Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship?

289 Answers
Last Updated: 04/20/2022 at 3:24pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Portugal
Moderated by

Jennifer Patterson, LMFT

Art Therapist

Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.

Top Rated Answers
sunshineGrotto7327
March 18th, 2020 8:16pm
Humans are social animals. Everybody body needs someone who care about him.with them they feels comfort.they feel free to discuss their feelings and problems without any hesitation.From those they can get equally love and respect. Such relationships are true. On the other side some relations are toxic. Its very simple to know is that relation is true or toxic. 1. All take, no give. Any relationship in which you experience withdrawals of energy without deposits will leave you in the negative. 2. Feeling drained. If, instead of feeling happy and productive, you're always mentally, emotionally, and even physically drained, it's time to re-evaluate. 3. Lack of trust. A relationship without trust is like a car without gas: You can stay in it all you want, but it won't go anywhere. 4. Hostile atmosphere. Constant anger is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship. You should never be around hostility because it makes you feel unsafe. 5. Occupied with imbalance. A one-sided relationship can never run smoothly. 6. Constant judgment. In judgmental relationships, criticism is not intended to be helpful but rather to belittle. 7. Persistent unreliability. Mutual reliability is important to building trust and is at the core of any good relationship.
mentallyhappy
April 3rd, 2020 4:31am
I think the biggest sign that shows that you're in a toxic relationship is when you do not feel respected. If you're in a relationship and you do not respect one another, it is definitely toxic. Such kind of relationships hinders your growth and brings you down. Your self esteem lowers and it is a really bad place to be in. It is very important to get out of these kind of relationships and cut toxic people loose. In my opinion, I don't think you should let anyone compromise your happiness and self growth. No one, and I mean absolutely no one, is worthy for that. Putting yourself first isn't selfish. Always remember that.
SirJayalot
April 4th, 2020 8:24am
You feel like nothing you ever do is quite right and are constantly trying to prove your worth. You become addicted to his validation. Whenever you do something and it generates any sort of approval from him you feel relieved, and it gives you just enough rope to hang onto. You try even harder to get more of that feeling and feel like a failure when it doesn’t come. No matter how hard you try, you never feel like you’re enough or like you’re doing things right. You live in a constant state of unease, of second-guessing yourself, of trying to be better and good enough.
Anonymous
April 9th, 2020 5:01am
If your partner displays a lack of respect the majority of the time, there's a good chance you're in a toxic relationship. While all couples have disagreements, your partner should never demean, belittle, mock, or ridicule you. They shouldn't display jealous or possessive behavior or emotionally manipulate you ("If you really loved me, you'd __!") If your partner makes you feel bad about yourself, or tries to distance you from your friends or loved ones, it's toxic. Unless your partner demonstrates through their behavior that they're trying to change (e.g., taking a walk an cooling off before discussing a problem, rather than blowing up), then the best choice is to end the relationship. You deserve better.
circusmirror123
April 10th, 2020 1:37pm
A toxic relationship is one where being in the relationship isn't making you feel better about yourself or lifting your mood, instead you feel worse and you're stressed out by being in the relationship. Sometimes it's not because the other person is toxic, or that you're toxic, it can just be that the two of you aren't very good for each other. Sometimes a toxic relationship can be fixed, or maybe it just means that you need time to grow as a person. The most important thing in a relationship is that you feel valued and they're helping you grow as a person, not feel worse.
luxvision
April 19th, 2020 8:12am
Good relationship makes you feel secure, happy, cared for, respected, and free to be yourself. On the other side of the coin are toxic relationships the ones that make you feel drained, depleted, passive aggressive behavior and sometimes even distraught.Whether you're running a business, working with a partner, leading an organization, or managing a team. Relationships are important, and a toxic relationship can cost you dearly in time and energy that you could be putting to much better use. Stay true to yourself and your values, listen to your heart, and be strong if you need to extricate yourself from a toxic relationship.
wonderfulShoulder5046
April 22nd, 2020 4:23am
There are many many signs of a toxic relationship but in my opinion it all boils down to this: a toxic relationship will exhibit signs that don't honor the person's dignity. Dignity is the quality of being worthy of honor and respect, and this is what all healthy relationships are about. Whether it be a friendship or romantic relationship, if their actions make you feel disrespected or undervalued constantly, then you have a serious problem. You will likely know something is off, and that when you're around them/afterwards you feel emotionally and mentally drained. Some examples are if If they constantly criticize you, make you feel unsafe in any way, or if there is consistent poor communication. Luckily, toxic relationships can be improved but are often take a lot of work and communication.
peacefulTruth2251
May 6th, 2020 3:11pm
You know if you are in a toxic relationship if the person your with treats you like trash, doesnt trust you, makes decisions for you and more! You need to know the signs! The person you are with will say things like, " Go change!" or "Your not allowed" or "let me see your phone". If you or someone you know is dealing with a toxic relationship chat to anyone on 7 cups! We are here to help!!! Toxic relationships make you cry and make you feel not loved, everyone needs love from friends, family, and lovers. Dont feel restrained by a toxic relationship!
Anonymous
May 9th, 2020 3:24pm
It feels bad. All the time. You fall asleep hollow and you wake up just as bad. You look at other couples doing their happy couple thing and you feel the sting. Why couldn’t that sort of love happen for you? It can, but first you have to clear the path for it to find you. We all have important needs in relationships. Some of the big ones are connection, validation, appreciation, love, sex, affection. When those needs are mocked or ignored, the emptiness of that unmet need will clamour like an old church bell. If your attempts to talk about what you need end in a fight, a(nother) empty promise, accusations of neediness, insecurity, jealousy or madness you’ll either bury the need or resent that it keeps being overlooked. Either way, it’s toxic. Every relationship will have its issues. In a toxic relationship, nothing gets worked through because any conflict ends in an argument. There is no trust that the other person will have the capacity to deal with the issue in a way that is safe and preserves the connection. When this happens, needs get buried, and in a relationship, unmet needs will always feed resentment. These are the few signs that you’re in a toxic relationship.
AmberSW2000
May 14th, 2020 5:57pm
This can be sort of a hard question to specifically pinpoint down to one specific trait. You have to do a lot of self-reflection upon the other person and whether the way they treat you, is fair, respectful and up to your standards. I believe it is so important not to play yourself in situations such as these. If you are not happy with the other person - more than likely that is not going to change. Finally, ask yourself, does their bad behavior/personality influence my mood to the point where I am unhappy too? If the answer is yes, you may want to spend time being single, learning what makes you happy and defining what you want in a significant other.
Anonymous
May 15th, 2020 1:21pm
If you continuously think that you are the only one to put in efforts. If you think your emotions are being repressed or whatever you wanna say isn’t heard. If you think that your partner only comes to you when he/she wishes and other times don’t . If you have that dicey feeling regarding your partner it clearly says that you are in a toxic relationship. If you stay distressed and find other people to overcome it or find distractions or think about breaking up usually. If you have a lot of problems and your partner does not listen to you. Give them a chance and then take the tough call required
jujuJulia
May 17th, 2020 10:51pm
think about if you have highs and lows. One kind of toxic relationship is a roller coaster relationship. These relationships have real high and real lows. Like a roller coaster. And most of the time you feel like you can't leave the roller coaster. You're stuck with the person. Even if you hate it! Which is horrible. I went through one. It's takes a long long time to end it. It takes Bravery, and convincing to get yourself to tell them I don't think this is a good relationship. Roller coaster relationships are pretty obvious, if you're in one. If you are experincing high and extreme lows, stupid fights, or the person want you to only be friends with them and not with anyone else, you are probably in a toxic relationship.
benevolentIceCream123
May 19th, 2020 5:29pm
Every person has a different experience that might make you suspect the relationship. The things I'm saying is from my experience so it may not apply to everyone but in my relationship he was very controlling but he was subtle like telling me bad things about my friends which I now realize were fake but he made me believe wasn't. He wouldn't let me have guy friends and his reasoning was I might cheat on him. He made me feel alone. He also used to make him seem like the victim and he used to cry after a fight and say sorry it wouldn't happen a lot. But they would happen again. I believed him because he was a "nice" guy before I dated him. We were too young to live together. I don't know what would have happened if it was just me and him. Thankfully I had a family to support me.
Anonymous
June 4th, 2020 12:09am
When only one person benefits and the relationship is constantly on your mind but it is a burden. When you do not feel safe around them all the time. When they diminish your confidence and hope, when they do not speak words of encouragement but words of defeat. When they act like you are the problem even when you know that they caused it. When the person only uses you for convenience, and when they want something. When you even have to question if they even love you and you feel like you’re not enough for them and can’t see a hopeful future with them.
Anonymous
June 5th, 2020 12:36am
If you feel like you have to ask permission to see friends/ go out etc, or ‘tread on eggshells’ around the person, if they are controlling or mentally/physically abusive. This could be through degrading language, physical violence or mind games. Abusers will also try to seclude you from your closest friends and family in a further attempt to control your life. If your partner controls your money is also a key sign of this. If you ever feel scared to talk to your partner about everyday things incase they react badly, chances are you may be in a toxic relationship.
Charlotte996
June 26th, 2020 12:46am
Toxic relationships are often times very, very difficult to recognize. When we're in love, it's so easy for our brains to override the bad with the good, to remember the one or two times our partner did something right and ignore all the times they did something wrong. But at the same time, toxicity in relationships can manifest in many different ways, so you may be looking in one place and the problem can be in another. Sometimes it helps to get an outside opinion from someone that you trust; someone who would give you the cold hard truth because its in your best interest. If this isn't an option, you're going to have to do some serious self-reflecting. Ask yourself what it is that you want not only for the relationship but also for yourself. If, by yourself, you notice that those things are being met and actually being oppressed, do some rethinking about the relationship. If you bring these up to your partner and its dismissed without a second thought, that's a warning sign as well.
matchalove789
July 2nd, 2020 3:47pm
If you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells, unable to be yourself, resenting your partner, giving up your needs to accommodate theirs, it could be a toxic relationship. If you have brought these concerns up to them, and they lie to you, gaslight you, don't trust you, guilt trip/coerce you into doing things you do not want to do, or prohibit you from doing certain things, it's a concerning sign. Trust your gut. Please reach out to a listener on this site or someone else you trust in your life to talk about your specific situation. I hope that you are safe and able to exit that relationship if it is toxic and that you have people who can support you through it.
SohnisSpotofSunshine
July 3rd, 2020 5:45am
Hmmm, this is a very question. How does someone know if they are in a toxic relationship? You need to look at the signs. Are you constantly being abused mentally, physically, or emotionally? Do you feel as though your partner is not willing to talk to you when you want to talk about things? Is your partner equally invested in the relationship as you are? These are the tough questions that need to be answered. The easier signs of a toxic relationship are if your partner hits you, takes advantage of you, cheats on you, breaks your trust numerous times, does not respect me, goes behind your back and does bad things, etc. These are questions you need to ask yourself. Feel free to consult one of our listeners for more insight, or ask them to refer you to a therapist if you want :)
MisterMemorable
July 16th, 2020 6:50am
-You're always the one initiating conversation -Being ignored -Your feelings aren't valid -Your opinion doesn't matter to them -They make you feel guilty frequently -Use fear/guilt to get what they want from you - You put in much more into the relationship than they give back - You feel pressured to do things you don't like -They do not value you -Isolate you from your friends -They change your identity -There is physical or verbal abuse of any kind -It's always about them, not you -They play the victim to get what they want -Cheated on you (Once a cheater, always a cheater) -Frequent lying -Always puts themselves first -Dismisses your concerns or justifies them -They don't have your best interest Hope this covered everything :)
cheerfulPerspective48
July 22nd, 2020 11:01pm
Relationships should help you to grow to be the best possible version of yourself. If you find yourself in a relationship in which you are having to change who you are, and it does not line up with the vision you have of yourself you need to find out why. A toxic relationship will typically cause you to become more cynical, negative and to have an outlook on life that does not promote positive goal oriented behavior. Your relationship should help you to grow into your potential. We all must become the best version of ourselves and if your relationship is not providing that, you need to set boundaries and have a conversation with your partner to see what can be mutually agreed upon to help you become who you envision.
randomPerson223
July 22nd, 2020 11:51pm
if you're in a toxic relationship you are constantly on and off and you feel control my your significant partner . also he/she constantly will hurt you and put the blame on you and expect for you to forgive them and act like nothing happened. they will make you super upset and then run back always. they will bring you down and then try building you back up just to break you again. but you are better then that and you deserve better so build your walls and go be the amazing,beautiful,talented,wonderful girl that you are :) you deserve it.
Anonymous
July 24th, 2020 11:41pm
This is a great question, and it's something I have personal experience with. How do you feel after you talk to/hang out with the person? Do they make you feel happy or drained most of the time? If it feels like being with this person is depleting your energy instead of building you back up or nourishing you, it is likely toxic. Remember-a relationship requires give and take from both sides. If you feel that you are giving (or taking) more than your partner, it is likely toxic. (Please note that I am not a therapist and do not know your individual situation.) Hope this helps!
Anonymous
July 26th, 2020 11:59pm
Some of the red flags... 1. They don't care about you as much as you care for them. Meaning that they don't respect you or try to understand your opinions or values. 2. Negative behaviour. If they're yelling, always fighting and having arguments with you because of their own personal problems. 3. If there is a lack of communication. 4. Lack of trust. 5. Controlling behaviour. If they try to influence your decisions or try to control everything you do. For example: the people you hang out with or the ones you're friends with. The things you do and other.
RachelAngeli
July 29th, 2020 5:11am
You are in a toxic relationship if - it stops bringing you happiness and instead triggers anger, fear, sadness, and other negative emotions - attending to your partner gets in the way of taking care of yourself - other aspects of your life suffer as a result of it - your partner invades your privacy - you are made to believe you are in the wrong all the time - you are forced to take the blame for things you shouldn't have to - you feel like you can't talk to your partner about how you are feeling - you feel the need to lie to your partner and many other awful things. It might not be easy to get out of a toxic relationship but it is possible, and being able to recognize the signs of one is an integral first step. It's easy to feel helpless, alone, and trapped in a toxic relationship, but you are never alone. There will always be people willing to support you, especially on 7cups.
shraddhasom72
August 19th, 2020 5:12pm
Well if you are in a toxic relationship then your heart will said to you that you are frustrated with this relationship and you feel like that it is so toxic to be in this relationship. The next thing is that you will feel like that when you had started the relationship you were so happy but now you feel like that it is normal not that exciting and happy.The third thing is that when you have to sacrifice always no matter what and you have to compromise with your choices everytime then it means that it is a toxic relationship.
Anonymous
August 28th, 2020 8:35pm
By asking yourself that, you probably are. There are many signs and red flags that are not noticeable but are very dangerous. Things like constantly being controlling, not taking blame, even lying about small things, never apologizing for anything, etc. Many people realize they are in toxic relationships too late, so staying close to friends and asking for advice is a sure step to figuring out if you are in a toxic relationship. I would say if you suspect you are in a toxic relationship with someone, friendship wise or romantically, you would feel down everytime you hangout with them. Maybe they make comments about your appearance and slowly but surely those little comments get stuck in your head. Things like that are simple things to look out for, that can make your relationship with that person toxic and damaging towards you.
Anonymous
September 20th, 2020 12:58am
If your partner is making you feel like you are walking on eggshells on everything you do, then there is a high chance that you are in a toxic relationship. Your partner should make you feel like the best version of yourself, and you should be happy when you are with them. It is important to know that you should be happy, and everyone deserves to be happy, so if you are not feeling that happiness when you are with you partner, you are in a toxic relationship. No person is worth your happiness, and no person should make you feel like you are inferior to them. You are important, remember that.
Alice1967
September 20th, 2020 9:56pm
I know because it doesn't take me anywhere. I cannot achieve my goals. I just stay there and my feelings mean nothing to my partner. In a toxic relationship there is no place for growth, sharing or empathy. It is all about my partner, not me. Nothing really important changes along the time when I am in toxic relationship. I am always pleasing my partner, not myself. I know that I am in a toxic relationship because I do not seem to be able to get out of it but at the same time, I am not happy in it.
TOOLRJ2020
October 8th, 2020 9:50pm
I think even asking the question is an amazing step to finding out the answer! And think about what it was that made the thought occur to you in the first place. Was it a one-time event from your significant other, something you will ultimately forgive, or a series of behaviors that might suggest a trend. From my experience, I learned after the fact that I should have listened to the people I trust the most. For me, I was knee-deep in it and couldn't see things objectively. I thought I felt happy in the relationship, but when friends and family both approached me with unsolicited feedback and potential concerns, I wish I had listened at the time. I learned a lot from that relationship, and I did grow from it, but at the same time it wasn't actually healthy for me. And my friends and family knew me better than I knew myself at the time. So, while you're in it, it may be hard to spot, but it is helpful to listen to what people who love you are observing, and don't get defensive if they do comment. Take their feedback along with your personal experience and observations, and see if that helps you answer your own question. But a truly amazing step just to put the question out there and make sure you are doing what's best for you long-term. Good luck!!
helpfulBraid5417
October 22nd, 2020 1:32am
It can be a hard scenario for the person believing that they are in a tough spot. However, the fault may not always be on your behalf. Do you find yourself being blamed for doing what is best for yourself and still trying to be a good friend? do you find that you are not being able to have a good friend in return? Is the other party making you feel drained and worse than before? these could very well be tell tale signs of something coming amiss in the relationship. These are some things that are massive red flags in the sense that it could be budding codependency on the other person's end and a symptom of them not being able to manage their mental and emotional wellbeing.