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How do I tell my boyfriend I'm not happy?

249 Answers
Last Updated: 04/16/2020 at 8:50pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Sara Radford, MA Clinical Counseling

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Within the context of a supportive, collaborative relationship I help clients to explore themselves in a effort to create healing and lasting positive change.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
August 24th, 2016 10:46pm
If you are afraid or scared that he might react harshly, you must tell him gently. Telling him, even if he is the kindest person ever, is the first step to your happiness and also a huge improvement in your relationship with him!
comfortingPicture36
August 25th, 2016 12:32am
You should just be completely honest with him. Tell him how your feeling. If you don't it'll just get worse
Anonymous
August 25th, 2016 9:25pm
You need to talk to your boyfriend one on one and tell hime that i just doesn't seems to be working out right now and that you need to take a little break for a while so you can clear your thoughts.
gentleLight16
August 26th, 2016 10:14am
You ask to talk , outline all the things that's making you unhappy in the relationship to him
Anonymous
August 31st, 2016 6:13am
Be honest, share what is in your mind. And may be look for a solution if you still want to continue with the relationship. Don't let things go farther. Be honest with yourself and with him
Anonymous
September 3rd, 2016 6:52pm
I can understand that that can be something hard to come about... I feel like partners should be always honest and never hold back from each other how they're really feeling, also that they should be there for each other whatever happens. If you're not happy with your current relationship, ask yourself if telling your partner will, in the end, get you to where you want to be. If your unhappiness doesn't have to do anything with the relationship, a true, committed partner should understand that you're having difficulties and would support you unconditionally. Honestly, I wouldn't keep someone in my life if they don't consider my feelings.
soothingUnicorns91
September 16th, 2016 10:48pm
You can write him a letter and tell him how you feel. Try to avoid using 'you' statements and focus on 'I' statements stating how you feel and giving specific examples and specific solutions. Once you're done writing the letter, read it out loud to him so he hears your voice inflections and so he won't interrupt you:)
Befriend
September 24th, 2016 2:26pm
Honesty and communication are the foundation of a strong relationship. It isn't easy to tell someone that they are not happy however, I strongly believe that life takes care of all of us when we put everything out in the open. Talk to him, you may be surprised with the outcome. Either way, don't stay un happy!
Robin13
September 27th, 2016 10:14pm
The key to good relationships is honesty, Even if it's hard, Even if it's because you want to end the relationship. If you're not happy, your heart isn't in it, and neither of you are getting what you deserve. The best way to do this is the obvious, and it's really difficult. Just be honest, and say it.
Amhereforyou
September 29th, 2016 7:38pm
not happy about the relationship? or about yourself? Either way, don't be afraid. If he loves you, he will try his best to help you and listen to you. Dont feel afraid to vent to him how you are feeling.
amandaleonard
September 30th, 2016 1:24am
You need to sit down with him and be honest. Nothing good comes from bottling negative thoughts up.
shiningHeart83
October 12th, 2016 6:46pm
Sit him down and explain to him what you have been feeling. See how he takes it. Explain why you aren't happy, whether it be that he is too protective, or whether he is tearing you down, don't be afraid to speak your mind!
KindBean2002
October 13th, 2016 5:33am
I think you should tell him when you feel like it. Maybe you can write a letter for him to read, or maybe voicemails.
originalbraveheart63
October 13th, 2016 1:55pm
You need to just talk to him about it, tell him what bothers you and try to change it together with him.
Anonymous
October 14th, 2016 7:22pm
just simply straight out tell him you aren't happy . you shouldn't hold your real feelings back . if he really loves you he will understand and try to make you happy .
spottydogs15
October 16th, 2016 3:28pm
It can be difficult to tell someone you aren't happy, but there are ways to make it easier. For example, you could try writing a list of the reasons that you aren't happy to organise your thoughts and narrow down what it is that's making you unhappy. Also, you can find a place that you and your boyfriend feel comfortable speaking openly, this could be in a quiet area, a car etc.
Anonymous
October 19th, 2016 9:07am
Just sit down, and talk. Have him listen to your thoughts and feelings, and you listen to his thoughts and feelings.
Cocomojo
October 23rd, 2016 9:36pm
Say ,'I'm not happy because....' and fill in the blank. There is no substitute for honest heartfelt communication.
handsomeForest17
October 29th, 2016 6:09pm
You can tell him about your feelings and why do you think you are not happy. Share these feelings with your bf and maybe he can help you out aswell.
fancyGrace43
November 3rd, 2016 5:52am
Honesty is the best policy. You need to share your thoughts and feelings with your loved one, even if it is darker side of yours. Eventually he will figure out and will see real you as you are - unhappy. Better search for help from your closest people like boyfriend than try to cope with sadness by yourself.
serenity373
November 4th, 2016 4:45am
Tell him over a nice coffee date or lunch. It is important to be honest especially in relationships. If he loves you than he will want to communicate and work for you to make things right again
Anonymous
November 4th, 2016 9:40pm
I think that it would be the best if you just come out and say it, but at the right time. Good luck!
cosyheart21
November 5th, 2016 5:11am
Honesty and communication are key to any happy relationship. Even though it can be hard, be open and honest with your boyfriend, and tell him how you're feeling, and talk to him about what you both do to try to work things out. It make not be an easy conversation, but being honest is always worth it in the end.
compassionateMist30
November 12th, 2016 9:19pm
Just be honest about it. Honesty is the best policy. If you know what is making you unhappy tell him.
LovelySoul94
November 15th, 2016 4:06pm
Take your moment to talk with him. Sit quietly on the couch and tell him how you feel. Remember: don't accuse him, just tell your feelings. It will predispose him to listen more carefully and to focus on YOU. Communication is fundamental in every relationship. When someone you love opens its heart with you, this can only make you feel more connected and closer to them. So, don't be afraid to make this step and give him the possibility to love you more and more ;)
Anonymous
November 15th, 2016 5:31pm
Tell him straight up. If you are afraid what he'll do or say, approach the matter with care. After that maybe offer him some advice on how to improve in his support of you, and how to help
Anonymous
January 7th, 2017 8:51am
Just tell him. He deserves to know. You shouldn't be living a lie. You deserve to be happy too. If you aren't happy you need to say it out loud. It'll be hard but once it's out you might even feel better and not feel guilty about hiding it either. Hope this helps
Iknowhatitfeelslike
February 1st, 2017 4:38am
think before you start by highlighting positive things in your relationships, paying attention to your tone of voice, most times we don't pay attention when we are emotional and let him know how you feel, it may not be a direct result of him doing or not doing but its based on the time, space and circumstances atm and you are in a place where you feel like this, once he is open minded he will work with you to understand where you are coming from, because generally feelings change, they are guests that come and go but the important thing is that you communicate with each other about the highs and lows, especially if you love each other and want to preserve the relationship :)
Anonymous
February 5th, 2017 8:34pm
Put it nicely. Explain the promblem, suggest solutions while having him sit in a safe, comfortable place. Let him be heard and make sure to listen. You can both grow from this.
Anonymous
February 23rd, 2017 5:29pm
I went through this recently. You just have to tell him. It sucks either way...but you just have to.