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How do I tell my boyfriend that I don't want to be with him? (anymore)

303 Answers
Last Updated: 12/28/2020 at 5:05am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
AlwaysPeace34
June 17th, 2016 7:59pm
Start out by first explaining that the relationship isn't working out and explain why for example if its a long distance relationship explain that not seeing each other and not communicating with each other is the problem. And let him know that you cared about them while in the relationship.Also meet up and let them know don't do it in text or by phone or email because he might feel hurt and/or disrespected
introvertedwolf
June 8th, 2016 9:44am
You have to organise your thoughts. Start with asking yourself 'why' and then proceed and maybe write down the reasons you want to break up and frame it in a really nice way so that you avoid hurting him more.
abhimohit99
October 14th, 2016 12:20am
Gently explain what made you take that decision; explain the feelings you had, or lack of feelings, maybe, that led you to this point in the relationship. It definitely won't be easy, but delaying it will just hurt him more in the long run
Anonymous
April 18th, 2018 6:59pm
If you're not happy while being in a relationship, you do make your partner unhappy too without really aiming for it. Therefore, you could say that he deserves a healthier relationship with someone who will appreciate and love him and that you just don't feel like you're the right one for him anymore. In my opinion it's necessary that you don't let him feel like he did something wrong, if he was all nice and sweet to you. Making him clear that both of you deserve a happy ending could help you breaking up without breaking his heart. I said "could" because based on my personal experience he will be heartbroken anyway, because boys have their ego... Anyway, ending relationships is a normal thing and you shouldn't feel bad about it as it's your right to be happy too. The key is to end things without hurting someone deeply.
benevolentWillow75
June 22nd, 2016 1:16pm
First of all are you sure you wan to leave him? You can't exactly tell him directly, try to leave hints and signs that you are not happy and if you feel that nothing is working talk to him, sit him down and try to day things little by little but ofcourse try to make your message clear. I know its not easy but nothing in life is easy so you have to learn to push yourself.
SoapBubbles07
September 8th, 2016 2:37am
If your boyfriend loves you, I don't think there's a way for you to make the process pain-free. However, personally, this is how I would like to be broken up with:- 1. I would like them to be honest with me and not sugar coat things to such an extent that I don't even get the reason why they are breaking up with me. 2. I would like to be given time to heal myself and not forced to be friends with them immediately. The time could be a week or two months. 3. I wouldn't want them to discuss our break up with people behind my back, especially before actually breaking up with me. The best person you can approach about relationships is the person you are in a relationship with. Nobody pours your cereal. 4. I wouldn't want them to be rude if my reactions are overwhelmingly sad. Being straightforward yet polite, and giving them time are the MOST crucial things. Apart from these points, you should do what your heart thinks right! Cheers. :)
KeepOnDreaming
April 28th, 2018 9:13am
Just tell him that. Suppressing your self by being with him more time without wanting it, is very bad for you. If you are no fit together things are simple. He will find an other who fits more with him. You don't have to worry about it but about your life that is very worthy. He also can take care of his life.
LoveIsGreat23
May 17th, 2018 10:13am
you can be honest and clear about your decision. tell him how you feel about your relationship now and ask for a break. without confusing him, or blaming him you can tell that you need a break.
Scarlett15x
May 26th, 2018 6:02pm
First of all you need to have a valid reason. Tell him in person not over he phone or text, to do it person shows you aren’t scared to tell the truth. Be as nice as you as you can, don’t provoke an arguement.
colourfulUnicorns83
May 15th, 2016 7:24pm
Be up front and honest with him. Speak how you feel, why you wish to end it, but don't go at it aggressively, be easy on him.
Anonymous
May 18th, 2016 5:00pm
There's no easy way of telling someone that, so i think honesty is key here. Don't make up a reason, tell him the truth. Feelings change and so do people.
nuuuris
May 20th, 2016 8:46am
Well that's such a harsh thing to say and it could hurt his feelings, try to be honest and take it easy, I mean, try to be calm and not rude. If you are pretty sure about this, you should tell me and explain him why and what goes wrong, maybe he feels the same as you! good luck dear and if you need anything with it, let me know!
MysticGuardian
May 29th, 2016 8:28am
Take him to a quiet space where you both can feel comfortable and gently explain to him some of the reasons you don't feel that you should be together anymore. Make sure you are certain and confident in your views as many breakups are not usually mutual and he may take some convincing. Sooner rather than later is always better and staying friends (without leading them on) is always a better resolution.
SimplyRose1234
June 2nd, 2016 6:06am
tell him honest what you feel, talk nicely and try to treat him how you would want to be treated. If he gets mad, try to stay calm.
ShadowedXHunted
June 2nd, 2016 8:00pm
Be caring in the way you word things and calmly start the conversation about your feelings and how they developed over time. Take this time to hear some of his thoughts and see if he can agree on any valid points you might bring up - as to why it may be a good idea to end the relationship. If it doesn't go as well, then just say you need to do it for your own personal reasons of not being in an unhealthy relationship.
steelnerve
August 7th, 2016 5:46pm
Shoot it straight away. Tell the guy its not gonna work anymore. That you need to be free of him, or if its a flaw, work with him to alleviate it. Good relations are just like good recipes. They need an investment of time and willingness to improve life. If the two of you are failing in translating your good intentions, or finding a lack of intent, then address it straight away.
Chanrda
October 27th, 2016 4:47pm
if you right now say it to him then it ain't will be easy for him to accept that you don't want to be with him anymore, he will try his best to get you back as like before, so here you need to take some important steps to remove some feelings from his mind at first, and You don't need to tell that directly or suddenly, time will do that for you, just be sure to make some distance between the relationship, give him less time if you don't like to be with him anymore. just decrease the moment you used to stay with him each day, reply to his call but don't give him long attentions talk in short and for just few minutes, it is true and i do believe that time gap is something which cant be denied. if you make distance between the relationship then it is the easiest and the less stressed method out there none of you both will get hurt by this. after 1 - 2 month say to him that a typical line - ( i don't think like things are going well between you and me good, and i don't want to be with you anymore please forget me) he will then be able to understand you
Anonymous
November 17th, 2016 2:34am
Be honest and tell him exactly how you feel in a calm state. Honesty is the best policy in any situation.
genuineMist47
January 1st, 2017 6:37pm
Honesty is the best policy in a situation like this. It may seem harsh, but it is true. I recently broke up with my partner of over 3 years. I spent at least half of that time debating whether or not I should, that maybe it would all just 'work out'. In the end I just ended up hurting him more. If you truly do not feel love for him anymore, and if you truly do not want to be with him, you need to be brutally honest. Yes, it may hurt, both you and him, but it will be for the best in the long run.
Anonymous
January 29th, 2017 6:42am
It is difficult to end a relationship, and no matter how you communicate with your boyfriend that you want to end it he will probably be upset. This is okay - many relationships end. The best way to do this is to be honest, but empathetic with him and his situation. Let him know that he was an important part of your life, but the relationship is no longer working for you. Remember, staying in a relationship that you are not invested in isn't healthy or fair to either of you. Get him in a relaxed, casual setting and have an honest dialogue with him.
Unicornsparkles94
January 29th, 2017 11:12am
You have to straight to the point, you have to be happy in the relationship, if he cares he will understand that, it may be hard and you may not want to to hurt him but you cant hold on to something that you think is clearly not working anymore.
KindShadow95
February 8th, 2017 6:25pm
Being honest takes you far. Tell him how you feel right now and hopefully he understands. Remember, you are living this life for yourself, you can't stay in a relationship just for the other one's sake.
Anonymous
November 16th, 2017 2:15am
I recently went through a similar experience and the best thing you can do is be honest. Tell him how you feel
PrinceFroggy
January 26th, 2018 12:17am
This is a tough question without a lot of serious background and knowing at what stage both of you are in life. The best general answer is that unless you have been misleading him for a long time, he probably already knows how you feel...and if you have been misleading him, likely in an attempt to spare his feelings, it may be best to start by telling him that you haven't been being honest with him or yourself, and that you don't think its fair to either of you to be in a relationship that just doesn't seem to have any traction left in it, and that he deserves to be with somebody that feels that same way about him, that he feels about you. Sometimes people just don't click, its not necessarily anybodies fault, but the longer you try to make something work that isn't for you, the worse it is when you finally make the break.
Tina167
February 10th, 2018 3:12pm
I have been in this exact situation instead of beating around the bush tell him directly what you feel about this relationship and you are not happy being with him keep it short and on point.I am sure he will understand you
Anonymous
March 9th, 2018 3:03am
It will be very difficult but you have to end it. If you are not happy in the relationship than it's not worth continuing.
heretohelp176
April 7th, 2018 5:12am
I think that the best way is to be blunt. From personal experience on the other end, it made it so much worse when the other person was being vague because it gave me a lot of anxiety about what was going to happen. It gave me false hope and in the end it felt like I was being led on. If I were you I would talk to him in person and explain to him why you don't want to be with him. This can be a really hard thing to do and even though he might not appreciate it at the time, being blunt will help him accept the situation quicker and will make the breakup as clean as possible. Because no one likes messy break up. Good luck!
pbillie
April 12th, 2018 1:02pm
Theres never a perfect time, and you have to do what is best for you. It is best to just be honest and polite about the situation and be careful not to lead him on by not telling him.
miraculousHeart73
April 19th, 2018 8:06pm
The best way to approach him would be in a calm, public setting. Like a diner. Tell him that you don't have feelings for him anymore. Tell him how you feel and respect his feelings. If he asks what you two do now, then tell him what you are wanting to do. Smile, and bring positivity to the table. The both of you will move on, and better things are yet to come.
adoredBeauty80
May 2nd, 2018 5:38pm
I'm a big believer in 'honesty is the best policy'. I don't really think you could ever go wrong with being honest, however being honest and being too forward within this kind of situation would be slightly different, in which taking into consideration of their feelings would be best in how you phrase that you 'don't want to be with them.'