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How can you move on after a long term relationship?

20 Answers
Last Updated: 10/29/2019 at 1:41pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Collin McShirley, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I love helping people overcome challenges with food, depression, and anxiety. My work with clients is nonjudgement, supportive, and kind.

Top Rated Answers
Pumpkin74
April 17th, 2015 5:05am
While we all know time is the only way to fully heal, I found 2 way to help deal with the wait! First, I set an alarm around 8pm and only allow myself 30 minutes to grieve the relationship. I usually like to write, listen to music and cry or exercise. Once that alarm goes off... I have to be done for the night. This also help during the day because I know there will be a time I can deal with my feelings but also helps me leave my free during the day. The second thing I always do it to schedule an event once a week that I will look forward to. It can be dinner with a friend, movie night, an art project or whatever I like but looking forward keeps me from looking back! :)
hoya88
October 2nd, 2017 7:42am
It is often difficult to move on after a long term relationship when so much of your life was invested in that person. Your future starts to look different and can take a different turn. Someone once told me that a break up means that you can create a new future for yourself. This is great advice. Post break up is the time to turn to your inner self and ask "What do I really want?" Now is the time to focus on you. You might want to move house, change the area in which you live, start a new hobbie, get fit again, learn something new, re connect with old friends, make new friends, work on a job promotion, change careers, take a holiday. The options are endless. It's important however to take some time out before making any drastic decisions. Take some time to be in the moment, feel the pain, feel the grief, come to some acceptance about your new situation and be kind to yourself.
Greatlistener87
March 22nd, 2016 3:54am
There is always a reason why you want to move on and why you left in the first place. Always remember that reason and never look back. Let go of what you can't change and move towards new things.
aparnakher
March 25th, 2015 7:43am
The key here is to focus on what has been with us longer than our long-term relationship : Ourselves. After a long-term of giving and caring and sharing and putting that special someone before us, we need to put us in place of that special someone. Its time for self-improvement, new friendships, hobbies and fun. :)
therapinto
March 1st, 2015 1:08pm
Remember when you move on and let go off, you will find peace within. Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it. Letting go opens up new possibilities. Don't think about any time as lost. Don't think that you've made a big mistake. The relationship was a mistake and hence it couldn't stand strong, but you need to go long.
Geveda
March 9th, 2015 2:03am
The biggest answer you'll get is going to be that it takes time, and that's true. It takes time to get used to what it's like to live life without that person, but you need something to do during that meantime so you don't feel so negative about it all, and the best thing for that is distractions. Finding things that you enjoy to do that are worthy of your time so that you don't have to be stuck lonely with your thoughts, because that makes moving on even harder.
Anonymous
May 3rd, 2015 7:08pm
It takes time but you would eventually get over it. Start Meeting new people go out stop thinking about it right through I know its hard but by you thinking about it ,it will take you longer to get over it and move on
charmingHeart92
November 23rd, 2015 4:57pm
It may be long term or short term relationship. but, the intimacy matters in any relationship. so, usually, a long term relationship has good bonding. so, moving on after that is difficult. yeah. it is agreeable. but, moving on is not impossible. the first thing we have to take up in our mind is that we are not born for others or not living for others. our life is for our's sake. and so, we wish to live it to the fullest. if this thought is nurtured in mind daily, it would be comparitively easier to move on, instead of remembering the same person and about the past.
NaturalScience
June 27th, 2016 11:48pm
The simple answer is: just do what you always do. Work, eat, sleep, play, etc. Try to engage yourself in some new activities. Spend time with friends, or making new ones. Eventually you will start feeling better, whether it feel that way now or not! You'll meet someone else when you least expect it and the rest will be water under the bridge.
Bus19439
March 7th, 2017 4:55pm
For many ending a long term relationship, regardless of the reason can be traumatic. We all change when we're in one and after coming out of one we have to reevaluate who we have become. Sit back, let it sink in an rediscover who you are and what your goals now are. That should help getting over any stress or possible pain you may have experienced.
Alinium
August 16th, 2016 11:58am
by accepting that if it ended it was both of our fault. that we will always have memories that bind us together, but we were not meant to be.
StrikeFreedom
March 7th, 2017 11:30pm
This is one that really strikes home! From my personal experience, the only thing that really solves this is time. You have to find things that center you and build you up. For me, that was joining the gym. It did wonders for relieving my stress and it's something that has remained an integral part of my identity today. Not to mention it's a massive confidence booster.
Anonymous
March 22nd, 2015 6:40pm
Take some time for yourself. You know you the best and how you can heal. Find ways that you're comfortable when dealing with the hurt. But don't stop yourself from having fun!
Anonymous
September 29th, 2015 8:56am
Best thing to do is distract yourself, get your self out with your friends and family, get advice off them about how you feel, concentrate on your hobbies or interests or work. Eventually, you will feel free from their presence :)
Nithou
December 29th, 2015 5:46pm
By giving yourself time, and investing in yourself. Usually when a long term relationship ends, you have to rebuild your own self esteem and get back on your feet. Give you some time for grief, and then slowly start to rebuild yourself, through talking to friends, doing some sport, reading, ... whatever floats your boat. But especially give yourself time :)
kdrodriguez14
September 24th, 2018 3:52pm
I was with someone for two and a half years, and things ended badly so I had no other choice than to move on. What worked for me was focusing on myself and doing things that made me happy. (Writing, reading, painting, etc.) Doing those things really helped distract me, and they made me forget about the negative situation that was happening. There is a someone for everyone, and in the mean time you can do things that make you happy. Find yourself again. Sooner or later I promise you'll feel a lot better and care free. You'll forget it even happened :)
divinewillpower86
June 22nd, 2015 1:00am
Long term relationship is a way towards success or happiness. But when it's over or not able to work it hurts a lot. Thinking about what you have instead what you have lost helps to recover. Sharing, talking and thinking about present will help to get away from current situation. Once you are set to a new lifestyle you can make a move to go to new relationship.
LaughingWillHelp
November 30th, 2015 11:40am
A part of you can never move on an this is a sad truth but another part will move on to another relationship with the same if not more happiness. It's just a part and parcel of life.
Anonymous
January 18th, 2016 1:19pm
With determination, long term relationships are hard to recover from, no matter who was the one who decided to leave. You will get there in time. Just don't rush yourself
jojowinter
October 29th, 2019 1:41pm
For a long time that question was in my head, I would always ask other people, search in internet and watch videos about it. The truth is that I couldn't move on, after "knowing how" I couldn't do it, I had so much theory but I it was not possible for me to heal. Until I realised that it was my choice to move on or not, most of us have this stage after a breakup where we don't want to move on, and we decide to stay there... when you decide you really want to move on the best thing is to start thinking by yourself, what do you like, if there is something you always wanted to do, do it! find new hobbies, start exercising (for me was one of the best things to feel better), learn something new, travel, go out with friends, whatever that make you feel better. And the most important thing, be patient with yourself, moving on is not from one day to another, it takes time and effort, everyday choices, so, take time for yourself and focus on make your own happiness. You can be good for some time and then will come difficult days but just keep going, one day you will realise how much you learned and you are going to be stronger.