How do I get him back without seeming desperate?
37 Answers
Last Updated: 05/11/2020 at 8:48pm
Moderated by
Jill Kapil, PsyD
Psychologist
I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.
Top Rated Answers
I think it's important to recognize that when relationships start, we're attracted to someone for who they are. But sometimes relationships change, and we change within them. The best thing to do, fresh out of any relationship - and even when you're still in them - is to stay true to yourself. Reconnect with valued friends and family, spend time doing things that make you feel happy and fulfilled. Reconnect with you are as a person. If you and that person are meant to be, you'll come back together. If not, by doing these things, you'll meet someone more along you interests, someone closer to your place in life, someone who shares the same values. It's never too late to "do you."
You show him you still care, but don't bug him. Don't text him "good morning" say something like "hey". If he doesn't reply don't send double texts. Just let him know you still care but can do fine without him.
That old saying "time heals everything" could have some truth behind it. I don't think "space" is always the answer, but when appropriate it can help. It all depends on what drove him (or you) away in the first place. Every situation is different. From personal experience, I've found that constantly texting and reaching out can drive him further away. Let him miss you and realize what he lost, eventually he will find his way back. Patience is key.
Anonymous
November 22nd, 2014 7:11pm
Try and talk to him about how you're feeling. Ask him if he is willing to try and fix the issues or problems you guys were having in the relationship.
No contact until he contacts. Go on with your life as usual no extra no less. No over doing or under doing. And when he comes back just listen calmly what he has to say, then keep your point across but not harshly and show understanding and compassion. Don't except him to say sorry again and again. If he apologizes be kind and don't accuse and put your feelings across. And all will fall in place.
Anonymous
November 14th, 2014 2:44pm
Well? The fact that you want to "get him back" is in itself a sign of dependence. And well? If you do have any good valid reasons then you can always try talking to him and see if he agrees to give it another chance, if not, you'll unfortunately let time heal your heart.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2014 6:08pm
Tell him how you feel...accept his decisions.......be patient and just have faith. If it's meant to be it will be.
Tell him how you feel. If you truly love him, you won't worry about seeming desperate. You have to be honest and up front with, about your feelings.
Anonymous
January 13th, 2016 11:21pm
tell him how you feel and be honest...honesty is the best way to go...if your honest they should not think your being desperate
Anonymous
November 3rd, 2015 5:23pm
First, reflect on your relationship with the said person when you're not sad or overwhelmed with emotions. Was that person good to you? Is the reason of your break-up valid and making sense or did it happen in a heat of the moment? If the break-up had a serious and valid reason and or if that person doesn't have feelings for you anymore, leave it be. If it didn't try to talk to your ex privately and see if you can work things out. Good luck!
Be honest and straightforward about your needs in a way that speaks from your heart. Point out the positive aspects of your relationship. Remember you can not make anyone do anything, you can only control what you do, how you respond. Be genuine and authentic to yourself.
There's no way to guarantee "getting him back;" relationships exist by mutual consent. However, you can let him know you want the relationship to continue without coming across as stalker-ish or clingy. Give him space - don't contact him more than once a day, and after a few contacts, leave it for a week or more. Be polite in your communications, rather than accusatory or demanding. Look for ways you can be together without pressure: attending a movie with mutual friends, or playing games together - something to remind him that he enjoyed being in your company before whatever happened that caused strife between you.
Anonymous
December 21st, 2014 1:18am
You can get him back without seeming desperate by just talking to him from time to time and then suggest hanging out then gradually start talking more and then try to make him like you again and suggest going out again.
Try to be friends first. Show him that you have no hard feelings and still care about him, but also let him see that you've got a life of your own. (People like confidence and emotional security.) Also, if he wants to get intimate, tell him you only do that in relationships and not just casually. Hope this helps!
You guys need to talk about what both of you want of each other and the relationship. So both can know if is worth to keep going together.
Anonymous
February 6th, 2016 11:11pm
Never be afraid to do it. Just text him, call him, show him that you care. Have a 1 on 1 talk. Show him that you miss him, show him how you feel, it might not always work, but it is always worth a try, Who knows, maybe things will turn out for the better.
Think about why he was yours in the first place. How were you different then? were you more cheerful? what caught his eyes? you obviously did something that he liked, and probably something has changed. It's always best to first work on yourself, and then when you're feeling better and confident, you can try contacting him (or maybe he'll contact you first!).
Anonymous
December 21st, 2015 11:29pm
Tell him how you feel...accept his decisions.......be patient and just have faith. If it's meant to be it will be.
Anonymous
August 17th, 2015 2:26pm
Focus on your life, do things that make you happy and just forget about him for a while. When he sees the vibrant and happy you, he will come back to you himself.
The first question you need to ask yourself before pursuing him is "is this the right choice for me?". If your relationship was unfulfilling, abusive, or just not right for you in the first go-around, maybe choosing to take him back is not the best idea. What matters the most is your happiness. If you do decide pursuing him is right for you, a simple "Hi, how have you been?" is a good place to start. Show that you still care about him. Hope this helps! -SL
Getting back with an ex? Well as they say, you two broke up for a reason. Things didn't work out. If they want to get back with you, it wont be a struggle, it will be mutual.
A casual call or message and not the needy tone in the voice and a great attitude and right body posture
Anonymous
March 17th, 2020 8:16pm
Honestly first off, I am sorry to hear that you are even in the position in which you want to get someone back. Unfortunately there's no easy answer to this because every scenario and person is different. You may be able to get him back, and life turns out exactly the way you wanted it. Or, on the other hand, you could just be making matters worse and he may never want to have things back to the way they were. This is no way against you, this is just life. Unfortunately unexpected things happen, sometimes for the worst. If this is the case and he no longer wants things how they were, trying to get him back could just make matters worse.
Anonymous
September 3rd, 2019 6:53pm
One of the first things that I would consider if I was trying to get someone back in my life is why they left in the first place. Did I breakup with them? Did I do something that hurt them? Whatever the situation is, I would see if there was something that I needed to improve in myself. Do I need to change behavior? I would then work to improve or change that issue within myself. If I did something to hurt the other person, I would apologize. If you are not aware of what the issue is or was, then it is a good idea to sit down with him and discuss what has been keeping you apart. Once you understand that, then it is easier to determine what your next steps should be.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2018 2:05am
I am struggling with this too. I want to reach out to him after he told me he would never try to be a part of my life again
Anonymous
November 7th, 2016 2:07am
Just try to be friend and dont call or sms everyday and every time..act normal and he will slowly gain feeling
People are attracted to positive energy. If you work on yourself and feel great about yourself, things become clearer and the things you want in your life also do.
Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and do you. Focusing your attention on someone else, and taking attention away from our self, puts us in a phase of desperation, so take care of yourself first, and bring yourself to a good level, without his presence if you can. Then approach the relationship with level headedness and communication, that aims to express how you feel, and see if he feels the same to take the relationship forward together. Remember if the cons outweigh the pros in the relationship, you have re-evaluate for yourself to determine if the relationship is something you genuinely want to move forward with.
Ask a clear concise question without getting your hopes up to much? A lot of the time it's just us thinking of the worse before it even happens. So if you're willing to make it happen with him, desperation is not an issue, it's the truth that you're after ☺
Anonymous
February 11th, 2016 2:36pm
Go to 7 cups training and certificate section and train your self for managing emotions! That actually helps a lot!
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