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How can you unlove someone?

278 Answers
Last Updated: 12/26/2020 at 4:45am
How can you unlove someone?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
November 30th, 2019 3:41pm
If you truly loved someone, your love for that person still lives inside you forever. You cant unloved someone you loved before. If the person you loved became a stranger that you cant recognize, even then You cant unloved the person you loved because you never loved this stranger. You can just let the stranger out of your life if its necessary, to be at peace with yourself.. But you can never unloved someone you loved. Its like that someone is no more to unloved them.. We cant go back in time to right our wrongs but we can always learn from our experiences. May not be now but Someday you will find the hope to love again,to love more,to love the love.
Anonymous
January 4th, 2020 6:46pm
I think there is not any one way you can do that. It depends on an individual, some may slowly overcome it with time for other it may happen when they find someone else. There are some people that might never actually stop loving but it just fades alittle with time. The best thing to is to stay away from the person you're trying to forget and get rid of everything that reminds you of them, like pictures texts gifts ect..
consideratecrisp4266
March 13th, 2020 9:48pm
It depends on whether it's a romantic partner or a close friend or family member. When it comes to a close friend or family member I'm not sure that the bond just gets cut off. However, what has been very helpful for me is to remind myself every time that the temptation to talk to a friend or an ex that hurt me or treated me badly that what is best for me is to stay away because I will get hurt again. I even made flashcards for one of my exes with all the reasons why this relationship was toxic for me and why I should stay away from him and it worked really well. Blocking him from social media was also a great idea
brilliantBraveheart88
March 13th, 2020 11:13pm
Unloving someone is hard because its hard to forget about the memories you made with them. I think you can never truly "unlove" someone. We get sad, we get mad, but somewhere, deep down the love we had for that person is still there. The only thing I can equate "unloving" someone is not being sad when I think about them not being with me. They were present for a portion of my life, and that's all it was. No one is permanent. People leave, and we have little to no control over that. How we respond to those situations, either by becoming sad or taking them as happy or needed experiences dictates how we remember them.
Anonymous
March 15th, 2020 2:17am
Remember all the negatives which made you to breakup your love rather than the positives. Think what exactly making you feeling hatred or want to stay away from the person you loved. Try to slowly erase all kind of memories of the person you loved like gifts, photos, mutual friends and erase entire contacts of that person right from mobile to any kind of social media and divert your mind, if you have no control change your contact number and also block their contacts and move on very strongly. (Keep in mind that it's not end, you have some thing better to come in future) accept and move on.
Anonymous
March 25th, 2020 8:42pm
Its difficult but not impossible. Those strong feelings will always remain no matter where but they can fade with time and things going on in your life. Depending on how to loved this individual, the memories can be powerful and pull you back, re experiencing everything again or they will fade. Disgarding objects associated can help but then again for some this can be a reminder of what you've gained and lost. Its best to reflect on this experience: how you have grown, lessons learnt and why this has ended. Just remember you are so much more than one person.
CaringEars72
March 28th, 2020 7:58pm
You can unlove someone by discontinuing to show interest in their activities, for example stop asking or trying to find out what they are doing or have been doing. By keeping yourself busy. By not allowing them to keep track of your activities. Try to envision your future without the person. Plan activities for the future that do not include the person. Plan activities that you enjoyed prior to your relationship with the person. Stop friends and family from discussing the person to you or in your presence. Be realistic about your relationship with them. If you are religious, pray about it. Keep a positive mindset about your future.
bountifulDreamer46
April 2nd, 2020 8:24pm
As much as we might wish for it, there's no such thing as "unloving" someone. When you love someone, it affects you and it's not something that you can just hit undo on. Sometimes however, we have to move on or leave a relationship and that's okay. We may not be able to hit undo and pretend like it never happened, but we can learn from it and eventually move on. Hopefully we can take those lessons on with us and make better choices the next time, but pretending like the love never happened isn't ever a good way to deal with things.
Anonymous
April 23rd, 2020 4:17pm
Don’t put too much effort into forgetting them. In fact, don’t even focus on the thought of forgetting them at all. Distract yourself with something else. Focus on yourself and your work or school. Try accomplishing as much as possible in other areas of your life, and you’ll forget about your love life in a second. Fall in love with SOMETHING else. Feel free to unfollow them on any social media. It’s not a childish act; it’s an act of a grown man/woman who knows that there is a bit of truth in the old saying: ‘Far from the eyes, far from the heart’.
bellarina74
April 26th, 2020 1:15pm
Falling in and out of love is scary. Ultimately you will probably always care for someone but the level of care changes as your feelings change. Taking a step back and creating distance between you will be helpful as you will no longer rely on the other person for emotional support. You will become stronger as a person and your self confidence and esteem will also improve when you start believing in yourself again. Some of the emotions you feel will not be comfortable but hang in there because you will grow and be a stronger person for it. Good luck!
Anonymous
May 1st, 2020 6:45pm
It is an interesting question , as is it even possible to unlove someone? It is more about burying the feelings you have for someone you love, so you get to a point of indifference. Usually when you love, it is also natural to move to a state of hate or anger, as in both scenarios emotions are high. Indifference to me is the unlove state, where you can keep the emotions measured and are not vulnerable to pain or hurt as a result. In my opinion, just like love cannot be planned or rehearsed, unloving cannot be planned or dictated!
Anonymous
May 3rd, 2020 6:53am
Well, one can never really unloved someone. With time the love fades away but the feeling stays. At one point, we get tired and start accepting the reality. The day you accept the reality will be the day you'll actually be able to move forward.We might feel alright when we avoid the thoughts and emotions and put it far away. But, it will come back with a lot more damage when it comes. Keeping it stretched is also a burden. You cannot keep holding it for long. Eventually you'll have to let go. With the passing of time, you'll learn how to live with it.As it's said "Time heals everything." Just trust the process that's time and dont give up on yourself. Everything will be fine one day.
AjahnDreamer
May 14th, 2020 10:31am
If you feel someone is worthy of care, respect and see good things about them , this is just natural and healthy loving. Love on itself shouldn't be unwanted. Unless it is mixed with some other unhealthy thoughts, beliefs and attitudes. From the sounds of this question the person who is loving here is experiencing something unhealthy and wants it to stop. It would be great for them to identify what is unhealthy and mixed in with this love they have. I would urge the person to unpack this perhaps through therapy,counselling or here on 7cups. It's really important to not hate the phenomena of loving but the unhealthy worlds we have built around it.
blackFlower7062
May 30th, 2020 7:14am
I don't believe you can unlove someone.If you meant that you loved them than you always will.There is a small piece of them imprinted somewhere inside you.However you can get to a point where your tears are spent.You can get to a point where the wound has healed and the scar is not visible. There is a point where the space that they held in your head becomes less and less until one day they are not there anymore. You can think of them fondly from time to time but it won't elicit the same reaction it once had on you.
Moonhead100
May 31st, 2020 1:00pm
I focused on why I wasn’t able to actively love them anymore. And realise that, out of self-respect, and the ability to love, I deserved to love someone actively. Everyday, when I would think about them, I asked my mind kindly to stop that and focus on something else I love. When I was feeling low I would talk about these feelings so I wouldn’t harbour them. And, one day it just came, that I didn’t really care that much anymore that I couldn’t actively love someone - even if I still loved them in my own way, and allowed myself to move on. Never looked back.
Anonymous
June 28th, 2020 2:03am
It depends on everyone. The first step is to accept that you truly loved them, but it might be best for you to move on. Try finding new hobbies, or talking with people things out with people who may have gone through simmillar things as you. Around the first couple of months trying to move unlove someone, try to avoid anything that may remind you of them. It is also okay to cry and let it out, but at one point you have to pick yourself up, and continue on with the next chapter of your life. But remember, that in some cases, tere might be a small part of you that always loves them.
peacefulasylum8527
June 28th, 2020 10:48pm
You cannot really unlove someone, if you unlove them, it wasn't love in the first place. You can try and break contact with someone who you really want to unlove, disconnect. I'm saying this with my personal experience. Unloving someone can be done by also loving yourself much more than you love anybody else, that really helps. Start loving yourself so much that you don't have to love anybody else. When you fail to directly find love, you try to find it in other people. So just why not love yourself again and again...and till eternity :) (this is tried and tested) thanks.
SKSharma1972
July 6th, 2020 12:00pm
Unloving someone is not difficult, but it takes time. Your heart and mind have their own way of acting. But to start with one should get busy in their routine job, and be open with your feeling or decision. It is okay to feel sad and agitated, just be patient and time will settle your restlessness. Do not try to hide or suppress your feelings, you can offload your feelings to your close friend. If it seems easier said than done, then look around in the real-life situation of people you know. You will find lot of stories like yours, and how they just don't matter with time.
bountifulRabbit4994
July 9th, 2020 10:41pm
When I split up with my one year boyfriend, it was an absolutely heartbreaking time for me. I listened to sad music, refused to confide in friends, and hid in my room all the time. "Unloving" someone is a complicated thing to do, but there are multiple tiny steps you can take in order to ensure you heal efficiently and correctly. The best few things that worked for me when I was going through my process of accepting my breakup was confiding in friends and keeping my mind and body busy. I found that discussing my hurt with friends helped me discover that there are other people hurting exactly like me and it helped me connect with them. Keeping your mind busy can mean multiple things, but the best ways to ensure that you don't think too much about the person you want to forget is falling in love with SOMETHING ELSE. Finding a new passion in an activity can sometimes be even better than using support from another person. Disconnecting with the person you're frustrated with or are having a hard time forgetting is also a good technique to relax yourself.
Adi172
July 17th, 2020 11:30am
you can't . you can just get closure if you want then move on as hard as it sounds you can never stop caring for the person who once was your everything. if you get enough closure i am sure you can move and still care for the person as a friend. when you love someone they become your everything and to pull away from that is hard but it's important too. moving on is the one way you can leave your past behind , if you do get the closure you needed maybe you'll be able to move on a bit easier. It won't be easy but you'll pull through it eventually. :)
Anonymous
July 19th, 2020 12:03pm
I believe you cannot unlove someone you once loved dearly. Either they can be replaced by someone else for whom you feel even stronger love for or you can only learn being without them which is extremely important to survive. When we want to forget someone we try harder to forget them which never works because the more you try to forget them the more you will fall prey to your own emotions. The best way is to accept your feelings, validate your emotions that you are having, and avoid criticizing yourself for feeling things that you are feeling. For instance, if you are feeling love for someone you cannot have or don't love you back, accept it. If they have cheated on you & moved on to someone else, just accept it. The more you accept your current situation the more you are validating it & making things easier for yourself. The problem arises only when we deny those facts we don't wanna hear or those facts that we just cannot approve of. We must not forget that whether we deny it or accept it, the fact is still gonna be the same. Then why hurt yourself by rejecting facts? Henceforth, just accept that you can't be with that person. Teach yourself to do things without them. If they were someone you used to do your life with, it will be indeed the toughest task for you. With the conviction to move on with your life you can do this. Time is the biggest healer. Give yourself credit each time you try, this will motivate you. If you only try a few times & criticize yourself for not getting results out of it, it is only gonna demotivate you which might make you think that you can never forget/live without them. Remember, there is nothing that humans cannot do. We alone limit ourselves. Put your effort on moving on, not on forgetting. Put your effort on yourself, not on them. The more time you had invested in them the same period of time or even more will be required to move on from them. It is all about how strong your emotions for them were. Good Luck, Lots Of Love, Angel.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2020 11:45pm
You have to remember the reason why you both did not work out. We often miss the memory of the person but not the actual person. Especially if it was a very unstable and unhealthy relationship. Talk with your friends and people who are supportive and empathetic towards your current feelings. Focus on things that are healthy, you can do and make you feel good and better about yourself. Always remember to put yourself first and that there needs to be a balance between being selfish and selfless. With time everything gets easier and they will become a fond and distant memory.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2020 12:52pm
To unlove someone you gotta let go of that person. Push him/her away,replace their memories with someone else and mainly think about the reason why you want to unlove that person and act on it. We have all been there at some point of time in our lives- loving someone so much that we did not even care that we were silently draining ourselves. Exhausting our hearts, exerting our souls, even wringing our being inside out- we poured love unto someone for whom we would gladly go to the moon and back even when they wouldn’t even walk a mile with us
Anonymous
August 19th, 2020 10:42pm
You can unlove someone due to a certain situation or a change of feelings. It takes will of the person to unlove someone as love is a strong emotion effect. Unloving someone can happen for many different reasons. It may sometimes be a hard to choice to make. It always stems from somewhere that makes a person go through this action. In my life, I would say there were times I thought I unloved someone. The unlovingness came from a negative space and was a hard decision to make. Love is what we all want to spread and unloving someone is one of the hardest decisions a person makes.
Anonymous
August 28th, 2020 5:06pm
Love cannot be undone. You can quiet it, yes, but it’ll never be subdued. It’s funny the way it works. Even love towards people who have wronged us cannot completely disappear. It’s better to focus on unliking someone. You can have love without like and like without love. Unliking someone is difficult, too. First ask yourself, why do I want to do this? What unforgivable thing did they do to me? Why do I deserve to separate my life from theirs? If you catch yourself hung up over the good times, remind yourself of why you’re trying to unlike them. Nostalgia for a person can color our perceptions.
Anonymous
September 10th, 2020 5:49pm
Being human beings I feel it's impossible to unlove someone. Feelings are tender things and they take time and slowly and gradually they become ressessive. sometimes they actually leave but most of the times they just subside with time and as we fall for other people. If you are facing issues with some past issues and want to forget that and unlove as you said the person...I feel most of us go through the same situation and the best way is to actually go through it what you can't get over .yes indeed sometimes it becomes overwhelming but that's what 7 cups is here for and we will surely hear you out!
Magicalmoongirl
September 12th, 2020 4:44am
Time is often the best answer for this, spend a long time trying to avoid thinking about them talking to them. Or if you are still trying to keep them in your life try to look at them as a friend and try your best to appreciate them as that. Do self care and love yourself to distract yourself from feeling like you have a need to love them. Try to stay away from thinking about what could have been and focus on the now of what you have in you life. Know that they weren't your only option for love and life brings new love opportunities when you least expect it.
Megthesloth
September 13th, 2020 7:05pm
I don't think you can ever truly unloved someone. I think it's possible to fall out of love with someone romantically. But caring for someone deeply is a great feeling and even when time has passed and two people have gone their separate ways, there will always be a feeling of love for one another. And that is okay! Allowing yourself to feel freely without judging or restricting yourself is important. Knowing that your feelings are valid and letting yourself love will only open up your heart to life's greatest gifts. Loving someone is not something you should worry about and falling out of love is also normal.
Anonymous
September 17th, 2020 9:08am
As painful as it is, you can't just unlove someone as easily as you would flip the light switch off in your room. It's unfortunately a long process that'll take a toll on both your mental and physical health, but it's imperative to know that time nearly all wounds; especially mental ones. With each passing day, it'll hurt a little less than it did the day before. It's crucial to devote your time and energy into things elsewhere; such as hitting the gym and acquiring the physique you've always wanted for yourself. You might not ever unlove someone, but I can promise you, in due time, the thought of them will hurt less.
themysteriouskid
September 19th, 2020 3:41am
What I think is the best way to unlove a person would be through replacing the person whom we love. From my personal experience and observations, I found that 'Loving' is something which we can't stop doing in our life, we can just change the person or thing which we used to love. Like you might have seen people going into drugs, pets, etc. these are just ways to distract their mind temporarily. Also it would be hard to forget the person whom we used to love, the only thing we can do is to overcome our feelings/ emotions towards them and look for someone thinking that the next person would be a better one.