How do I stop blaming myself?
Last Updated: 08/10/2020 at 5:32pm
Katherine Aucoin, Transpersonal Counselling Psychology
I offer you compassion and support on your unique journey. I look forward to working with you to heal your emotional wounds and find more freedom and joy.
Top Rated Answers
Ask yourself - Is it worth blaming myself? What will I get by blaming myself? I can't change the past. So think about what better you can do in the future :)
Whatever happened that you blame yourself for it, happened because of a chain of events. Nothing is worth blaming yourself about. Things just happen. You need to learn from your mistake and use it to become a better you so that you do even better next time. Always do your best, and accept that you did. Don't feel bad thinking how you could have done things differently. Instead, spot those things you didn't do well and work on improving yourself in that area. In the mean time, forget the worries and focus on making the best out of the moment you're living.
If you find that you are responsible for something, you need to blame yourself for awhile and remember the lesson, take with you not to repeat again. Blaming , should not turn into depression, unproductive behavior in any way. The past events should stay in the past and although we can have a lesson we should not dwell over events that we can not change any longer, but rather turn our focus on the future and build with the experience that we have. If you realize that something is your fault, learn the lesson and move on. You stop blaming yourself by being busy today and focusing on the plans for tomorrow. Focus on others and see how can you employ yourself and make things better for everyone around you. Sometimes that helps. Also, maybe we should not call that action - blaming...maybe it is just learning? listening? realizing? Just stop dwelling in a way of having one thought that does not move things forward. When that happens, run, see a movie, a friend, read a good book, walk, draw, listen to a music, cook, garden, make something and do something that makes you happy.
One way to prevent self-blame is to watch out for those sorts of comments or thoughts. When you make a thought that blames yourself, stop and find an alternative fault that is more positive.
You stop by making the choice to stop. Understanding that blaming yourself isn't going to help you or anyone else and just creates more pain. What's done is done, all we can do is live.
What happened had happened so why you gonna waste time in blaming yourself ! and you can learn from your mistakes .
By remembering all the sacrifices and compromises I made to keep the relationshop going, inspite of that if he left me, well It wasn't me!
Just think about how pointless it is to blame yourself over something, we all make mistakes and learn from them. Just think to yourself, why do i care what anyone thinks of me and what i do? You have the right to do whatever you want so dont dwell on the mistakes. Especially the ones in the past. Try and laugh about it and move on as soon as you can and you'll be happy and eventually forget about it :)
Your past doesnt have any control of your Now. What is past is past. Let it go then. Start a new Now.
It takes encouraging words from yourself. You have to be the one to constantly tell yourself that it is okay to mess up. That not everything is your fault, and if it happens to be to make a change. Because standing there necessarily won't change anything unless you take the step to do something about it.
Start looking at yourself in a positive light. You may have had your faults or made some mistakes but you shouldn't allow yourseld to continue feeling guilty. What's in the past cannot be changed and there's no use pondering on it, the only thing to do is learn from the mistakes made and move forward
Are you sure you haven't been gaslighted ? Usually victims of emotional abuse tend to blame themselves because they internalize a lot of toxicity from their abuser, and that remains to be healed which is why self blaming and self defeating thoughts tend to pop in the mind. Having been through this myself, I could help if you want to reach out but it would well be worth it to have a read about a certain subject called - gaslighting.
You have to learn that not everything is your fault. One day in class, the question of the day was "who do you think most deserves an apology from you?" and I realized one day that it was me. I deserved an apology from myself. For always blaming myself for everything. For always being disappointed in myself for things I can't even control. It takes time, but you have to accept yourself and your flaws. Also learn that you can't always control certain situations.
To stop blaming yourself look at ways it wasn’t your fault. REMEBER that you are you and you are perfect.
Learn that EVERYONE makes mistakes and to forgive yourself. Based on personal experience, you have to understand what you blame yourself for and work to figure out what are some different options you can take. If you blame yourself for missing a work assignment, ask yourself why you missed it and how you can stay on task for next time - phone reminder, sticky notes etc. If you're blaming yourself for personal things - perhaps consider meeting with someone in person that can do more hands on activities to get your to a point where you can realize where the blame comes from and why.
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