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How do you deal with the temptation to contact your ex?

296 Answers
Last Updated: 06/13/2023 at 9:32am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda King, PsyD

Psychologist

I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.

Top Rated Answers
KundaliniiGuy66
April 14th, 2018 2:49pm
Just Pause, think about your present, your ex's present , has he / she moved on ? Have you moved on ? Based on that diffuse the temptation
KorhanJOral
April 19th, 2018 9:33pm
Attempt to make yourself busy with something else completely, be it carpentry, reading, hunting or something else. Whatever gets your attention and 100% of your focus. Eventually, your feelings for your ex will fade.
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2018 10:23pm
Avoid reading old conversations or photos and erasing the number also helped me. Personally, I try to distract and focus on myself. Do something that makes you happy, or take care of yourself, learn a new skill or hobby. Break ups are difficult, but they are also a new beginning, enjoy this moment to love who really matters, yourself.
quickwittedBunny2708
April 24th, 2018 7:58pm
Sometimes I'll think how bad he treated me
bluehorizons
May 4th, 2018 8:55pm
Lots of exercise and distractions by hanging out with friends and family. Eventually, you will feel better and start dating other people with your ex out of mind. Good luck! :)
MamaRaven
May 10th, 2018 2:32am
Delete their number from the phone, unfriend/block on social media and find something more productive to do with your time.
Anonymous
May 16th, 2018 8:07pm
I remind myself of the reasons we are no longer together, and I think about the possible negative outcomes.
Sweetielove1999
May 26th, 2018 6:32am
You think of the negativity that it could bring but think of how happy you'll be if you just let go and try not to think of your ex too much
moonchild29
May 26th, 2018 2:45pm
What do you want to achieve from that contact? Remind yourself why it ended in the first place. Most of the time, it won't lead anywhere good.
Anonymous
May 31st, 2018 6:48pm
To not have temptations to contact your ex, delete their phone number so you don't click on it, stay off of social media for awhile, and focus on yourself
Anonymous
June 1st, 2018 6:59pm
First I talk to other people who love me truly. I spend time in reading, listening to songs , enjoying my own company. But at first I started loving myself
Anonymous
June 6th, 2018 3:13am
If you truly want to refrain from contact, ask yourself why you broke up to begin with. A reminder of that may help buffer the urge to contact him/her.
Anonymous
June 7th, 2018 7:04am
Do something else (reading, listening to music) so that you will forget that you ever wanted to contact your ex again. That will help, or if it doesn't, then block his number and social medias off your phone so you can't contact him in any way.
Anonymous
June 27th, 2018 10:37am
well do you want to? or are they or someone trying you get to talk to them? we need more info on why and how
Moonartisan
June 30th, 2018 8:27am
I deal with this temptation by putting it on my low priority list but if it's constant and won't leave my mind I make myself busy or I remember the important things I need to accomplish. And if this temptation strikes at night while I'm trying to sleep I'll distract myself with something I enjoy doing until I'm too tired to want to contact my ex.
Power14
July 5th, 2018 9:13am
Contacting your Ex lover/Spouse can give you stress.you can think about why they are your "Ex"? . I am sure you will find something that can give you reason to stop. its always good for us to move on in life. if we keep thinking about past ,it will not solve any issue but it will just add emotional pain in our mind.you can save yourself from this pain by not contacting your "Ex". you can distract your mind when you get temptation to contact them again by engaging yourself in something which makes you happy,may be you can talk to your friends ,make yourself busy in any hobby you like.if you keep your brain busy that temptation can go. Best Of Luck
ComfortingTaylor44
July 6th, 2018 10:25pm
You think about how it will turn out if you do. You also think about why you shouldn’t text your ex. You try the best you can to resist temptation.
generousPrince61
July 7th, 2018 3:07pm
Seek out social support from friends and family. If you've made the decision not to contact your ex, and if you've decided that you're not right for each other, remind yourself of the reasons for the breakup. Odds are they haven't changed. Work on yourself. Find new activities and explore yourself and the world. The temptation is just that; it's a temporary feeling that will come and go. It's natural and normal to miss someone who used to be a big part of your life. But not contacting your ex helps you heal, and it helps them heal.
Anonymous
July 11th, 2018 11:01am
Why do you want to contact them? Ask yourself this first, is it a good reason or a bad reason to? Resist the urge. Distract yourself. Maybe find a new hobby, or pursue your current hobbies. Do something that takes your mind off them. If you need further help, find support here on 7 Cups.
Anonymous
July 14th, 2018 6:32am
It is important to maintain a healthy and self respecting mindset during and after a relationship. You could set short terms goals that nurture your own physical and emotional health, such as going on a jog if you find yourself thinking negative thoughts.
StWilson
July 14th, 2018 12:52pm
Set a goal and stay away from social media. Spend time with your family and friends. Do some sporting activity. and block her.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2018 9:54am
What you need is some "distraction" and some "positivity". It can be done by doing work of any kind that keeps your head busy and should be of your liking . Take my example, I was miserable after my break up and not able to focus on anything and always feeling like contacting her. I tried reading books and some other things also but i was not able to focus properly. By luck you can say, one friend suggested me to go to 7 Cups and have some relief by talking to someone, but instead I joined 7 cups as a listener because I wanted to add some positivity to my life by helping people. As I am a fairly good listener in my real life, I started enjoying the work here and going good. It keeps my head busy and positivity all around. I am saying this because if you are not doing anything, then your mind is not busy and consequently it will wander in those negative thoughts which subsequently increases your propensity to contact your ex. As negative thoughts easily occupies the mind than positive ones, it is pertinent that you add some positivity to your life and come out of such crisis. Positivity can be added by doing anything that you like, it's your choice. So make a good choice and have a great life ahead. Best Wishes.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2018 10:02am
Write down what you want to say to them on a piece of paper. That way you can get out what you wanted to say without actually saying it to them
Anonymous
July 26th, 2018 6:53am
Delete his contact number! Remove him from social media and think of something that makes you happy that isn't him!
dreamShell94
August 1st, 2018 4:56pm
Just think of how you are doing now and go talk to a friend that was there thur your relationship and who was there when it ended and see the thoughts of how they hirt you or ruined your life
Anonymous
August 3rd, 2018 5:30pm
Sometimes the temptation to contact your ex partners can be strong and overwhelming. I tend to find that a good way to deal with this temptation is to try and occupy your thoughts with something else, such as a hobby, reach out to friends or even right down your thoughts in a journal
Athairnes
August 5th, 2018 8:09am
It is very personal thing, you should always try to find what suits you the best! For me it was a simple thing i've read: Make a note of 2-5 things that made you break up, the things you dislike about your ex and simply read it each time you feel like contacting. My list had 50+ things and only a few weeks later, i don't even think about contacting. Repulsive thought even! It has really helped me, hope it helps you too!
Kayaondra02
August 8th, 2018 2:59pm
I would think about why you guys broke up. Usually if the break up went bad, you can think of those things and that will probably put your mind at ease from contacting them 😁
Jems53
August 18th, 2018 12:54am
I drop their number and Facebook/Instagram from my phone! Social media accounts make it so tempting to check in, or have a cheeky stalk. But I never feel good afterwards. I usually just end up comparing my own situation to theirs, and it often brings up emotions and negative experiences. Not having the constant reminder of their Instagram on your feed helps to remove the temptation. It also means you are filling your screen with positivity rather than negativity. It also helps to contact a friend or family member instead - they can be a great distraction from your ex and will always have time for you.
lightningdevi101
August 22nd, 2018 7:24pm
I remember how badly my ex-boyfriend treated me, especially after we broke up. We used to text for a little bit, but ultimately he hurt me so bad that I had to cut him out of me life. It has been almost a full year since we have started dating. I remember how depressed I was, but I bounced back by surrounding myself with good people and I occupied myself with lots of activities. I did things that I loved, like dance and studying science, so I could distract myself from him. I forgot about him for five months, and when I thought of him again and remembered what he did to me, I didn't feel as depressed. How do I deal with the urge to text my ex? I don't. I blocked him and deleted him out of my life xD