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How do you deal with the temptation to contact your ex?

296 Answers
Last Updated: 06/13/2023 at 9:32am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda King, PsyD

Psychologist

I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.

Top Rated Answers
Skaiibrown
June 10th, 2018 12:54am
Think about the reasons he became an ex in the first place, Think about the pros and cons that involves getting into contact with them
Ameera411
April 20th, 2018 9:48pm
It's tough doing that but once you know how, it's better than ever.Firstly,you can do it by remembering why you two brokeup.And thinking whether you are ready to go for the same mess again or not.No, right? Or, think carefully if he / she is worth to contact again or not? And the last but not the least, know that there millions of people out in this world, and the time you want to spend contacting your ex , you can use it to find or invest in someone who actually loves you and knows your worth :)
AubriePevensie
March 4th, 2018 1:31pm
ssreyess
November 10th, 2017 6:12pm
I acknowledge the thought that I want to contact him but distract myself on things that matter so I do not follow through with the thought.
Anonymous
September 13th, 2017 7:49pm
Think through the pros and cons. Be very honest about those to yourself. Why are you actually wanting to do it?
Lemoncozmix
June 21st, 2017 1:55pm
Try to distract yourself or move away from the temptation e.g. Blocking or removing from contacts until you don't feel that temptation anymore.
FeriWitch
June 4th, 2017 8:57pm
It can be hard to walk away, and stay away. Before reaching out, ask yourself what you would want the communication to accomplish. Do you want to get back together? Want an apology? Want to blow off steam, let them know how you feel? And then look back over your relationship and the breakup, and ask yourself how likely that is to happen - can you expect to get the results you want? Or will you just be prolonging your own grief or confusion? When you contact someone who's caused you pain, whether or not that was deliberate, it can help to know what you want to happen, and what you hope will happen.
Harry53
June 1st, 2017 1:38pm
When you feel tempted to contact your ex you must remind yourself that doing that will not help the situation, it will just make it worse. It's normal to have regrets after a relationship ends, but in many instances ending a relationship is the only healthy option.
Anonymous
April 1st, 2017 5:52pm
Focus on other things that make you happy in life. I always distract myself with things that keep my mind busy, while making sure that I am happy in the process.
awesomeSunset88
March 15th, 2017 10:44pm
Maybe when you have the urge, make yourself wait 4 hours. It always seems urgent in the moment to act impulsively. But some time might give you clarity without being too emotionally attached to the impulses you feel.
Anonymous
February 24th, 2016 8:38pm
write a email; but don send it; don´t call she or he is going to hurt you; write down every single time you want to contact him/her and this way you are going to be able to pass the day. Put your self little baby steps; like..."Im not going to call him today" he/she left you; if you try to contact your ex; eventualy he is going to hurt you again.
WorkInProgress11
October 12th, 2016 3:13pm
I personally find it helpful to text a friend or distract myself with something else. If I just sit there and tell myself not to do it, but continue thinking about it, I usually give in and regret it later.
YouAreNotAlone1990
September 24th, 2016 5:07am
Delete all the contacts, photos, remove anything that reminds of him from everywhere. When you want to talk to him, just write letters, but never send. And socialize! It will go away at some point.
Cocomojo
October 23rd, 2016 9:35pm
Tell someone else what you would like to tell your ex. Then consider how what you have said could impact both you and your ex.
healingWind40
September 17th, 2016 4:04pm
Total erase delete his number don't hang out with mutual friends and find a couple of extra hobbies
Fireflies57
December 30th, 2016 5:30am
Just remember that you broke up for a reason. Chances are that they were not the best person for your mental health. Everything happens for a reason, and odds are that in 5 years, you will be glad that they aren't in you life anymore.
Cito16
September 15th, 2016 5:35pm
I've keep the good connection with all my exes. I don't have problems with exes. But if I still hurt I will distract my mind by work
Stayhappy30
February 20th, 2020 9:03am
Well, for that you will need to re analyse why you broke up at the first place. If it was from your side, then you will need to remember all the things which led you to the break up. Sometimes, due to many issues such as loneliness or weak time in current relationship, we tend to compare or think about it. If the break up was from your ex, then you need to see what is his/her reason to take the decision. If the situation has changed, then you can try again however if that's not the case then its useless to try again. In a nutshell, best way to avoid any temptation is to analyse the break up and rethink why happened.
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2020 7:00am
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Greatlistener87
April 26th, 2016 2:02am
Delete all contact that you have with that person. If the contact is in your head, fill your mind with other things more innovative.
lifegivesulemons
April 17th, 2020 2:55am
Corona time=being risky and sending messages to your ex. I completely get that and I would have done the same thing as well ngl. BUT. Your ex is not deserving of ANY time you try to give them. ABSOLUTELY NO SECOND of your effort should be going to the ex because he/she aint worth it bruh. But here are some things that could help 1) whenever you have the tempation, text some other friend. 2) do something like run or exercise or eat whenever this happens just the important thing is, keep your mind off your ex! he or she aint worth your time!
Nique2020
April 8th, 2020 2:05pm
I am 25 years of age and married I really do not have any contact with any of my exes in anyway but, a two years ago it did happen. I tried my hardest to ignore him, even block him but, it seem likes it would not stop him. I had to do something to stop this. I then just told my husband what was going on so we could work something out. We ended up changing my number which was amazing. Blocking his number didn’t help because he would use other numbers but, changing my number worked perfectly.
Anonymous
March 29th, 2020 4:44pm
Realize why you left and or they are an ex in the first place. If it was an especially toxic or obvious reason and it outweighs just getting that sorta “high” from talking to them again, then there you go. Think about more of the negatives with them that made the breakup happen rather than the good times that would’ve kept it alive to begin with. Not to the point where you become depressed. Just to where you can think more clearly. Also understand that if you know there’s a temptation and that the correct response is to not give in that’s already a sign. There’s plenty of people out there to start with instead of trying to “restart” with someone else ❤️
Yourfriendlyspanishdog
March 12th, 2020 4:56pm
Personally, contacting different friends or spending time with your family or in other activities you love can help you deal with the temptation. that way you can bond with the people you still have in your life and that care for you and also to improve your skills in different courses you like and want to improve in! It directs you toward self-growth rather than stepping back into the past and trying to revive something that if ended, should stay this way, It helps both you and your ex to move on and to build a different future and to grow the way you both deserve to grow. the memory and the moments you both share will remain but would not decide the path you choose to go in for yourself!
Devin000
December 21st, 2018 4:30am
I remind myself of all the things she has done to me and use that anger and frustration as fuel for a HIIT Gym Workout. The reason why I miss my ex is because she reminded me of what it felt like to be loved and supported. I gave her love and support and she failed to reciprocate, that can be either manifested as anger used as fuel or sadness used to deepen the hole in my heart. Only I choose. Only sadness will make me weep and obsess for the affection of the woman who deceived me because she could, whereas anger would only remind me of the damage she has caused and how much better I am than her.
romajstorovic
February 2nd, 2020 2:30pm
Try writing down your thoughts and feelings on paper. When I was going through a particularly bad breakup, I would find myself trying to talk to him a lot. I would open up texts or chat messages, and I would type out things but never send them. Later, I worked out that writing things down on paper was safer, since I wouldn't end up sending things I would regret. I started writing things out on paper. It was a lot more therapeutic for me, since I've always liked seeing how much I've written out on paper. When I first started, I was regularly writing three sides of A4, but as time went on, the letters got shorter and shorter. If I was out, and didn't have paper, I'd open notes and write on my phone.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2020 8:56pm
Sometimes the temptation is really hard to handle, since you remember all the good times you had together and you wish to have all those moments and those feelings to be back even just for a short time. Personally when these feelings arise I try to be as rational as possible and I try to remember the reasons why we broke up. I also try to remember the feelings I had when things weren't going well and I tell myself the truth: it is better to resist that temptation. Moreover, I think of what would happen in case I contact her: the most probable scenario is a denial, with delusion as a result. But even if she replies positively it is highly probable that in a shot period I would feel the same frustration that lead us to the break up. Don't do that guys, you only have to lose from contacting back the same person you broke up with.
Sventek
April 23rd, 2020 6:31am
You tell yourself that the ex is an ex for a very good reason. If it didn't work out the first time, the odds are not in your favor to likely work out a second. It's best to spend that energy with new relationships or working on yourself. Learning lessons from why an ex is an ex is a good exercise. Therefore, before making the effort to contact them, sit down and make a list of the reasons why things did not work out between the both of you. If the list is lengthy or includes phrases such as abusive, wasn't right for me, couldn't communicate, poor libido, unable to express emotions, or a number of other deal breakers - by the end of the list you'll likely have enough reasons why contact is best left undone.
Anonymous
February 8th, 2020 10:39pm
To deal with the temptation of contacting my ex I try to remind myself why we broke up. If that doesn't work I'll try to find something else to focus on because I know if I contact them it would just drag things out. And personally if I contacted them I'd still be the one to end up hurt so I remind myself that it's not worth it. Sometimes I'll message a friend who knows the situation and they'll give me a pep talk to cheer me up. The main thing the that I believe is most important is reminding and telling yourself that the relationship is already over.
0118
February 13th, 2020 8:20pm
social media and ease of contact gets that little nibbling feeling in your head, sometimes a break from that stops the temptation. question why you want to contact them, is it to fill a void? if so find distractions and things for you to fill that void. if its because you miss them, remind yourself why the relationship ended in the first place, something wasn't right, time away allows you to focus on yourself. yo-yo-ing back into your ex's life is only going to hurt you in the long run, I stings, but know that you're doing the right thing by resisting the temptation