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How do you deal with the temptation to contact your ex?

279 Answers
Last Updated: 09/04/2021 at 8:32pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Jui Shankar, Ph.D


My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.

Top Rated Answers
April 1st, 2015 10:50pm
I changed their contact to simple. It reminds me that if i do need to talk to them, i need to keep it short and sweet and be polite but still make sure to respect myself and not get too involved.
June 21st, 2015 6:54pm
What I do is I do something else. I watch a movie or T.V. show or maybe just go out with friends or family. And if it is late at night and you want to talk to them, just talk to your best friend or someone else. Just keep yourself busy.
August 4th, 2015 9:00am
By carefully thinking over why she is an 'ex' in the first place. I believe there came a time when I decided I have to move on, learning as much from my previous relationships- the joy and the pain.
January 20th, 2017 2:09pm
I normally try to think about why I want to at that particular moment- has something triggered a memory? Am I feeling a little down or lonely? Then I tackle the underlying feeling- down or lonely? Contact a friend. A memory? Is it something I can smile about? Can I trust that I will have many more great memories without them?
September 20th, 2017 5:35am
Ask yourself why you're desiring to contact your ex? Is it for self-healing, closure, or other reasons... Once you try to identify your reasoning you can start to weigh out other alternatives to contacting them - possibly journaling, contacting a friend or family member who can also fill the reasoning for your desired contact, etc. It is a tough temptation, but try to remember that now is the time for personal healing and self-care.
February 22nd, 2018 2:37am
It is the toughest thing when you still love that person like they are your soulmate and nothing bad really ever happened Only good times in my experience But you have to hold that urge back just so you can get past all the pain that ensues and move on once and for all
December 28th, 2014 8:13am
When involved with a relationship that ended, often feelings continue to be there and there can be a urge to contact your ex. Some ways to avoid this are by eliminating means of doing this: block them on Facebook, delete their number from your phone. Whatever works for you to avoid being able to contact them until you come to a point where you don't feel like you need to contact your ex anymore.
April 20th, 2015 10:46am
Erase all forms of communication towards your former partner - social media, cell phone number..etc. Resist the urge to contact by occupying yourself with hobbies, interests and hang outs with friends and family. The more you spend time on yourself rather than thinking about her, the more likely you'll resist the temptation.
July 11th, 2015 6:04am
I think about it this way. If they are an ex they are an ex for a reason. Be it if they ended the relationship or I did. I am not one to look back on the past. But if I did get tempted I would think about have they moved on with someone else. Are they married, happy, have kids. I think of what I want to get out of contacting them.
November 5th, 2016 12:56am
I tell myself all the things he did to me I hated. I ignored everything I liked. I told myself to be the strong one. That I can do it. If it gets to the point where I'm practically in the middle of a text, I distract myself. I play with my sister or my pet, hang out with friends, bake something. Pretty much anything to get your mind off that ex.
December 10th, 2016 8:14am
You have to remember why you broke up in the first place. Broken relationships are very difficult to fix. If you've already tried and tried but still couldn't work it out, odds are one or both of you aren't in the right place for success in that relationship. Push yourself a bit to go out and experience new things without your ex. You might find yourself having fun as a single person, or perhaps you'll meet someone special.
March 22nd, 2017 2:54am
Honestly I'm a person who gets really attached. So there's nothing else I can do but block and delete him on every social media platform. This will force you to reach out for distractions like friends, tv shows or even new hobbies. The main point is that this helped me learn not to depend on others. By discovering new things that made me happy, I improved myself and I eventually forgot about him. Its a win-win!
July 28th, 2018 2:14pm
Going through a really difficult breakup/heartbreak can leave a really bad scar on a person, which of course takes a while to fade. Depending on whether you were the one who brokeup, it should feel less hard to get in contact again (if that is really a considerable decision to you). But if you are trying to permanently avoid your ex and avoid all temptations of recontacting them, you've got to think to yourself all the reasons that pushed you to the breakup, that love cannot happen no matter how much feelings you feel for someone, because it's got to come both ways, it's got to be mutual. Think to yourself that you have nothing to reprimand yourself for, that you are not guilty and that there is a reason behind it if the relationship ended, even if it was your ex's choice to breakup with you. It's been thought that way, the decision has been made, you can only try to make peace with it. You could have all the willpower in the world to recontact them and want to make things better, but at the same time hurting yourself so badly in the process, because the decision should never come only from you and also you don't know what their lives have become since the breakup, how their feelings turned out towards you, some people are immature enough to actually "hate" you after a breakup, which is a shame. So it's best to think about yourself more than you think about your ex, and actually occupy your mind with newer and better things to help you move on with your life and lose focus on them, as they are not worth it and you want to avoid that temptation.
June 15th, 2016 2:21pm
It's important to think about why you broke up. If you don't have that reason clear to you, you might think that he/she wasn't so bad and end up contacting them. Remember why it didn't work out, and focus on something else. (For example a hobby)
July 9th, 2017 9:10am
Well if the relationship ended on a bad note (which im assuming it did) remind yourself of why you broke off in the first place and affirm that reason in your mind. If that doesn't work then try to distract yourself, perhaps talk to a friend or parent about it if you are still unsure or uneasy about how things ended.
December 14th, 2017 11:47pm
Toxic people are hard to not run back to, because we simply believe that is what we deserve. We believe they will change for us. Remember that they can only change for themselves, and typically the cycle of negativity will repeat itself if you go back.
April 26th, 2018 1:49pm
Take some deep breaths and try to remember why you became exes. Sometimes it's better to just move on. Busy your mind and try to focus on yourself and more important issues.
February 24th, 2016 8:38pm
write a email; but don send it; donĀ“t call she or he is going to hurt you; write down every single time you want to contact him/her and this way you are going to be able to pass the day. Put your self little baby steps; like..."Im not going to call him today" he/she left you; if you try to contact your ex; eventualy he is going to hurt you again.
September 15th, 2016 5:35pm
I've keep the good connection with all my exes. I don't have problems with exes. But if I still hurt I will distract my mind by work
September 17th, 2016 4:04pm
Total erase delete his number don't hang out with mutual friends and find a couple of extra hobbies
September 28th, 2016 2:06am
For me, I had blocked them on everything and deleted their number out of my phone. Although it may have seemed harsh I found it necessary for me to move on. If I felt like texting them, I would do something else to distract me.
October 12th, 2016 3:13pm
I personally find it helpful to text a friend or distract myself with something else. If I just sit there and tell myself not to do it, but continue thinking about it, I usually give in and regret it later.
October 23rd, 2016 9:35pm
Tell someone else what you would like to tell your ex. Then consider how what you have said could impact both you and your ex.
March 15th, 2017 10:44pm
Maybe when you have the urge, make yourself wait 4 hours. It always seems urgent in the moment to act impulsively. But some time might give you clarity without being too emotionally attached to the impulses you feel.
September 13th, 2017 7:49pm
Think through the pros and cons. Be very honest about those to yourself. Why are you actually wanting to do it?
November 10th, 2017 6:12pm
I acknowledge the thought that I want to contact him but distract myself on things that matter so I do not follow through with the thought.
January 24th, 2018 1:16pm
Start it simple. You have to first accept that you are never going back together due to differences. You block everything that reminds you of him - social media, phone contacts, etc. If you are really desperate, change your number. Find yourself something to be busy with. Discover new hobbies. Meet other people. Cut it short: be productive and move on. There's a reason why your relationship with someone else didn't work; it doesn't mean you will never find another love - love is everywhere. Never settle down for a relationship that didn't work out. You deserve better, dear. Good luck!
March 4th, 2018 1:31pm
April 20th, 2018 9:48pm
It's tough doing that but once you know how, it's better than ever.Firstly,you can do it by remembering why you two brokeup.And thinking whether you are ready to go for the same mess again or not.No, right? Or, think carefully if he / she is worth to contact again or not? And the last but not the least, know that there millions of people out in this world, and the time you want to spend contacting your ex , you can use it to find or invest in someone who actually loves you and knows your worth :)
June 10th, 2018 12:54am
Think about the reasons he became an ex in the first place, Think about the pros and cons that involves getting into contact with them