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How do I tell my boyfriend I'm not happy?

275 Answers
Last Updated: 12/17/2020 at 9:05am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Tara Davis, Doctorate in Counselling Psychology


I have worked successfully with a wide range of difficulties. Nothing is more important than developing a warm, compassionate relationship with someone you can trust

Top Rated Answers
February 5th, 2017 8:34pm
Put it nicely. Explain the promblem, suggest solutions while having him sit in a safe, comfortable place. Let him be heard and make sure to listen. You can both grow from this.
February 23rd, 2017 5:29pm
I went through this recently. You just have to tell him. It sucks either way...but you just have to.
February 23rd, 2017 10:31pm
You could write down how you feel so that you can express yourself better to him in a conversation. Find a good moment and place to talk with him.
February 25th, 2017 7:31pm
Just talk to him, communication is very important , explain to him how are you feeling, make him understand.
March 15th, 2017 11:58am
Honesty is always the best policy in any type of relationship. When you're dating someone you should always be able to talk to them about anything, and whether you're happy or not should be one of those things. Its better to be up front with them instead of prolonging the process.
March 24th, 2017 7:39pm
By sitting them down and being honest with them. If you cannot speak with them, write them a note, do not send them a text. Call them, speak face to face. I think writing things down is the best way when you have a clear head, because when you're emotional that is when you jump to conclusions and say things you do not mean. Take time on this.
April 5th, 2017 12:12pm
You straight up tell them. You cannot lie and fake a relationship. If you're not happy you go and tell them to save yourself and them from the pain
April 30th, 2017 8:05am
Be sincere, but also try to put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if it was the reverse situation? Try to be delicate, compassionate, not rude, act like it's you who is listening, which is the best way you could hear such a thing? When you know the answer, act like that with your boyfriend, but remember: the most important thing is to be sincere
May 5th, 2017 6:16am
Well.. it's always good to have a heart to heart conversation with your loved one and when you find that both of you are in good spirits that would be an opportunity to discuss what you are going though. If both of you are in the a stressful situation, may be things will be hard. I always discuss my issues, when my partner is not depressed so that she has the energy and the capacity to absorb and empathize. We all are human beings in the end of the day and can't expect the other one to absorb my pain when the partner is in pain..
May 14th, 2017 4:57pm
I recommend taking a day for yourself, away from everything else, to reflect on your life and identify what is bothering you and what would you like to see different. After that, you can select the things you want to share with your boyfriend. Tell him there is something very important for you that you want to share with him, maybe make sure you are in a place where you feel comfortable talking about this. Say what is making you unhappy so you both can come up with ways to help you. As always, keep calm and be assertive but not aggressive. Communication is a team sport!
June 7th, 2017 4:37pm
Just be honest. Tell him how you feel. If he loves you, he will listen and understand. Just say everything you feel and be open with him.
June 8th, 2017 5:24pm
Communication is the best way of solving problems. Discussing what is on your mind with someone that important for you saves your relationship and both of you from any unwanted or bad emotions.
June 11th, 2017 2:56am
Sometimes you just gotta spit it out. Communication is number one in a relationship. If you there is none, then it is bound to go downhill. If you are truly not happy, you HAVE to tell your partner so that both of you can work to fix whatever the problem is. Tell your partner in an appropriate time and make sure you do it in a loving and caring way.
June 14th, 2017 6:32am
That's one of the hardest things to do but based on my own experience, the best way to tell him is just to tell him. Honesty is the best policy.
June 14th, 2017 9:28pm
It may seem like a difficult thing to face, but a relationship that is false is the worst thing to experience. You have to be truthful with him and explain to him how you feel. If he loves you or respects you then he will accept your feelings and move on. If he doesn't, then he was never worth your time in the first place.
June 14th, 2017 11:48pm
You need to be honest. If he cares about you he will listen and understand. If you don't say anything it can make things worse so just ask to have a chat and be up front with him.
June 16th, 2017 3:03am
Just be straightforward with him & tell him. Relationships require lots of communication, if you do not communicate your feelings then or if he dont, you won't be able to know what's really going on. But do not assume or be judgemental towards him about your feelings. Take care
June 29th, 2017 12:36pm
See a relationship means that you guys are friends as well and can talk about anything. He loves you and will understand
July 14th, 2017 4:09pm
Although it's rather difficult to confront someone directly; for someone so involved in your life and someone you must love a lot, they deserve to know the truth that you feel unhappy. Both you and he deserve the truth - and considering the role that he plays in your life, he should care enough about you that he would want to know when you're not happy
July 15th, 2017 2:03pm
I'm sorry to hear about your unhappiness. Telling that to people may not be easy, but gentle and honesty help a long way. I think being direct and specific about your current problems will make solving them quicker. If the reason of your feeling low is certain people, use "I feel" sentences instead of saying how they make you feel to avoid hard feelings. If you already have some solutions, discussing them with him will be a good idea. Good luck :)
August 2nd, 2017 2:38pm
Being straight and honest with someone in a careful and measured way is usually the way to go. if you mean that you expect him to do something to make you happy, being clear about what you want is probably the way to go. If you mean you want to end it, being compassionate and clear about your intentions will make for an easier transition for all!
August 9th, 2017 8:07pm
You can just directly stay up and say to him that you are not happy. Hiding it will cause more problems. Truth may be harsh but it's always the right way.
September 16th, 2017 2:34pm
I think in this case you should just be honest. Strong relationships are built on mutual trust and communication. Your boyfriend will appreciate your openness and you can work together to solve the problem.
October 11th, 2017 1:32am
You do just that, you sit him down and you tell him. I suggest you do it in person because over the phone absolutely sucks. Now, telling your boyfriend you're not happy doesn't mean you need to break up. Tell him exactly what's making you unhappy and see if there's any way you two can overcome the problems and just be open. Too many times have I made the mistake of hiding my feelings and the relationship crashed and burned. Be open and maybe a solution will arise. If you do want to break up, don't sugar coat it, let him know that it's completely over and don't lead him on. Yes, it will hurt him. And yes, you will be so nervous. But you need to put your happiness and your future first, and if he isn't going to be part of it, you need to let him go.
November 4th, 2017 2:57am
It really depends on what exactly you are unhappy about. Finding out exactly what is causing you to be unhappy is the first step. Once the root cause of the feelings can lead you to the solutions you are looking for. If it's being caused by the relationship then, looking inwards and outwards to help yourself find the words you need to describe to your partner what is going on and whether or not you want to invest in continuing the relationship. Try not to come out with the typical "We need to talk" line, it can cause someone to be anxious and fear the worst. Try a simpler approach of reaching out with "I'm not feeling happy lately..." then continue with what you have to say.
November 9th, 2017 3:01am
Never hold off on the truth, just tell him! Start of by saying that you guys would be better off as friends and see where it goes.
November 10th, 2017 3:05am
Just be open and honest if he loves you things will get better if your ment to be together. If it just because your feeling down not anything to do with the relationship just tell him it shouls bring you guys together.
November 10th, 2017 8:29am
Talk to him directly.No point in keeping things within you.It will only effect you.I am sure he will understand you.
November 11th, 2017 2:48pm
Communication is the most important thing when you are in a relationship with someone. Tell him you would like to talk about something important, and find a moment where both of you are relaxed (after eating, for instance) and be as honest as you can, putting yourself in his shoes at the same time.
November 22nd, 2017 6:13pm
Be straight with him. Tell him face to face, explain why. This is because honesty is the best policy.