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How do I start to live a life without the person I can't live without?

166 Answers
Last Updated: 05/22/2022 at 4:55pm
How do I start to live a life without the person I can't live without?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lisa Groesz, PhD

Psychologist

With evidenced based therapies, we find the root of the problem together to implement solutions. We all face crises, transitions, or disorders at some time.

Top Rated Answers
empatheticCat95
September 8th, 2018 8:04pm
Based on my personal experience, it takes time. When I lost my love to another woman I thought it was over, I'd never be happy again. However in that moment I took a step back and saw that he didnt define who I was. I cried, but I got rid of his belongings. I whined, but I went to work and it was hard, people asked about him of course but I didn't lie about what happened. I could have but I knew it wouldn't help me heal. After getting rid of his belongings and reminiscing of him to Grey's anatomy and Ben and Jerry's ice cream I took a deep breath and went for a walk... I'm not dating because it takes time to fully heal and trust and love again but you will begin to live a life without the other. sometimes you cry, but that's okay.
Srisdreamtonic98
October 13th, 2018 5:23am
Hi I’m not any expert towards this but with my personal experience I can tell you that this is not impossible and it’s not as hard as you think it is all you.... 1)start giving yourself more importance i.e., concentrate on your life college, work, career etc 2)do other things you love to do try out new activities that you have always been thinking you can’t and giving up example things like painting,cooking,diys there is so much to divert you from your past in today’s world 3) include a physical activity in your daily schedule....as exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins are really important to keep you happy and healthy 4)start loving yourself more and trusting yourself more I’m sure it’ll change the way you look at this world
GEMINIALDRIDGE8D
October 13th, 2018 10:40pm
Okay. Here’s the thing. You lived without them before you knew them, so you know you can do it. You just have to prove to yourself that you can do it again. Distract yourself when you’re feeling down with friends or family. Go out. Meet new people. Don’t let your life come to a complete stop because you’ve lost someone. Prove to everyone that you can do it, find a new hobby or activity to take up, like playing an instrument or learning a language. Learn new skills. Use this as an opportunity to have a fresh start, become a better you!
Anonymous
October 31st, 2018 6:45pm
It's devastating that you're living with someone that you cannot live without. First, take a deep breath and go through this situation calmly. Focus on yourself and take the time to improve yourself. Get a new hobby like painting, drawing, coloring, or writing poetry. Go out and meet new people in places you're comfortable at. Introduce yourself to new people in person and online. Also, do some breathing exercises when you're feeling stressed out and nervous. You got this and I believe that you can start living a life without anyone who doesn't want you. You don't need them to succeed in life!
Yocan18
November 3rd, 2018 2:09pm
It's a feeling. The truth is there isn't anyone you can't live your life without? How do I know? Because you are alive. The only person you can't live without is yourself. Heartbreak is one of the most difficult emotions to handle, but the truth is it does end at some point. It could take a while so it's better to plan your time until then. Treat yourself extra special and accept the pain. Easier said than done I know. Write, cry, vent, and feel your way through to the other side...have faith that it will happen. We've all been there and gotten through it.
Insights4All
November 9th, 2018 2:24am
Realizing that you cannot validate your own sense of self-worth based on anybody else's opinion or impression is a great first step in learning how to love oneself in a proper manner and think in a healthy way to overcome challenges. Of course the separation and anxiety and loss can bring feelings of grief, as they rightfully should any time that we experience loss, but in the end result, all that matters at the end of the day is that we are happy with the person that we see when we look in the mirror at ourselves. Would you agree with that?
kevbythebeach
December 20th, 2018 6:20pm
Firstly, you are the most important person in your life. You cannot give to other people before you learn to give to yourself. When you can do this you can then experience a fulfilling relationship. If you do find yourself in a painful break up then you'll need time to get to know yourself and regain your sense of self. Try and look forward to being a better person and learning from past relationships. You have to remember that we are all responsible for the good and bad times, no mistakes, just lessons to grow. If you can follow this path then future relationships will be better. Give yourself time to reflect and understand the relationship/s that didn't quite work out. Respect that your past partner/s probably feel the loss you feel but also respect and forgive yourself and them. Forgiveness and acceptance will allow you to retain the goodness of past relationships and allow you to make better future relationships. It can be a very painful time, don't be hard on yourself and go with your feelings, don't bury them, feel them and let them be what they are. You are probably grieving the loss and that takes time to heal. Don't jump into another relationship to early. It's too early if you have a (negative) emotional response when you see or think about your ex. Even if they don't seem to show it, they are hurting also. Give yourself time to grieve and, with time, you'll most probably understand and be grateful of the time you spent together. At that point you'll start to live your life again.
Kristinakogaa
January 12th, 2019 1:55am
You lived through 100% of your days before you met whoever this person is. The feeling of "I can't live without this person" is an exaggeration from your own conscious that fades away through time. I would start to do things whether that is playing music or go for a walk to take your mind off this person. Things will start to get easier as time passes. All you have to do is take things one step at a time and allow yourself to understand the situation. Keep yourself occupied (for personal preference, I would exercise since there are many different forms of physical activity that can also include having a different partner who can help you too.
PositiveDavid
January 12th, 2019 10:05pm
I have been in this position myself in the past. I found it helpful to bring the focus back to other things. I focused on myself for a while: my interests, my studies and my family and friends. When I shifted my attention away from the lost person, new things filled that place in my mind and in my heart. Over time, life changed and life went on. That person is likely to always be with you in one way or another: their legacy lives on in you. You will realise however that you can go on living your life without them; though it's not always easy.
ArabellaHazeldine
June 27th, 2019 3:01am
You need to focus on yourself. You can live without somebody else. But you need to learn with live with yourself. And learn to love yourself. You are amazing as you are. And you have so many great qualities. I know it might be hard, but try and think what qualities this person you can’t live without had, and think about how you can improve yourself. Please try and put your mind in other activities and hanging out with friends and socialising, it will help. And please never think you’re alone because you’re not. There’s always somebody who cares and wants to talk.
Anonymous
July 11th, 2019 4:08am
This is honestly a really difficult question to answer. But first off, I'm so glad that you made it to today! Each day is a new day, and even though I know it's very difficult to be without them, you're still here. There's power in trusting yourself to make your own decisions and trusting yourself to live your life the way you would want to. As sad as it may sound, you can live a life without the person it seems as of right now you can't live without. But starting to make decisions independently is a very important skill. If you can start simple, like doing things you enjoy doing and working your way up to responding to situations in a way that you would chose to rather than someone else, this can help you to become a more independent individual. Finding support from others by communicating to them how you're feeling as well can also be very beneficial.
NotBlackAndWhite17
January 8th, 2020 2:20pm
It's always difficult to see tomorrow without someone you truly care about. If it's hard to see tomorrow, how can you possibly look beyond that to a new life? By taking it one step at a time. Time can heal, and prosper new growth, but time can also be the hindrance. Putting time into a box, and wishing it to go faster, makes one hurt, makes pain insufferable. Focus on the small wins. The hours, that turn into days that turn into weeks, that eventually fade into month and years. By taking a small step now, filled with anguish, anxiety, fear and pain can begin to start you on a path to recovering and moving yourself forward. Don't be afraid, there are people out here to support you, to help you. Some days are easy, other days are hard, but I can assure you that you can begin your life anew, living only for you, and taking a step away from the clutch that has been binding you. All it takes is the first small step.
gentleSummer3213
February 19th, 2020 11:52pm
Try to keep busy. Find a hobby you enjoy doing or take the offer to have a night out enjoy yourself learn to love yourself all over again. Remember it’s ok to be alone it’s ok to be sad. Talk about your feelings and remember people care about you. Focus on you and what you can do for yourself instead of what you can do for others. Sometimes we believe we can’t live without someone but that’s because we became use to that person. It became a routine. Make a new routine and become a new version of you.
Anonymous
February 23rd, 2020 11:06pm
Take time to think about yourself. Care for you, and look after you. Remember that you are an amazing person, and try to think about all your amazing personality traits. Engage in activities that motivate you, and spend time around those who bring out the best version of yourself. Remember happy moments from the past and learn from moments that didn't go to plan. You may have lost an important person but try to see the light, everyone lives life as a maze, and everyone has there own path to follow. You will have played an important role in that person's life so embrace that fact. And remember that your life is in your own hands, take it wherever.
Chrisian77
March 6th, 2020 1:04pm
Same happened with me but time heels everything. Trust me I started focusing on my work more, it was not easy at all but when I realized working with dedication is supporting me a lot to move on in my life I felt alive. Also thinking about some one who has left you without even thinking about the consequences on you and without even giving it second thought is not even worth to even remember for. Think about your likes and dislikes and think about your family before giving importance to someone who has left you and may he has moved on and you still stuck with him/her and stuck in your old relationship memories. Not at all good, move on with a bang and sow them what mistake he/she did leaving you alone
Anonymous
April 15th, 2020 9:09am
First things first, start over. Re-fresh your brain. Stop thinking about erase them from your life because no one has the privilege to stop you from living your life. So forget about them, delete pictures, videos, anything that is going to remind you of them. When you have left that person in the past start moving forward. Get yourself together, do your hair, get a tan, get your nails done, take a few photos upload them to your Instagram page with a great caption. From that point start living the life you always wanted to live and dont let anyone hold you back
Jordan0498
April 23rd, 2020 10:47pm
It will be a hard process. Maybe one of the toughest things you have to do. You have to figure out that next step you have to take in order to begin. Doesn't have to be a big step, just as long as you are taking one. But it might get difficult to do each one because every step becomes harder to take then the last. But you don't have to do it alone. Ask anyone who is willing to help you. I know each situation can be different, whether it be a love one or a family member. But know that your happiness and wellbeing is important. And you should do whatever it takes to stay healthy and happy.
Misskhan01
June 11th, 2020 10:23am
If you’re telling yourself you can’t cope with the thought of life without the man you love, then here’s your your first step towards healing: pay attention to what you’re saying to yourself. Let go of the “I can’t live without him” and the “he was my life” thoughts, or they will destroy you. Those lies will drag you down and keep you under the oppressive and wrong belief that he is the reason you’re alive. Instead, focus on these ways to grieve the loss you’re experiencing so you can start healing your heart. “Grief can surprise you with its power, its unpredictable timing, its fathomless depths, it’s transformational potential, and the scope of change it brings into your life
tessie855
June 14th, 2020 4:02am
You try to keep yourself as happy and distracted as possible. It’s going to be hard, and I mean like really hard. Some nights you just cry for an hour because you miss them so much, you’re just mentally replaying your memories with them and it just hurts so much. But if you surround yourself with people who you love and care about, for the most amount of time in the day, and try to maximize the amount of times you do something that makes you happy during the day, it will make the pain a bit more bearable. ❤️
Silverliningforyou
June 25th, 2020 8:59pm
You already lived without the person before meeting him or her so you'll be able to live without this person one day. Sometimes we think we need another person to live a happy life but in fact we are the ones who make ourselves happy by the way we see our life. It is important to realise that no person is able to make our life as happy as we do. But it takes time to realise that. In the meantime it is important to acknowledge and appreciate the people and things we still have around us. That way you can focus on other parts of your life until you find your happiness in yourself.
Anonymous
July 5th, 2020 2:49am
You start to put yourself first and learn to love yourself without them. You do special things for yourself and you continue to grow into a person that you are proud of. Fall in love with yourself first so that you know your worth. Start to find hobbies and maybe try new things you didn’t do before. Fill your life with supportive people that respect you and can help you move on. Give yourself a break too because growth is not a linear path, it is up and down. Learn to also take advice from others because you are alone and many have been in your same position. No one is saying it is easy but you can do it.
RedOwl5
July 10th, 2020 2:59am
It can be easy in a relationship to feel like you need the other person. Being with them becomes part of your identity. But when the relationship ends, it is possible to live and even thrive without the other person. For me, I had to put myself first and explore my own identity. Once I began to love myself I was able to feel that being single was a new adventure rather than something to be ashamed of. It starts with small steps such as being gentle with yourself, focusing on your own hobbies and interests, and spending time with friends and family.
Aekeiu
August 5th, 2020 3:03pm
It is hard but that's alright. You have taken the first step in thinking about this issue and that's a good thing. Why don't you start by thinking what do you usually like to do? Maybe hobbies? What were your childhood dreams? What was your life like before meeting this person? We must remember to take care of ourselves and to not forget who we used to be and who we want to be. Think about where you want to stand in the future, dream about it and think about how you can achieve this goal. Remember success is in the effort.
Lana2277
August 5th, 2020 6:19pm
Well first off you need to realize why you cannot live without this specific person and sort the sequence of events that led you up to this point. What is most common for people to say is that they love someone and cannot see a future without them but they never specify why this happened or how come they let themselves be consumed and so infatuated by this person. You need to start to see that "you" became the person you are today because of that person you cannot live without. You grew with them and so did your personality so without them being there you wouldn't know who you are and of course being alone is something most of us fear. The first step to starting a life without this person is as said by understanding how and why you became the way you are in the first place and the second and last step is you need to reconnect with yourself. Become the true you. Spend time on your own, discover yourself so they say.
Heftyarjun
August 12th, 2020 9:40am
It is advised to not depend on any person to the extent that we cannot live without them. It's not to say that be Emotion less or behave inhuman, but it is more like understanding the limitations of human being. Human beings does have many limitations, especially parting between individuals does happen at higher probabilities given the intensity of modern world we are living in. No body can guarantee that closeness remains forever. So staying in reality does help us to deal with life in better way. For the people who already depended on someone emotionally, the initial struggle will be there to overcome it but they can overcome it gradually by getting touch with other people, spending their time and energies and in constructive areas like society service, yoga, meditation, reading books etc. If the problem is very severe they can approach counseling help.
KACOSMIC
October 9th, 2020 6:52am
First of all you have to change your mindset that you can't live without this person. Before you have met this person you was living your life so you can live without this person. You are able to live without the other, YES! You are able to remake your life, YES! Even if today you don't even know how or think it is impossible. But believe me, it is possible. Your independent, individual being who was created unique, living his own experiences and discoveries for centuries cannot think so small now, deceiving himself in thinking that he will never be able to live if he is not with someone. Get that out of your head. YOU DON'T DEPEND ON HIM OR HER TO BE HAPPY, YOU CAN YES, BE HAPPY, IN YOUR OWN COMPANY.
Anonymous
December 3rd, 2020 9:19pm
Learning to survive--THRIVE--without something or someone you believe is vital to your happiness, is a daunting thought. The future that you envisioned together, has suddenly vanished. Dreams that are attached to someone mean possibly hundreds or smaller links to countless shared experiences. How is one supposed to move on from something so seemingly insurmountable? But you can. As impossible as it may seem this moment, you can. Possible, of course, doesn't mean easy--and you know that. Healing, doesn't mean forgetting the person, or forgetting what once was, what could have been. It's a very similar recovery as grief. You learn, day by day, who you were--before the pain, the loss, the shock, the heartache. So. What can you do *right now* ? How does one step at a time sound? There is no right or wrong way to heal. Healing is not a straight line to the Finish Line. It's hard, it will test you--and what you learn and feel will surprise you in the most phenomenal of ways. Thus, you cannot push yourself too far, or be too hard on yourself. One day at a time, one step at a time. Remember who you are as an individual. Remember the good this person brought to your life--the happiness they helped you feel, the way they uplifted and strengthened and encouraged you. You CAN do this, as an individual. Take the good that you received, mourn your losses, and don't expect yourself to see 10 steps ahead--unless you're ready to! One day, one step, one little recovery, at a time. You've got this.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2020 6:46pm
It can be hard to live your own life without the person you previously felt was essential to your life. The path to developing your own life after that point is not easy, but it can be rewarding if you take your time to really get to know yourself and what you want for your life. A good place to start is to outline your goals or essential activities. If you cannot think of anything you "have to do" (i.e. go to work/school, feed/walk the dog) and you cannot think of anything you want to do (i.e. learn to garden, get a pet fish), just start by listing simple things you enjoy. They don't even have to be legitimate hobbies. Just list times you feel good (i.e. having a cup of tea, going for a walk). Once you have a few ideas, write a schedule for yourself that accounts for each goal, desire, hobby, interest, or enjoyable thing. By sticking to the routine of a schedule, you will build confidence and regularity in your new life, which will help you become comfortable with who you are and how you are now living.
musicalTruth3914
December 17th, 2020 7:05am
I think the best way to grow without this person is to accept yourself and learn to find happiness as an individual. Realize the positive things this person has added to your life, but also realize that true happiness originates from within. Without self-love and self-care, I don't think anyone can truly be happy. Connect with other friends and other people in your life you care about. Start activities that you find personally fulfilling. Losing someone is a long and difficult process, but, in my experience, time always heals the pain. Take the lessons you learned and carry them throughout the rest of your life. Never stop growing.
Anonymous
April 3rd, 2021 10:53pm
It's very difficult to move on without the person we thought our life was all about. But you know what... You really can move on. Embrace your feelings so you can grieve, avoiding them will be just a band-aid and make it worse. Write down all your thoughts and feelings on a diary. Seek support in your friends and family. And love yourself. Do pleasurable things and activities, invest in yourself, do some sports, learn a new language por other subject. Remember that thing you would like to do bit you kept postponing? Now it's the time to do it! Accept the end of the relationship, seek support and love/invest in yourself. When you realize it, you already started to live a new life.