time but it does happen. Try to focus on yourself and what makes you happy, don’t even focus on the bad times you had with them because that doesn’t do you any good. There is a reason they are your ex and you have so much more to look forward to that is positive!
Anonymous
January 5th, 2020 7:22am
Find something else you enjoy, reading, crocheting or take up a new hobby that excites you and gives you purpose. Remember all the reasons they are you’re ex and exactly why you are now not together. Make plans for things to concentrate on and must importantly take time to heal from the relationship and find joy in the people you have around you. If that doesn’t work then maybe you need closure so speak to your ex to tie up any loose ends . I hope you manage to take your mid if they ex and move on to big better things.
Anonymous
January 29th, 2020 11:09pm
I was in an on/off relationship for a year. Although it didn't last long, I really liked him. Unfortunately, he was interested into another girl. I struggled to keep him out of my mind for a long time. But then I realized what I was worth and what I deserved. A year later, I met someone new. We have now been together for three years. I promise that it will get better and you will find love again. Know that you are worth it and deserve only good. You are not alone and you are amazing. Keep your head up and focus on you.
benevolentPoetry31
February 6th, 2020 9:49am
I understand that It's difficult. But it's not impossible. You can start with baby steps. By planning few one hour or two and doing something by yourself or with someone that you like to do, for example it can be going out, going for workout or run, or trying something new for a hobby. Don't beat yourself up if you are not able to fully focus on the task at hand, just keep trying. It can be difficult at start but ones you get used to the routine of planning next few hours and doing that stuff, then you can plan something for long term, like something you always wanted to do, or learn something new like language or some course, or you can work on your career.
caringOcean5473
February 19th, 2020 5:08pm
You might be really going through a tough time. Life comes with it ups and downs, but you shouldn't dwell on the past. Remember there is more opportunities and hope ahead of you. Focus on yourself and grow as a person. Get yourself calendar of activities such as; hiking, taking a walk, meditation, yoga, or hang out with friends. Write down all the things that you use to enjoy as a kid and try to create an atmosphere in your space that encapsulates those activities. Keep looking forward and not back. There's light at the end of the tunnel. You can do it