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How do i know if my ex wants me back?

125 Answers
Last Updated: 11/25/2020 at 4:38pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Amy Green, MA; LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I am a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist in the state of California and Oregon. I've been in private practice for 10 years and have been in the counseling field for 15 years.

Top Rated Answers
September 9th, 2018 12:19pm
He will ask me for a date, talk to me sincerely about what he feels, show an effort to win me back. He will makes me feel special and always be available for me. He will earn my trust back, shows respect for what i want, willing to wait patiently until i am ready to have him back. Never force me to do anything i dont like, would see my family and friends to show his sincerity and good intentions. Lastly, he will make me feel he cares about me and my feelings all the time. Would gladly be there with me when i wanna try new things even he's scares.
September 14th, 2018 7:29am
If your ex keeps trying to contact you and acts really sweet and keeps complimenting you and is flirtatious and shows all abovious signs of care and affection then they want you back 💕 also if they’re asking your friends about you and trying to know if there is someone new you’re interested in or want to date, then this might also be a sign for them to care about you and your relationships and to want you back because they won’t feel good and would be jealous if they see you with someone else and they would just try to break you up with the other person if you’re involved.
October 7th, 2018 4:45pm
Well, when a man or want their ex back they normally will go out of their way to try to win your heart back. One probably will buy you flowers, or cook you meals and offer to take you out for dates. Also, you will see signs that the ex want to be around you more than his friends and family. He will begin to fit his schedule around your off time ad he will do everything in his power to be near you when the both of you have some free time. Last but not least if he really want you back he will take you around the people in is life that means to most to him. He will want his families and friends to know that you are the one for him regardless of what others might think or say.
November 22nd, 2018 7:21pm
You might have some clues as to if they want you back, like do they make up reasons to text you? Or if you see them looking at you or they still post indirects. Or maybe they ask you’re shared friends about you or how you’re doing. They still make an effort to connect or reconnect with you. But you also need to remember that you broke up for a reason so unless you’ve both done some growing the relationship might not be as healthy as it should be. This is just some things I’ve noticed from past experience! Hope it helps.
January 2nd, 2019 6:27am
Ask if you can. If not, then you will not know. You and your ex separated for a reason. If you both chose to come back together, you both have to chose it. Usually all you can do is make sure they have your contact information and move on with your life. You both deserve the happiness of a renewed life and the responsibility of choosing what that new life has in it. When you love someone you want them to be free to make themselves happy. If you choose to remain single, that does not mean they must also. Most frequently it is dating others after you have separated that helps both parties confirm their desire to be together. The things you want from them may actually be in another person also. You can only control yourself.
January 18th, 2019 5:29am
It is not very important to know that your ex wants you back. Relationships are coming and going. It is important to see how to move on and be kind to others. No matter who you have dated or had a relationship with, moving forward and making sure they understand the situation is better than wondering about if they want you back. You do not need to know if this person wants you back. Regardless of many situations. You have connected to that person and they will always hold a place in your heart, but pondering back in the past is an unnecessary idea.
April 21st, 2019 4:26pm
If you keep a positive contact with him and give space for you both to heal from the break up if they want you back they will write and say they want to work this out. Keep a positive chat whether on the phone or through texts and let them know your true feelings . Listen to them when they are talking or through their words, honestly answer them in a positive manner. Ask if they feel sitting down and talking can help the relationship. Listen to what They have to say and take it as their truly speaking their feelings to you.
June 22nd, 2019 6:01pm
There’s no way to fully know if he/she does unless they tell you so. A lot of times, people tend to talk to their ex’s as friends or as “hook-ups”. However if they truly want you back for something meaningful, they’d let you know and show it through their actions. They’d actually make you feel wanted and loved. If at any point, you feel confused about what’s going on between you two, then you should consider that they don’t actually want you. Personally, I believe that you should never be confused in your relationship. It should always be clear how the other feels because that’s effective communication.
June 23rd, 2019 10:54pm
Why would you know? Ex is something that belongs to the past. It's a really hard path to recover from it, but there are always solutions. Time will also heal your broken heart. Of course no one say that you will never talk to him/her again. But why aren't you together anymore? Why did you decided to break-up? Missing him/her is natural and wanting them back also. Maybe chatting a bit with them can help. The key to this problem is certainly communication, what's more important than talking about your feelings together? Love is hard and so are breakup.
July 10th, 2019 11:38pm
Alright. To be quite honest, yes, there are ways to know this. However, you need to ask yourself if you really want to know whether he wants you back or not, does it really matter, and would it be healthy of unhealthy if you keep asking yourself that question? In order to fully move on from a relationship, you have to eventually stop thinking of any hypothetical scenarios that include your ex. Including the simple thought of whether he wants you back or not. Once you are able to focus on yourself, these questions simply won’t matter anymore. You will be able to grow as a person and move on from that relationship in a healthy way❤️
August 2nd, 2019 2:38pm
my favorite (and only) way to find out what someone wants is by direct questioning. it's ok to ask a clear question about someone's goals and boundaries, what they want from you and what they can offer you. If you noticed something that makes you think they want you back, you could explain the signal you're getting and ask the person if it is correct. of course, whenever you discuss goals and boundaries, it's important to recognize and honor when someone says no, or that they don't want something to happen. it helps to realize that the no doesn't have to make us feel rejected or not good enough. they said no because they were being honest, and that's the best thing we can hope for when we ask an honest question.
August 16th, 2019 7:58am
With exes, it is hard to stay away if you want to go back to them or vice versa. Short and simple, let them come to you. The best way to know if they want you back is to first find out if they want you in their life at all and to do that you must let them come to you. Don't try and force yourself into their life. My ex is a shy person who doesn't like confrontation so I knew she wouldn't come to me first. After a couple of months, I simply said "hi" and, as always, a conversation sparked between us. If your ex is like that then ease your way back into their life if they allow it, but tread carefully. Another way of knowing if they want you back is if they are asking about your love life specifically, many times if an ex wants you back they will try and see if you are over them or if you are single.
September 27th, 2019 6:29pm
They'll tell you.
January 24th, 2020 2:10pm
Often times relationships will end with feelings still involved. If you have only broken up recently chances are your ex does want you back, but you need to ask yourself if it is too soon. If it’s further along after the breakup and they are texting you a lot saying they’ve changed asking for coffee, they probably want you back. Just remember to go over why you broke up in the first place to see if your relationship has Hope to be better the second time around. Some signs can be: Texting, calling, bringing up old memories, talking about how they’ve changed, asking to meet up, or blatantly asking you out. Good luck!:)
February 21st, 2020 2:02pm
In my experience, an ex wants you back when they make an effort to have you in their life. Granted, wanting you for the sake of their own comfort, and wanting the relationship to grow are two different things. It can be important to see that they want the relationship to flourish by showing you care and consideration through their actions (through listening, communicating with kindness, and showing interest in your well-being.) If they are desirous of growing as a person in the relationship, and seeing you grow as a person as well, then, in my experience, its a sure sign that they want to continue a relationship with you. If an ex is brief, vague, fickle, mean-spirited, or is unable to have integrity with their words and actions, then it could be a sign to consider whether or not a healthy relationship is possible with them. A relationship grows when both people care enough to commit to growth.
February 21st, 2020 5:28pm
That's a difficult one as what might be true for some might not be true for others. Does your ex still hang around you for a start. If he does chances are you agreed to be just friends or he still wants you. Perhaps your ex might get jealous if you date someone else. This is a good way to work out if your ex wants you back although please don't just date someone to make your ex jealous. Do you ever see him secretly catching glances at you, are they wishful, does he want you back? When you smile at him does he smile back? Lots of different people can use lots of different cues as all relationships are different. He might openly talk to you about wanting you back. Whatever it is, let your gut decide. It's usually a good enough judge :)
March 18th, 2020 6:05pm
You won't really know as you're not a mind reader. No one is expecting you to be a mind reader. However, you can try to read body cues, which may differ from country to country, or even culture to culture. For example, is the ex's body language more receptive to you, like leaning forward? However, has the ex explicitly asked for you to come back? Are you making inferences here? We don't want miscommunication if you are unsure. If it is really bothering you, ask the ex directly. Asking sounds like the safest bet. I mean, the worst that can happen is that they are still your ex. On that note, remind yourself why the ex is an ex. If you dumped that person because they did some problematic things, remind yourself of these things. It's up to you if you want to go back (if that's what they want). Just be mindful of any red flags from the past.
March 27th, 2020 6:18am
Break ups are never easy, lots of pain and what if's are thrown into the air. If either one contacts the other with no luck, leave it, There should be some healing within the time of the breakup and the next time a conversation can occur. After that time either weeks or months, keep up on each other, and spark up that conversation without bring up what led to the breakup and focusing on moving on from that. If the pain and hurt is still there, then the distancing will continue but if messages and phone calls continue, there might be hope of being able to continue the relationship but one thing is for sure. Communication and knowing each other's intentions is always important to understand both other party's stand.
April 4th, 2020 7:25am
That is a very interesting question, would be also interesting to know what happened to you two, I mean the reason why you broke up, however if he is extra nice, it might be a sign that he is trying to get back. What about you ? How do you feel about him ? I hope your feelings are clear about this relationship, because being in love is just great. take care of your Self esteem it will also gives you strength to make the right moves, if he decides to get back to you .Its not so clear some times. Good luck :)
April 9th, 2020 6:01pm
It depends on how badly he's trying to catch up on you through call or could clearly sense it if he's being genuine or not..for example he may ask your common friends about your well-being and where abouts or he mightn't have hooked up with anyone during the break which shows he still has feelings for you and it's a good gesture..he will try to reach you no matter how badly you avoid him from contacting you..he will never look for other girls during this break..well if this is the case then it's good for u to have hope of your ex coming back to you and be happy then
April 17th, 2020 12:05am
Messaging you back telling you that they miss you or should of never let you go. A lot of people after a break up start missing their ex. They'll messaging you back telling them they still love you, miss you, should still be with you, I'll treat you better, I've changed, etc. But ask yourself, do you want to get back with them, do you love them, do you miss them, do you believe they've changed, think things through before telling them the same thing. Don't do it if you're just lonely and, want to be with someone again.
April 22nd, 2020 4:05am
Do you want to go back to the relationship? If you are asking this question it would appear that your ex is communicating this to you in some way which gives you choices. The key to any relationship is communication, so the best way to start the conversation about reuniting it to ask. The next part of communication is to listen to what they tell you. Listen and honestly think about what was said before responding. Remember no matter what, you cannot change anyone else, you can only change how you respond to them. To make the relationship different, the change must begin with you, not your partner unless they also choose to work on making changes.
April 24th, 2020 8:00am
Your ex with show you love and care, you deserve to be happy. You will have to trust with him, but never settle because you are worth more than you know. You have a very bright future ahead of you. I promise that things will get better. You have people who love and support you. Even when you feel alone, know we are here on 7 Cups. To answer your question further, you will know if your ex wants you back by their actions. Some questions to ask yourself are, are you feeling loved? Do you trust him? Do you see yourself with him?
April 24th, 2020 9:24am
Whilst some people seem to manage to split up and immediately become the best of friends, that’s the exception and not the rule. It’s normal for two people that have broken up to have no contact with each other for quite a significant period, even if they do then manage to strike up a friendship later on. In fact, if you’re trying to get over each other, it’s normally the healthiest thing. So, if you never stopped having contact with one another, it might be a sign that they’ve never gotten over your relationship. After all, if you’ve still been seeing each other in person or messaging, you simply haven’t had a chance to forget one another. On the other hand, it could be that you did cut contact, but now they’ve got back in touch. Something’s telling you that they haven’t reached out just because they’ve decided that the time is right for the two of you to be friends. Beware of interpreting all kinds of contact the wrong way, though.
April 25th, 2020 5:00am
You would know your ex wants you back if they make an effort to get in touch with you, want to talk about memories you shared together, want to meet with you or suggest that they want to give your relationship another try. However, before getting back with an ex you should weight all of the pros and the cons, think about why your relationship ended and if you both of you would be willing to change and put in the effort to make it wort. Getting back with an ex would mean starting over from scratch because the relationship that you had before is no longer there. You would have the chance to create something new and better, if you think that's the best decision. If someone still cares about you they will make an effort to be with you and show you that they have changed.
April 29th, 2020 10:09pm
He/she will keep asking about your own life, no matter whenever and wherever you are, she will keep behave as like you were still in a relationship and you MUST be aware of it. For me, getting back with an ex is totally the same as reading the same book, so you will know if you're getting back, 90% you will also know how it's gonna end. This is the thing that you need to be aware the most that your ex does really know your weakness spot. So, if their trying to reach you by hitting your weakness spot, it already totally meant thay he/she wants to have a relationship with you AGAIN.
May 3rd, 2020 7:40pm
the only for sure way to know, is if you have a conversation with your ex and talk about what went wrong and if it can be fixed and they want to make a positive attempt to be together with you. if your ex is not answering your calls or responding to your messages to talk about what went wrong , then that would be a clear signal to they do not want to get back together with you, but if they agre to go for a coffee or tea and want to talk about the problems that led up to the break up , then they are considering that there could be a future together.,
May 15th, 2020 6:06pm
You will know if he comes back. If he misses you he will contact you as soon as he can. From my own experience, I thought I had lost the love of my life but a week had gone by and he decided that he didn't want to leave me. He will show signs that he misses you, watch his actions. He will also think about it a lot. He may even want to be friends with you until then, but overall he will probably contact you if he wants you back. And he will probably want to work through this as well. If he really does love you, he will come back.
June 28th, 2020 10:41am
You will see a big difference on the way he treats you if he wants you back. Most likely, true would reach out to you more than you reach out to them. They also would become more or less jealous of you talking to other people. In other words, if an ex is trying to get you back they will probably act erratically and display these crazy mood swings. Your ex could say things like: “It looks like you’ve moved on.” Or “Have a nice life” because they try and use reverse physiology on you. I hope this helped.
July 4th, 2020 4:27am
Unless they tell you directly, it is only speculation. However, if you see them trying to make the effort to approach you or flirt with you then that could also be a sign. Even so, think about why you guys broke up. If the other party was a bad influence, or if you were in a toxic relationship, please do not fall back into it. Sometimes, you think you miss the person but in reality, you only miss the feeling you get when you are in a relationship. But if your relationship was not "problematic" then I'd say give it some time. With time, you'll be able to tell what they're after, be it friendship, or a romantic relationship.