How do you deal with the temptation to contact your ex?
Last Updated: 01/14/2022 at 11:23pm
Jui Shankar, Ph.D
My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.
Top Rated Answers
Remind yourself that this will likely lead to more emotional pain and that's not a good thing to inflict upon yourself
I remind myself that I am strong enough to avoid that temptation. I feel the pain to grow myself emotionally, as well as physically! Let the pain drive you closer to your goals instead of hindering you from doing things you want to accomplish in life. Don't regret anything; everything happens for a reason! Learn the lesson and move on.
Block them, from everything, that would include any type of social media. Their phone number, anything that you could contact them with.
First, it’s hard. No doubt about it. But, in the end if there is any hope from you or your ex about getting back together, it may be best to not contact them. Let them reach out to you. If you really have something to say, write it in your notes or on a piece of paper. Don’t send it. Look at it again tomorrow. The next day. Until you are sure you aren’t saying anything you’ll regret or lashing out, etc. I’m going through this right now. I’ve been talking to some friends on the phone, binge watching Netflix, warm bath, gym, cooking, visiting grandma even. Good luck. You’ve got this
JUST GET OUT OF THE ROOM AND LOOK UP TO YOUR BEST FRIEND. OR JUST WRITE DOWN THE SWEETEST MEMORIES AND FORGET IT FOREVER
Think of the reasons why it didn't work out if you are trying to contact your ex cause you want to try again. But if the reason for trying to contact him/her again is to continue the friendship you had before becoming a couple, why not. Friendships are important in life. You'll always need a friend along the way. It is way better to have friends than ex's or enemies. Life is too short for that. But again consider the reasons why it didn't work out before engaging again.
Its easy to want to reach out to someone you loved in the past, or maybe still love. Even if the relationship has moved on, you have to think about what is right for you and your ex. You can torture yourself by living in the past and clinging onto something thats over, or you could move on. Both of these things are hard to do, and the main goal is to keep your life moving forward in a positive direction!
Think about the pain they put you through if they had changed or were having regrets they would have contacted you by now. Put the ghost to bed, head up and move on.
It may be very hard sometimes, particularly if you were together for a long time and just broke up. Try to find healthy and positive distractions, like go out, workout, meditate, etc.
Remember the reasons you stopped talking to them, remember the pain they made you feel. If previous attempts failed then future attempts may fail aswell. And that moving on, although difficult, is often the best thing to do.
Think about the reasons behind the breakup and how important they are to you at the first place. That person is your ex today because of these reasons.
Try to re read the old conversation which made you apart and instead of calling your ex call your best friend- save one of your best friends number as your ex no. So you end up calling your friend. Try to avoid him on social media and other platforms.
Understand that the temptation is just one of the steps in coping with a breakup. Every time you give into a temptation it resets the counter to 0 (zero) and you need to start all over again.
Focus on something different, try new activities, find a new hobby. Enjoy your life and with time you will keep going.
If you are wanting to contact your ex think about why they are your ex in the first place. If your relationship ended on bad terms or ended because of a very good reason think about that everytime you want to contact them.
A few questions to consider possibly depending on your situation. What is the purpose of you reaching out to them? Are you on good terms right now? Will it create a conflict?
Remember why you have chosen to seperate from this person. Or why they have chosen to be seperate from you. You need to respect yourself/that person enough to understand that contact will only hurt you/them.
You can always turn off your phone and do new things. Don’t repeat activities you used to do with your ex-partner.
Block them and delete their contact number in your phone, there is a reason for them being your ex so don't go back to someone like that.
I contact someone else as in my friend or listen to music , clean your room , get in the bath watch a movie !!
Dealing with the temptation of contacting my ex partner (that I committed many years too) was difficult for me in the beginning. Constantly breaking up and getting back together was an emotional rollercoaster ride for me, however as soon as I start to feel the temptation of contacting him I just look at all of the physical scar's and mental abuse I endured and quickly remember the reason I walked away in the first place. I think about the good and the bad that came with the relationship and that kills any temptation that I was feeling and keeps me moving forward.
First, try to think it through and then to make a decision whether you should/should not get in touch with your ex. 1. Consider the importance of texting him/her. What is it you want to text him/her about? Is it essential for you to talk something through? Is there something you really need to say? 2. Think about how reasonable is it to text your ex. Are you still keeping in touch, did you end up on a good/bad note. If you broke up on a good note it is fine to text him/her, have a casual talk. 3. Try to understand how come is it that you want to text your ex. Do you think about it often cause you feel like you have a lot to say or is it just a spontaneous urge to text him/her? 4. Try to determine your motives behind texting ex. Do you still have feelings and want to get back together, how realistic is this... Or do you just want to simply ask how the other person is doing. Give it a thought, if it is really worth it and justified. Consider all of those points and decide, whether it is worth texting your ex. And remember, as long as it makes/keeps you happy — just do it.
Remind yourself why you brokeup! What role did the ex play in the breakup? If they were emotionally or physically abuse toward you, use those memories as fuel to remain out of contact and move on with your new life.
Remember that exes are always hard to deal with, even if you still love them. Keep in mind why you two broke it off and what is best for both of you. If it will benefit at least one of you if you don't speak, then I'm sorry, but it sounds like it's already been decided.
they're your ex for a reason. remember that. people don't usually change & it's most likely for the best if you don't talk to them or see them anymore. maybe try cutting them off entirely? deleting messages, unfollow & block them, get rid of things that remind you of them etc. at the end of the day, you know yourself best.
To be honest not very well. Many times I still want to be friends, because usually I still care about the person. Unless the split was very ugly, and even then I hope after time we can at least be amicable. Though I find that is hardly the case. So how I deal is "It's called Break-up Because it's Broken." It's a book, it's not going to 100% cure your itch. But it helped me through a couple of breakups. The aftermath of a break up is a tricky thing, if anyone figures it out please let me know!
I keep a list of all the reasons why I broke up with my ex and I make sure to look at it every time I feel the need to contact him.
Just Pause, think about your present, your ex's present , has he / she moved on ? Have you moved on ? Based on that diffuse the temptation
Attempt to make yourself busy with something else completely, be it carpentry, reading, hunting or something else. Whatever gets your attention and 100% of your focus. Eventually, your feelings for your ex will fade.
Avoid reading old conversations or photos and erasing the number also helped me. Personally, I try to distract and focus on myself. Do something that makes you happy, or take care of yourself, learn a new skill or hobby. Break ups are difficult, but they are also a new beginning, enjoy this moment to love who really matters, yourself.
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