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How do you begin to trust again after being cheated on or lied to?

31 Answers
Last Updated: 03/06/2018 at 7:34am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brittany Kelley, MSW, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I am a psychodynamically trained clinical social worker. I find assisting women and families through difficult times an extremely rewarding and collaborative process.

Top Rated Answers
KendallNichole
December 27th, 2014 6:25am
Trusting someone whether it be just them as a person, friend, or partner, can be very hard after being cheated on or lied to. It will take a lot of time for you to let down your guard again, which is completely understandable. I personally think that over time you'll have to let yourself believe that not all people will treat you the same way as this or that person, especially the person who cheated or lied to you.
joyousears8
April 15th, 2015 1:53am
I try to forgive and forget. Sometimes, however, giving someone a second chance is like allowing a murderer to reload their gun since they missed you the first time.
ziggystardust9
June 12th, 2015 4:41pm
If you decide to give the other person a chance to make things right, they need to show you over time that they won't repeat the same mistakes. Small consistent actions can go a long way, but it will probably take time for you to let your guard down, and that's ok. Don't be too hard on yourself and accept that this is a process . And most importantly, make sure they are serious about doing their best not to hurt you again, words are not enough.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2014 5:26pm
It's brave to trust again. Have enough courage to find love again and again and again. You are always enough.
Sanctuary
November 30th, 2014 3:45am
I've came to the conclusion myself that, everyone is different. Also, not everyone behaves the same way. So even though I've been cheated on by one person, doesn't mean the next would do the same as well. And trust, is something that is built between two people and also takes time. Just think that whatever happens will happen, regardless of anything.
Anonymous
November 26th, 2014 9:36pm
Realise that not every person is the same and it's okay to put yourself out there and trust someone again.
Uniqueg
December 3rd, 2014 12:05am
There's no easy way, because once trust is broken it's hard to trust not only the person who cheated on you but the next person you become involved with, but with time things will get better and the right person will make you want to open your heart again and give them a chance! good luck!
Anonymous
May 20th, 2015 4:12pm
First of all you have to decide if you want to trust the person. Some people might not be worth keeping in your life. But if you do choose to trust someone, you need to let them know that it takes time. The heart can easily be broken, but fixing it takes much longer.
NaturalScience
June 27th, 2016 2:56am
Just remember that every person and experience is unique. There are both terrible and wonderful things in abundance in our universe, and it's also all a matter of perspective. Don't put yourself in a bad situation if you can avoid it, but don't be too afraid to take chances, either! If you need to start building trust in a new relationship, begin with little things and work your way up from there. We risk hurt and disappointment every day, even in our own internal worlds. Remember: nothing ventured, nothing gained!
Anonymous
August 29th, 2016 2:14pm
It all depends on your will. Give yourself time to heal. It's usually our mind manipulating us to not believe in the good. So I'll suggest you to distance yourself from those thoughts! I hope that helped! :)
Anonymous
April 25th, 2017 12:59am
I feel like more information is needed but we'll assume the question is how do you trust other people after being cheated on. Being cheated can be very hurtful, it's only natural that it would be difficult to trust again. Maybe you're afraid to put your heart on the line again only to be hurt. That's scary. But if it's a new person, you need to remind yourself it's a new person. They deserve a chance if they're not the ones that have hurt you. You're with them because hopefully you see something good in them. Give them a chance to show you they are different. Talk to them about how you're feeling and why you have concerns. Help them understand how they can eliminate some of your fears and anxieties. Communicate.
ProudToBeDifferent
November 28th, 2014 2:01am
you find someone who shows you there are is good still out there, they will stick by you. or do what I do, and stop caring
abigailnoelle
December 17th, 2014 12:06am
I would never trust someone after a big lie or a cheat. You never know how long it's been going on. Or if it will continue.
Anonymous
December 20th, 2014 9:47pm
You take time to be alone. Not isolated, but alone. You learn to be honest with yourself, trust yourself, and keep yourself in good company so that that way you won't be vulnerable in your next relationship.
Arian
January 7th, 2015 7:57pm
It's definitely difficult to trust again after something like that, but with time and just having a little bit of a guard up, you'll be able to tell who is worth your time and when you should walk away.
Kindness101
April 16th, 2015 12:16pm
Take small steps,be friends but guard your heart and always remember that not everyone is the same!!
VanessaD92
May 23rd, 2015 1:24pm
The trick is to forget it happened. Each person is different and not everyone will break your trust.
beccabear
June 4th, 2015 2:56am
There's no right answer to this, nor will there ever be. True healing come at your own pace and on your own terms. Appreciate the small victories and build from there. Open communication with all involved won't necessarily speed up the process, but it will make learning to trust and feeling secure easier. Finally, remember to keep your relationship just that---yours. If the special qualities that made you feel comfortable can still be found, build on them as well. Good luck and greater healing.
SpacePenguin
June 29th, 2015 6:31am
If you have been lied to or cheated on first try to understand or ask them why they did it. It may take time but you have to work on the small things. Trust them with like asking them to walk your dog or something. Build up that trust again and forgive the person.
LIFEConquerors16
September 15th, 2015 5:54am
It depends on your current relationship with the person, are you angry or confuse. Think about that. :-)
Anonymous
September 22nd, 2015 12:52am
You need to be honest with your partner about your feelings. If you feel betrayed, tell them. If you feel angry, tell them that too. You need to also make sure that they are being honest with you. Communication is key to building that trust again. If your partner truly loves you and respects you, they'll understand your need for this honesty, and will try their best to give it to you. Speaking from experience, it may take some time for you to forgive them and trust them again, but if you keep working at it, I'm sure you can mend things.
Chinchillin
September 22nd, 2015 2:16am
Before you are ready to trust another person, it's important that you're able to trust yourself. Ultimately, you cannot stop someone from lying to you, or cheating. The only remedy is to trust yourself, develop your instincts, become a better judge of others. Then, when you are ready to trust again, you will know it.
Adi911
December 7th, 2015 3:59pm
my trust will relatively lie on the persons ability to answer my questions clearly and being to the point and not backstabbing me! in order to trust again, i would focus on the persons seriousness of answering my questions and whether it is to the point or not! if it is to the point and clear and kinda trustworthy i would somewhat start believing on the person who has cheated me!
picturesque03afterthought
December 19th, 2015 2:47pm
Honestly, that's one answer I am trying to figure out for years myself. By my own personal experience I guess, there is no set way of how you can get yourself to trust someone new.I twill take time, a lot of it...and efforts..from both the side. the other person has to understand that how difficult it is for you to trust him/her and you have to trust your instincts and not let them be clouded by your past experiences. whenever you start doubting..ask yourself, do you actually have a valid reason to do so or is it just your fear speaking to you again? if you really want to trust someone..give him or her a fair chance and in that process you will be giving yourself a chance too.
tammy0hopeisreal
December 19th, 2015 5:47pm
Most people will break our hearts, but that one person who you will spend the rest of your life with will be someone who you can trust. I know that being cheated on/lied to is a huge act of betrayal, and it's very hard to forgive someone after being betrayed. Just remind yourself that not everyone is going to be like your ex. I also find that we learn after a past relationship, and avoid others with similar qualities of an ex. You deserve someone who can also be honest with you!
Greatlistener87
March 22nd, 2016 1:34am
You have to wear your heart on your sleeves so that you will never miss out at anything. Hiding and not letting yourself get hurt only makes u miss out.
awesomeEars81
May 23rd, 2016 5:32pm
Trust is a hard one. I have personally been cheated on and lied to many times, and I pray for guidance in how I should react to the person who cheated or lied, but I also have to start new with trust. Regaining trust is a slow process, first you start with small things, for example trusting them with a simple task that maybe they lied about in the past, then you begin to trust them with their words and that they will tell you the truth. Bottom line always go with your gut, if you feel like you are being cheated on or lied to you probably are, and only you can decide if/when to trust that person again.
sydemoon
December 6th, 2016 4:56am
After we experienced being lied or cheated on, it obviously hard to trust again. There's always this fear of being lied or cheated again in the future. But I think the only way to be able to trust again is to forgive that hurtful experience, and face the future bravely.
stacia92
March 6th, 2017 1:57pm
While it's tough to trust anyone again after being deceived, it's important to remember that not everyone is the same. While that person was unworthy of your trust and took advantage of it, there are others who will respect and honor your trust in them. Also, it's important to remember that their untrustworthiness has nothing to do with you or your value. If they lied or cheated on you, they can and probably will do the same to someone else. Understanding that it's on them and not you should be the first step to beginning to let your guard down and trust again.
JD821
August 21st, 2017 1:08pm
This is a difficult answer as everyone is different. I think that every time we are hurt or taken advantage of it takes us longer to put our walls down. Find the right person that no matter what they are willing to put the time in regardless of how long it takes. Someone who doesn't, obviously doesn't have your best interests.