How do I let go of pent up anger towards an ex?
209 Answers
Last Updated: 05/22/2022 at 6:42am
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Stacy Overton, PhD.
Counselor
I am an enthusiastic life-long learner and also a professor of counseling. I have a passion for peoples stories and helping to guide and empower the human spirit.
Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
August 20th, 2017 11:57am
Don't dump on your ex. Your relationship is over. Write a letter to yourself, laying out all your grievances, then destroy it.
One technique that I've developed for dealing with anger towards exes is to write them a letter, and as soon as you finish it, destroy it. You can say anything you want this way, and you'll be able to organize your thoughts in a clear and logical manner.
Anonymous
September 27th, 2017 1:58pm
In my opinion, you should divert your mind to something productive, something that would benefit you. In that way you will eventually forget about your ex, and that would be the best way to show them that their presence does not matter to you. It is the best way to show them that you never needed them. And, in my opinion, it's the best way to make them feel guilty or regret it.
If you're still communicating with that person, tell them that you need time to move on. This pent up energy will only cause you pain and sorrow. The last thing you want is to remain at that stage for too long. Give yourself time to heal and do things you love. Exercise is usually a great way to release that anger. Jogging, biking, even kickboxing. Don't have or keep those angry feelings, it will just make you feel worse about yourself in the future.
Anonymous
November 10th, 2017 5:10pm
Try to remember the good times you guys had. It might hurt remembering but it'll help you to let go of your anger
Anonymous
November 10th, 2017 5:31pm
I personally believe taking a break from speaking to this person may aid in letting go of some anger. Venting to a professional or a listener may also be beneficial.
Let your ex go. Breathe deeply each time you find yourself feeling the anger all over again. Just keep the good memories with you and be brave enough to start anew.
Try doing activities that tend to calm you down. Reading, writing, exercising, etc. can all be healthy ways to release anger or stress.
Anonymous
November 25th, 2017 1:15am
You've become much more and grown much more from where you were with them, Holding past anger is only bad for you and the day will come when you no longer feel it
It may help you to know that anger really only punishes you, not the person you're angry at. People make mistakes out of stress and/or ignorance, not malice. If you can look into what's making you angry about the other person and really see this fact, then compassion will come and anger will dissolve. Generally. Sometimes you're just going to stay angry :-(
Anonymous
December 6th, 2017 3:25am
Anger comes with the basic understanding that they did you 'wrong' . And often helplessness. We often turn to blame someone else for how we feel. It's what we have come to identify with. A 'victim' identity. To let go of anger Don't think about letting go. Rather than trying the zen approach or the karate form; why not ask yourself? Why are you angry? What made you so angry? Expectations? Guilt? And then you would realize you had the answer yourself. Every time you feel angry or mad, go to the 'source' because anger is a natural emotion and it allows us to work upon ourselves. If we can allow it to take its course, inherently we'll feel lot better about ourselves. Relationships are a mirror anyway. Why not benefit from it?
Anonymous
December 6th, 2017 5:50am
You try to talk to them, become friends with each other. Thatll probably help a bit.The better the friends the smaller the grudge.😊
Anger has been described as a poison that a person ingests in the hope that someone else will suffer from it. Learning to manage that feeling, and realizing that the anger is only poisoning you, may help you move past it.
Anonymous
January 3rd, 2018 12:35pm
the answer to anger is really nothing but moving on and forgetting and forgiving the other person to get on with your life, being angry doesn't solve anything only brings harm to yourself and maybe others who actually care about you. live, love, forget and forgive..
Do what you love. Do everything that you thought you needed the other, by yourself. Try until you succeed. Not only will the anger turn to commitment, but the other person will also regret leaving.
you could scream into a pillow, put on earbuds or just listen to music really loudly, you could punch a pillow (make sure not to punch anything too hard, dont want u to get hurt) or u could confront the ex and tell them how u feel about them.
Try thinking about all the other good looking people out in the world, there must be the perfect someone waiting for you.
anger is a sign of hurt feelings and need of closure. find forgiveness in your heart and all the anger will fade away in time. also find a way of closure where you can release that anger in a healthy way, maybe journaling your feelings or try art to release your anger (move your emotions from inside your body where you cannot control them to outside your body where you can control and let go of them).
Anonymous
February 8th, 2018 12:15pm
Good therapy but mainly time. I know it sucks to hear, but time is the main healer with these things.
Anonymous
February 14th, 2018 6:37pm
A healthy way to let go of that anger is to write about it and then tear up that paper. Sometimes punching a pillow is a good idea, you can't hurt it or yourself that way and it lets it out.
An Ex is someone we still love, yet cannot say it every day. We feel it in our hearts, we know it in our minds, but we cannot act on it. I've found that forgiveness is always the best path, backed by gratefulness and thankfulness ... thankful that I shared part of my life with this person that I love. The thing is Love is indestructible. It may change form, it may seem as if it has left, and it may seem mysterious. Love, it's always there no matter how much hatred you think you have for your Ex, you always Love them. Always.
Anonymous
March 1st, 2018 9:17am
Let it out in words write it down burn it or ask someone if you can let it out on them but take no offence
Find someone else to talk to. Find something to do to take your mind off of them. Distract yourself by hanging out with new people.
Start by giving yourself permission to forgive yourself and then forgive him/her. Forgiveness is the key to a peaceful mind
Punch a pillow, or read a book. Just do something to get them off your mind. If you see them in the streets don’t get mad at them, just say “hey†or ignore them.
Anonymous
April 12th, 2018 5:20pm
Do things that make you happy, got out with friends, scrapbooking etc. you can also take every photo of the 2 of you and everything he gave you and burn it so you don’t have any reminders of him.
Anonymous
April 12th, 2018 7:32pm
Learn to forgive and move past the issues. Find new friends to associate with and new activities to keep your time occupied.
I used to do that. But, later I realized it's not healthy for me mentally and I need to make peace in order to move on.
Anonymous
April 15th, 2018 3:36pm
From my personal experience is learning to take a step back take a deep breath and look at all of the good things and not so much on the bad. When I allow my anger to get the better of me it is simply because of the fact that I have been hurt knowing that this person wants nothing to do with me. So I have to learn to understand the good sides and not allow the pain to give me the false judgement
Key is acceptance. Accept that it's over. Accept that it was a mistake. Forgive yourself and you'll forgive your ex. You'll realize that the anger you hold towards yourself stems from an anger towards your own discretion.
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