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How do you deal with the temptation to contact your ex?

279 Answers
Last Updated: 09/04/2021 at 8:32pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Jui Shankar, Ph.D


My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.

Top Rated Answers
June 22nd, 2018 5:29pm
First and foremost, you must realize they're "your ex" for a reason. You two were together, and "something" happened that led one of you to break up that relationship. Now, when you're already outside of the relationship, all seems "better", but it really isn't - it's an illusion, we focus too much on the good things and forget the bad ones. Think about this, okay?
July 21st, 2018 1:57am
Think about why you left your ex in the first place, and realize that it’s only hurting you more and giving them more power over you.
September 16th, 2018 6:46am
The temptation can be very hard to resist, especially in this age where we can reach out to people on social media in a matter of seconds. I think the phrase 'Out of sight, out of mind' is very true so don't go looking them up on social media, remove them or block them if you feel it's necessary. Sometimes we think we're missing someone when what we're actually missing are the memories, the places, experiences, and the person we thought they were. Remember that this person is your ex for a reason, you broke up for a reason and that still exists. Try looking forward and thinking of positive things in your future and leave the past behind you.
October 14th, 2018 7:15am
There’s a few thing that you can do to deal with that- 1. Think of all the times they’ve made you cry ( in a negative way) 2. Think of all that that makes them bad and unworthy of you 3. Think of how there are so many people who are better than your ex in the world, like come on, there are 7 billion of us, there ought to be one. 4. Develop a hard core crush on a celebrity (works like magic
April 18th, 2020 3:50pm
Find anything that distracts you. Try watching a good movie if you want. Hang out with your friends and family, play with your dog or any pet if you have it. Pick up a Hobby block them. Delete any pictures of them that you might have. Out of sight out of mind. Try writing your feelings down in a journal to help cope with the loss. Try contacting a listener if things get too hard. If you feel like you’re in crisis, call a hotline. Trying some self-care like taking a bubble bath or using a bath bomb or cleaning your house.
May 30th, 2020 1:49pm
It sounds kinda extreme, but I delete my ex phone number and unfriend in all social media. The reason why is that this person is an EX. Meaning this person is part of my past and if I want to learn from this experience, I have to be able to look at the future. It doesn't mean that I am hostile if I unexpectedly see them, I will still say hello and be polite, especially if it wasn't a toxic relation. But, there is a reason why the relation ended and it is okay to accept that we cannot change things about it. It doesn't make us failure, it just makes us human.
April 15th, 2015 4:03am
Try your best to move on from them. Meet new people, date other people, try to block them from your mind and make sure you simply have no contact to them. Delete their number etc.
November 6th, 2015 2:09am
Try to think about the reasons why you are no longer together. If you try to contact your ex, call a friend instead to talk.
March 21st, 2016 9:19pm
over come the temptation ... nothing much to deal with over here. Unless, you can't resist a lot of temptation
April 26th, 2016 2:02am
Delete all contact that you have with that person. If the contact is in your head, fill your mind with other things more innovative.
September 14th, 2016 6:51pm
You think about what kind of relationship you had with them and if you want to be friends or if you don't
September 18th, 2016 5:12am
Try writing in a journal call or text a close friend exercise or spend time with family or friends throw a dinner party
September 21st, 2016 12:33pm
You remind yourself why they are your "ex" in the first place and wait at least 24 hours before trying to contact them so that way you have had time to think
September 24th, 2016 5:07am
Delete all the contacts, photos, remove anything that reminds of him from everywhere. When you want to talk to him, just write letters, but never send. And socialize! It will go away at some point.
October 2nd, 2016 1:53pm
Make a list of all the things you dislike about your ex. Do something else, like going out with friends, watching a movie, or reading a book, to take your mind off your ex. If you focus on other things, the urge to contact your ex will probably dissapear by itself.
October 13th, 2016 2:20am
If you feel the temptation to contact your ex, sometimes contacting them is the right thing to do to get closure or resolve issues. However, if this is a bad idea, blocking their number and social media accounts prevents you from contacting them.
October 14th, 2016 3:43pm
Figure out the reasons why you want to really contact your ex. If you know there's no real reason behind contacting them, find a friend to contact and have a conversation with.
October 20th, 2016 11:27pm
Remember the reason why you are not in common and all the negative things about why it didn't work. Also set a goal that if you ever did get in contact or dump into them again you want to be the best you can. The best version of you.
October 22nd, 2016 3:43pm
What I would do is think of why you broke up. Did it make you sad? Did they hurt you? If so then its probably for the best. If not, think about why you broke up and if it was for the best. If that does not help, maybe make yourself busy.
October 23rd, 2016 2:00pm
Block him on all social media. Block his number. Get distracted to keep him off your mind. Go out with some friends, drink party and have fun till you meet someone new
November 6th, 2016 7:00am
Block him on everything and try maybe try out for sports or join clubs so that it keeps you busy physically and mentally.
November 11th, 2016 1:32pm
Why would you want to back to your past? From experience I know this is never a good choice. I think about why they are an EX in the first place.
November 11th, 2016 7:31pm
Try to keep in mind the reasons that the relationship ended in the first place. People have a tendency to look back on the positive experiences they had with someone and to lose sight of the negative impacts that their past relationship caused. If you keep picking at the scab, you won't allow it to heal.
November 17th, 2016 3:48pm
I think the best thing to do when you're thinking about contacting your ex is remembering why you guys split up in the first place. Like, you don't break up with someone when things are great. The relationship needs to be in a bad place, so ask yourself: which things lead to the break up? Remember those things. Remember that there's a reason why you're not together anymore, Distract yourself as well. You can definitely listen to some Taylor Swift songs while crying and eating cookies if it makes you feel better. Go ahead! Take your time. Distract yourself. Spend time with family, friends, do what makes you happy. You're your own individual person and the only person responsable for your hapiness is you.
December 8th, 2016 2:32pm
Instead of thinking about your ex try to do something you like, maybe watch a film or just do your hobby.
December 30th, 2016 5:30am
Just remember that you broke up for a reason. Chances are that they were not the best person for your mental health. Everything happens for a reason, and odds are that in 5 years, you will be glad that they aren't in you life anymore.
January 7th, 2017 6:14pm
I think it's best if you keep yourself involved in all sorts of activities. Keep your mind off of them and focus on yourself. When I had to deal with this temptation, I joined a drum class! (I still suck at the drums but it did help me enjoy and have some time to heal)
January 20th, 2017 12:15pm
Delete every way of contacting them. Delete their number, their facebook contact, their instagram, twitter, everything. Do this so that if you have to contact them, you at least have a barrier of having to re-add them on social media before you actually make contact. It won't be a perfect stop, but it'll at least be a hindrance.
February 19th, 2017 6:41pm
If the break up has been bitter then it is wise to not be in touch. Delete all the means of contact. Hmm and everytime you feel like contacting the person, write one reason why you broke up on a piece of paper. Keep a jar and add the paper to it. Keep doing it everytime that you feel tempted. When you will look at the jar filled up slowly, it will remind you of the multitude reasons you have to not contact him\her :). Even if at times, it is sooo hard to let go of someone you have loved...and shared beautiful moments with.
March 21st, 2017 4:35pm
Basically you should get dispose of any contact you can possibly have with him: by phone, Internet and even personally. If you work with him/her at the same place and have duties to do, treat him only as friend and do the time you have to spend because of work, but then go back to work and do whatever you have to do to get rid of temptation.