How can you tell that you have really moved on?
Last Updated: 12/20/2020 at 4:42pm
Lindsay Scheinerman, MA, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
My work with clients is to help them recognize and build on their strengths to find solutions for the conflicts presented in their lives.
Top Rated Answers
After a few months, I realised that losing you wasn’t really a loss. Losing you made sense. Losing you was inevitable. I lost you because I never really had you. You were never really mine, you were always searching for something away from me you were always thinking of someone else when you were with me. I lost you because I would’ve lost who I was if I held onto you. I lost you to find myself. See, I learned that it’s better to lose some people than to hold on to the hope of them coming back, because a person who doesn’t want to lose you, will never let you slip away. But you didn’t fight. You didn’t try. And in turn, you made my decision for me. You made it easier for me to think of losing you as another way to find myself another way to save myself. And for the first time, you made me realise that not every person you lose is a loss and that losing can sometimes be winning. For the first time, you made me realise that losing someone is sometimes the only way to love yourself. For the first time, you made me realise there is so much more to be found in losing someone who was never meant to stay. Losing you was hard, but keeping you was harder. Losing you was a lesson but not a loss. Losing you was my favourite win.
When you're not caring about this question anymore. My answer is actually done with this but I need to write more to post it. Minimum 100 characters. So I think I need to talk something gibberish for some time. So lemme tell you ways in which you can move on. You can engage yourself in different activities. And remember that it takes time to actually move on. Move on doesn't happen in one day or sometimes not even in one month. So you just gotta trust yourself that it'll all be fine one day. Till then act like you've actually moved on. And don't panic if you feel stuck sometimes. It's absolutely ok. It's ok to feel sad too and also to feel as if you've never initiated moving on. It's all a part of the moving on process. I hope that it'll all work for you. Have a nice moving on time!
Personally from my experience when i was really in love with some guy it took me a while to move on from him because every thing reminded me of him...so three years passed and i was still occasionally thinking about him but after i saw him the feeling of excitement and nervousness just wasn’t there anymore. I felt nothing standing in front of him. I could normally ask him about his relationship with his new girlfriend even though i never pictured myself doing it ever. I think you’ll just know. I still think we spent nice time together and we made a lot of beautiful memories together...i could tell i moved on when i felt more connected to the memories than the actual person standing in front of me. It felt liberating
I have really moved on when I am able to live my life without constantly thinking about the event. It's okay if it crosses my mind or I think about what I learned, but constantly thinking about it is unhealthy. It depends on what the event is, but for embarrassing moments that do not seem to leave you, once you stop forcing yourself to be cautious all the time, you have moved on. It is also important to never force yourself to move on, and just let time do its thing but also try to figure things out. Those are my experiences.
It's confusing at first. although time can help people move on, but they or the thing does alway remain in your memory. And when that pops up, you're unsure whether you've really moved on or not. So instead of that, consider whether you're more focused on them/it or you're more focused on your, lets say, future? Do you think about them all the time or have you started thinking about other things? Moving on is a long process, we need to be patient with ourselves. I hope that was helpful. Take care, and try indulging yourself in a lot of activities.
When your thoughts stop being occupied completely by them and you can have no problem getting rid of things that hold on to memories. The memories will always be a part of you and make you who you are, but when there aren't any emotions attached to the memories, is when you've moved on. And when you can create new memories with someone else is also a sign that things have moved on. It's a process and it won't happen over night, it can take months or years. But slowly becoming less attached to the memories can help :)
For me, it’s when I no longer felt attached to the person. When I didn’t want to check their social media and when my thoughts quit going to them. It helps to get over someone by finding yourself. Diving deeper into your hobbies and interests. Persona development and learning ways of not being codependent. For some of my past relationships I will always have feelings or care for them but I am okay with not being with them and even do not want to be with them. But I still care about them as a person and want them to be happy and live their best life.
You can tell if you really moved on if you can look back and accept that this relationship was a huge part of your life. There may have been love there and there probably always will but you know that the separation was so you could grow as a person. When someone mentions them you don't have that "butterfly" feeling anymore. Their name becomes indifferent to you or a name that brings back those memories for a moment. You no longer linger on what you used to be and move on to find a new love. You don't have to completely ignore their existence or prove to anyone you've moved on. Truthfully, only you know whether you've moved on.
You can tell you have moved on, when you don't ask yourself this. When you begin to feel at ease with yourself and your past relationship. You are able to reflect back on it and laugh or are reasonable with it. To know you have moved on, is being okay with that person, they don't ignite any strong emotions. You have to be able to let go and look at other people, talk to other people, and find comfort in other people. A little part of you will always be wanting them and that's okay, its all part of moving on.
When you are able to talk about what happend without feeling hurt. When thinking about what happend no longer has an impact on how you're feeling. You're able to be present in moment and don't spend time ruminating on what happend. You no longer feel the need to evalute it and search for solutions. You no longer feel the feeling of unfinished business. You are able to open your heart again and be vulnerable. To be able to trust again and accept the risk of getting hurt. Everyone's journey to healing and moving on is different, so take what resonates and leave the rest.
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