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How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship?

289 Answers
Last Updated: 04/20/2022 at 3:24pm
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Top Rated Answers
Lightnessindark3010
November 6th, 2020 11:38am
If the person you are with doesn’t respect you and your decisions. They always try to control you and take decisions for you. When you have to ask them for permission to do any little thing in your life. When they don’t consider your opinions and impose their decisions on you. When they don’t trust you and always suspect that you’re cheating on them. When they won’t let you meet people specially people from the opposite gender. When they don’t let you make choices or restrict you from wearing certain type of clothes or stopping you from doing certain kind of activity and when they keep hurting you physically and emotionally
Anonymous
November 18th, 2020 6:22pm
This is an excellent question. It is important to know how to identify toxic relationships so that you can set better boundaries and engage in healthier relationships. Toxic relationships can take many forms. Luckily, there are some traits or red flags that can help differentiate a toxic relationship from a healthy relationship. Some red flags of toxic relationships include: 1) one person isolating the other person from their friends, family, or support system, 2) a dynamic of constant distrust, blame, or hurt, 3) a person having to hide who they are to "win" the other person's approval, and 4) nonconsensual interactions or a lack of respect for healthy boundaries whether they are physical, sexual, emotional, or temporal. Toxic relationships often also feel draining or harmful, and have a net negative effect on a person's self esteem. A toxic relationship is usually marked by destructive conflict, that is, conflict which is harmful, tears people down, and does not leave room for multiple opinions or schools of thought. The conflict might arise between the two people outwardly, or it may arise internally, within one person, as that person realizes their opinions, will, actions, and/or emotions are not respected by the other person. If you feel you may be in a toxic relationship but are unsure, it could help to reflect on the most consistent aspects of the relationship with respect to the above listed traits and red flags, and to determine the relationship's net effect on both participants.
specialMelody96
November 20th, 2020 9:01pm
I think it is important to ask yourself these questions: do I feel anxious or afraid when spending alone time with my partner? Do I find myself walking on eggshells around them to try and avoid a conflict? Do I feel like my partner respects me? Would I feel comfortable saying no to them? If somebody I cared about were in a relationship identical to mine, how would I feel about their partner? Healthy relationships are all about comfort, communication, compromise, care, and if you feel any of that is lacking it may be time to reevaluate your relationship and consider reaching out for help.
DarkPiT23
November 22nd, 2020 10:07pm
in many cases, the indicators of a toxic relationship are much more subtle. The first, and simplest, is persistent unhappiness, Glass says. If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you've sold out,” It’s a common refrain: relationships are hard work. Fights are normal and rough patches are par for the course. True as that may be, however, these platitudes can distract from legitimate causes for concern in one’s social and romantic life — including signs that a relationship may have become, or always was, toxic. Here’s what you need to know about toxic relationships, and how to tell if you’re in one. What is a toxic relationship? Dr. Lillian Glass, a California-based communication and psychology expert who says she coined the term in her 1995 book Toxic People, defines a toxic relationship as “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.” While every relationship goes through ups and downs, Glass says a toxic relationship is consistently unpleasant and draining for the people in it, to the point that negative moments outweigh and outnumber the positive ones. Dr. Kristen Fuller, a California-based family medicine physician who specializes in mental health, adds that toxic relationships are mentally, emotionally and possibly even physically damaging to one or both participants. And these relationships don’t have to be romantic: Glass says friendly, familial and professional relationships can all be toxic as well. What makes a relationship toxic? Fuller says people who consistently undermine or cause harm to a partner — whether intentionally or not — often have a reason for their behavior, even if it’s subconscious. “Maybe they were in a toxic relationship, either romantically or as a child. Maybe they didn’t have the most supportive, loving upbringing,” Fuller says. “They could have been bullied in school. They could be suffering from an undiagnosed mental health disorder, such as depression or anxiety or bipolar disorder, an eating disorder, any form of trauma.”
imhereforeveryoneee
December 4th, 2020 9:52pm
If they do not spend enough time with you, treat you well Or if they constantly hurt you with their actions or do not encourage you to follow your dreams, then you might be in a toxic relationship. These questions are questions that everyone in a relationship should ask themselves, am i happy? Do they make me feel home or loved? Do they show the same effort as i do? Do they hurt me constantly? Do they control everything i do? if you feel like you’re in a toxic relationship then do yourself a favor and ask yourself these questions.
empathicYosu1506
December 9th, 2020 11:06pm
When you do not feel comfortable in that relationship, when you feel like you give more than you take. When this relationship breaks you down and makes you depressed instead of lifting you up and making you happy. When the one you're in a relationship with doesn't respect you, or even abuse you. Nobody deserves to be treated this way. Sometimes in our lives we get stuck in toxic relationships because we think this is what we deserve or what's is available at the moment. But no, never degrade yourself to be in such a relationship, you deserve to be loved, cared about and respected.
fruityCandy1408
December 10th, 2020 4:23am
If you feel drained after the conversation, for example if it is a one sided conversation, or that for everytime you try to express yourself they start shaming, judging or even telling you that you doing something wrong when you are only stating how you feel about something. Toxicity might be someone who always plays the victim and make you feel bad about thing you did not do, or you something you did and they manipulate it so they are the victim and you are the villain which would make you feel bad, drained. Keep in mind that most toxic relationships are not easy to get out of, they make you feel that you need them, that they are good for you, that you can’t live without them. When in reality it is the opposite, it might be hard at the beginning because after being in a toxic relationship for a while you get used to the poison as your body is now addicted to it. But remember that no matter how hard it is to quit your addiction, it is always the best thing you can do!
Muzie
December 25th, 2020 8:31pm
In my experience, being in a toxic relationship involves several factors. Possibly the two worst-case scenarios of a toxic relationship is physical and verbal abuse. If you are being verbally abused or physically abused, it is best to seek help and to try to get out of that situation as soon as possible. Another indicator of being of in a toxic relationship is feeling bad all the time and having some sort of animosity to your significant other or the other person involved in your relationship whether it be a family member or friend. If you are in a relationship where you are doing all the giving and they are doing all the taking without any reciprocation, then this is another sign of a toxic relationship. It is not possible for a relationship to last without equal work being put in by both partners. One other indicator is the creation of a "score card", where one or both parties keep score of what each person does wrong, and brings the score up in arguments. A person may say they forgive a mishap, but in their mind they may keep the score in their mind to bring up into a later argument. When these mishaps are brought up over and over again, it will slowly destroy the relationship and can be seen and used as manipulative against the other person. One final indicator is that nothing gets resolved. When a conflict arises, it will always end up in an argument because nothing is going through with a calm demeanor. The conflict turning into an argument can turn into resentment for one another. These are only a few basic principles of a toxic relationship and there are many more. I've stated these principle's because these are the things I experienced in one of my previous relationships. In the end, if it is not possible to fix a toxic relationship, then it might be best for both parties to move on and go their separate ways.
Anonymous
January 1st, 2021 8:52pm
Based on my personal experience, I realized I am in a toxic relationship when was not happy anymore being with that person. Originally, when I was with that person, I was genuinely happy and excited. However, from this specific time, I began to feel sad and suspicious whenever I was with that person. It was quite depressing to me at first that I don't feel the kind of happiness that I felt before, but I soon realized that I'm in a toxic relationship. Also, I felt it when I noticed that person is effortless when he/she was spending time with me.
Anonymous
January 1st, 2021 11:07pm
There are many, many forms of toxic relationship scenarios. Whether it’s emotional, physical, sexual, mental, verbal, etc. The ones that are harder to detect is emotional and mental (usually). First of all, you might want to try and detect what area they are being toxic in. If it’s verbal, mental, emotional, etc., or a mix of a few areas. From my experience, the best way to tell is if you feel awful after being around that person. If they gaslight you, put you down, are passive aggressive, etc. towards you, that’s a big sign. Another is when they have a “mother knows best” attitude. They feel they need to be in control and act like they know what is best for you. I would recommend doing research on different abusive/toxic relationships so it is easier to tell if you are in one. Hope this helps!
usefulPuppy
January 8th, 2021 9:06pm
First off, you might be in a toxic relationship if you feel any sort of weird around your partner. It can be caused by anything or nothing in particular. Secondly, another simple sign of toxicity might be if you feel hesitant to share something with them for whatever reason. If you are afraid of their reaction to what you have to say, or if you think they might break up with you, this all could be toxic. Of course, your behaviour might be toxic as well. For example, if you feel like your partner should give you all their passwords, or spend all their time with you or you're constantly worried they might be cheating on you - there is probably something toxic in your relationship that you need to look into. If there is any sort of a wall between you two that prevents you from communicating your feelings, the relationship might be toxic.
MeeelsR
January 9th, 2021 4:35am
This can be one of the hardest things to accept and see in your own life. I have struggled with this. Sometimes things can become toxic slowly, and people become accustomed to that sort of behavior or dynamic, and begin to think that it is normal. It takes a lot of stepping back and really looking at things to understand sometimes. If you are afraid of being yourself, or being honest with the other person -- those are some signs of toxic relationship. If you constantly are feeling guilty for things you didn't do but are being convinced you did, also toxic.
StassieJones
January 13th, 2021 2:29am
Well I think a huge indicator that a relationship is toxic is if you're questioning if it's toxic or not. Healthy people in healthy relationships don't question a good thing. If you are unhappy, and feel the equity in the relationship isn't fair then maybe look for some signs. Is there a lack of support coming from your partner, is the communication nasty/ critical, is there a lot of jealously, is there controlling behaviors, can you actually trust this person, do they show they respect you? If you said yes to maybe even 2 of these things then yes it's toxic. Maybe you're participating in the toxicity, if that's the case then you need to take a step back.
honeycut15
February 10th, 2021 4:17pm
A lot of different relationships can be toxic. From romantic ones to family ties. You'll know if your relationship w/someone if toxic if everything constantly seems to be a battle between you two. A healthy relationship wouldn't make it a game about winning or losing. You guys shouldn't be competing to be right all the time and make the other person feel like their in the wrong. You guys should support each other and uplift each other. Never putting each other down. Also honesty is the foundation of it all. If you find that you or the other person are always being dishonest to each other then somethings wrong. Trust and communication are a big part of having a healthy relationship. If you want to make it work you both have to try hard to understand each other. Another aspect of a toxic relationship is when you feel insecure because of the way the other person treats you or speak to you or if you make them insecure. Also if someone is being controlling in the relationship it isn't healthy no on should try and be over or have more authority of the other person in a relationship. And lastly you shouldn't have to avoid talking to that person about things on your mind. You should be able to attack everything head on together and address conflicts directly.
gracefulSunset7921
March 6th, 2021 5:07pm
You will know if you are in a toxic relationship based on how you feel and how your significant other makes you feel. A healthy relationship does have ups and down but the ups are always greater. A toxic one has you putting up with a lot of downs for a few ups. If you feel like you had to question it in the first place, take a step back and reevaluate your relationship. Always take some alone time for yourself and see if your relationship is affecting you mentally, physically and emotionally. Put yourself first for a couple moments and see if this is what you want to continue with in the long run.
ouiCherie
March 11th, 2021 7:59am
There can be many signs of toxic relationship. Some of them are: â—‹ When one of them continuously destroy the other's self-esteem and make the other feels they are not enough. â—‹ When one not comfortable to have and voice out a different opinion out of fear that the other's would be angry or feels attacked. â—‹ Lie, lie, lie. Regardless the excuse, that's a solid sign. â—‹ Physical or mental abuse â—‹ Substance abuse â—‹ Financial abuse â—‹ Feels threatened either physically, mentally or socially. â—‹ Isolated from your usual social circle out of fear of your partner's reactions. â—‹ When you constantly feels better when he/she is not around.
Anonymous
March 11th, 2021 8:39pm
if you feel unhappy and feel like you are being controlled. these feelings can be a possible indication of a toxic, unhappy relationship. trust your gut! Abuse of any kind (physical, verbal, emotional, sexual) is unacceptable and unhealthy in a relationship. Physical abuse even one time is cause for concern and possibly physical separation for a time while the offender discovers healthier ways to deal with their anger or control. Consistent verbal abuse is also toxic and needs to be eliminated for there to be hope of developing a healthy relationship.If your partner is ritually trying to look through your phone, email accounts, social media or receipts, there need to be some discussions about proper levels of openness and privacy. If you are married then I believe that couples should have complete access to one another’s phones, computers, email accounts, calendars and social media because the goal of the marriage is oneness.
Anonymous
April 2nd, 2021 2:12pm
The most serious warning signs include any form of violence, abuse or harassment, which should be dealt with immediately. But in many cases, the indicators of a toxic relationship are much more subtle. The first, and simplest, is persistent unhappiness, Glass says. If a relationship stops bringing joy, and instead consistently makes you feel sad, angry, anxious or “resigned, like you’ve sold out,” it may be toxic, Glass says. You may also find yourself envious of happy couples. Fuller says negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem are all red flags, too. These changes could range from clinically diagnosable conditions, such as depression, anxiety or eating disorders, to constantly feeling nervous or uncomfortable — especially around your partner. Feeling like you can’t talk with or voice concerns to your significant other is another sign that something is amiss, Fuller says. You should also look out for changes in your other relationships, or in the ways you spend your free time, Fuller says. “You may feel bad for doing things on your own time, because you feel like you have to attend to your partner all the time,” she says. “You cross the line when you’re not your individual self anymore and you’re giving everything to your partner.” Finally, Fuller says concern from family or friends should be taken seriously, particularly since people in toxic relationships are often the last to realize it. Brocke says that was true of her relationships, which perpetuated the damage for years. “By the time I actually started realizing I was in something that wasn’t healthy, it was so normal to me that it didn’t seem like that big a deal,” Brocke says. “You get paralyzed in it, because you’re just used to it.”
AnnaHappyDew
April 11th, 2021 10:13am
When you are in a toxic relationship, you won't be able to express your true self. You will find yourself lying to and/or avoiding close friends or family members due to your partner’s words or behaviors. If you're afraid to tell your partner anything, then you're also not in a healthy relationship. Not being able to share things with them for fear of getting 'in trouble' or being judged, that's a slippery slope. For example, if you feel your phone buzz with a notification and your first reaction is a tightened stomach and caught breath, you're in a toxic relationship. You shouldn't react to communication with fear. A positive relationship will always bring out the best of you.
peachtones
April 15th, 2021 1:57pm
You would be in a toxic relationship if your partner doesn't make you feel loved, or secure. Toxic relationships can be extremely tough, and can make you feel off or exhausted. You shouldn't ever have to feel that way in a relationship with someone; you're simple better off without it. If your partner gaslights you, or makes you feel like you're constantly at fault, then it can be taking a turn into an extremely toxic one. Partners that tend to verbally abuse are also toxic to you and your lifestyle, so you would want to steer clear of that sort of relationship. Always make sure that you're kind to your partners, and that they feel appreciated under your presence :)
calmingUnicorn6545
April 22nd, 2021 3:44am
If the harm is emotional or mental, you’ll have to decide if it’s possible to work through the issue. If underlying triggers such as depression or trauma influence one or both individuals’ behaviors, Fuller says therapeutic or medical treatments may help. Glass agrees that getting to the root of the problem is important but says that sometimes, the answer may be to walk away. “I am a firm believer that you have to try to work everything out and understand why the person is toxic. You may be able to live with it — but on the other hand, you may not,” Glass says. “[If you can’t], you’ve got to get out of it. We have not to put ourselves in that position.”
FrostySunride
May 8th, 2021 1:57pm
There are some telltale signs of being in a toxic relationship. Do you find yourself constantly making excuses towards other people because your SO is asking you to do so, or somehow you feel like you have to because of your SO? Youre in a toxic relationship. Does he or she take up all of your time? Do you not have room to breathe? Does he or she check up on you? Do you feel you can trust him or her for 100%? Can you have openhearted conversations about everything and everyone without them throwing a tantrum or making a scene of it?
Anonymous
May 16th, 2021 7:07pm
If you have to ask yourself that question, then that is perhaps a wake up call for you. Evaluating if your relationship is one-sided or not is also a key factor in determining the toxicity of that relationship. Make sure that they aren't making you feel bad, trying to control you, or putting you down for insecurities and such. Gaslighting is also a major red flag. It's important to recognize these red flags and be honest with yourself on whether the relationship is actually toxic. A healthy relationship consists of two people both putting in effort and considering each other's needs while also participating in self-care & not loosing that individuality.
DesertDreamer
May 21st, 2021 2:33pm
Mental, emotional, and physical abuse are the most obvious signs of a toxic relationship. But lets think about what else makes a relationship toxic. One partner checking out and not communicating. Your partner unwilling to resolve issues. There will always be disagreements but its in how both people come together and communicate that is important in a healthy relationship. Are they a willing participant in the relationship trying to make the relationship better or are they tearing it down. Are they working towards resolution even if that means understanding how you feel even if they may disagree. Healthy communication is key. Fair fighting and sticking to topic at hand is important. These are all indicators if healthy versus toxic relationships besides the obvious outwardly toxic qualities in a relationship.
Anonymous
May 28th, 2021 3:34am
If you are in a toxic relationship you would not never be at peace. Due to love the presence of that person would make you feel great but deep down you know you aren't as happy as you could be. The efforts doesn't seem to be equal, the front person doesn't admire you much. When a relationship becomes toxic you would know it because a toxic person cannot gift you time and respect because it's very expensive,you would try to control you,manipulate you,abuse you . Your opinions won't matter much to him this would become a dominating relationship for you and when you get of this relationship initially some might feel upset but later you would be like a 🕊️🕊️ free from a cage , now the whole sky is yours and you are the controller of your life😊
friendlyHeart9279
June 2nd, 2021 5:50pm
The typical toxic relationships is by nature volatile and makes you feel insecure, lowers your self-esteem and leads you to constantly live in fear of a break up. In a good relationship, you should feel trust, security and calm, and you are not constantly questionning yourself. In a good relationship, should also be allowed to express your emotions and thoughts without being gaslighted (gaslighting is when someone makes you believe that you are crazy when you are giving your point of view). In a toxic relationship, there might be a constant "dance" between your partner being super loving and kind and him/her suddenly withdrawing and acting distant. If you are in a toxic relationship, know that there is not much that you can do to "SAVE" the relationship.
Anonymous
June 11th, 2021 3:10pm
You are in a toxic relationship if there are more bad times than good times and if you feel unloved, ill-treated, and uncomfortable with the person you are with. If the relationship doesn't seem supportive or trusting, then chances are that you are in a toxic relationship. Remember your worth and do not settle for someone who does not treat you should be treated. To answer the question simply: If the relationship makes you unhappy, do not continue to date the person. If you break up with the person and allow them to understand why, then they might be able to work on themselves for their next relationship.
handsomeForest17
June 25th, 2021 12:23pm
in a toxic relationship, it seems that everything is a reason to start a fight, and you argue over the same or similar things. There are no resolutions to the conflicts, so you feel stuck in a perpetual fight. Being with a toxic person is difficult because everything seems to be the motivation to argue or show discontent. A toxic partner feels they have the right to tell you whom to spend time with, how to dress, make your hair, what to do for a living, when to go to the doctor or what to have for lunch.
Anonymous
June 25th, 2021 7:15pm
Let's look at the word toxicity: "very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way." If your relationship makes you feel physically and mentally unsafe, it would be considered a toxic relationship. That includes things like bullying, gaslighting, tearing down your goals, excessive protectiveness/control, manipulation, extortion and so much more. Examine your partners behaviors- do they make you feel safe, comfortable, and loved? If not, then you most likely are in a harmful relationship. Another point to examine is if you are safe to leave the relationship if needed. Would your partner attempt to coerce or prevent you from leaving? You deserve to be loved and cherished. Taking the time to ensure you are being cared for is crucial.
Anonymous
July 17th, 2021 10:07pm
If you do not feel like you can be yourself if you feel like you should adjust to that persons' standards. In my case I felt like I had to be like that person wanted me to be like and that I wouldn't be heard or accepted if I didn't act or talk in the way that person wanted me to. I didn't act like myself and that person knew it, but still didn't care about, and I were to show him a new side of me he would say that he didn't like it and he would tell me to "act like the me he knew I was". If you feel like you are loosing yourself it is better if you leave