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How do you deal with the temptation to contact your ex?

286 Answers
Last Updated: 01/14/2022 at 11:23pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
India
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Jui Shankar, Ph.D

Psychologist

My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.

Top Rated Answers
JustAnotherPersonOn7Cups
September 20th, 2017 5:35am
Ask yourself why you're desiring to contact your ex? Is it for self-healing, closure, or other reasons... Once you try to identify your reasoning you can start to weigh out other alternatives to contacting them - possibly journaling, contacting a friend or family member who can also fill the reasoning for your desired contact, etc. It is a tough temptation, but try to remember that now is the time for personal healing and self-care.
ComplexxHeartt
November 25th, 2014 6:11am
The best way is to delete their numbers from your contacts and un follow them from any social media.
lovelyLynx18
June 21st, 2015 6:54pm
What I do is I do something else. I watch a movie or T.V. show or maybe just go out with friends or family. And if it is late at night and you want to talk to them, just talk to your best friend or someone else. Just keep yourself busy.
Here2Hear247
December 10th, 2016 8:14am
You have to remember why you broke up in the first place. Broken relationships are very difficult to fix. If you've already tried and tried but still couldn't work it out, odds are one or both of you aren't in the right place for success in that relationship. Push yourself a bit to go out and experience new things without your ex. You might find yourself having fun as a single person, or perhaps you'll meet someone special.
Neekaii
March 22nd, 2017 2:54am
Honestly I'm a person who gets really attached. So there's nothing else I can do but block and delete him on every social media platform. This will force you to reach out for distractions like friends, tv shows or even new hobbies. The main point is that this helped me learn not to depend on others. By discovering new things that made me happy, I improved myself and I eventually forgot about him. Its a win-win!
Anonymous
February 22nd, 2018 2:37am
It is the toughest thing when you still love that person like they are your soulmate and nothing bad really ever happened Only good times in my experience But you have to hold that urge back just so you can get past all the pain that ensues and move on once and for all
Neil22713
April 1st, 2015 10:50pm
I changed their contact to simple. It reminds me that if i do need to talk to them, i need to keep it short and sweet and be polite but still make sure to respect myself and not get too involved.
butterflykisses27
July 11th, 2015 6:04am
I think about it this way. If they are an ex they are an ex for a reason. Be it if they ended the relationship or I did. I am not one to look back on the past. But if I did get tempted I would think about have they moved on with someone else. Are they married, happy, have kids. I think of what I want to get out of contacting them.
Gat89
August 4th, 2015 9:00am
By carefully thinking over why she is an 'ex' in the first place. I believe there came a time when I decided I have to move on, learning as much from my previous relationships- the joy and the pain.
AngeloF102
December 28th, 2014 8:13am
When involved with a relationship that ended, often feelings continue to be there and there can be a urge to contact your ex. Some ways to avoid this are by eliminating means of doing this: block them on Facebook, delete their number from your phone. Whatever works for you to avoid being able to contact them until you come to a point where you don't feel like you need to contact your ex anymore.
SenpaiXD
April 20th, 2015 10:46am
Erase all forms of communication towards your former partner - social media, cell phone number..etc. Resist the urge to contact by occupying yourself with hobbies, interests and hang outs with friends and family. The more you spend time on yourself rather than thinking about her, the more likely you'll resist the temptation.
Anonymous
November 5th, 2016 12:56am
I tell myself all the things he did to me I hated. I ignored everything I liked. I told myself to be the strong one. That I can do it. If it gets to the point where I'm practically in the middle of a text, I distract myself. I play with my sister or my pet, hang out with friends, bake something. Pretty much anything to get your mind off that ex.
ConsolingPenguin
December 14th, 2017 11:47pm
Toxic people are hard to not run back to, because we simply believe that is what we deserve. We believe they will change for us. Remember that they can only change for themselves, and typically the cycle of negativity will repeat itself if you go back.
Anonymous
July 28th, 2018 2:14pm
Going through a really difficult breakup/heartbreak can leave a really bad scar on a person, which of course takes a while to fade. Depending on whether you were the one who brokeup, it should feel less hard to get in contact again (if that is really a considerable decision to you). But if you are trying to permanently avoid your ex and avoid all temptations of recontacting them, you've got to think to yourself all the reasons that pushed you to the breakup, that love cannot happen no matter how much feelings you feel for someone, because it's got to come both ways, it's got to be mutual. Think to yourself that you have nothing to reprimand yourself for, that you are not guilty and that there is a reason behind it if the relationship ended, even if it was your ex's choice to breakup with you. It's been thought that way, the decision has been made, you can only try to make peace with it. You could have all the willpower in the world to recontact them and want to make things better, but at the same time hurting yourself so badly in the process, because the decision should never come only from you and also you don't know what their lives have become since the breakup, how their feelings turned out towards you, some people are immature enough to actually "hate" you after a breakup, which is a shame. So it's best to think about yourself more than you think about your ex, and actually occupy your mind with newer and better things to help you move on with your life and lose focus on them, as they are not worth it and you want to avoid that temptation.
Sweetkitten
June 15th, 2016 2:21pm
It's important to think about why you broke up. If you don't have that reason clear to you, you might think that he/she wasn't so bad and end up contacting them. Remember why it didn't work out, and focus on something else. (For example a hobby)
Tellyc
September 28th, 2016 2:06am
For me, I had blocked them on everything and deleted their number out of my phone. Although it may have seemed harsh I found it necessary for me to move on. If I felt like texting them, I would do something else to distract me.
TheLightNights
July 9th, 2017 9:10am
Well if the relationship ended on a bad note (which im assuming it did) remind yourself of why you broke off in the first place and affirm that reason in your mind. If that doesn't work then try to distract yourself, perhaps talk to a friend or parent about it if you are still unsure or uneasy about how things ended.
StarryLove
January 24th, 2018 1:16pm
Start it simple. You have to first accept that you are never going back together due to differences. You block everything that reminds you of him - social media, phone contacts, etc. If you are really desperate, change your number. Find yourself something to be busy with. Discover new hobbies. Meet other people. Cut it short: be productive and move on. There's a reason why your relationship with someone else didn't work; it doesn't mean you will never find another love - love is everywhere. Never settle down for a relationship that didn't work out. You deserve better, dear. Good luck!
AprylFools
April 26th, 2018 1:49pm
Take some deep breaths and try to remember why you became exes. Sometimes it's better to just move on. Busy your mind and try to focus on yourself and more important issues.
athenacleere
July 21st, 2018 1:57am
Think about why you left your ex in the first place, and realize that it’s only hurting you more and giving them more power over you.
Clarisse29
October 14th, 2018 7:15am
There’s a few thing that you can do to deal with that- 1. Think of all the times they’ve made you cry ( in a negative way) 2. Think of all that that makes them bad and unworthy of you 3. Think of how there are so many people who are better than your ex in the world, like come on, there are 7 billion of us, there ought to be one. 4. Develop a hard core crush on a celebrity (works like magic
Aronfeliciano
April 18th, 2020 3:50pm
Find anything that distracts you. Try watching a good movie if you want. Hang out with your friends and family, play with your dog or any pet if you have it. Pick up a Hobby block them. Delete any pictures of them that you might have. Out of sight out of mind. Try writing your feelings down in a journal to help cope with the loss. Try contacting a listener if things get too hard. If you feel like you’re in crisis, call a hotline. Trying some self-care like taking a bubble bath or using a bath bomb or cleaning your house.
plushUnicorn4912
May 30th, 2020 1:49pm
It sounds kinda extreme, but I delete my ex phone number and unfriend in all social media. The reason why is that this person is an EX. Meaning this person is part of my past and if I want to learn from this experience, I have to be able to look at the future. It doesn't mean that I am hostile if I unexpectedly see them, I will still say hello and be polite, especially if it wasn't a toxic relation. But, there is a reason why the relation ended and it is okay to accept that we cannot change things about it. It doesn't make us failure, it just makes us human.
Anonymous
February 24th, 2016 8:38pm
write a email; but don send it; don´t call she or he is going to hurt you; write down every single time you want to contact him/her and this way you are going to be able to pass the day. Put your self little baby steps; like..."Im not going to call him today" he/she left you; if you try to contact your ex; eventualy he is going to hurt you again.
Cito16
September 15th, 2016 5:35pm
I've keep the good connection with all my exes. I don't have problems with exes. But if I still hurt I will distract my mind by work
healingWind40
September 17th, 2016 4:04pm
Total erase delete his number don't hang out with mutual friends and find a couple of extra hobbies
YouAreNotAlone1990
September 24th, 2016 5:07am
Delete all the contacts, photos, remove anything that reminds of him from everywhere. When you want to talk to him, just write letters, but never send. And socialize! It will go away at some point.
WorkInProgress11
October 12th, 2016 3:13pm
I personally find it helpful to text a friend or distract myself with something else. If I just sit there and tell myself not to do it, but continue thinking about it, I usually give in and regret it later.
Cocomojo
October 23rd, 2016 9:35pm
Tell someone else what you would like to tell your ex. Then consider how what you have said could impact both you and your ex.
Fireflies57
December 30th, 2016 5:30am
Just remember that you broke up for a reason. Chances are that they were not the best person for your mental health. Everything happens for a reason, and odds are that in 5 years, you will be glad that they aren't in you life anymore.