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How do I know I should break up with my boyfriend or girlfriend?

170 Answers
Last Updated: 04/07/2020 at 8:58am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
Skygivesyoulight
March 18th, 2016 12:04pm
You know if you don't feel happy anymore or if they don't treat you right anymore. Do what makes you happy.
RewardingSun
March 19th, 2016 1:40am
You should never be with someone who makes you feel like less of a person. Anyone who makes you feel down, abused or as if you need to cause harm to yourself or others is no one to be with. That person doesn't deserve you or your time.
warmheartedGlobe8527
March 19th, 2016 6:55pm
Well if they don't try to help you in time of need they don't try to change important things for you if they don't care or act like they don't if they act immature then there not the right person for you this may sound self fish but some times you need to think about what's best for you.
Anonymous
March 20th, 2016 8:57am
Face to face is the best way to do it. Tell them why you're breaking up with them, in a way that doesn't drop the bomb on them. Give them closure, don't leave them hanging as to why you wanted to break up with them.
temporarycarla
March 20th, 2016 12:21pm
When you don't enjoy anymore being with him/her and the things you dislike are more than the things you like
Thearrow
March 20th, 2016 10:38pm
If your boyfriend/girlfriend controls you way too much, doesn't give you freedom, doesn't allow you to spend your time doing what you like to do, basically, if they keep you from opening your virtues, to what you really like in this world, they aren't worth you.
rflvncntrys
March 23rd, 2016 1:07am
If he/she is abusing your physical and emotional distress. And also if he's/she's is loving you only for fame.
TheAwesomeHunterHuntress
March 23rd, 2016 1:35pm
Ask yourself:Do you love them? Do they help you be a better person? Make you happy? Or the opposite? Do you find yourself wanting to be away from them? Uncomfortable with affection? Wanting to be just friends, or not even know them? Do they make you feel small? Do you simply not feel that connection? In my experience, if you don't love them, it is simply best to let them go, but, before doing anything, look over your feelings. Consider: How will I feel once I let them go? How will I feel if I stay with them? And then decide. Know your feelings, so you can make a decision you won't regret.
Anonymous
March 23rd, 2016 2:51pm
If he isn't treating you right, cheating on you, doesn't respect you, physically or mentally abusing you.
zaix
March 25th, 2016 1:03am
Face to face. never break up over the phone or through text, it's cowardly and hurts ten times less.
HelpWisely
March 25th, 2016 6:01pm
Look for red flags or signs such as abusive behaviour, negativity or making you feel unloved and uncared for, lack of support for you and your relationship.
MissAva
March 26th, 2016 6:39pm
if you dont feel that spark anymore. if you dont think you feel anything for them, or you only see them as a friend and nothing more than that.
Anonymous
March 27th, 2016 6:24pm
i think its when you look at them and you dont see happiness or you dont feel comfortable or connected with them. sometimes when you look at them and feel nothing or know they didnt make you happy, you might want to break up with him/her
lovelySophie99
March 29th, 2016 8:24pm
you will know whether you have to break up with them, examples can be not trusting her/him, knowing that he/she has cheated on you, not getting a long with him/her, him/her not having any interest in you and so on.
KotoMisuki
March 31st, 2016 12:49am
If something pushes yo over the edge with them, for a enormous reason, then it may be wise to breakup with them
lipsticklez
March 31st, 2016 1:54am
If yall still love each other then there is hope Need more detail to help you out better What kind of relationship do yall have?
LordSabi
April 1st, 2016 6:01am
When the relationship hurts. Don't make them try and prove their love, that's an almost impossible task.
Staystrong17
April 1st, 2016 5:39pm
If they are not treating you the way you like or you just dont feel anything for them anymore. Sometimes you just lose connection to someone.
icey97
April 1st, 2016 8:59pm
when you start felling tired of the relationship and when you fell cheated by him or her
Paris03
April 2nd, 2016 4:17am
Remember when you both just meet? That spark you both had? You know if you should break up if you don't get that feeling anymore. But first, maybe try to repair that relationship, to see if you can get that spark back
Azzy
April 4th, 2016 2:32am
When you miss the memories more than the person. When chemistry lacks. When you can feel the distance. When there's no spark. And, if you're just not happy anymore.
IHearYa
April 6th, 2016 1:01am
If you are unhappy more than you are happy! If you can't be yourself and are always trying to please the other person.
ConnyK
April 6th, 2016 11:37pm
if you're already thinking about it, then maybe it wasn't really meant to be for both of you because someone is not happy, but at least you gave it a shot and now you know maybe it's the right thing to do. If you've got doubts in your head, they're coming from your inner thoughts, and if in your thoughts you thinking about breaking up with your other half, then that means you've considered it for a couple of reasons you know.
LaurenRawr
April 8th, 2016 11:47am
The thought of breaking up with your other half is heart breaking it's self and it's tough to know when to do it because honestly, we all get blinded by love. If you notice that you've been thinking about breaking up with your current boyfriend/girlfriend then that's a sign you aren't happy with them. Personally I've went through this struggle. We went out for 3 years, were happy the first year then the next 2 years I found out how he had been messaging girls online, and by text, telling them how beautiful they were and leading them on to think he liked them. 3 months before we were due to go on our first ever summers holiday, he cheated on me with a girl who was 6 years younger than him (16 years old). There were so many red flags and this was the worst one but of course I forgave him (or so I told myself).. He made it feel like it was my fault and that I was just over reacting.. Now if any of this relates to you, you should honestly (please) look out for these red flags. After it all happened, we went on our holiday to Tenerife, which was amazing, then he decided to propose to me, I (of course) said yes but the morning after, I found myself crying over and over agin and this continued to happen for the remaining 6 months. What went through my head was "Am I happy?" "Do I love him?" "Should I put myself through this pressure". I then came to realisation that I was far too young to be engaged. (I was only 19!) Again, if you feel like any of this relates to you or you have felt this way in your relationship, think long and hard how happy you really are. I'm not saying break up with them immediately if they've cheated on you because if you feel you really love them, some people can forgive but unfortunately for me, he showed me so many warning signs that I was just worried that it would happen again. My therapist had helped me get through this and if you feel you need someone as professional and around your area, then please go see one! They are amazing but remember this: They can only help you with your past, not your present. So if you feel like any of this relates to you and you're still confused, please drop any of our listeners a message and they will be happy to listen! Or as I said, you can seek professional help also. :)
ErinHelps22
April 9th, 2016 5:59am
Are you fighting more than you're happy? Can you picture a life without them? These are the questions we should ask ourselves in weighing a decision like this. One of the most helpful tools is physically writing out the pros and cons of staying in this relationship.
LoverOfLight
April 9th, 2016 12:37pm
You should have such a realization when all you gain out of the relationship are a few "unnecessary" obstructions to the work you do and an addition of negativity to your life!
pleasinglyPoetic
April 9th, 2016 6:12pm
A person must do what they feel will make them happiest in life. If you feel like the relationship is not making you happy, then it may be time to consider a breakup. On the other hand, consider the situation long term; is there something that you can repair within the relationship to fix it? Just as you wouldn't dump your car if it got scratched, see if you can't fix whatever the problem is first. However, if your car is beyond repair, that's when you may want to lean more towards just getting a new one.
Anonymous
April 13th, 2016 4:47am
You should break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend when you feel that you are being put in danger. Also if you feel like you no longer feel the same way, but manly when it's a dangerous situation.
Becclouise
April 13th, 2016 5:19pm
Well in my opinion the best way to do this is face to face giving them reason's why you're ending the relationship, maybe suggest if you can still be friends (if you're okay with that) be kind about it, pick the right moment.
AmykinzHereToHelp9402
April 13th, 2016 9:57pm
Depends. If you feel there is no connection, spark or love there anymore then discuss it with them to see how you feel.