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How can you unlove someone?

278 Answers
Last Updated: 12/26/2020 at 4:45am
How can you unlove someone?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
SettingSun1985
July 25th, 2018 8:55pm
It's not possible to unlove someone but it is possible to take your mind off this person so that your feelings will Mayberry die down. The best thing to do is switch your mindset- try something new, do things you love, work on a project, etc.
shiningGrace80
August 1st, 2018 1:51pm
You can't really unlove someone. All you can do is move on by distancing yourself from that person and his/her memories. You have to stay pretty strong for that. This way you can find someone new.
Anonymous
August 1st, 2018 8:27pm
Well first, it might take a while to do it. Loving someone is such a wonderful and crazy experience, so to unlove someone, can be just as crazy. I'd say distance yourself, maybe distract yourself from them, to clear your mind. Talk to other people. I'm sure in no time you'll feel better about this person, hope all is well, and all goes well!
MidnightRaven999
August 7th, 2018 6:25pm
Honestly, in my personal opinion, you cant just force yourself to stop loving someone, however there are certain things you can do to try and make it stop, like not talking to them or seeing them, basically not having them be a part of your life anymore, and eventually your feelings for them will fade.
Mahony1989
August 8th, 2018 2:45am
I dont believe you can unlove someone once you have. It can turn into anger and frustration, amd maybe detatchment. But once you love its unlikely you will ever unlove them.
EmpatheticEars94
August 10th, 2018 8:00am
Love is a complex and abstract term and emotional state that can be influenced by so many factors. To unlove someone is when your values and ideas that are attached to love is violated, broken or tarnished by someone you felt that you loved. This may lead you to denounce what you feel and see is love towards that person.
CallmeBabe
August 11th, 2018 2:09am
I don't believe that You can unlove someone, but I do think you can take them from being a priority to being just a random person in your life, I do think that getting to know new people helps, find someone else maybe a friend or a family member, make talking to them every day a priority. just replace the person that you are trying to unlove.
plantbudd
August 15th, 2018 5:14pm
There is no one way of going about moving on, and it can be very hard, but distancing yourself from them and memories can be very helpful
Lerrxx14
August 30th, 2018 11:37pm
I dont really think is possible to ''unlove'' someone, you just get over them, love is something that doesnt appear from a day to the next day. is a feeling that comes slowly and is hard to just cut it. you dont unlove you learn how to live without that person in your life and to see him/her without feeling bad anymore, but there will always be a little piece of you that will feel something for that person. is not bad to forget people that did really bad on you but it is to hate them or having bad feelings for them. we just need to learn how to move on and focus on new projects of life
Anonymous
September 3rd, 2018 11:31am
There is no way to love or unlove someone or something. Love is a feeling which comes out naturally, without any pressure or bias or any sort of external factors. So, when you experience a pure form of this feeling to get rid of it is not that easy. However, unloving or running away is never a solution. All we should do is to try and move on. This is going to require exercise of mind and heart. One can start by breaking patterns, the way your heart and head responds to a certain situation/feeling, observe and try not to come across that. If at all you do, change the way you respond to it. Second, train your brain into learning something new and different. Your energy is going to focus on that. Third, keep yourself busy. When you follow these steps continuously, you can change the impact of love as an emotion. And eventually you can move out of it.
snowflakes
September 12th, 2018 1:37pm
You cannot unlove someone. There are different types of people and there are different types of love. Some love silently and move on on failing in love but remember that love all their lives , while some encounter difficult in moving on. Some just get over it more easily and forget it. During initial period, we don't understand which type of love we are going to go through but later on we realize and than we should just accept it. If it's hurting you too much, you can do just one thing. Instead of trying to unlove that someone, just start loving yourself. Go out. Find new hobbies. Spend time with family, friends. Learn new skills . It will definitely help to make the other part more bearable
AustenMia
October 4th, 2018 10:05am
I think that you cannot really unlove someone, once you love, it is eternal. You always care about them. However, the kind of love you have for that person might change. I have this theory that when you are unable to love, you have a disability. Love is one of the most amazing feelings on earth, and take it from someone who's been hurt A LOT quite recently, you don't want to change it for the world. It proves your heart is big enough to hold anyone, no matter what. The opposite of love is hate, or indifference, and I don't wish that for anyone. Always care about people, even if they hurt you. You don't have to hung around people who hurt you, but you don't have to unlove them. Just care from a distance, in a type of love that does not hurt you. Usually it's not something YOU do, it just happens as time passes. That's all you can do, unfortunately, wait. Soon, you will find people who will make you feel great again, and the love you have, will make you even more loveable.
Sunshine444
December 12th, 2018 10:01am
I would say instead of Unlove you can detach yourself from someone and that is easy that unloving. As love is an emotions and detachment is an action. Consciously we can start detaching ourselves from the person by forgiving him or her for his or her things and also slowly going away from things that reminds him/her. Accepting the reality that decision is mutual and something good will result from it. Finally taking efforts to look at it from the perspective where nobody is feeling hurt and love is part of that but this time love is not feeling but phase that you experienced .
isipair
December 13th, 2018 4:20am
This is easier said than done. First take steps to decrease and eliminate contact with the person. This includes in-person contact and electronic communication. Resist urges to reconnect. This will be very difficult during the first several months but it will take less effort over time. Next, make efforts to increase positive experiences in your life. Concentrate on yourself, your interests, your hobbies, things that you have put off in your life. Also, think about increasing your support system. Reconnect with important people in your life that you have been out of touch with. Also, open yourself up to new friendships. Finally, if you have time, think about how you can give back to others. Think about organizations you might volunteer at.
miracle26
December 14th, 2018 3:49pm
The question is can we really unlove someone? and if we unlove do we hate? what is hate? hate is a powerful and strong word. in other words i dont think we unlove. -someone Its hard to unlove someone while you’re still at the height of loving the person. It is even very difficult to detach yourself from someone whom you have built trust and love. We just grow and manage to use the hurt as stepping stones to create a better and stronger person. All I can deduce is that sometimes no matter how hard you force yourself to unlove someone, it is not entirely possible. You can be in denial and even find ways to hate them instead. But when something triggers you, you’d realized that the love you have for them never really went away
naturalNaturalNutella
January 6th, 2019 4:52am
you can't. i won't lie- its gonna hurt. if you really love this person, it will hurt for a long time. you'll think your getting better and then you'll see them with another girl or hear that he or she kissed someone else and the thought of their lips touching someones who aren't yours makes you sick to the stomach and you go home and have a good old fashioned sob. you won't feel better for a long time. they will constantly be on your thoughts- because loving someone has to count for something right? but after your body gets tired of making tears for the same person over and over again you will start to notice the stars in the sky again and the tulips on the road. and it will take a long time, maybe you'll hurt to think about it forever, but i really really hope and pray, you won't feel this broken hearted forever
miraculousIris31
January 26th, 2019 5:28am
You have to ask yourself are you sure you don't love this person anymore. Loving someone is hard. You put your trust and faith in that person. Only to have him or her betray you. When you are ready you will stop loving him or her. If you need to get professional help. You might want to do it. Sometimes it helps to have someone listen to you and understand what you are going through. There are no easy answers when it comes to love. One thing is for sure. You will fall in love again. Who knows what will happen hugs
FeatheredFox
January 31st, 2019 10:48pm
Hate them with as much passion as you loved them. After everyday, think of 3 things that made you happy (anything but the person you loved) it works, I did this myself and with my friend and just thinking of three things alone can "rewire" your brain to be happy. If you find yourself thinking about them, make your mind think about the flaws in them. Make a list of "Love", "can live with" and "deal breakers" put all of the things you loved, can live with and if you put anything in Deal breakers, only remember those things about them. It's brutal, but it's the only way you can heal from them.
Anonymous
February 14th, 2019 11:40pm
It's hard to unlove someone, but if that's what's best for you then just think about the things you didn't like about them, their flaws, and how they weren't right for you. Don't think about the wonderful times you spent together or the conversations you held with them, look at the negative things, and you're heart will detach itself from them. But be careful, you don't want to learn to hate them over these things. Don't think about the time that they comforted you when you were crying or the hilarious inside jokes you made/had with them but the times they made you upset and you felt conflicted about them. I hope this helps love
Kendall2000
March 17th, 2019 5:29pm
Love is a complicated yet beautiful thing. When you are in love with someone it is hard to think about not being there with them or not being in love with them anymore. But sometimes you have to stop loving someone for either your good or theirs. To stop loving someone you should try new things, hang out with new people so you will forget about them in that moment. You will see how much fun you can have without them and realize you don't need them. Also completely cut them out of your life. If you have to be near them limit the time with them. Stop texting or calling them and unfollow their social media so you don't have to think about them. And give it time, you won't stop loving someone right away especially if the one you love was a huge person in your life. Remind yourself whenever you think about him/her that you need to stop, you need to get over them. And put yourself out there to different people. That will surely take your mind off of that person because there will be a new person in your life.
Anonymous
April 20th, 2019 3:43am
I don't believe you can just unlove somebody. You will always hold a little bit of love for someone. The main goal is to love someone more than you loved the other person even if that person is you. If you got out of a relationship because it just wasn't right or you were better friends or any other reason, talking to that person and understanding what really happened is another way to get closure. Ive been in this situation many times, the best thing i have learned to do is remember the good times with the person and try to find someone to make double the memories with.
Anonymous
May 8th, 2019 8:40pm
you can't , you just have to go on your life .your heart may be broken and you may feel sorry to your self , it's life and it is always unfair . your love is natural, you could respect that and find another way to forgive and forget the past .start over and over again till you find your path. sometimes we make mistakes ... big ones to the only one who truly help in times no one can ....who truly needs our love and effort not any one else ...that one is us . yes we need to love our-self
Anonymous
May 29th, 2019 10:19am
By distracting yourself from them. The more you don't see them the more you'll incline away from them and start to unlove them. Taking some time away from them is the best way to forget someone you love. And talking it out with a person you feel comfortable with or basically someone from 7 Cups so that you'll completely let everything out up in your chest. In the meantime take care of yourself, your skin, your meals, and health. Go out to have fun with your friends, socialize, meet new people. It's not always easy but it's possible.
Quiltangel75
June 8th, 2019 6:47pm
If it is real love, it can't be undone. If the love isn't returned, a person just learns to live with the absence of it. It is much like when a loved one dies, you continue to love them, but of course it can't be returned. It is an emotion that we learn to live with, and cope with. We can't force someone's love. It happens or not. We go on with our life, and find a new love eventually. Love never fails. Why not continue to love the unlovely, even if it costs us emotional currency? We find new paths for that love, and never stop trying. Love is the greatest gift given by our Creator. It is worth pursuing .
Anonymous
June 19th, 2019 4:55am
You don’t. You shouldn’t force yourself to stop loving someone even if it hurts as you won’t make any progress and will only result in you suffering more. Some might tell you that you should nitpick at all of their bad points and hate them. Switching your love for hate isn’t something you should end up doing. Some might also say that get yourself a rebound. Again, this is not something you should do. Being in a relationship with someone while you’re still hung up over your ex will only hurt both of you.Instead, you should distract yourself. When you find yourself thinking about them, you can distract yourself by doing other things. Find new hobbies or be more immersed in your current hobby.
creativeMist74
August 1st, 2019 1:03am
you can not really un love someone. eventually your feelings will disappear and it will be a bit less than love... but you need to distract yourself and try to forget... find reasons why you are better without him or her. if this does not help just think of it as you still care about them and that you will always have that one place in your heart... but do not do not do not get worked up on this you do what you have to do... i hoped this helps and just remember you are amazing have a good day guys
Anonymous
August 29th, 2019 7:42pm
Love such a temperamental thing, falling in love is easy.However falling out of love is harder you have to except and let yourself too accept the sadness and disappointment you feel about the loss of love towards them.Dont give them much attention focus on you what do you want to make you happy. Look at the individual as they really are with all their flaws and imperfections. Talk with an unbiased friend about how your feeling its easier to get a perspective that way. Everything happens for a reason one day you will find someone who will love you for you and make you happy.
beautifuldarkclouds
September 12th, 2019 9:24am
That is a strange but good question. Unlove, for me its non-existent word. If you love someone, that never going to go. You always keep that person in the corner of your heart. For example, you love someone, and that relationship ended after a few years due to some reasons like both got to take a different path. And you respected the decision you and your partners had made. It will take time to accept that break up, how hard you try, you can't give up that love. That pure love stays. It always does. You can undo something in such thing is that expectation and those attachments. You can undo those feeling only by finding true love.
Anonymous
November 3rd, 2019 5:55am
This is a tough question. Love is a strong and intense feeling. It can mend but it can also break. How can you unlove someone? Well...I don't think you can. How did you come to love them in the first place? What did they do to make you want to unlove them? Why do you want to unlove them? Was the love real? I guess these are more questions...not answers. In my opinion...I don't think you can ever 100% truly "unlove" a person if you honestly loved them. It's molded into your mind and brain...that love. So I guess you'd have to ask yourself if you actually loved them in the first place.
verilylovely
November 14th, 2019 8:22pm
This is a tricky question to answer. There are many tips and tricks out there that can help people deal with a recent breakup, or unrequited love. However, the only real proven effective method is time. It is an unfortunate part of life that we all experience unrequited love, heart break or loss that may leave us feeling like we wish we could just hit the "Love off" switch. Give yourself space to hurt and cry, focus on yourself and just remember that time heals. I know that doesn't sound helpful, but trust yourself and do what is best for you.