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How can I stop thinking about my ex?

202 Answers
Last Updated: 09/25/2020 at 6:57pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Alison Humphreys, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

During the therapeutic process, individuals will learn to manage transitions, overcome obstacles and work towards their full potential .

Top Rated Answers
TheHelpingCaptain
February 29th, 2020 5:10am
Well, it really depends if you want to be with them or not. If you have decided with full faith in your mind not to be with them, then only we shall proceed. I suggest that you should distract yourself from thinking of her by doing something else. Something that you enjoy. Eventually you'll not think of her. Well it is the past that you're wondering about isn't it. Does that past exist? No it doesn't. So it is unwise to worry or think about something that doesn't exist anymore. You must believe in yourself. You must be yourself.
moonchild29
February 29th, 2020 3:26pm
I went through a break up recently too so my answer is personal. I still think about my ex too from time to time, but less so with time. I think what's important here is that I've accepted that it's over. We both had mistakes in this relationship and in the end we knew we couldn't really give what each other wanted. It doesn't stop me from caring about him, but it's over. One door closed might lead to another open. I cherish my ex and our memories still, but he's a part of my past, not my future.
infiniteWinter6178
March 7th, 2020 5:24am
Think of an activity/hobby you enjoy. Focus on that, set some goals to do with it. How can you improve your skills? e.g. if there's a certain sport you enjoy, join a team, or try doing a hard move, watch some games of the sport, read about the sport, train to play the sport, play the sport with your friends etc. If you enjoy cooking you might want to buy some cookbooks, look up some recipes, cook with friends, invent a recipe yourself, go to a restaurant etc. This way, you're doing something you enjoy, you're improving yourself and distracting yourself from your ex.
Birdiehelps1911
March 15th, 2020 11:46pm
Realize the reason they are your ex is probably that you were way too good for them. I know you may get this answer a lot, but it’s the truth. You deserve someone who will treat you right and stay there for you always. That someone with be so sad if you try to go and will try to stop you without threats. If they don’t threaten you or hurt you or lie to you, then that means they might be the one that is god enough for you. Until then, brush it off and try again! My best wishes, Chris
helpfulRose97
March 25th, 2020 12:47pm
Here are some tips that I have done to help myself. - Stop talking to them. this is usually very hard to cut the contact - Block them if you have to -Find a hobby you enjoy - may be a positive distraction -Go out with good friends - Spend quality time with family - Go to social events with people your age where your ex will not be. -Journal daily about your feelings. -Watch funny or happy shows or movies - Talk to a good friend - Talk to a trained listener or a therapist that is knowledgable in breakups and relationships. -Stay positive and know you will get through this.
FueledByCaffeineAndDreams
April 2nd, 2020 7:54pm
As much as we might like to, we can't always "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" our exes away. I still randomly think about my ex, and I've been married for years. You could have experienced some trauma in the relationship which is causing you to feel emotions being brought up over and over again. Or if your breakup is relatively recent, you just might not be ready to move on yet. Relationships are hard, and require us to be extremely vulnerable and open. When they end, we are right to feel wounded and exposed. Allow yourself to feel however you need to, allow yourself to grieve, and even think about your ex if you want to, but don't dwell on it if you can. Things like this take time, and sometimes a LOT of time. And if you don't feel like it's something you can overcome with time, a trained mental health professional, like a cognitive behavioral therapist, can help you develop coping mechanisms to deal with your pain and move forward.
Anonymous
April 19th, 2020 3:48pm
This is difficult because attachment is relative to the relationship and the people involved. However, I think the best way to stop thinking about an ex is to put your energy elsewhere. This could be focusing on yourself, through self care and making sure tht you can be the best version of yourself that you can be. You can also try to find new hobbies like a sport or crafts. Another way to approach this is to understand that these things take time and people are not wired to let go of a person so easily, so be patient with yourself and give yourself some time!
3rik
April 30th, 2020 3:34pm
The question I see is "How can I stop thinking about my ex?" Looks like this will be a theme with my answers as again I must start with "You don't" and here is why: I think every relationship we will ever have (including, but not limited to intimate relationships) could teach us something about ourselves and thus help us get to know who is "me" and what do "I" need to be the best me possible. Sounds silly, but it seems the longer we live the more we realise how little we know about ourselves. We all have a "blueprint" for life but non of them seem to be the same. Have You noticed that? So on the subject of any ex - there was a reason, why we were together. Embrace that. There was/is a lesson about "me" and what "I" want in life somewhere in there. Learn that. And if you have done both of those, you may well feel that you have grown as a human - and that is something worth think about, remember and being thankful for.
Anonymous
April 30th, 2020 8:36pm
Is there anything that reminds you of them (for example- a stuffed animal that reminds you of them?) If there is, get rid of the object. It will decrease times that you think about your ex. You don't have to go to the extent of blocking them on every social media app but start by unfollowing or unadding them on one platform. That way you are slowly and slowly getting rid of them in your brain. I would also listen to music that reminds you of power so that you can focus on something else and not them. Also exercising can help take your mind off of them for a short period of time!
Anonymous
May 20th, 2020 2:05pm
Thoughts are something that can't so easily be controlled. Especially if it is about someone with whom we shared something special once. Our mind is so conditioned to being with them that it takes time for it to undo or forget . But, Time is the best healer. Few things that can help: 1. Acknowledge/Accept whatever happened. 2. Try to allow yourself feel the pain, do not suppress it or resort to temporary distractions. 3. Remember who you were before you met him/her/them 4. Pick up a hobby, work on your mental and physical health. 5. Meet new people, connect more with the nature. It is tough, yes, but definitely not impossible. Keep working on yourself. I wish you happiness.
WarriorPrincess16
May 20th, 2020 8:10pm
By giving it time. People can give you a bunch of different tips to stop thinking about them short-term, but the long-term way is to be patient and give it time. Also, getting closure and talking it out with your friends and family can cause you to accept the break-up, and get over your ex. For the day-to-day struggle, I’d say to try out those tips. If you busy yourself with activities during the day, you’re more likely to spend less time thinking about your ex. You could: 1. Hang out with your friends more 2. Try new activities 3. Exercise 4. Anything else you can think of It can be a struggle, but “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, right?
zealousWinter25
June 4th, 2020 1:41pm
Take some time away from them, whether that's a social media detox, avoiding running into them or finding a distraction when they do come to mind. This is not easy at all, however, time will help. I know that's a cliche, but it really does if you take the time to work on you and try and move forward. Remembering the reasons as to why you broke up can also be useful. Determine if the break up was right, is there a possibility of getting back together, and if not, it might be time to work on moving on. Cutting off all reminders will help, even though it may not seem like it and you have to be disciplined in order to be able to do this.
DreamerAri22
June 13th, 2020 10:43pm
At first, it's always hard to get over your ex. When he/she/non-binary is the only person you can think of. When you both used to have moments of happiness and all of the love. Its never going to be easy, but it is possible. Time is one big factor, it's going to hurt at first no matter what, but you will get through this. Start off with deleting them out of your picture. Of course, you can still talk to them yet it won't be easy. So start off easy and clean. You got this and I believe in you!
Anonymous
June 26th, 2020 4:55pm
One way to stop thinking about your ex is to channel your frustration and sad feelings toward a productive goal. This can be anything ranging from studying harder for better grades at school or taking up a hobby you enjoy. This will get your mind off your ex while allowing you to grow as a person, increase your skill set, and become better at something you like doing. You may even try to starting dating again and putting yourself out there. No matter what you decide to do, make sure it is something you enjoy and will get you thinking about something else.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2020 6:00pm
By thinking about yourself and the reason why he is your ex and not your present and how he can't be your future. You will get all the answers and thus mind will stop pondering over such thoughts. Some past happenings gives certain experience that help us in taking wise future decisions. To get away from they past we need to face it, embrace it and start thinking about the present moment and how to make it best. And thinking about past is not wrong but judging yourself and mentally and physically torturing yourself because if past is wrong. One needs to realize there self worth. Because you are worthy🙂
Anonymous
July 4th, 2020 9:54am
Accept that it is over. There could be someone else out there who is more than capable of loving you wholeheartedly and making you happy. Sometimes, we do not miss the person but rather how we felt when we were with them. Whilst trying to forget about them, make yourself busy. Try out something you've always wanted to do, spend time with friends and family, work on improving yourself if your heart so desires. It is normal for people to yearn for their exes, especially fresh out of a breakup. Just know that you are not alone, and trust that better things are coming.
Elot
July 8th, 2020 5:33pm
A lot of times we may think of someone or something because there are still aspects that we need to process. In attempting to avoid thinking about them, we create a scenario where we are constantly thinking about them, but not in a productive way that allows ourselves the time and thought required to find closure and eventually move on. I would reflect on why you feel you should not be thinking about your ex, and then re-evaluate what aspects of your prior relationship you may still need time to process. Don't be afraid to delve deep, as that is how you will be able to move on from the past and find peace.
Anonymous
July 11th, 2020 7:59am
For all of us who have been through a break-up, this is something that we might all go through. To be very honest, there is no one clear way to avoid thinking about the ex. The constant thoughts of wanting to text them, memories of the past etc keep bugging us and the only way to forget them is to deal with them because there is no forgetting. Once a memory is formed it's easy to just say "forget it", but how to just forget it, right? If it were that easy, we wouldn't be here ;) Like I said, there is no one way of dealing with this and it depends from person to person. I, for instance have an extremely good social support that helps me not dwell on my ex and get on with that part of my life. Distractions are helpful, but only till a certain point. You will need to deal with the emotions that come with those thoughts to make yourself free. Closure is something extremely important for the breakup and this is something that will literally help both the people to "close" what they previously had. Thoughts about the ex will continue for sometime, especially if that relationship was important. Usually, it dissipates with time. The key to this would be how well these thoughts are managed.
LavenderKiwii
July 15th, 2020 2:16am
Breakups can be extremely difficult in the moment. But the aftermath is the real struggle. It is important to understand what you are feeling and why you are feeling that way. That being said, distraction is a great way to help with unwanted thoughts in the moment. Finding coping strategies to help alleviate overwhelming feelings about a breakup can be beneficial in the moment. However, don't forget to go back and revisit your emotions at a later time. As with most things, give it time and you will get used to a new routine without painful memories holding you back.
savannaharziee
July 15th, 2020 8:48am
there is no one way to stop thinking about your ex. if it's best for you to just ignore them and block them then great, but that doesnt always work. time is going to be your best friend. it always takes time. you have to come to terms with you you really feel before you are able to move on. what draws your mind to that person? you have to figure that out before you can just stop thinking about them. odds are you deserve better anyways. another way is to surround yourself with friends and family who love and care for you. there is no one way to just stop thinking about your ex, so find what is going to work for you.
Timber115
July 26th, 2020 11:49pm
Sorry that you're going through this, and i hope you stop thinking about him! So in my personal experience i really struggled with this because i still loved my partner even though we broke up. Anyhow, i found out that the best way to get over it and stop the thoughts is to surround yourself with other people. Whether it is family or friends - someone supportive. Someone that will keep you on your toes or try to distract you. That lasted for a while, but i decided to try doing things i haven't done before. Yoga, painting, etc. It really took my mind off of it. I hope it get's better!
Anonymous
September 25th, 2020 6:57pm
As cliche as it sounds, it will take some time to get over an ex. The best way to get over them is to do what makes you happy or rediscover passions you have and discover new interests to cultivate an appreciation for the self. It will take time, and no one says that it's easy.. getting over someone that you care for takes a lot of time and patience for yourself. Aside from doing what you can to indulge in yourself and to distract from your ex, it's always good to remember that with this process, its okay to hurt and to miss them. They are/were someone that you cared deeply for. Allow yourself to feel both positive and negative emotions to navigate your way through the breakup, and be gentle with yourself through the process.