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How do you deal with the temptation to contact your ex?

286 Answers
Last Updated: 01/14/2022 at 11:23pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
India
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Jui Shankar, Ph.D

Psychologist

My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.

Top Rated Answers
awesomeSunset88
March 15th, 2017 10:44pm
Maybe when you have the urge, make yourself wait 4 hours. It always seems urgent in the moment to act impulsively. But some time might give you clarity without being too emotionally attached to the impulses you feel.
Anonymous
April 1st, 2017 5:52pm
Focus on other things that make you happy in life. I always distract myself with things that keep my mind busy, while making sure that I am happy in the process.
Vronica23
May 3rd, 2017 5:22am
Stop and take a moment to think about it. What will you get out of reaching out to them? Drawing from previous experience, really consider how you'll feel afterwords. It's hard disconnecting from an ex because they were such a big part of our lives for a while, and it's hard to change our routines. But at some point we have to think about why they're an ex now, and consider whether it's in our best interest to continue to expose ourselves to that person. I do believe that sometimes ex's can be friends, but give yourself some time to heal before you try that if that's the path you ultimately want to take. You never know, down the line you might realize that's not what you want at all.
Harry53
June 1st, 2017 1:38pm
When you feel tempted to contact your ex you must remind yourself that doing that will not help the situation, it will just make it worse. It's normal to have regrets after a relationship ends, but in many instances ending a relationship is the only healthy option.
FeriWitch
June 4th, 2017 8:57pm
It can be hard to walk away, and stay away. Before reaching out, ask yourself what you would want the communication to accomplish. Do you want to get back together? Want an apology? Want to blow off steam, let them know how you feel? And then look back over your relationship and the breakup, and ask yourself how likely that is to happen - can you expect to get the results you want? Or will you just be prolonging your own grief or confusion? When you contact someone who's caused you pain, whether or not that was deliberate, it can help to know what you want to happen, and what you hope will happen.
Anonymous
September 13th, 2017 7:49pm
Think through the pros and cons. Be very honest about those to yourself. Why are you actually wanting to do it?
ssreyess
November 10th, 2017 6:12pm
I acknowledge the thought that I want to contact him but distract myself on things that matter so I do not follow through with the thought.
AubriePevensie
March 4th, 2018 1:31pm
Ameera411
April 20th, 2018 9:48pm
It's tough doing that but once you know how, it's better than ever.Firstly,you can do it by remembering why you two brokeup.And thinking whether you are ready to go for the same mess again or not.No, right? Or, think carefully if he / she is worth to contact again or not? And the last but not the least, know that there millions of people out in this world, and the time you want to spend contacting your ex , you can use it to find or invest in someone who actually loves you and knows your worth :)
Skaiibrown
June 10th, 2018 12:54am
Think about the reasons he became an ex in the first place, Think about the pros and cons that involves getting into contact with them
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2018 5:29pm
First and foremost, you must realize they're "your ex" for a reason. You two were together, and "something" happened that led one of you to break up that relationship. Now, when you're already outside of the relationship, all seems "better", but it really isn't - it's an illusion, we focus too much on the good things and forget the bad ones. Think about this, okay?
GivingBack101
September 16th, 2018 6:46am
The temptation can be very hard to resist, especially in this age where we can reach out to people on social media in a matter of seconds. I think the phrase 'Out of sight, out of mind' is very true so don't go looking them up on social media, remove them or block them if you feel it's necessary. Sometimes we think we're missing someone when what we're actually missing are the memories, the places, experiences, and the person we thought they were. Remember that this person is your ex for a reason, you broke up for a reason and that still exists. Try looking forward and thinking of positive things in your future and leave the past behind you.
WarmLightXO
January 14th, 2022 11:23pm
Make it more difficult for yourself to get in touch with them. Delete their number. Block their social medias. It's really important to be gentle with yourself when you're healing from a breakup, so pay special attention to yourself. When you're wanting to contact them, what are you really wanting? Attention? To feel loved? To feel safe? Then, ask yourself other ways to achieve that need without contacting your ex. If possible, make and keep a list on hand of reasons why you want to resist that temptation. And try to remember friend, that you are whole person on your own, it's okay for this to hurt, and you will heal.
Anonymous
April 15th, 2015 4:03am
Try your best to move on from them. Meet new people, date other people, try to block them from your mind and make sure you simply have no contact to them. Delete their number etc.
Anonymous
November 6th, 2015 2:09am
Try to think about the reasons why you are no longer together. If you try to contact your ex, call a friend instead to talk.
Alien10
March 21st, 2016 9:19pm
over come the temptation ... nothing much to deal with over here. Unless, you can't resist a lot of temptation
Greatlistener87
April 26th, 2016 2:02am
Delete all contact that you have with that person. If the contact is in your head, fill your mind with other things more innovative.
Anonymous
September 14th, 2016 6:51pm
You think about what kind of relationship you had with them and if you want to be friends or if you don't
Anonymous
September 18th, 2016 5:12am
Try writing in a journal call or text a close friend exercise or spend time with family or friends throw a dinner party
Anonymous
September 21st, 2016 12:33pm
You remind yourself why they are your "ex" in the first place and wait at least 24 hours before trying to contact them so that way you have had time to think
Honeypuffs99
October 2nd, 2016 1:53pm
Make a list of all the things you dislike about your ex. Do something else, like going out with friends, watching a movie, or reading a book, to take your mind off your ex. If you focus on other things, the urge to contact your ex will probably dissapear by itself.
Chloe2626
October 13th, 2016 2:20am
If you feel the temptation to contact your ex, sometimes contacting them is the right thing to do to get closure or resolve issues. However, if this is a bad idea, blocking their number and social media accounts prevents you from contacting them.
Anonymous
October 14th, 2016 3:43pm
Figure out the reasons why you want to really contact your ex. If you know there's no real reason behind contacting them, find a friend to contact and have a conversation with.
Anonymous
October 20th, 2016 11:27pm
Remember the reason why you are not in common and all the negative things about why it didn't work. Also set a goal that if you ever did get in contact or dump into them again you want to be the best you can. The best version of you.
Anonymous
October 22nd, 2016 3:43pm
What I would do is think of why you broke up. Did it make you sad? Did they hurt you? If so then its probably for the best. If not, think about why you broke up and if it was for the best. If that does not help, maybe make yourself busy.
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2016 2:00pm
Block him on all social media. Block his number. Get distracted to keep him off your mind. Go out with some friends, drink party and have fun till you meet someone new
Anonymous
November 6th, 2016 7:00am
Block him on everything and try maybe try out for sports or join clubs so that it keeps you busy physically and mentally.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2016 1:32pm
Why would you want to back to your past? From experience I know this is never a good choice. I think about why they are an EX in the first place.
CurlsAndWhirls4
November 11th, 2016 7:31pm
Try to keep in mind the reasons that the relationship ended in the first place. People have a tendency to look back on the positive experiences they had with someone and to lose sight of the negative impacts that their past relationship caused. If you keep picking at the scab, you won't allow it to heal.
Anonymous
November 17th, 2016 3:48pm
I think the best thing to do when you're thinking about contacting your ex is remembering why you guys split up in the first place. Like, you don't break up with someone when things are great. The relationship needs to be in a bad place, so ask yourself: which things lead to the break up? Remember those things. Remember that there's a reason why you're not together anymore, Distract yourself as well. You can definitely listen to some Taylor Swift songs while crying and eating cookies if it makes you feel better. Go ahead! Take your time. Distract yourself. Spend time with family, friends, do what makes you happy. You're your own individual person and the only person responsable for your hapiness is you.