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How do you deal with the temptation to contact your ex?

296 Answers
Last Updated: 06/13/2023 at 9:32am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda King, PsyD

Psychologist

I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.

Top Rated Answers
JustAnotherPersonOn7Cups
September 20th, 2017 5:35am
Ask yourself why you're desiring to contact your ex? Is it for self-healing, closure, or other reasons... Once you try to identify your reasoning you can start to weigh out other alternatives to contacting them - possibly journaling, contacting a friend or family member who can also fill the reasoning for your desired contact, etc. It is a tough temptation, but try to remember that now is the time for personal healing and self-care.
Anonymous
February 22nd, 2018 2:37am
It is the toughest thing when you still love that person like they are your soulmate and nothing bad really ever happened Only good times in my experience But you have to hold that urge back just so you can get past all the pain that ensues and move on once and for all
ComplexxHeartt
November 25th, 2014 6:11am
The best way is to delete their numbers from your contacts and un follow them from any social media.
Neekaii
March 22nd, 2017 2:54am
Honestly I'm a person who gets really attached. So there's nothing else I can do but block and delete him on every social media platform. This will force you to reach out for distractions like friends, tv shows or even new hobbies. The main point is that this helped me learn not to depend on others. By discovering new things that made me happy, I improved myself and I eventually forgot about him. Its a win-win!
Here2Hear247
December 10th, 2016 8:14am
You have to remember why you broke up in the first place. Broken relationships are very difficult to fix. If you've already tried and tried but still couldn't work it out, odds are one or both of you aren't in the right place for success in that relationship. Push yourself a bit to go out and experience new things without your ex. You might find yourself having fun as a single person, or perhaps you'll meet someone special.
Neil22713
April 1st, 2015 10:50pm
I changed their contact to simple. It reminds me that if i do need to talk to them, i need to keep it short and sweet and be polite but still make sure to respect myself and not get too involved.
lovelyLynx18
June 21st, 2015 6:54pm
What I do is I do something else. I watch a movie or T.V. show or maybe just go out with friends or family. And if it is late at night and you want to talk to them, just talk to your best friend or someone else. Just keep yourself busy.
butterflykisses27
July 11th, 2015 6:04am
I think about it this way. If they are an ex they are an ex for a reason. Be it if they ended the relationship or I did. I am not one to look back on the past. But if I did get tempted I would think about have they moved on with someone else. Are they married, happy, have kids. I think of what I want to get out of contacting them.
Gat89
August 4th, 2015 9:00am
By carefully thinking over why she is an 'ex' in the first place. I believe there came a time when I decided I have to move on, learning as much from my previous relationships- the joy and the pain.
Anonymous
July 28th, 2018 2:14pm
Going through a really difficult breakup/heartbreak can leave a really bad scar on a person, which of course takes a while to fade. Depending on whether you were the one who brokeup, it should feel less hard to get in contact again (if that is really a considerable decision to you). But if you are trying to permanently avoid your ex and avoid all temptations of recontacting them, you've got to think to yourself all the reasons that pushed you to the breakup, that love cannot happen no matter how much feelings you feel for someone, because it's got to come both ways, it's got to be mutual. Think to yourself that you have nothing to reprimand yourself for, that you are not guilty and that there is a reason behind it if the relationship ended, even if it was your ex's choice to breakup with you. It's been thought that way, the decision has been made, you can only try to make peace with it. You could have all the willpower in the world to recontact them and want to make things better, but at the same time hurting yourself so badly in the process, because the decision should never come only from you and also you don't know what their lives have become since the breakup, how their feelings turned out towards you, some people are immature enough to actually "hate" you after a breakup, which is a shame. So it's best to think about yourself more than you think about your ex, and actually occupy your mind with newer and better things to help you move on with your life and lose focus on them, as they are not worth it and you want to avoid that temptation.
AngeloF102
December 28th, 2014 8:13am
When involved with a relationship that ended, often feelings continue to be there and there can be a urge to contact your ex. Some ways to avoid this are by eliminating means of doing this: block them on Facebook, delete their number from your phone. Whatever works for you to avoid being able to contact them until you come to a point where you don't feel like you need to contact your ex anymore.
SenpaiXD
April 20th, 2015 10:46am
Erase all forms of communication towards your former partner - social media, cell phone number..etc. Resist the urge to contact by occupying yourself with hobbies, interests and hang outs with friends and family. The more you spend time on yourself rather than thinking about her, the more likely you'll resist the temptation.
ConsolingPenguin
December 14th, 2017 11:47pm
Toxic people are hard to not run back to, because we simply believe that is what we deserve. We believe they will change for us. Remember that they can only change for themselves, and typically the cycle of negativity will repeat itself if you go back.
Anonymous
November 5th, 2016 12:56am
I tell myself all the things he did to me I hated. I ignored everything I liked. I told myself to be the strong one. That I can do it. If it gets to the point where I'm practically in the middle of a text, I distract myself. I play with my sister or my pet, hang out with friends, bake something. Pretty much anything to get your mind off that ex.
athenacleere
July 21st, 2018 1:57am
Think about why you left your ex in the first place, and realize that it’s only hurting you more and giving them more power over you.
Tellyc
September 28th, 2016 2:06am
For me, I had blocked them on everything and deleted their number out of my phone. Although it may have seemed harsh I found it necessary for me to move on. If I felt like texting them, I would do something else to distract me.
AprylFools
April 26th, 2018 1:49pm
Take some deep breaths and try to remember why you became exes. Sometimes it's better to just move on. Busy your mind and try to focus on yourself and more important issues.
Clarisse29
October 14th, 2018 7:15am
There’s a few thing that you can do to deal with that- 1. Think of all the times they’ve made you cry ( in a negative way) 2. Think of all that that makes them bad and unworthy of you 3. Think of how there are so many people who are better than your ex in the world, like come on, there are 7 billion of us, there ought to be one. 4. Develop a hard core crush on a celebrity (works like magic
Vronica23
May 3rd, 2017 5:22am
Stop and take a moment to think about it. What will you get out of reaching out to them? Drawing from previous experience, really consider how you'll feel afterwords. It's hard disconnecting from an ex because they were such a big part of our lives for a while, and it's hard to change our routines. But at some point we have to think about why they're an ex now, and consider whether it's in our best interest to continue to expose ourselves to that person. I do believe that sometimes ex's can be friends, but give yourself some time to heal before you try that if that's the path you ultimately want to take. You never know, down the line you might realize that's not what you want at all.
Sweetkitten
June 15th, 2016 2:21pm
It's important to think about why you broke up. If you don't have that reason clear to you, you might think that he/she wasn't so bad and end up contacting them. Remember why it didn't work out, and focus on something else. (For example a hobby)
StarryLove
January 24th, 2018 1:16pm
Start it simple. You have to first accept that you are never going back together due to differences. You block everything that reminds you of him - social media, phone contacts, etc. If you are really desperate, change your number. Find yourself something to be busy with. Discover new hobbies. Meet other people. Cut it short: be productive and move on. There's a reason why your relationship with someone else didn't work; it doesn't mean you will never find another love - love is everywhere. Never settle down for a relationship that didn't work out. You deserve better, dear. Good luck!
Aronfeliciano
April 18th, 2020 3:50pm
Find anything that distracts you. Try watching a good movie if you want. Hang out with your friends and family, play with your dog or any pet if you have it. Pick up a Hobby block them. Delete any pictures of them that you might have. Out of sight out of mind. Try writing your feelings down in a journal to help cope with the loss. Try contacting a listener if things get too hard. If you feel like you’re in crisis, call a hotline. Trying some self-care like taking a bubble bath or using a bath bomb or cleaning your house.
plushUnicorn4912
May 30th, 2020 1:49pm
It sounds kinda extreme, but I delete my ex phone number and unfriend in all social media. The reason why is that this person is an EX. Meaning this person is part of my past and if I want to learn from this experience, I have to be able to look at the future. It doesn't mean that I am hostile if I unexpectedly see them, I will still say hello and be polite, especially if it wasn't a toxic relation. But, there is a reason why the relation ended and it is okay to accept that we cannot change things about it. It doesn't make us failure, it just makes us human.
Anonymous
July 9th, 2017 9:10am
Well if the relationship ended on a bad note (which im assuming it did) remind yourself of why you broke off in the first place and affirm that reason in your mind. If that doesn't work then try to distract yourself, perhaps talk to a friend or parent about it if you are still unsure or uneasy about how things ended.
Anonymous
June 13th, 2023 9:32am
Firstly, please remember that it's okay to feel such temptations as no matter even if there was a reason behind your breakup, you did have a great relationship once before things changed and it fell apart. I strongly believe that it may not be a good idea to blame/curse yourself just because you feel tempted to be in touch with them/get back with them, etc. After all, we all are humans, and it's impossible to forget someone overnight and move ahead in life. Secondly, it's good to recognize where the temptation is coming from and what's your intention to contact them — Do you just want to check on them or do you plan to get back with them? If it was a toxic relationship, you may want to step back and avoid texting them. However, if your intention is just to casually chat and see how they are doing then it's your call. Anyhow, the temptation must not make you forget how they made you feel and how they treated you during and after the relationship got over, especially if it was a bad experience. Proceed with caution, I wish you find your way out! ♥️
Anonymous
April 1st, 2017 5:52pm
Focus on other things that make you happy in life. I always distract myself with things that keep my mind busy, while making sure that I am happy in the process.
Harry53
June 1st, 2017 1:38pm
When you feel tempted to contact your ex you must remind yourself that doing that will not help the situation, it will just make it worse. It's normal to have regrets after a relationship ends, but in many instances ending a relationship is the only healthy option.
FeriWitch
June 4th, 2017 8:57pm
It can be hard to walk away, and stay away. Before reaching out, ask yourself what you would want the communication to accomplish. Do you want to get back together? Want an apology? Want to blow off steam, let them know how you feel? And then look back over your relationship and the breakup, and ask yourself how likely that is to happen - can you expect to get the results you want? Or will you just be prolonging your own grief or confusion? When you contact someone who's caused you pain, whether or not that was deliberate, it can help to know what you want to happen, and what you hope will happen.
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2018 5:29pm
First and foremost, you must realize they're "your ex" for a reason. You two were together, and "something" happened that led one of you to break up that relationship. Now, when you're already outside of the relationship, all seems "better", but it really isn't - it's an illusion, we focus too much on the good things and forget the bad ones. Think about this, okay?
Ameera411
April 20th, 2018 9:48pm
It's tough doing that but once you know how, it's better than ever.Firstly,you can do it by remembering why you two brokeup.And thinking whether you are ready to go for the same mess again or not.No, right? Or, think carefully if he / she is worth to contact again or not? And the last but not the least, know that there millions of people out in this world, and the time you want to spend contacting your ex , you can use it to find or invest in someone who actually loves you and knows your worth :)