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How to forgive someone who cheated on you?

235 Answers
Last Updated: 11/21/2020 at 6:53pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
India
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Shruti Naik, MS in Counselling and Psychotherapy

Psychologist

I'm passionate about providing a non-judgmental & supportive platform to my clients to help them understand & accept themselves & overcome any emotional issues troubling them.

Top Rated Answers
orangepekoe93
April 20th, 2017 6:01pm
Choosing when and how to forgive someone for cheating in a relationship is very individual. Some people choose to understand what led to cheating and forgive their partner, whether or not they choose to stay in the relationship and continue working on things. Others have decided that cheating is a line that cannot be crossed and those feelings are completely valid. Forgiveness can be very empowering but it is a journey that takes time and dedication. It is also important to realize you can forgive someone and still choose not to keep them in your life.
VoidlessHunt
May 18th, 2017 4:03am
It takes time to forgive someone, but forgiveness helps people move on. Forgiveness will help improve your life, as you will forget the anger you had towards it. Attempt to forgive the action, but you are not required to forgive the person. That is your decision. It is a terrible action by them, but you shouldn't have to feel terrible due to their actions.
AnoukNicole
May 19th, 2017 12:22pm
It is very hard to forgive someone who cheated on you. However, I managed to do it. It took me a lot of time, but I realized that I was not the problem. The person that cheated on me had needs that were not able to be fulfilled while in a relationship. I also realized that he missed out on a great relationship and a great partner by cheating on me. At some point I felt bad for him that it wasn't going to work out for him in any relationship soon. I valued myself and after a two months I was able to think.. well I am happy it didn't work out, I deserve someone who is as dedicated as I am. That was the moment I was able to forgive him. I didn't do anything wrong by being passionate and commited. The only one who was to blame himself, was the person who cheated on me.
Anonymous
June 10th, 2017 3:25am
When someone cheats, it is often extremely difficult to forgive that kind of hurt. I think that the most important step in forgiving someone who has cheated is to remember that you are forgiving them for yourself, not necessarily for them. Forgiveness is important, it helps you heal and move on from the pain of what happened. It is difficult, but in the end, it is worth it. It will help you heal and move on.
Anonymous
June 17th, 2017 11:05am
Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes sometimes that leads to hurt feelings of people. Just keep one thing in your mind that is Forgive and Forget. It requires lot of courage to forgive someone but once you do it you will feel like so much relieving. Just move on and never think about that again. If you want to make that someone realize his/her mistake just forgive them and don't turn back. You will surely be happy and stress free. Holding on grudges will only make you depress.
Anonymous
June 23rd, 2017 1:25pm
It is just mind game that we cannot forget someone. First of all, the person who cheats on us is definitely the closest one and whom we love. How can we not forgive someone we love with all our heart and life? Secondly, by not forgiving anyone what can we do? Nothing, the cheater has moved on, he has no concern what you're going through. Then why waste time on someone like this? Why not worry about someone who cares about us? So, forgiving is the last option we have for the peace in our mind and life. #peace
Bosque
June 23rd, 2017 10:22pm
It's a hard way but can be possible. Both have to be committed to save their relationship, and the cheater needs to show that truly regrets what happened, and make the changes needed to get back the trust of his partner.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2017 7:16am
Forgiving someone who cheated is not an easy thing to do, but it is possible. First you need to have a long and serious conversation with your partner to determine exactly what happened and why; this will help you to decide if this relationship is something you would like to attempt to continue. The next step is to understand that emotions are natural and normal and that for you to move past what has happened you need to allow yourself to experience the full range of feelings that will come, and your partner will need to be supportive and understanding throughout the process. When you become angry and lash out, try not to be hard on yourself for it, but instead sit down with your partner and explain to them exactly what you were feeling, why, and apologize for any hurtful things you may have said. Communication and patience is the key for every relationship.
BlueButterfly4
July 5th, 2017 3:01am
Forgiving someone takes a lot of inner courage and bravery. Nonetheless, forgiving someone for cheating will actually benefit the faithful person more than the cheater. The anger we feel after infidelity is like a poison that lives in us. Forgiveness is the antidote and the only way to move on. You should try to forgive someone for cheating, but only once you understand what forgiveness means and how you can achieve it. The first step in the process of forgiveness involves expressing your anger and having it acknowledged. After your feelings have been acknowledged, it is time to make sense of what happened. Now is the time to ask questions and hear your partner’s side of the story. Explanations can and should be offered, but only when you are ready to hear them. No one is perfect. Caring, loving people do very hurtful things. The more you can view what happened as an isolated incident, the easier it will be for you to forgive. Best of luck!
Anonymous
July 9th, 2017 3:16am
To forgive someone you have to find out how to let this go. If you really do want to forgive this, then you'll be able to. It'll probably be hard to forget and you probably won't even forget it. Just think about all the great memories you've had with this person and ask yourself if it's worth forgiving this and moving on and fixing the relationship.
jerzee224
July 16th, 2017 6:33am
To forgive is to let go of the anger that consumes you but you can never forget and forgiving doesn't mean that the act is ok or that you should be with that person.
Shea
July 19th, 2017 1:28am
This is not personal at all. Realize you were not a variable when the decision was made. It's a breach of trust. Can the trust be mended? That is where forgiveness lies
Supportiveguess
July 27th, 2017 8:17am
When someone cheats on you, your mind and emotions scream at you to hate, punish and never forgive. It's hard to let go of those feelings. Nonetheless, forgiving someone for cheating will actually benefit the faithful person more than the cheater. The anger we feel after infidelity is like a poison that lives in us. Ask the person why and everybody makes mistakes maybe if you try talking to them you're figure out why and you may want to start over with them
BeautifulPeopleBeautifulProblems
August 3rd, 2017 12:09am
Forgiving a significant other that cheated on you is a difficult and strenuous process. It does not happen overnight and it takes effort and time. I don't have a straight answer on how to forgive someone who cheated on you, it differs from person to person, but what helped me was putting myself in their shoes and really trying to walk through the ups and downs of our relationship. "Villainizing" a person only causes you more harm and furthers playing the "victim" role which is not very empowering. For me it was empowering in taking responsibility for my actions of neglect and trying to empathize with the pain my ex was going through. I know it may sound unconventional, but you will be amazed at what forgiveness can bring. Holding onto negative feelings of resentment hurts you more than it hurts them.
Lia11
August 5th, 2017 12:10pm
This is a difficult question, and sometimes, not everyone is able to forgive someone who cheated on them. A lot of the time people say they forgive them but they actually don't, and a good indicator of this is if during an argument for example, you use it against them even after saying you forgive them. Talking it through with the person and finding out about the circumstances around the situation can sometimes put your mind and ease, and other times it can make it worse -it's different for every person and there is no correct answer.
SoulHealing
August 20th, 2017 7:45am
The one who cheats is just weak and cannot be loyal. Imagine they are helpless in front of their desires, just like sick addicted person. We forgive the sick and the weak, We forgive ourselves, We search for our happiness and move on
beautifulWaterfall29
August 22nd, 2017 3:03pm
If someone cheated on you, the first thing to realize is that is wasn't your fault. It's a weakness in your partner who couldn't keep their feelings to themselves. Forgiving them is less about letting them off and more about self-healing. Forgiving them means you are moving on. You are acknowledging that you were hurt but that you are healing now.
Anonymous
September 14th, 2017 9:23am
Forget and forgive. Walk away. Never lower your worth just because somebody couldn't pay the cost.
alwayshelping14
September 15th, 2017 11:04am
if you want to forget him and move on you have to forgive him. take it in positive way that he thought you a lesson not to trust someone blindly and he also gave you chance to find someone better then him
Luvnbeast
September 21st, 2017 2:10pm
I think you need to redefine the relationship more fairly. The worst parts of cheating aren't the sex with someone else. They are the lies, loneliness, and usually the fear of losing someone you thought you could trust to be with you for the rest of your life. If the cheating was only about the sex, and they still seem to want to keep the relationship going, then you should consider opening up the relationship to new sex partners and learning to be ok with what is good for the goose is good for the gander. Understand, as sexual beings, we are all needing this to fulfill our lives. So sexual curiosity and openness in a relationship should be granted if you really care and love them as you want them to be happy. However, if you are being more selfish and scared, in that mindset you will only be thinking of yourself and your own pain rather than the happiness of your potential mate. So, if you really want to forgive them, you have to let go of the fear of losing them, your own selfishness, and understand you cannot change the past. All you can do is go forward and try to keep loving them until you can know the relationship is over. Although, this is really the most difficult path in a relationship and in a way a path less traveled. So, by breaking up and finding yourself in a better loving environment to help you heal your wounds that you received would be far far easier. So I guess, in conclusion, this really depends on 2 main factors, how much you really love them and not being selfish or using them, and how much they really do care about you and not using you. The more love there is, the easier it will be to care about them, and eventually forgive them if they really care about you. The less you really do love them or the more selfish you are, the harder it will be to forgive them. Thank you for asking this question.
butterfly40
September 29th, 2017 10:07pm
First it's important to free yourself from blame. You cannot control another persons behaviour or thoughts but you can your own. Focus on your own needs to heal and allow yourself to speak about your experience and feelings. Take one day at a time. Writing a reflection journal is very helpful and after each journal write yourself a reply (being kind and giving yourself a pep talk)
HopefulSong17
October 23rd, 2017 12:59pm
This can be a very long process, because it's not just that you got hurt. Trust, the very foundation for a healthy relationship, was breached. Mending it back takes time. Take it slow. He/She must be willing to do all it takes to rebuild it. Seek some counseling.
Anonymous
November 10th, 2017 9:03am
Forgiveness comes when you are ready. Look after yourself first and foremost. Forgiveness, if you choose to forgive them, will be a result of healing. So focus on you first.
WatchingOverYou
November 12th, 2017 8:55am
This is a hard one, as I've never been cheated, at least that I know of. Anyway, if you truly love the other person and believe he/she is trully sorry and committed to be entierly faithfull to you, then it becomes a little easier to forgive. But every situation is different, the circumstances that led to cheating can sometimes be less bad (they are always bad, though), while in other cases, like if is repeated, it's harder to understand and thus forgive.
Anonymous
November 15th, 2017 10:22pm
You can only really forgive someone else if you can forgive yourself. Love them for what they gave you in life, be grateful for the good and then let them be.
staticSilence
November 17th, 2017 10:09pm
Try thinking of it as a past event. Tell yourself that everyone deserves forgiveness. Not giving them a chance will just fill your heads with thoughts of "what if"s for as long as you can remember. Try giving them a chance to explain. See their side of the story. Then make your call from there.
glowingFlamingo43
December 6th, 2017 5:11am
You must forgive the cheater in order to have peace for yourself. It will be the hardest thing you feel like you have ever done. The truth is, either you forgive the cheater or there can be no more relationship. You may never completely forgive the cheater, and it will cause stumbling blocks throughout the remainder of the relationship, but it will give you healing to forgive.
Anonymous
December 21st, 2017 10:41pm
If someone has cheated on you, you have to remember it isn't your fault. When someone cheats, it's because of their own internal issues. There is no rush to forgive, give yourself time, think through everything and know that when you choose to forgive, it is for your peace of mind. Forgiving does not mean staying with the person. That is another choice you'll have to make through your experience and knowledge of the person. Only you would know if the person is worth another chance.
Anonymous
December 22nd, 2017 11:55pm
Forgiving someone for cheating on you is definitely one of the hardest things anyone can do. For me I just took time for myself and then when I had come to terms with it, I had a conversation with the person about it. It's never easy but I find that forgiving the person was very helpful in terms of moving on.
allnaturalUnicorns70
January 3rd, 2018 3:08pm
It depends on what you're forgiving. If you mean the hurt you felt at feeling inadequate, maybe investigate if that is even true. Many people cheat without really thinking it through. If you feel violated and cannot trust the person, that isn't always something that can, or should, be forgiven.