Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How do I tell my boyfriend that I don't want to be with him? (anymore)

303 Answers
Last Updated: 12/28/2020 at 5:05am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
May 12th, 2018 4:59pm
Tell him, directly, personally. Better say it than leave it that way and both of you getting hurt as one doesn't want to be with the other.
shiningWinter54
June 17th, 2018 4:10pm
you can just say that you have tried to make it work, but you believe deep inside that you are not best for him and he is not best for you. let him know that you still want to be friends and you care for him, but you don't love him in a way that you would be comfortable with staying together. say something like "I have the love a close friend for you... but I'm not in love with you".
fantasticSunrise28
June 27th, 2018 8:49am
ending relationships are not easy for any one but if you don't feel same as earlier its better to end that ,so if you need to stop that you need to talk with him and you have to ssay how you feel about him and you need to ask some time or break with that relation ,and that time of period he and she will understand what they miss ,and what they really need on each other
warmPudding59
July 4th, 2018 9:31pm
Be honest and try to formulate your words with respect and empathy. You used to/still care for this person and you both deserve to be honest with each other and do not take each others time anymore.
GwenTheKitten
July 22nd, 2018 7:34am
Let him down easy. Don’t be too harsh about it. It’s good to have an honest relationship. Don’t stay with someone that you don’t have the same feelings for anymore. Don’t lead them on. Let them go while you can. The sooner you do so, the better. Again, don’t be too harsh. Just let him know how you’re feeling.
Anonymous
July 28th, 2018 5:42pm
You should ask him to sit down with you because you really need to talk about something. And then tell him how you feel.
plushUnicorn4912
June 25th, 2020 8:43am
Don't wait for a "good moment" to tell him. There will never be a good moment to tell bad news. You'll only be delaying the inevitable and he will feel it. With that in mind, wait to be in a good environment. You don't want to do it in public where he could feel trapped and ill at ease to process the info. You want him to be in a place where he can express his feeling without being embarrassed. It is important for closure to tell him why you don't want to be with him anymore. Try and find answers to the question you could have asked if/when you were in his position. It feels bad to breakup with someone when the other seems to still love/like you and you've fallen out of it and you'll feel guilt, but by breaking up as soon as you are sure, you are respecting the other's feeling by not lying to them about still liking them and that's also how you'll feel better.
lyricalAngel70
July 10th, 2020 5:15pm
Be as straightforward as you can. Also, let him know the exact reason as to why you no longer feel like being with him. This is a sensitive subject, be as polite as possible. Understand his feelings too. You are free to make a decision whether you would want to be with him or no but also remember that it is you who wants to break up & not him. Therefore, give him some time to fathom this fact. If he is the emotional one, it is going to take him more time than usual. Once you have confessed about your decision, be patient. If this is difficult for you, it will be equally difficult for him too or even more than that but being honest & direct about it will save you both from further exhaustion. Because if you do not tell him and act weird around him (which is bound to happen) he won't understand the reason behind your weird behavior. So, it is better to tell him at the earliest. As it is, the sooner you tell him the better it will be for you both. And only then you guys would be able to move on with your lives.
Anonymous
May 25th, 2016 1:55am
Meet up with him face to face and calmly explain to him. It is likely that they will get emotional, but keep your own cool.
Anonymous
May 27th, 2016 8:46am
I'd recommend approaching the topic gently, at a neutral place and an unrushed time. Don't be cruel with your reasons, but make sure that he knows why this is happening.
CaptainObviouslyOblivious
June 2nd, 2016 9:56pm
Honestly is the key. If you feel like you're in a safe place and comfortable, be honest with him about the reasons you aren't interested any more, and remember that if you've made this decision and you're serious about it, you can't turn back on it when someone tries to convince you otherwise. It's much more selfish to lie to someone to make them feel better, than to let them be free because you know you don't want to hold them down.
parassss
June 3rd, 2016 10:45am
It's better to tell him that thing.he will just ask you reason and tell him the reason also.its better to end up then to cheat
Anonymous
June 8th, 2016 5:44pm
Be honest, you don't need to hide your feelings or emotions. Ask him to listen to your point of view and explain you don't feel this relationship it's good for you anymore.
Anonymous
June 10th, 2016 4:02am
Let him know in person. It is much better than over the phone. Just break the question to him and tell him it isn't working anymore.
chloeed123
June 10th, 2016 8:32pm
People don't usually take break ups well. So you should say it lightly, tell him why you don't want to be with him simply, but not in a rude way. Let him down lightly and tell him you want to break up
Avene
June 10th, 2016 11:42pm
Be kind about it, but be clear that it's over so that he doesn't nourish any false hopes. Don't answer questions like "what can I do?" or succumb to statements like "I will change". There is a reason you want out of this relationship. If you're afraid for your safety, do it in a public place and have someone nearby just in case.
Anonymous
June 12th, 2016 7:49pm
I think you should be kind, but honest. Tell him you don't feel the same way, and that there's nothing he can do about it. That you don't have the control of your emotions, and that you don't know what happened, because you loved him really much at the beggining, but now it's not clear anymore.
kindStar93
June 15th, 2016 7:21pm
I tell him that we should just be friends as it isn't working out too well anymore. I then explain why to him and see if he agrees.
dreamingCat7474
June 17th, 2016 6:28pm
You tell him in person. Whatever you do, do not break up over the phone. A gentle break -up happens with gentle and understanding words. You tell him why gently and just be honest to yourself and to him.
queenofspaids
June 18th, 2016 4:10am
This is a very complex question. But probably the best method would be in person, and try to calmly explain what it is that has changed in your life and why you feel that it would be best if you moved on.
PrintedCupcake
June 22nd, 2016 5:52pm
Have a sit-down honest conversation with him explaining how you feel and what led you to thinking that you wouldn't like to be in a relationship with him anymore. Being honest with him and yourself will make you feel so much better about the situation. Best of luck :)
NaturalScience
June 25th, 2016 10:27pm
Breakups are usually difficult -- there is no way around the feeling that come with rejection. However, knowing this is half the battle. Reasons and explanations are less important than compassion. Just say what you need to: "I think we should stop seeing each other," or "I'm sorry, I need to end this relationship." If they really want to talk about it, try to be honest and succinct. Excuses or tropes ("it's not you, it's me") are probably good to avoid. Look, if you don't want to be with someone, you are doing them a disservice by staying with them and prolonging the relationship. More time in a relationship = a harder breakup. Bite the bullet, pick a meeting place, and let them know your decision.
MsWhite
June 29th, 2016 10:43am
"I don't want to be with you anymore because *insert your reason*. It's that simple. Don't do things you don't want to do. If you don't want to be with him, don't let him be under the illusion that you do. Stop wasting both your and his time. Say what you feel and move on. He'll hopefully understand.
Anonymous
July 2nd, 2016 3:00pm
To tell him that you are sorry but you feel like things are not going to work out between you guys and you feel that it would be best to move your separate ways
MomentousListener
July 2nd, 2016 3:16pm
Be honest, sometimes we have to allow ourselves happiness by letting go of those who do not keep us happy. Do not fret, do what is best for yourself first. There is no shame in wanting a change.
Melanie14
July 7th, 2016 2:09am
In my opinion, honesty is the best option. It communicates a level of respect and genuinity. What is it that worries you about telling him?
HelperDidi
July 9th, 2016 3:14am
Simply be honest. There isn't many ways to do this and no need to over think it. Its always better to do it in person. Explain why you want to end it and except your boyfriend to understand. Break ups are part of life.
Anonymous
July 13th, 2016 10:04am
Honestly. The truth needs to be clear so there are no misunderstandings and needless drama. Tell him in person that you don't want to be with him and get it over with.
JustTryingToHelp1031
July 13th, 2016 6:58pm
Hello! I would be honest, yet be kind. Find the reason you don't want to be with him and explain it nicely. Example-He is too clingy. Say something like, i feel like we are better friends than boyfriend and girlfriend.
Ashley132
July 15th, 2016 10:04am
just explain exactly how you feel and the reasons why you dont want to be in a relationship with him,d he should understand