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How can you unlove someone?

302 Answers
Last Updated: 06/10/2022 at 3:20pm
How can you unlove someone?
1 Tip to Feel Better
Greece
Moderated by

Maria Wasielewski, Master of Arts in Counseling and Guidance, University of Arizona

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am inspired when working with clients, who are facing challenging life experiences, to be able to help them to develop the needed skills to live their best possible life!

Top Rated Answers
YellowSunshine20
June 6th, 2018 10:21am
Time is the answer. You can't force your body to get rid of emotions whenever you like. In the meantime, learn to love yourself by meditating and taking care of yourself mentally. This is the most important thing in life. Let your emotions remove itself in good time
Smilewhenitrains87
May 20th, 2015 5:49am
I don't think you can. You can't just erase them from your memory. But you can learn healthy ways to cope and in time move on.
Anonymous
May 8th, 2016 1:37pm
well you cant force yourself to unlove someone ,but yeah you can try to engage yourself in different activities ..... so your mind can concentrate on other things apart from those to whom you love ...
GoldenSnitch86
May 12th, 2016 11:19am
I guess, as a starting point, you need to know that it takes time. When you really love someone, your mind and heart gets emotionally entangled with the person that you are in love with. SO, unwinding that, takes its own sweet time. While I don't know if there is any fool proof way, but I do believe that being occupied helps - especially occupied in things that you love doing - could be anything - swimming, dancing, singing, traveling, anything else that interests you. I've also seen socializing help some people - so, if you have been a social butterfly in the past, maybe its a good idea to reconnect with friends who you have lost touch with..
Wideawake4Life
November 21st, 2014 2:49pm
To unlove someone seems to imply that you once loved them but that love and the actions of love have ceased. So, something changed, either the other person changed or your view of the other person changed. So, how can you unloved someone? You can stop loving them, you can say or do unloving things, you can separate yourself from them? it seems that you might unloved someone most because they have hurt you?
SenpaiXD
April 20th, 2015 10:56am
You can never unlove someone because the happy memories that you once had were all real and genuine.
Anonymous
September 26th, 2019 7:30am
I think we cannot really learn to unlove someone, especially if we shared a deep connection with them. However, I think, with time, we can learn to slowly detach ourselves from them and from what we thought and felt about them at one point in time. By giving ourselves time and space to heal from this relationship and then, devoting this time to other areas of our life, we can slowly and gradually bounce back. We can start redistributing our love and redefining our previous relationships with others. We can learn and give new meanings to love and with time, we can look back fondly, yet not feel the urge to go back to them. So, you don't unlove them, but you slowly detach and focus on yourself and redefine your relationships with others and with your own self.
iAmHereifYouFeelAlone
September 20th, 2019 2:33pm
You can’t unlove someone. If you ever felt like you “fell out of love” then the fact is, you never really loved him/ her in the first place. And if you really love someone and decide to unlove him/ her, then you are just in denial of what you really feel. You can act like you don’t love him/ her anymore, but that’s just it. Deep inside, you still care; you still love that person. ————— You can’t unlove someone. If you ever felt like you “fell out of love” then the fact is, you never really loved him/ her in the first place. And if you really love someone and decide to unlove him/ her, then you are just in denial of what you really feel. You can act like you don’t love him/ her anymore, but that’s just it. Deep inside, you still care; you still love that person.
AngieNocturne
September 27th, 2018 4:05pm
Some famous writer said that you can't unlove someone. You just find someone who you have a greater love for, who makes you forget the problems and the one you think you can't unlove. 2. Be objective and think of all the bad traits the person had. Of course, everyone has flaws they shouldn't be judged for. Most importantly, trust me, time heals all. Right now it may seem like the end of the world, but it gets better as time passes by, you will learn to live without them, and without the constant thought of them. Good luck!
affectation
July 28th, 2018 12:44pm
Was that person toxic? As someone who loved someone very much only to eventually get hurt by that person, I thought that I should hate them. I couldn't because they were one of my closest friends. So instead, I let myself feel love for them but I stopped acting upson it. I drew a line and told myself; I can love this person for the good memories we shared, but I cannot love them for the hurt they gave me and I cannot love them for the hurt they will continue to give me. My love is for our good times only but I cannot love past that. You can't un-love someone but you can gather all that love and keep it only for the good memories shared. You won't be able to love a person who hurt you but you love them when they apologize. Stop yourself from loving them if they hurt you. Direct that love towards the good things in the past.
CallMeJules
August 9th, 2017 2:24pm
Well, as for me, it take time, love and forgiveness. No matter which kind of relationship it is. Could be with your parents, your sister or brother, a friend or even your companion. When it hurts, it hurts. You will never forget but if you find in your heart enough love for yourself, you will forgive the person and move on.
frankiepamela1
November 14th, 2017 5:06am
You can't "unlove" a person, but you can take this time to learn to be happy without them. Focus on self-care and try to think of them as little as possible. If this means hiding photos or unfollowing on social media, then go for it. Spend time with family, friends, pets, or anyone else that you love. Try new things, or continue doing old things that you enjoy. Take an art class, go for a bike ride, meditate, etc. There are so many things you can do to care for yourself while also distracting yourself from thoughts about this person. Remember that you absolutely do not need the love of another person in order to be happy. You are a strong individual who is capable of finding your own happiness.
Anonymous
July 19th, 2020 12:03pm
I believe you cannot unlove someone you once loved dearly. Either they can be replaced by someone else for whom you feel even stronger love for or you can only learn being without them which is extremely important to survive. When we want to forget someone we try harder to forget them which never works because the more you try to forget them the more you will fall prey to your own emotions. The best way is to accept your feelings, validate your emotions that you are having, and avoid criticizing yourself for feeling things that you are feeling. For instance, if you are feeling love for someone you cannot have or don't love you back, accept it. If they have cheated on you & moved on to someone else, just accept it. The more you accept your current situation the more you are validating it & making things easier for yourself. The problem arises only when we deny those facts we don't wanna hear or those facts that we just cannot approve of. We must not forget that whether we deny it or accept it, the fact is still gonna be the same. Then why hurt yourself by rejecting facts? Henceforth, just accept that you can't be with that person. Teach yourself to do things without them. If they were someone you used to do your life with, it will be indeed the toughest task for you. With the conviction to move on with your life you can do this. Time is the biggest healer. Give yourself credit each time you try, this will motivate you. If you only try a few times & criticize yourself for not getting results out of it, it is only gonna demotivate you which might make you think that you can never forget/live without them. Remember, there is nothing that humans cannot do. We alone limit ourselves. Put your effort on moving on, not on forgetting. Put your effort on yourself, not on them. The more time you had invested in them the same period of time or even more will be required to move on from them. It is all about how strong your emotions for them were. Good Luck, Lots Of Love, Angel.
Nansidrew
July 27th, 2018 6:12pm
Frankly, you can't. At least, not at first. You'll try and try to get them off your mind, but they'll keep showing up in your thoughts. This cycle continues; the regret, the sadness, the loss, the pain. Until one day, you wake up. And they're not the first thing on your mind. Stay strong, it's a long journey.
friendlyComfort96
July 5th, 2018 2:56am
You can never unlove someone.. Once we love someone we have chosen to give them a part of ourselves that we will never obtain again. We have to learn how to live without them instead of trying to unlove them.. it can be hard to go on without someone, but you always have to remember that you were meant to meet that person for a reason, and that reason will go on for the rest if your life.
Livelovedream18
June 2nd, 2018 12:05am
Love is a powerful word and it's hard to unlove someone but you can always talk about it with someone like right now I'll be more than happy to help you talk about it.
Anonymous
May 18th, 2018 5:18am
It depends on the situation but you can unlove someone through acceptance and focusing on the present. If there is any particular reason you need to unlove them because of heartbreak, abuse, et cetera. you should sit down and think about that person. Think about who they are in the present and why you should not love them anymore. Accept that person for who they are and try not to dwell on your past with them. The more you come to terms with who they are now rather than who they used to be is when you can focus more on the present. Getting more involved with things that are presently happening rather than the past will help you move forward and grow as a person.
Anonymous
April 25th, 2018 4:05pm
There is really no one you can unlove someone once you start loving them, you might lose the feelings for them on the surface, but deep down you still love them no matter what. Unless you did not love them like true love but what you call "true love" you will never stop loving them no matter what you do.
Anonymous
January 13th, 2018 3:46pm
in order for you to fall out of love with someone, you must love yourself more. loving yourself more makes you realize that you don't deserve to cry for someone who doesn't love you back or who doesn't respect you, it simply makes you indestructible and it makes you see your worth. you have to make yourself occupied so that you'll have no time to think of him or her, like studying harder, or doing things that you love the most, or spending more time with your friends and family. you should never hold a grudge, even if that person broke your heart because holding a grudge won't benefit you & it's actually a toxic for you.
CalmSea8
November 13th, 2017 8:12pm
There is only 1 way which is accepting the truth that this one is not your one and trying to search for someone who loves you back and gives you what you demand to be satisfied.
windfox3
September 9th, 2017 8:13pm
It's very hard to stop having feelings towards people. It's probably just as hard to stop hating someone, as it is to stop loving someone. The fact of the matter is, our emotions are important. Who we give them to (or waste them on) is the key to understanding. Every single emotion that we have is a product of energy in our body. When we feel love towards someone who does not reciprocate the emotion, we're giving away energy to a person or cause that will never fulfill us. We will slowly drain, because we are giving that emotional fuel to others and not getting any nourishment in return. The same goes for people whom we love, who constantly hurt us. We can only nourish others so long and starve ourselves for love before the unhealthy cycle starts to break us down. Once you realize the gift of your love and of your energy, it is a matter of honoring it and choosing to give it to those who will appreciate it's worth.
Anonymous
June 12th, 2016 9:07pm
You can't just "unlove" someone. Embrace the fact that you've been in love, deal with the heartbreak maturely and move on.
GingerBread212
June 11th, 2016 1:52pm
Ignorance and indifference, simple as that. Its not hate that is the opposite of love, but indifference
NathanIsHereForYou
May 26th, 2016 7:28pm
Unloving someone can be very difficult. It requires mental strength and preparation to handle situations as these. Unloving someone will be painful but feel great in the end. Recommended steps to unloving someone would be to talk with them less, find someone who makes you happier/someone you love, accepting that they are not the person you deserve, and appreciation for yourself!
Anonymous
May 26th, 2016 3:51pm
You can "unlove" someone by kicking the person out of your life. Do not talk to them, do not look at them or whatever. Delete all messages, photos and the memories. Get to know someone new, who deserves your love.
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2016 6:35pm
The realty is we cant stop our self for loving someone. But the time is best healing medicine out love becoming faint with the passage of time,
miraculousHorizon40
December 28th, 2015 11:14pm
There is nothing as unloving someone. Love is an emotion, it grows with time, but if you really want to not love someone anymore then you should just stop thinking about them. Make yourself busy and obviously try to remain as far as possible from them.
heavenRose98
November 22nd, 2014 3:43pm
Unloving someone means that you have moved on from that person. At one time you cared about them and loved them but now you are not wanting to be with them anymore and maybe they have broken your heart or maybe you have found someone knew that cares for you more than they did. When I was in college I had a boyfriend I thought he was the one. However, he broke my heart. He broke up with me. Even though I still loved him he had broke my heart. In that situation he fell out of love with me and therefore I had to learn how to move on and not care about him anymore.
raisinmyremedy
March 21st, 2015 11:51am
Love is... complicated to say the least... Sometimes the people we love can hurt us, and I guess in those instances, we'd want to stop loving them because it's simply unhealthy continuing to love someone who doesn't love us, or whatever reason it is. For me, unloving someone takes time... Lots and lots of time, as well as lots and lots of pro/con lists to remind me of all the times they might've hurt me. Support is also really important during these times. Having people who you can trust around you during times like these can really help you move on and unlove a person. These people who you trust care about the way you feel, and want the best for you, thus, would provide you with the best help that they possibly can to help you through everything. But yes, time is really important.
AustenMia
October 4th, 2018 10:05am
I think that you cannot really unlove someone, once you love, it is eternal. You always care about them. However, the kind of love you have for that person might change. I have this theory that when you are unable to love, you have a disability. Love is one of the most amazing feelings on earth, and take it from someone who's been hurt A LOT quite recently, you don't want to change it for the world. It proves your heart is big enough to hold anyone, no matter what. The opposite of love is hate, or indifference, and I don't wish that for anyone. Always care about people, even if they hurt you. You don't have to hung around people who hurt you, but you don't have to unlove them. Just care from a distance, in a type of love that does not hurt you. Usually it's not something YOU do, it just happens as time passes. That's all you can do, unfortunately, wait. Soon, you will find people who will make you feel great again, and the love you have, will make you even more loveable.