Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How do I get over wanting to contact my ex?

42 Answers
Last Updated: 10/26/2020 at 7:36pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Australia
Moderated by

Catherine Davis, I aim to help you to beat your blues and to feel empowered. Fast and effective psychotherapy.

Therapist

Hello. I'm Catherine. I am a psychotherapist. It's my aim to help you beat your blues and to feel empowered.

Top Rated Answers
menjy
September 29th, 2014 1:43pm
Just remember the reason of your seperation.that will resist you to think of him and just move on with your life.
ElsieRae
September 27th, 2014 2:31am
Wanting to contact your ex is such a normal thing to deal with. I think the easiest way to keep yourself from not wanting to contact them is to keep busy. Connect with your friends more. Find new hobbies you enjoy. Don't exile yourself from life because the relationship didn't work. You will get through it and if you need more support aside from your family and friends there are tons of listeners on 7 cups willing to help!
VeeXO
October 20th, 2014 9:01am
Getting over an ex is NEVER easy, They were the person who knew your problems, they knew everything. BUT they are your ex for a reason, always keep that in mind. ALWAYS. first off is to delete those text messages, voicemails, call log, & phone number. Dwelling over old messages & such will always make you want to run back. Second, Keep yourself busy, go out with the girls, the guys. Keeping yourself occupied helps more than you think. Don't ever be afraid to miss them. it's not wrong, just when you miss them, run to a friend for help to avoid wanting you to contact them. PATIENCE. you won't get over them in a day. Just keep trying as each day will become easier.
Emlou
November 10th, 2014 4:57pm
Once you've gotten to the stage were you want to stop contacting them that's half the battle won already! Firstly take any steps that make it impossible for you to not contact them - delete numbers/social media/pictures of you both, anything that reminds you of him get rid! As long as you're still in contact with your ex you're never going to be able to stop so once you've taken all steps to make this impossible things can only get easier. Find distractions, surround yourself with family and friends as long as your time is spent doing something your mind won't wander to thinking about them too much. When you do think about your ex remind yourself of the reasons you broke up, hopefully this will reinforce your decision not to contact them and help you move forward. Not contacting your ex is a difficult thing to do it's going to take time and a lot of will power from you but just think how much weight will be lifted the day you don't feel the need to contact them. Time actually does heal all wounds, it just takes some wounds a lot longer to be healed but don't be disheartened because it does get easier, everyday you stay strong it a day closer to feeling better.
Anonymous
January 9th, 2018 7:26pm
This one is very difficult, especially within the first couple weeks/months after a breakup. What I have found to work for me, might not work for everyone else. Either way, I will say this, keep your hands busy so your mind has less time to wander. Be social, make new friends & learn what makes you happy again. Your ex is just that, a part of your past, not your future & possibly so for a reason.
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2014 6:01am
I am really happy that you are asking this question, since it means you are trying hard to move on. Try limiting social media with newsfeeds about them, if you think they would understand feel free to let them know you need space for a while. You are going to want to contact them for any reason you get, but when you feel that just talk to yourself, would you contact any other friend about this and feel the same way? And is this really that spectacular to talk to them about? Sometimes its just us trying to contact them for whatever reason just to be with them for a while. So, Stop, talk to yourself, analyse.
Anonymous
November 2nd, 2014 9:21pm
The most important thing is a clean break, get them out of your life, constant reminders about them will only keep them on your mind.
SallGoodYo
November 3rd, 2014 2:00am
I have had the same problem before; and the best thing that I was able to do was distract myself. Play some video games, read, put my mind into a state where I'm solely focused on something; and when that didn't work, I'd text or call my friends or a family member instead of my ex. They would always calm me and keep me from making that mistake. I know its hard when you miss someone, but I would always end up reminding myself that there were many reasons why we weren't together anymore, and over time, that want for me to contact them stopped.
Anonymous
November 8th, 2014 5:39pm
You have to decide if contacting your ex will be beneficial for you or not. If it is, then you have to make sure contacting them won't further hurt you.
Anonymous
September 7th, 2015 2:42am
Delete all your ex contact.Block or unfriend them in social media.Do something else that can take your mind when you want to contact your ex.
Sammmx
October 10th, 2014 7:35pm
I had to get over wanting that also when i was in a long distance relationship for a year, I eventually excluded him from my life and kept myself busy and it eventually worked.
Anonymous
October 18th, 2014 10:12am
Hang out with another girl , try to fill ur day with things you like , but dont spend alot of time alone this would make u feel like u wanna talk to her .. and mainly tr to find some one else
DPate16
October 22nd, 2014 2:12pm
The first step is to accept that it is over. Express whatever you are feeling. Do not keep it bottled up inside you. Its healthy to express yourself in positive ways. Set goals for yourself and realize that you have gotten through bad situations before.
DarinF
October 27th, 2014 3:42pm
instead of contacting your ex, try talking to your best friends instead! Tell them what's been going on with your life lately and you can also share things that's troubling you. By doing so, you can avoid contact with your ex and build a closer relationship with your friends :)
Anonymous
October 30th, 2014 6:22am
Ask yourself what the purpose of contacting your ex and what you even plan to say at all. If you have no idea what to say, it's best not to talk to them. As well remind yourself, it's over with. Why bother with them at all if you still feel hurt by the break up.
Uniqueg
October 30th, 2014 9:29pm
Breakups are hard and feelings just don't away because the relationship did, sometimes you have to go through the phases of calling your ex to get through it.
PlumPewter
October 30th, 2014 10:04pm
I had to realize that my ex was a great person, but was also a human being with flaws of her own. Because she left me when I still had feelings for her, it made it hard to remember when she did or said things that bothered me. Remembering that she was great but, like everyone is ultimately, humanly flawed made it easier to put her aside and seek out a new relationship.
Teirris
October 31st, 2014 10:04pm
Well the first step to me is to get rid of all contact. Like deleting his e-mail, number, instagram, facebook, or anything else so you don't accidentally get reminded by your ex name.
TheLonelyLover
November 3rd, 2014 10:37am
Put The Phone Down Get Your Self Fixed Up And Have An Amazing Time With Friend have a little fun flirt with the world who cares whos watching and or judging you understand that you are you and no one can stop you from being yourself love yourself embrace it!
Pandette
November 16th, 2014 8:43am
I think you should be asking yourself this question. Why did you break up with your ex in the first place? What made you want to stop speaking to your ex or contacting them? Do you believe you made the right decision? Sometimes all we need is a little bit of self-reflection.
Anonymous
November 16th, 2014 5:55pm
Well, concentrate on your life. Do things. Go out and have fun. Maybe find a new person. Just get your mind clear.
beautifulRecipe32
November 19th, 2014 6:01pm
Blocking or removing their information from your timeline on social media helps. Or even having space from all social media altogether and focusing on yourself.
Anonymous
November 20th, 2014 6:19pm
to move on, you need to not contact your ex...concentrate on other things that will make you a better person. Delete negative people from your life.
AaronListener
April 23rd, 2015 8:54pm
Think of why he is your ex. Think of why it didn't work out in the first place. Don't pu yourself through the emotions again. They wasn't worth it first time.
JOSHlovesyou
April 25th, 2015 4:20am
Its difficult to get over the urge to talk to this person. besides being a lover, your partner was also your friend. its up to the individual to come to terms with the breakup and realize that they are better off without that relationship. there is a reason it ended after all
Everyonedeservesavoice
May 23rd, 2015 10:38am
You could try to delete their number or write a king list if all the negative characteristics your ex has and realise why you're not together
Anonymous
May 28th, 2015 12:19pm
start doing some activity. make new freinds, read books. hangout with people. talk about it to someone.
HonestBunny
June 29th, 2015 3:56pm
It is never easy breaking up, you have become accustomed to having another person at your availability for everything and then it stops. Keeping busy can help you avoid contacting your ex and may take your mind off of them as you attempt to move on. Find a new hobby, volunteer, and focus on self as you transition to this new stage of life without your ex. Give yourself time as well as permission to talk it out when you feel like you want to contact them, so often we as people feel guilty about to still harboring feelings for a person when we know it’s over when in reality it’s very human of us. The pain of a breakup will be there for a while but accepting it and trying to move in a different direction can help you avoid the need to reach out.
Anonymous
August 10th, 2015 4:26pm
Remember why they're your ex in the first place. Allow yourself to remember but not live in the past.
Anonymous
August 25th, 2015 4:09pm
This want should fade over time. When you first breakup the common reaction tends to be wanting to stay in contact with someone and that is perfectly normal. When you have a good relationship with someone it is hard to break it off all of a sudden. With time this will get better and hopefully both of you will be able to move on with your life.